Deep Space: An Epic Sci-Fi Romance

by Joan Jett

  The mirrored sphere suddenly rang, a deep musical tone that rolled out across the valley floor.

  “Liara!” shouted Shepard.

  A blinding flash of light . . .

  Chapter 29 : To Know the Ways of Heaven

  “Liara!” shouted Shepard.

  A blinding flash of light . . .

  * * *

  Upper Paleolithic Era, Ksar Akil Rock Shelter, Lebanon/Earth

  . . . In the third summer after I mated with Ru, my brother came to visit us.

  I sat in the sunlight in front of our cave. I had a deer-skin laid out in front of me as a place to work. I had a pile of shells, from the little snails, not the ones we usually ate. I had a stone drill. I drilled holes in the shells. I turned them into beads. The beads could be strung on a piece of sinew and worn around the neck.

  We liked the beads. They helped us be the People, not like anyone else in the world. When we met others, they saw our beads even from a long distance. They knew we were the People. But the delicate necklaces broke easily. Sometimes they had to be replaced. That meant I had to keep making more beads.

  “Anar!”

  I looked up and saw my brother walking along the stream below our cave. He wore a finely made goat-skin tunic. He carried a bag which I knew held his trade goods. He walked with the aid of a long stone-tipped spear.

  I stood up to greet him. “Kalo. It is good to see you.”

  “You look well. Living in one place is good for you.”

  “This place is good for me. Ru is good for me.”

  Kalo and I had the same father, but different mothers. That may seem a strange thing to know. We looked much alike. Both of us looked like our father. Also from our father we each had the same spirit of wandering. This spirit drove Kalo to walk the earth as our father had done. He loved meeting strangers, talking and trading with them. In me the spirit lived more easily, but it sometimes wandered into strange pathways while my body rested at ease in our shelter. My thoughts differed from those of the People. So I always enjoyed seeing my brother, who shared this spirit with me.

  “I have a trouble, Anar.”

  I laughed. “When do you not have a trouble, Kalo?”

  “This is a bad trouble. May I stay with your People for a while?”

  “What has happened?”

  He hunkered down and set his bag of trade goods to one side. He did not let go of his spear. I saw that he was afraid. “I was up north, along the coast of the sea.”

  “You have spoken of the north.”

  “Many days of walking from here, in the north, a large cave shelters a numerous people. They live as you do here, hunting deer and goats, taking shellfish from the sea. Our father visited there long ago. We may have brothers or sisters there.”

  “I do not see how this is a trouble.”

  “I traveled there in the spring. A fight happened. I had to kill a man.”

  I frowned deeply. “This is not good. What caused the fight?”

  “A woman.”

  “With you there is always a woman. Sometimes more than one. How does this cause a fight?”

  “One of the men thought the woman belonged to him. He did not want to share. He wanted my life. I decided not to let him take it.”

  “I see.” I folded my arms and stared at him, to show my anger. “You should know better than to choose a woman already mated to someone else. It causes anger. Many women have no mates. Choose one of them.”

  “This woman had no mate! She told me so. How was I to know she lied?”

  I sighed. “Perhaps the man made a mistake. Perhaps he only wanted to mate with the woman.”

  “Perhaps, but now he is dead. Others from his band follow my track. I cannot wander alone until they have gone home.”

  “So you bring this trouble to us.”

  “It is not such a large trouble that we cannot deal with it together.”

  “You have been unwise. But I cannot turn my brother away. You may stay with us until this trouble passes.”

  “I am grateful, brother.”

  I grunted. “You can show your gratitude by not bargaining for your goods so hard this time.”

  I gathered my deer-skin up, with my shells and tools inside. We walked up to the cave together, to where the women and children stayed during the day.

  Ru rose to meet us. I felt my spirit move in gladness when I saw her.

