Adrian

by Anna Antonia

  It was no way to live but what else could he do?

  ***

  “Victoria, are you sure you don’t want to stay here? You know there’s plenty of room and it’s not a bother. Honest.”

  “Thanks so much, Kathy, but I’ve already been here a month. I need my own place, especially for when the baby gets here.”

  Kathy lifted her coffee cup. “I still can’t believe you’re going to have a baby. I still remember when you were a little girl like it was only yesterday.”

  Victoria smiled. “Time flies, doesn’t it?”

  “Yes, it does. I guess it’s something you’ll learn for yourself.” She sighed. “I wish your father was here. He’d be so tickled to be a grandpa.”

  Victoria took a sip from her water bottle. She wasn’t quite as sure that her father would’ve been happy about her current circumstances. In fact, she was pretty sure he would’ve been livid that Adrian got her pregnant.

  “So have you decided what you’re going to do about work? It’s going to be harder to find a job in your condition.”

  Victoria shrugged. “No harder than it’s ever been, but even with my qualifications—small as they may be—I’ve already been on several interviews. I’m hopeful about two of them actually.”

  “Really?” Kathy shook her head with a rueful smile. “What am I saying? It’s you we’re talking about. Of course, you’d find a way. You always do.” Victoria barely had time to form a reply when her stepmother asked, “So when are you going to tell Adrian that he’s going to be a daddy?”

  Kathy only knew the sketchiest of details about their breakup and seemed inclined to believe that it was only a bump in the road of their love. If only Victoria was as convinced that they were just on a break.

  “I’m going to fly back once I accept a job offer. I’ve already had second interviews on the two I’m hopeful about.”

  “When do you think you’ll hear something?”

  “This week if all goes well.”

  “So where do you want to live?”

  “It’ll depend on where I end up working. I want to be within fifteen to twenty minutes of daycare.”

  “Victoria, you know I’ll watch the baby every chance I get.”

  She smiled. “You’re home but you’re working.”

  “Freelancing has its perks and having a flexible schedule is one of them.”

  “I know, but—”

  “But you have to do this on your own. I know.” Kathy pursed her lips in a mock-pout. “You’re so bullheaded, Victoria. Really. You always have to do everything on your own.”

  Victoria winked and laughed when her stepmother turned her head with a sniff. “It’s in my DNA. Dad was the same way.”

  “I know. You two were a pair when it came to being bullheaded.” Kathy gestured to her stepdaughter’s tummy. “Just watch. Your baby will be worse and then you’ll know my pain.”

  Victoria got up and stretched. “I’m sure it’ll happen. You can babysit on those days.”

  “Gee. Thanks.”

  She leaned down and kissed Kathy on the head. “I’m so sleepy I can barely keep my eyes open. I’m going to go take a nap.”

  “Okay. I’ll wake you up for dinner if you’re not up by then.”

  Victoria waved and made her way upstairs. She yawned widely. Pregnancy hadn’t given her much morning sickness, but it definitely made her exhausted. Soon she changed into her pajamas and crawled under the covers. And although she did her best to control her emotions, she couldn’t help but wish Adrian was with her.

  If her fantasies could come true he’d sit up against the headboard and hold her in his arms. She’d be able to hear his heartbeat and the soothing sound of his breathing. Victoria imagined Adrian would run his fingers through her hair and tell her a story about his travels.

  It hasn’t gotten any better. I still miss him as much, no, more than ever before.

  Victoria arranged one pillow the long way so she could wrap her arms around it and lay her head. It was a poor substitute for Adrian but it would have to do. Just like she did before sleep every time, Victoria prayed.

  “Please let this all work out. If we can’t be together, please let Adrian accept this baby and be a good father to it like mine. But please, please let this all work out. I want us to be a family. We don’t have to be married, but please let it work out.”

  ***

  Adrian tossed and turned. Against his better judgment he’d had his people check on Victoria. The news wasn’t good. Victoria was still in North Carolina. His fears that she’d moved there permanently ate away at him. He resisted the demented urge to hop on a plane and fly down there.

