Like it or not, she had a better chance of stopping Brandon with Alex’s help than she had on her own. And as long as she attained her ultimate goal, surely she would be able to survive whatever anguish ensued.
She had another, more personal, reason for staying put, too, she admitted, watching the shadows of early evening play across the lawn. While they were together, she was going to find a way to make him tell her why he walked out on her the way he did.
He’d already acknowledged that he’d hurt her. He’d even gone so far as to apologize. But he hadn’t wanted to explain his actions. When she had pushed him, he had withdrawn from her so completely he could have been on another planet.
That didn’t mean she couldn’t keep asking and asking, though. Just as she was going to be stuck with him, he was going to be stuck with her. So why not make the most of it?
Sooner or later, out of sheer exasperation, he’d give her an answer. And then maybe she’d find it easier to live with what he’d done to her.
Even if the truth was that he had never really loved her, knowing would be better than wondering for the rest of her life. She’d much rather have her hopes dashed once and for all than go on longing for the improbable, as she so foolishly continued to do.
Her course set, Kari finally turned away from the window and headed for the bathroom. To her surprise, she felt almost lighthearted as she washed her face and brushed her hair. At long last, she seemed to have come to her senses. And now that she had put things into perspective, she was ready to move ahead.
Yes, Alexander Payton had hurt her badly. And yes, he would more than likely hurt her again, no matter how careful she was. But with luck, when all was said and done, she would be free. In more ways than one.
In all probability, she wasn’t going to like Alex’s reasons for leaving her. But at least she would know where she stood with him. Then maybe she’d be able to get on with her life at last.
Breathing in the spicy aroma of sauteing garlic, onions, green peppers and Italian sausage, Kari made her way to the kitchen. So far, she had behaved rather badly. However, that was going to have to change. She knew as well as anyone that you caught more flies with honey.
Still, just outside the kitchen doorway, she stopped short and wiped the slight smile from her face. No sense going overboard just yet. She’d only end up tipping her hand. If she turned cheerful all of a sudden, Alex would wonder what she was up to, and she’d never get him to lower his guard.
She’d be wiser to take it slow and easy. She could soften toward him a little now, then a little more in the morning. Then tomorrow afternoon, when she told him everything, he’d assume she had finally come to her senses. And once they were working together against Brandon, she would make the most of their newfound affinity for each other.
Braced for the worst, she would use whatever means necessary and find out, once and for all, exactly why he had run out on her at the very moment she’d begun to believe he truly loved her.
Chapter 5
As Kari entered the kitchen, Alex glanced over his shoulder at her. He seemed surprised to see her, but he didn’t say anything to confirm her suspicion. Turning back to the skillet on the stove, he stirred the contents without speaking at all. And for several uncomfortable moments, neither did she.
She didn’t know about him, but she didn’t want to get off on the wrong foot again. Still, after what he’d done to her, she wasn’t about to offer him explanations or apologies, either. He already knew he had the upper hand. No sense reinforcing that fact by admitting she’d said or done anything that required his understanding or forgiveness.
So, what could she say to break the silence stretching between them without offending or empowering him?
“Still want some help with the salad?” she asked at last, then cringed inwardly at the inanity of her question.
“It’s already done,” Alex answered matter-of-factly.
“Oh.”
She paused by the table uncertainly and ran her hand over the back of a chair, watching as Alex transferred the sausage and vegetables from the skillet onto a plate covered with a paper towel. She had no idea what to say or do next, and he didn’t appear inclined to offer her any hints.
After what seemed like an eternity, he gestured toward a loaf of French bread in a red-white-and-blue wrapper and said, “You can fix the garlic bread if you want.”
“Okay.”
Thoroughly discomfited, she crossed to the counter. Somehow she had thought he would be more welcoming. But after the way she’d been acting, how could she expect him to be glad she was gracing him with her presence?
She’d all but snapped his head off when he’d come to the bedroom to make amends. And there had been an edge of resentment in her voice when she’d asked about the salad. If she had heard it, then of course he must have, too.
Alex had never been a glutton for punishment. And with the way her anger and frustration kept soaring out of control, she had yet to be what anyone would call good company. So why would he be anything but wary of her now?
Damn, damn, damn...
He would never lighten up unless she did. And in a genuine way. He had already proved he knew her too well to be taken in by any prevarication on her part.
Racking her brain for an opening gambit that might get him to lower his guard, Kari slid the bread out of the wrapper and set it on the cutting board. As she reached for the knife, she spied two empty glass jars sitting on the counter near the stove. Identical to ones she kept on hand in her own pantry, they not only revealed the source of Alex’s so-called special sauce, but also provided her with something relatively innocuous to tease him about.
“Your special sauce, huh?” she asked, allowing the merest hint of laughter to edge her voice as she picked up one of the jars and pretended to study the distinctive green label. “Looks just like my special sauce.”
“Okay, I admit I start with that stuff.” He glanced at her, a sheepish smile curving the corners of his mouth. “But by the time I get finished with it, I guarantee you’ll be impressed.”
