Feather

by Laurie Lyons

  "He was NOT a man Lucy," Nathaniel said into her hair. He gripped her tighter, "Bael died a very long time ago, he isn't human and he's not a person. You had to defend yourself. You have done nothing wrong. You can't kill something that isn't alive."

  Lucy knew he was right but that didn't make it any easier. She just kept seeing all that blood over and over again. She shuddered. Nathaniel just held her as she released all the pain and the terror and the exhaustion. "I'm tired of fighting Hell, I'm tired of fighting Heaven, I'm tired of lying to my friends and family Nathaniel," she sobbed into the window leaving breath marks on the glass. "I just don't understand why everyone wants us to be apart?" She lifted her head and turned to face him, "Why is it that neither the bad guys nor the good guys want us to be happy?"

  Nathaniel's face was full of concern in his reflection in the glass. "Lucy my beloved, I think this has very little to do with you and me. The Demons want me gone, your involvement is merely a bargaining tool and they," he pointed to the ceiling, "want us to be happy but they know as well as we do that this can only be temporary. I am so sorry you have to deal with all of this," he paused. "Not to bring it up again but…"

  Lucy's head snapped up and she jabbed a finger into his chest. "Don't you dare!" she warned. "You leaving is not an option." Nathaniel just smiled and shook his head. "Where is Bael now?" Lucy whispered.

  "Back in Hell," Nathaniel whispered back, "I assume. Lucy," he clarified again, "he isn't dead, just one of his many human forms is dead."

  "And where is Roman?" she asked.

  "In Hell as well," Nathaniel answered, "that's what the crow was there for."

  "Could you understand the crow?"

  He nodded, "It came to call him back. He isn't in trouble though, you were right, he is getting a promotion. On the bright side, we should be fairly safe while he is gone. It should give me some time to find some answers."

  She sighed and let him lead her to the couch. She rested her head on Nathaniel's chest. He played with her hair, waiting for the next question. Lucy always had another question. She noticed for the first time that Nathaniel had brought a bag with him. It was a brown leather satchel. "What's that?" she asked nodding toward the bag.

  "Oh this," he said leaning over and picking it up, "is why I was late." He opened it and pulled out five books all in varying sizes -some no bigger than a pamphlet and one as large as a foot across. This largest one drew the most attention – it looked like it weighed a hundred pounds because it was bound in ornate gold. Lucy reached over and ran her hand gently over it. It was exquisite.

  "Where did you get this?" she asked with wonder in her voice.

  "The Vatican," Nathaniel replied casually like he had picked it up at the gas station.

  Lucy stared at him, her mouth agape. "The Vatican?" she said, "like in Rome?"

  Nathaniel nodded. "I thought about the best place to research Angels and found myself in the Vatican Library. Fascinating place."

  "I would think so," Lucy said. She let out a whistle, "You stole books from the Vatican."

  "Lucy I didn't steal them," he said clarifying. "I'm going to bring them back tomorrow. I just don't have time to read through them while you are in class. Don't forget who I am Lucy, I am quite sure the Pope would loan me the books if he knew I needed them."

  Lucy's eyes brightened with realization. "The Pope!" she exclaimed. "He's the holiest person alive! Can he see you?"

  "No," he replied his voice full of disappointment. "I thought of that too."

  "So…" Lucy smiled ruefully, "how is His Holiness today?"

  "He's good," Nathaniel said casually, smiling at the joke. "He has a bit of a cold."

  "That's too bad," Lucy said in the same laid-back voice. Nathaniel nodded and smiled. He opened the book on his lap. It was in Latin and beautifully illustrated. Lucy gasped. "It's stunning."

  "Isn't it?" Nathaniel said as he gently ran his hand over the text. "Hopefully it's not just a pretty face and it can be of some assistance."

  Lucy was completely spent so she lay down with her head on Nathaniel's lap. Within seconds she was asleep. Nathaniel sighed and leaned his head back.

  "What can I do?" he asked to the ceiling. Silence. He sighed and picked up the book.