  That’ll go real well. She’d most likely spit on me before calling the police.

  Adrian knew he was going down a dark road. He hated everything around him. His thoughts strayed to Victoria over and over again. Adrian was disgusted by his unhealthy attachment. He was pitiful, a creature of embarrassment because he couldn’t let go of her.

  And Victoria obviously had let go of him the night she left. He’d waited for one sign of her, one phone call, anything to prove his affection wasn’t so lopsided.

  Nothing.

  Work no longer provided solace. He began to wonder what was the point of all his labors. Those were treasonous thoughts for a man in his position. Those were the kind of thoughts that led to companies going under, people getting laid off, and corporate bankruptcy being declared.

  In other words those thoughts were unacceptable.

  Adrian got up from the bed. Naked, he walked to the floor-to-ceiling window and surveyed the city. There were millions of people surrounding him day in and day out and yet, he was so alone. It pressed on him, suffocating Adrian until he feared he was going mad.

  I miss her every minute of every damned day. Is that ever going to stop? Will I die with her name carved in my heart?

  Adrian turned away and shrugged on a robe. He hadn’t left to tour his holdings in a while. Perhaps a trip to the Artic was what he needed. Maybe the isolation would be enough to refocus his attention to the here and now.

  Victoria isn’t coming back. Ever.

  He dismissed the tightness in his chest. This was a hell of his own making. He should’ve just been straightforward with Victoria instead of trying to be a ridiculous Prince Charming.

  Which I failed spectacularly at that.

  All Adrian really knew was that the next time he got entangled with a woman, he’d know better than to think a permanent attachment was wanted or needed.

  I just need to find women like I used to—unattached and looking to stay that way. And then maybe I’ll…what? Go back to how I was? No, not that.

  Grabbing a robe, Adrian slipped it on and headed towards his home office. Even while he thought of the million things he needed to take care of before leaving town, he couldn’t help but think “What if?”

  What if things had turned out differently? What if Victoria had said yes or, at the very least, hadn’t stormed out in disgust? What if instead of planning a trip to the Arctic, Adrian was planning a honeymoon trip to Fiji?

  He couldn’t deny that he’d rather plan that than the current alternate.

  By the time the sun rose, Adrian was all set to leave in a week. He wouldn’t be back for at least a month. Hopefully, he’d come back in a different frame of mind. Adrian knew he could never go back to how he was before Victoria, but at least he could be wiser.

  The hope was empty consolation in comparison to his true wish of having the woman he loved back in his life, but it was the best he could expect now. Loving Victoria had cost him everything—his dignity, his self-respect, and his precious freedom.

  Most of all, it cost him the peace of knowing that he lost her because of his own damned fear.

  Never again.

  THIRTEEN

  Victoria’s heart sped up the closer she got to Adrian’s building. She tried not to imagine his reaction to her news, but fear choked her. What if he didn’t bel
ieve her? Or worse, what if he did and told her to get rid of the baby?

  That’s not going to happen. I’ll kill him first.

  Victoria’s bloodthirstiness receded long enough to remember the man who’d taken her heart wasn’t that cruel. In fact, he’d never been hurtful to her except for that last night. Even then his crime was proposing to her for the wrong reason.

  In reality, Adrian had just been honest with her about his true feelings. It wasn’t his fault that he felt the way he did. And that was why she had to leave, not because he’d mistreated her.

  He needed to be free from me. I needed to be free too. I couldn’t stay and force him to feel about me the way I wanted. I just wish that it could’ve turned out differently. I wish I could’ve been telling him about our baby when we were together. Maybe I was too rash to end things?

  And maybe I’ve gone about this all the wrong way?

  She let out an internal scream. Rehashing their end and all the circular thinking that came along with it wasn’t going to help her now.

  I should’ve called him first. Maybe I should do that now? He might not even be home for all I know.