Turning away again, he dumped the sausage and vegetables into the pot already bubbling on a back burner, added half a cup of Parmesan cheese and a generous measure of red wine from the open bottle on the counter. He gave the sauce a good stir, then lowered the heat so it could simmer.
“How creative of you,” Kari murmured approvingly as she finished slicing the bread and began to butter it.
“That’s nothing. Wait till you see what I can do with a box of brownie mix.”
Taking the said item from the pantry, Alex ripped off the top, opened the plastic bag, poured the contents into a mixing bowl and added one cup each of chocolate chips and chopped walnuts.
“Oh, please, I do that all the time,” she countered, unimpressed.
“Yeah, but have you ever used a combination of amaretto and cream instead of the water called for in the recipe?” he inquired with a superior arch of one eyebrow.
“Never,” Kari admitted, sprinkling garlic powder on the bread.
“Well, get ready for a real treat.”
“Dessert and an after-dinner drink all in one, huh?”
“You got it,” he agreed.
Finished with the bread, Kari wrapped it in a piece of tin foil. Then, with a strange sense of déjà vu, she leaned against the counter as Alex opened the amaretto he’d taken from the pantry.
Their bantering had a familiarity about it that tugged at her heart. But then, they had prepared more than one meal together when he’d come to stay with her after her parents died. So, naturally, working side by side the way they had been would seem just like old times.
But she wasn’t about to admit as much to Alex. She’d only stir up her anger and frustration again by talking about the past. Just as she would if she made any kind of comment about the future. And, unfortunately, she had a feeling they’d said almost all there was to say about his culinary expertise.
“Do you want me to p
ut the bread in the oven?” she asked.
“Yeah, sure. I’m just about ready to start the spaghetti.”
“What about the brownies?”
“They can bake while we eat.”
As Alex poured the brownie mix into a pan, then lit the burner under the large pot of water already atop the stove, Kari searched desperately for something else to say or do. She couldn’t afford to stand by silently too long. He might start in about Selby Stables again.
He had restrained himself so far. And she had already decided to tell him everything anyway. But she wasn’t in the mood to be interrogated tonight. She’d much prefer to share a quiet dinner with him as if they really were friends again.
Her gaze drifting to the table, empty except for the pretty little basket of blue and rose and white silk flowers she’d seen there that morning, she asked, “Do you want me to set out the plates?”
“I thought we’d eat on the deck. Unless you’d rather stay in here.”
“Oh, no, I’d love to have dinner on the deck,” Kari hastened to assure him, then winced as she realized she’d gone a bit overboard in her enthusiasm.
After spending the day cooped up in the house, she was eager to get out for a while, though. The long hours indoors, doing nothing but staring into space, had left her feeling much too restive.
“Good.” Nodding agreeably, Alex pulled a tray from one of the lower cabinets. “The deck is shaded this time of evening, so it should be fairly comfortable.” He added place mats, napkins, plates and silverware, then asked, “What would you like to drink? Iced tea, a soft drink, a glass of red wine?” He gestured toward the bottle on the counter.
For one long moment, Kari was tempted to ask for a glass of wine. She loved red wine and she knew by the label that the cabernet sauvignon Alex had offered her was an especially good one. But she didn’t dare. One glass of wine could, and probably would, lead all too easily to two. And two glasses of wine would leave her much too relaxed for her own good.
With her emotions still so near the surface, there was no telling what she might say or do. And she didn’t want Alex to know just how vulnerable she was feeling.
“Iced tea, please,” she answered stoically.
“Are you sure? You used to like red wine, and this one is better than average.”
“I’m sure.”
“Iced tea it is, then,” he muttered, sounding vaguely disappointed.
He filled two tall glasses with ice, set them on the tray, then added a glass pitcher of tea he took from the refrigerator.
“You don’t have to abstain on my account,” she said.
As she recalled, Alex rarely drank, and then only in strict moderation. But a little wine might loosen him up, and that would definitely be to her advantage. Of course, that was probably what he’d been hoping would happen with her....
“I’m not,” he replied. Then, as he lifted the tray and held it out to her, he added, “Sure you can manage all this?”
“Yes.” Giving him a smug smile, she took the tray from him easily and turned away.
He might consider her too thin, but she certainly wasn’t any weakling. She couldn’t afford to be. Not when she rode high-strung young horses on a daily basis.
“Well, then, let me get the door for you.”
Moving past her, he fiddled with a keypad on the wall by the back door.
“What’s that?” she asked, eyeing him questioningly.
“One of the control units for the security system.”
“Security system?” Puzzled, Kari shook her head. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid someone is going to sneak out here and try to break into your house. You said yourself this place is out in the middle of nowhere.”
“Actually, I am. There’s been a lot of vandalism around here lately. I’m gone most of the time, and I don’t want my house trashed in my absence,” he replied. Then, the barest hint of amusement in his bright-blue eyes, he added with unexpected candor, “However, this afternoon I was more concerned about somebody slipping out a window and trying to make a run for it.”
Though taken aback by his honest admission, Kari forced herself to meet his gaze, widening her eyes innocently as she asked, “You thought I’d do that?”