  A while later there was a knock at the door. Lucy roused and looked at her watch. She stretched and looked up at Nathaniel. She smiled warily.

  "Dinner time," she whispered. "Are you coming?"

  "I'd better," he said while packing up his bag and pulling the strap over his shoulder. "Don't want to leave these lying around."

  Lucy took a deep breath and opened the door to a beaming Anastasia. "So Miss. Rooke, I take it you had a good day?"

  "Unbelievable!" Anastasia cried. "So great!" Lucy left the door wide open so Nathaniel could sneak out while she grabbed her keys.

  "That's awesome! Were the kids good?"

  "Oh they're great but I'll tell you all about it over dinner but the best thing happened when I got back. I just got back to my room and Roman had left this for me. He said he has to go away for a few days with his uncle or something but said that I was 'on his mind'. " She held up her arm to show a Tiffany charm bracelet. Lucy's eyes went wide.

  "Wow," was all she could manage to say.

  "I know!" Anastasia gushed. "And look! He already bought me a charm for it." Lucy looked closer for some reason she didn't want to touch it. Dangling from one of the links was a perfect, tiny pair of ballet shoes.

  "That's a very thoughtful gift," Lucy said truthfully. Once again she was torn between the two people she knew as Roman – this kind, thoughtful boyfriend who gave Anastasia such joy and the hateful cruel Demon that was torturing her and Nathaniel. She shook her head with the contrast of it all.

  "Tell me about your students," Lucy offered hoping to distract Anastasia from the topic. It worked. Throughout dinner, Anastasia described in detail each student and their capabilities. They talked about Lucy's day and once again she had to edit to the point of foolishness. Lucy told her about the conference, reassuring Anastasia that if wouldn't interfere with the Summer Solstice party. They were both returning to work on Friday and they gossiped about the server roster for the summer. Lucy and Anastasia had been promised the ever-coveted patio for the season and they were thrilled about it.

  It felt good for Lucy to talk about regular college girl things. It was anchoring and calming. Despite the Angels and the Demons and the Papal Library books, Lucy was a ordinary girl and it was nice to remember that again. Saying goodbye on the stairwell, Lucy hugged her friend tightly. Although she could not share her whole life with Anastasia she still felt so very close to her. Anastasia hugged Lucy back and Lucy could hear the charm bracelet tinkle slightly on her shoulder – an ominous reminder that all was not well. Not normal. No matter how much Lucy tried to pretend.

  "I love you Stasia," was all Lucy could think to say.

  "Love you too loser."

  They broke apart and Lucy and Nathaniel headed upstairs. When they got back to Lucy's room Nathaniel sat on the couch and Lucy sat next to him. They both sighed in unison.

  "You did a good job of keeping the topic away from Roman," he said with approval.

  "Thanks but it's getting tough to keep my mouth shut."

  "It's a nice bracelet," he said.

  "I guess," Lucy shrugged while curling up under his arm.

  "I never know with you Lucy," he said thoughtfully. "Is that something you would want?"

  Lucy sat up and looked at him. "You think I would want expensive gifts from a Demon?"

  "I'm just trying to figure you out Lucy," he said plainly.

  She put her hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes so he would know she was telling the truth. "I want rare precious flowers, visits with bear cubs and feathers."

  Nathaniel smiled, "Well feathers are something that I have in abundance."

  "Good, because I don't need anything but you."

  Nathaniel tilted his head and kissed her
softly. "I love you my beloved Lucy," he whispered.

  "I love you my Angel." He kissed her again and Lucy felt her heart quicken in response. She wrapped herself around him and shivered as Nathaniel ran his hands up her back. His lips traveled down her jawbone and settled into the softest part of her neck. Lucy sighed softly and ran her fingertips through his dark locks and felt goose bumps emerge under his skin.

  "It is becoming increasingly difficult to resist you," he murmured into her neck. His words and his warm breath on her skin caused a jolt to run through her. She had no respect for rules right now.