  Victoria wondered about it too late. The taxi pulled up to the curb, right behind a limousine. She paid for her fare and exited. Steel butterflies swarmed in her belly and her heart seemed to rise up to lodge itself in her throat.

  “You can do this. It’s going to turn out well. It really will.”

  And she believed that all for less than a minute.

  ***

  “Adrian, I’m not the least bit hungry.”

  His skin itched with distaste when his unwanted and intrusive companion put her hand on his arm. “That’s too bad, Cynthia. I’m starving and you’re not. Seems we’re at an impasse.” Adrian shifted his arm neatly away from his ex-girlfriend’s grasp. “Why don’t you go back to your hotel?”

  She pouted in a way that many found adorable, considering it was her signature look and had landed her in the “Top 10 Kissable Lips of All Time” according to the latest poll. That little fact was only known by Adrian because she shared it with him not even an hour before when she arrived unannounced at his office. Cynthia had also been brazen enough to hitch a ride, even though he’d made it more than clear that he wasn’t looking for company.

  “Why are you being such a beast, Adrian? One would think you weren’t happy to see me.”

  “One would think right.” His driver opened the door for him. Cynthia strode forward, completely confident that Adrian wouldn’t turn her out. He clenched his jaw and neatly blocked the way. “Why are you here?”

  She flicked her long blond hair over her shoulder. “A little birdie told me that you’re going away for a month. I thought you might want some company before then.”

  “You thought wrong.”

  Her brown eyes hardened. “Why are you being such a bastard, Adrian? I thought we parted nicely or was it just me?”

  Adrian sighed. It wasn’t her fault that Victoria had dumped him like last night’s trash. It also wasn’t her fault he wasn’t over it. Adrian straightened and sketched a quick bow. “You’re right. I am being a jerk. Start over?”

  Cynthia sauntered over to him, forgiving smile becoming on her full, pink lips. She kissed him lightly on the mouth. “Sounds good to me.” Her slim hands skated down his chest. “You had me thinking the rumors were true.”

  Adrian had the urge to wipe the back of his hand against his lips. “Rumors? Why don’t you enlighten me?”

  “I heard that you were serious with a girl. Marriage and 2.5 kids kind of serious. I got a little jealous when I heard.”

  Adrian’s face hardened. “Marriage? Family? Are you insane? I’m as single as they come and plan on staying that way, Cynthia, so if you came to see if you could be the one to change me—forget it. It’s not possible.”

  A choked cry cut through the ever-present noise of traffic and people. Adrian looked to his left. His gaze strained to see who had made that cry of heartbreak. The crowds parted just enough for him to see the top of a familiar head.

  He took off after her without hesitation.

  ***

  “Victoria! Wait a damned minute!”

  She heard him barreling through the crowd behind her, but she didn’t turn to look. She just kept running.

  While logically she understood she had no right to Adrian anymore, Victoria nearly lost it when that woman kissed him and he didn’t do anything to stop her. But the true kick in the teeth came from what he said next.

  Victoria kept her head down and tried not to cry but his heartless words kept repeating over and over in her head.

  “Marriage? Family? Are you insane? I’m as single as they come and plan on staying that way, Cynthia, so if you came to see if you could be the one to change me—forget it. It’s not possible.”

  She couldn’t tell him about the baby now. Maybe not ever.

  No! I can’t hide something like that from Adrian. He deserves to know!

  But the real question was would he ever want to know? Maybe their child would be a burden and a blight on his well-ordered life.

  A hand closed around her arm and yanked her back. She looked up to see an infuriated Adrian glaring down at her.

  The first thing she noticed about him was the fever-brightness of his eyes. They burned more green than hazel. Dimly she wondered if they’d ever looked more beautiful than right now as they blazed with rage. Next were his razor cheekbones. He was thinner than she remembered. It worried her to see him like that.

  Is something wrong with him? Is he sick?

  “You heard me. Why didn’t you stop?”