  Ru looked nothing like the People. She had red hair, like the ochre clay we use to tan hides, not black like the People. She had pale skin, like moonlight, not dark earth brown like the People. She had a strange shape, sturdy and heavy and strong, like her totem beast the rhinoceros. She had a strange spirit too. She spoke little. She took no interest in the doings of women around the fire. Instead she hunted like a man and guarded the children against predators. She showed great strength and skill at these tasks.

  She had come from the Strong Ones, the Old Ones, those who lived in the land long before the People arrived. She had come to stay in our shelter after some trouble in her own band.

  She was Ru. The sight of her always made my spirit glad. She and I belonged together.

  “Anar,” she said, smiling broadly. “Kalo.”

  I touched her and smiled. “Ru. Kalo will be staying with us for a while.”

  She grunted in agreement.

  I looked into her eyes. “Kalo is in danger. Men hunt him.”

  Ru frowned. “What men?”

  “Men from the north.”

  “Not the People.”

  “No.”

  She nodded and went to fetch her spear. “I will watch.”

  Kalo watched her go. “Brother, I must ask. What is it like, being with a woman of the Old Ones?”

  “I suppose it is much like being with any woman.”

  “She looks so strange. She is so strong.”

  I grinned. “She is soft enough when we lie down in our place by the fire.”

  “She has had no children with you?”

  “No.” I shrugged my shoulders. “She wants children. We have tried many times. The spirits will it otherwise.”

  He scratched his beard in thought. “In my travels I have heard of others of our kind who have mated with the Old Ones.”

  “It cannot happen often. The Old Ones are few. Most of them stay away from our kind.”

  “That is true. But here is what I meant to say. When a man of the Old Ones mates with a woman of our kind, sometimes there are children. When a man of our kind mates with a woman of the Old Ones, there are no children.”

  “I never knew that.” I felt sadness, thinking that Ru might never have children with me. Would she choose to go back to the Old Ones if she knew?

  “It is not an easy thing to notice. Only a wanderer would speak to enough different people to discover it.”

  I shook my head. “It is not important. Ru and I are mates. That will not change. The great spirits will decide what becomes of us.”

  In the night I climbed up to the place where Ru always went to watch. Even under the stars she could see a long way in all directions. She had eyes keen and unafraid of the darkness. Beasts and wild men never surprised the People while Ru watched.

  “Anar,” she greeted me.

  I sat down beside her and said nothing. We rarely spoke. Our spirits spoke for us through gestures, through touch, through the glance of her eyes on mine. It was enough. There in her watch-place, she set her spear aside for a while and opened her body to me. We pleased one another. I kept my sad thoughts to myself.

  The next day the men of the People came back from the sea. They carried bags full of shellfish. They also carried trouble in their eyes. Strangers followed them, three men with spears, men who scarred their faces to make themselves look fierce.

  Edon led the men of the People back to our place. He hurried over to me as soon as he saw me waiting. “These strangers come from the north,” he told me. “They say your brother has been among them. They say he killed a man of their people.�
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  “I know, Edon.”

  He stared at me. “You know?”

  “Kalo is here. He told me the story. He said the man attacked him. We had better be ready to fight.”

  “Why should we fight for Kalo? He is not one of the People.”

  I scowled in anger. “When he comes with well-made stone tools, we welcome him. When he comes with fine red ochre, we welcome him. When he comes with stories of faraway lands and people, we welcome him. Now that he comes with trouble, we should turn him away? The People will not do that. If the People do that, they are not my People after all. I will go and live elsewhere. Ru will go and live elsewhere.”

  Edon looked worried. “You are like your brother. You make a hard bargain.”

  “Go and get the other men ready to fight. If we are ready to fight, perhaps we will not have to fight.”

  “That is always true.” He left at a run, shouting for the others.

  Ru came up beside me as the strangers arrived. She already had her spear with her, and she handed my spear to me.

  The strangers looked grim and fierce. Ru also looked grim and fierce. They stared at her, seeing one of the Strong Ones, the Old Ones.

  “You are here to speak of Kalo,” I said to them.