  "Then don't resist," she whispered heavily. He responded quickly by reaching under her hip and pulling hard. Lucy gasped as she realized that she was suddenly lying down with Nathaniel's weight pressing down upon her. His kisses were powerful and wanting and Lucy responded with equal fervor. She ran her fingers lightly down his back feeling the light ridges where his wings should be. Nathaniel sighed with pleasure, grabbed her by the back of the neck and assaulted her with more kisses.

  Lucy was starting to feel dizzy, she couldn't see straight and the room began to spin about her. Was today the day he would leave her? Tomorrow? When? Was this the last time she would kiss him? Feel him? Tell him she loved him? She wanted Nathaniel so badly and she could taste his want for her on his skin. She had felt his soul but now all she wanted was him – his physical beautiful, flawless body. Lucy pulled him tightly to her, desperate to keep him as close to her as she could.

  Nathaniel reached up and hooked one finger under the strap of her tank top and flipped it down over her shoulder where it hung limply. He leaned down and kissed along her shoulder where her strap had been. Lucy tilted her head back and let out a gust of air. Nathaniel ran his kisses across her collarbone, flipped off the other strap and kissed where it had lain.

  "Oh," Lucy breathed, not being able to form any other word. He chuckled softly and again his breath on her skin sent shivers across her. She silently cursed what felt like pounds of fabric between them and she reached down to pull off Nathaniel's shirt. He did not stop kissing her but reached down, entwined his fingers with hers and slowly but forcefully lifted her arm away from his body and over her head pining it there. He let his lips travel leisurely along her jaw line where he kissed her ear. Not giving in so easily, Lucy threaded her other hand between them and got a hold of her own shirt. Again, Nathaniel slowly took her hand in his and pined this one above her head too. Now Lucy was stuck with both hands over her head. She growled her displeasure audibly.

  "Sorry love, rules are rules," he whispered into her ear. His hands were so large that it only took one to restrain both of Lucy's arms. His free hand traveled down her face and neck. Lucy's body tensed and she pulled against his restraining hand. "Shh," he said as he lightly kissed her ear.

  "Give me back my hands," she said playfully. "I promise to be good."

  "Oh I don't think so," he replied. She could feel him grinning. He slid his free hand under her and up her back and Lucy arched in response adoring the feeling of his hands on her.

  "Are you sure it's an actual rule?" she asked trying to focus. "I mean, is it written some where I could see it?" Nathaniel laughed quietly and let his lips travel to the other side of her neck. Lucy was fairly sure she might pass-out.

  "You'll have to trust me," he mumbled between kisses.

  "I do trust you," she said as her breath caught in her throat. She tried to free her hands again but Nathaniel held fast. "But you've been out of the loop for a while now and well… they could have changed the rules while you've been gone."

  He chuckled again. "I doubt it," he whispered. "Now stop talking, I'm trying to get something done here." He moved up to her ear and kissed it tenderly.

  "What is it that you are trying to do exactly other than drive me insane?" Lucy asked. Her speech was slurring slightly. He stopped, lifted his head and looked her in the eyes.

  He was grinning. "Well now that's precisely what I am trying to do." Lucy laughed and growled at the same time and pulled against his hands again. He lowered his lips back down to her ear. "Now where was I?" he pondered. "Oh yes, right….about…here." Lucy's head began to swim again. She rolled her eyes and smiled. She would take what she could get.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Sleep

  "Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep."

  ~Mohandas Gandhi

  The next few weeks passed quickly for Lucy and Nathaniel. Too quickly. Lucy delved into her schoolwork with fervor. With Roman gone, they could both breathe easily. Nathaniel got more and more holy books from increasingly bizarre locations. One he pulled out of his bag and blew a skiff of sand off before opening. Lucy did not want to ask what fine Egyptian Pharaoh was missing a manuscript from his secret tomb. Nothing as of yet had been of any concrete help and Nathaniel grew frustrated. He poured diligently over page after page of text in languages Lucy didn't even recognize. She appreciated his dedication but deep down knew that it was most likely all for nothing.