He knew her too well. Much, much too well. But she had no intention of acknowledging how disturbed she was by that fact.
“Well, you seemed awfully anxious to get away earlier.”
“Not anxious enough to walk six miles of gravel lane in the heat of the day with no real idea of where I’d end up,” she stated pragmatically.
“What about now?” he asked, opening the door.
“Now I’m too hungry to do anything but wait for dinner to be served,” she assured him quite truthfully.
“And after dinner?” He held her gaze, a searching look in his eyes.
“I’m not sure.” She tipped her chin up and smiled slightly. “Guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”
“Yeah, I guess I will.” He moved away from the doorway so she could pass. “I’ll have the food out just as soon as it’s ready. Shouldn’t be more than ten or fifteen minutes max.”
Relieved that Alex had chosen not to pursue the track their conversation had been taking, Kari walked out to the deck. She wasn’t quite ready to tell him she’d decided to stay put. He’d want to know why, and she’d have to admit she needed his help. Then she’d be beholden to him. And tomorrow would be soon enough for that.
As he closed the door behind her, Kari crossed to the round redwood table and matching chairs. Breathing in the summer-scented evening air, she set the table, then poured a glass of tea for herself. As she sipped her drink, she wandered the length of the narrow deck, one hand trailing along the wood railing until she came to the hot tub at the far end.
Nice, she thought rather wistfully, gazing down at the crystal-clear water that rippled gently under the faint breeze drifting across the lawn. Had she been alone, she would have found the switch and started the water churning, then stripped out of her clothes and slid in.
But, of course, she wasn’t alone. And she wasn’t getting naked anywhere near Alexander Payton. Not that he’d be interested, she reminded herself sternly.
Trying not to think about how enjoyable it would be to loll in the hot tub—even alone—Kari paced back to the table. As she surveyed the rest of Alex’s domain, her surprise grew as the potential of the property he owned dawned on her.
Beyond the neatly manicured lawn that surrounded the house she saw what appeared to be a large horse barn set in the middle of several small paddocks, one of which contained a mechanical walker. All were enclosed by sturdy wood rail fences, as was the far pasture. And though deserted, the barn, the paddocks, the fences, even the far pasture, all appeared to be well maintained.
As she gazed out across the lawn, she couldn’t help but imagine what the place would be like if it were truly lived in. There would be horses grazing in the paddocks and the far pasture. There would be dogs and cats and kids running loose in the house and the yard. And there would be a man and a woman—husband and wife—working together to build up their stable. Just as she and Alex had once talked of doing.
This place could be everything she had ever wanted, she mused. Could be, but wouldn’t.
Sadly, she turned away from the beguiling vista as Alex walked out carrying a second tray loaded with food.
“Want to get the door?” he asked.
“Sure.”
Blinking back the prickle of tears in her eyes, Kari did as he asked. Then, fighting to bring her emotions under control again, she joined him at the table. As he set out two small plates of salad, a large bowl of spaghetti, the bread basket and various other odds and ends, she filled his glass with tea and topped off her own.
“I hope you’re as hungry as you said you were.”
“I am,” she assured him as they sat down across from each other.
“Salads first?”
“Okay.”
She selec
ted one of the bottled dressings Alex offered her and added a generous dollop to her salad. Picking up her fork, she toyed with a slice of tomato, then ventured, “You have a really nice place here.”
“Just a house and some land.”
Digging into his own salad, Alex shrugged dismissively, but Kari sensed it was more to him than that.
“When did you buy it?”
“About four years ago.” He gestured toward her yet-to-be-touched salad. “I thought you were hungry.”
“I am.” She ate a few bites, but couldn’t seem to quell her curiosity. “Why?” she asked at last, unable to let the subject drop despite his uncommunicativeness.
“Why what?”
“Why did you buy this place? Whoever owned it before raised horses, didn’t he? But obviously, you’re not doing that. So why?” she prodded, determined not to be dissuaded.
“I thought it would be a good investment,” he said, shrugging again. “Ready for some spaghetti?”
“Yes, please.”
Sensing his increasing annoyance, Kari said nothing as she held up her dinner plate so he could serve her. Then she helped herself to a slice of garlic bread and ate quietly for a few minutes.
She was sure there was some truth to what he’d told her. The property he owned was valuable. But from the care he seemed to have lavished on the house and the land around it, this place meant more to him than the money it was worth.
Whether he wanted to admit it or not, Alex had made a home for himself here—a home he rarely visited, but a real home nonetheless.
But why here?
Although he had never talked much about his past, Kari knew he had been born in Philadelphia and had lived there until his parents were killed in an automobile accident when he was eight years old. According to Devlin, they had been very wealthy, but they’d had no close relatives. Eventually, an elderly cousin had been located in Chicago. A childless widow, she had taken Alex in, not only giving him a good home, but seeing to it that he got an excellent education, as well.
She died just after Alex had graduated from West Point, and since then, as far as Kari knew, he hadn’t had any one place that he’d called home. Whenever he’d had leave, he had come to San Antonio with Devlin. And now he owned his own place in the Texas Hill Country.
The Lady And Alex Payton Page 8