  “That is true,” said their leader. His words were strange and hard to understand. “Kalo killed a man of our band. We have come to kill Kalo, so our kinsman’s ghost will not walk the night and drive us mad.”

  “You will not kill Kalo.”

  “I think we will. Perhaps Kalo is hiding among your women. Sooner or later he will come out. We will hunt him. We will chase him down. We will kill him.”

  The other strangers shouted, as if to put us in fear.

  I looked at Ru. She showed no fear. Because she showed no fear, I felt no fear.

  “Perhaps Kalo will hide in our cave for a long time,” I said. “You are far from home. How will you live?”

  “We will hunt,” said the leader. “We will take shellfish from the sea. We will live quite well.”

  “This is our land, our range.” I waved one hand widely to indicate all the lands between the hills and the sea. “Would you steal the game that the spirits have given to us?”

  “If the game is so easy to steal, the spirits must not care for you.”

  I could not help myself. I laughed within the silence of my spirit. This bandit was another of the New People, the ones with wandering spirits, the ones whose thoughts twisted and turned. He was like my brother or me.

  Then I heard footsteps on the path leading down from the cave. There walked Elon, and other men of the People. All of them carried spears.

  There walked Kalo. He carried no spear, not even his own. “Tarak, have you come to kill me?”

  The leader – Tarak – was surprised to see my brother. “I thought you a coward, Kalo, to run and hide among these people.”

  “Perhaps I was,” said Kalo. “No longer. I cannot ask my brother’s people to fight for me.”

  “We will fight for Kalo,” I said, “whether he wishes it or not.”

  At my side, Ru grimaced and made a growling noise deep in her chest.

  “No, Anar.” My brother stepped in front of me, in front of the strangers and their spears. “Tarak, I wish to speak. When I am done speaking, you may kill me if you wish.”

  Tarak frowned. “Speak, then.”

  Kalo pointed to the sun. “The great spirit of the sun is my witness.” He pointed to the distant sea. “The great spirits of the sea are my witnesses.” He pointed to the earth beneath our feet. “The great spirits of the earth are my witnesses. They will all turn against me if I lie. I did not wish to kill Berut. I did not seek him out. I did not lie in wait for him. I did not hold anger toward him in my spirit. But when I lay down with the woman Enat, he grew enraged. He sought me out. He lay in wait for me. He held anger toward me in his spirit. He thrust at me with his spear. He slashed at me with his knife. I defended myself, as a man must if he wishes to live. That is how Berut died.”

  Tarak stood silent for a long time. “That is not what Enat said.”

  “Enat told me she had no mate. Enat says whatever she must to get what she wants, or to avoid trouble.”

  One of the other strangers laughed. “That is true. That is how Enat is.”

  Tarak leaned on his spear, no longer so ready for a fight. “Perhaps Berut’s ghost will not walk the night after all. But hard feeling walks among my band. Kalo, if you return to us, you will cause more trouble.”

  Kalo sighed. “That is too bad. I have always enjoyed visiting your band. I have always profited by trading with your band. But if I must stay away, I will do that. The earth is very wide. I can wander elsewhere.”

  Tarak looked at his kinsmen. One after the other, they nodded. “So be it,” he said. “We will return home. Kalo will wander in the lands of other bands from now on.”

  “Stay for a time,” I offered. “We will share food with you. Kalo will give you gifts. You will not go home hungry or poor.”

  Kalo looked at me with anger in his eyes, but he nodded when I refused to give way.

  “That is well said. We will visit until tomorrow,” said Tarak.

  That night, we feasted on venison and shellfish meat with Kalo and the strangers from the north. Kalo gave Tarak some of his best trade goods as a gift. We sat out under the stars, under the great bridge of light in the sky, and told stories of our ancestors and the spirits. Goodwill walked with the strangers when they left in the morning.