  Victoria’s worry took a backseat when her temper flared. “You were busy with your date. I’m not rude enough to interrupt.”

  He bit off a curse. “Kit—Victoria. It’s not what you think.”

  She winced. So did he. She took small comfort in it for a second before feeling worse. Jealousy had made her ugly and petty. She didn’t like that. Victoria blew out a long breath. She fought to get her wayward emotions under control.

  “You don’t owe me any explanations, Adrian. We broke up a while ago. What you do in your personal life has nothing to do with me. I’m sorry I acted otherwise.”

  Adrian let go of her. Victoria rubbed the spot where he’d grasped her. Not because it hurt. Rather the absence of his touch hurt.

  “Right. You broke up with me but the end result is the same. We don’t have any ties to each other anymore.”

  Victoria dared to look up, to see if those words cut him as deeply as they did her. Adrian’s impassive expression told her she was alone in feeling sadness at their truth.

  “You’re right.”

  He stared at her several seconds past polite. “And that’s why you cried out like someone broke your heart.”

  As always he was too perceptive. “I was just shocked at seeing you. That’s all.”

  She bit her trembling lip and tried her best not to throw herself at him. Victoria’s heart, her body, her damned soul wanted Adrian. But she didn’t have a right to him anymore. And he definitely wasn’t waiting around for her.

  How am I going to tell him about the baby? What if that’s his new girlfriend? Won’t it just make him resent us both?

  Her answer seemed to disappoint him. He took a step back and shrugged. “Why’d you come to see me, Victoria?”

  She considered spilling the truth. She then replayed part of his words to his date.

  “Marriage? Family? Are you insane?”

  Victoria needed to buy herself time. “I didn’t come to see you.”

  “Bullshit.” Adrian narrowed his eyes, looking over her as if disappointed.

  “It’s not bullshit. I was just saying goodbye. I mean, not to you, just to this part of my life. I’m moving back home and I figured I should at least look at my old stomping grounds one last time since I probably won’t be back again.”

  Adrian let her babble without interruption. When she finally cam
e to a breathy stop, he looked away to a distant point over her shoulder.

  “So you’ve moved back to North Carolina?”

  “Yes. I mean—”

  “And you’re not coming back here?”

  “No.”

  Adrian smirked and shook his head. He muttered something under his breath but Victoria couldn’t catch it. “And that’s all? Finished, right?”

  “Yes.”

  No! I’m pregnant. I want this baby and I want you to want our baby too. I’m scared because I don’t know how to tell you and I don’t know what the right thing to do is.

  Victoria damned herself for being a coward. She shouldn’t have lied to him. It wasn’t too late. She could tell him that he was right. That she really came here just to see him. That she’d been up for over twenty-four hours because she couldn’t wait to see him again. Not just because of the baby, but because it was him.

  She couldn’t tell him that she’d harbored fantasies of him picking her up and swinging her in a circle as he peppered her face with kisses and smiles. She couldn’t share that she’d taken care with her grooming and underclothing all in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, they’d fall happily into bed.

  It all seemed so hopelessly naïve in light of everything she’d heard.

  “Victoria?”

  “Yes?”

  Adrian looked her straight in the eye. “Good.”

  This threw her off. “Good?”

  “Yes, good. I think it’s all turned out for the best, don’t you think?”

  “I don’t…I…”

  “Breaking up hurt like hell, but it was the right thing for us. You saw that when I couldn’t. If we’d gotten married we’d probably be divorced within the year. I got messed up at the end there, but your levelheadedness saved us both. So thank you.”

  “Saved us?” Victoria asked through a growing fog of shock and dismay.

  “Yes.” Adrian coughed. “I just want you to know that’s not how I usually act.”

  “Act?”

  Stop repeating his words!

  Adrian let out a caustic chuckle. “I don’t stalk my exes if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “I’m not worried. I never was, Adrian. I’m just…” Victoria helplessly stumbled along her words. How had their conversation turned in this direction?