  Lucy returned to work two nights a week under the watchful eye of her Angel who was always in her section. He enjoyed listening in to customer conversations and giving Lucy useless tidbits of information. One guy thought she was hot but his grandmother felt that Lucy's skirt was far too short to be appropriate. Anastasia talked more of Roman and the wonderful places they would go when he got back from being with his 'Uncle'. Lucy at times had to physically bite her tongue to restrain herself. Dr. Hannon, fully recovered now, narrowed down the details of the conference making sure Lucy was well informed. The worst thing about that time was that Lucy and Nathaniel felt they were waiting for something. Waiting for anything is difficult but waiting for tragedy to strike was torture. Nathaniel described it as the 'calm before the storm'. Lucy felt this was a massive understatement and that 'calm before the horrific natural disaster' was better.

  Lucy did not think past his possible departure. She could not subject herself to a deliberation of the future. With Nathaniel's disappearance would come Lucy's undoing. No contingency plans could be laid, no thoughts past the moment of her aloneness could be considered. She simply did not know what would become of her and did not dare seek further. Lucy's morning panic and prayers were becoming desperate. Every day that she opened her eyes to Nathaniel's beautiful face, she offered her thanks for being granted one more day and presented again her sincere apologies that Heaven could never have him back. He was hers. She hoped the depth of her commitment was turning heads.

  On the afternoon of the 19th of June Lucy and Nathaniel had a late lunch/early dinner. Lucy had to be at the sleep clinic by 5:00 p.m. for the testing to begin. Dr. Hannon was sending a car for her in forty-five minutes.

  "So you can just sleep with all those people watching you?" Nathaniel asked taking a bite of fries. They were once again eating in Lucy's room for privacy. The cafeteria staff were getting curious about her. Nathaniel overheard one lady wonder aloud if Lucy had an eating disorder. Lucy didn't mind; she needed to have as much alone time with Nathaniel as she could.

  "Well, I'm in a room by myself. They will all be behind a two way mirror." Lucy shrugged. "I've done it a couple times, it's no big deal."

  "And Dr. Hannon will be there the whole time?" Nathaniel asked.

  "Yup," she finished her plate and sat back. That's another reason I feel ok with it. He watches everything and makes sure it's all up to his standard. The only thing I hate about these tests is the lack of coffee." Lucy wasn't allowed any stimulants past noon and without her afternoon coffee she was feeling punchy. "Are you going to stay with me?" she asked hopefully.

  "Oh absolutely," Nathaniel replied with enthusiasm. "I want to see this."

  "I just sleep Nathaniel, it will be boring."

  "Not for me," he protested. "I love watching you sleep."

  Lucy looked at her watch. "We should go wait for the car." Nathaniel nodded and stood reaching down for her hand. He pulled her up and wrapped his arms around her. Lucy held
him tightly, feeling his warm security. She sighed. If only they could stay like this forever, right here, not moving. This was where Lucy was happiest. Nathaniel kissed her neck and let go of her to pick up her bag to head down. They waited only a few minutes before a navy town car pulled up. The driver got out and greeted Lucy, he had a coffee stain on his shirt - Lucy was envious. He opened the door for her and Lucy pretended to tie her shoelace so Nathaniel could get in the car. She got in after him. The driver started making conversation and asked why Lucy was going to a sleep clinic. She filled him in on the details.

  "You don't dream?" he asked. His eyes were wide in the rearview mirror.

  "No," Lucy said smiling.

  "Man, that would suck!" he hit his palm on the steering wheel to emphasize his point.

  "I wouldn't know."

  "Yeah, I guess you can't miss something you've never had."

  "Nope," Lucy replied hoping this was the end of the conversation. She would not be so lucky.

  "Although I have had some whacked out dreams," he started. Oh here we go. Lucy thought. "There was one time that I ate a whole Tandoori Pizza and dreamt I was on this boat full of clowns…" Lucy nodded and listened assuming an air of interest through the rest of the ride. This was an inevitable side effect of telling people you don't have dreams - they think you need theirs. From what Lucy had heard of dreams, she wasn't missing anything. Nathaniel laughed through the whole thing. When they arrived, Lucy opened the door herself and let Nathaniel out. The driver turned back to her and yelled, "Sweet Dreams!"