  Kalo left a few days later, his wandering spirit calling him away once more. I never saw my brother again. I never knew what accident claimed his life. Perhaps he simply wandered into distant lands and found something he had never found before: a home.

  The next spring we knew that Kalo’s spirit would be with us for a long time to come. Two infants arrived, a male and a female, and they both looked like my father, like Kalo, like me. Ru sometimes pretended to growl at me when she saw these infants. But I knew she understood the truth.

  She never truly doubted me. She remained with me all the days of her life . . .

  * * *

  7 May 2183, Interstellar Space

  I drifted in darkness.

  The memories, the memories, long years of that ancient human’s life, delivered to me in an instant. They overwhelmed me.

  At first I couldn’t be sure, from moment to moment, whether I was Anar or Liara. The effect faded very slowly. It took a long time before I could think without confusion.

  Is this what the true joining is like? To inherit the experience of someone else’s life, to know him so intimately it’s like having a second self?

  I knew that I would forever more be in some measure Anar, just as I was already Liara.

  Do I want that with Shepard?

  Yes.

  Some of the memories seemed very strange. Experiencing the struggle for survival in an ancient time, using simple tools of stone and bone, that would be familiar to any archaeologist. Anar’s emotional life presented a very different challenge. Suddenly I knew what it was like to be human. Far stranger, I knew what it was like to be male. Anar’s reflections on the world around him, his loyalty to his People and his brother, his simple but fierce love for Ru, none of that came under the archaeologist’s jurisdiction. To do it justice, I would have to be a poet instead.

  I remembered what Anar had done with Ru, how his passion for her had expressed itself physically. The thought of being the object of such a physical desire, the thought of being with Shepard in that specific way . . .

  Do I want that with Shepard as well?

  Yes. Goddess, yes.

  I wondered if Anar was one of Shepard’s ancestors. Most likely not, unless he fathered children before or after the Protheans came to monitor his life. Of course Kalo sired a number of children, won a major victory in the human male’s battle to spread his genes as widely as possible. Perhaps Anar had won as well, by protecting some of his brother’s children unt
il they could pass down that shared inheritance.

  Shepard and I might one day have children, but they would not be of his blood either. His personality, his character might be passed on, but not his genes. Not through me.

  Anar and Ru. Shepard and Liara. The willingness to love the Other, to make a life together, to fight for a future for everyone, even if one’s own blood would not benefit. It was the same story, across fifty thousand years of time.

  Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. I remembered Shepard reading that from his sacred book. It was a passage that obviously held great meaning for him. It defined him.

  “Oh,” I murmured, feeling as if my heart would burst.

  Someone heard me.

  “Dr. Chakwas. Dr. Chakwas! I think she’s coming around.”

  A familiar voice. I opened my eyes.

  Alexei Dubyansky leaned over me, looking concerned. I smiled at him, and then pushed myself up to a seated position on the diagnostic bed. He hurried to put his hands on my shoulders and steady me as I rose.

  “You gave us quite a scare, Liara,” said the doctor. “Although I suppose we should be used to the effects of Prothean technology by now.”

  I rubbed my face with both hands. “If that was anything like what Shepard experienced with the beacon on Eden Prime . . . no wonder it had such a profound effect on him. I’m still trying to sort it all out.”

  “I’m surprised you can sort it out at all. The commander still can’t understand most of what he saw.”

  “We asari may have an advantage,” I suggested. “Our ability to meld with others means that our brains are adapted to decode their sensory impressions and memories. Besides, this Prothean device seems to have been in good working order, not malfunctioning like the one on Eden Prime.”

  The door to the medical bay opened. Shepard came in, almost at a run. “Liara, you’re okay.”

  “I think I will be,” I agreed. I took his hands in my own, not caring who might be there to see. “How long has it been?”

  “About fifteen hours. We’re in FTL, on our way to the next mission.” Shepard lifted one hand to his lips. “You scared us, even though I had some idea what had happened. We guessed you would come out of it on your own, we just didn’t know how long it would take.”