A Natural Woman

by Lori Johnson

  “What?! What, I say?!” Ray said, dropping his arms, closing his legs, and looking both shocked and confused.

  “Man, leave that woman alone,” Gerald said with a wide grin before he whipped out his cell phone. “Look here, Miz Professor, if you wanna talk to Wally, he’s ’round back with the contractors. Want me to call him up here for you?”

  The man seated next to Ray broke in with, “Hell no, she don’t wanna talk to Wally’s ass! Didn’t you hear the woman? She say she wanna speak to Dante.”

  The two customers, the who’d just spoken and the one seated in Gerald’s chair, slapped palms and fell out laughing again.

  As a flustered Aliesha spun around and charged toward the door, she heard Ray say, “What the hell she bite my head off for? Shit, all I was trying to do was be polite and make small talk. Told you them women outta Chicago wasn’t nuthin nice.”

  She leaned against the check-out desk at the university library. She’d just finished filling out the slip required to reserve the stack of books she’d assigned her Race, Class & Gender class to read before the end of the semester. When she passed the form to the librarian, she caught a glimpse of a Black male figure out the corner of her eye.

  She turned and appraised the dark-skinned youth, whose athletic build, Stagolee strut, and tilted Kangol reminded her so much of Dante that a smile wriggled up from the tight grasp of her hurt and brushed against her lips. In spite of her resolve to forget about him and the feelings he’d aroused in her, everywhere she’d turned, over the past couple of days, she’d found herself being pulled back into the twisted fabric of her memories.

  Even the library itself, with its endless rows and shelves of books, its tables, chairs, and lounging areas full of readers, made her think of Dante and the passions they shared, both in and beyond the bedroom. But the pleasure she found in the recollections were fleeting and, inevitably, led back to the pit she felt growing deeper on the inside. On collecting her receipt from the librarian, she headed for the exit.

  The fresh air and sunshine lent a nice shot of adrenaline to her drooping spirits. On her meandering stroll toward her basement office in Sojourner Hall, she made special note of the students she saw walking hand in hand, playing Hacky Sack, and acting like the goofy kids most of them were. Their antics made her think about the short-lived innocence of her own youth and all of the carefree summer days she’d spent in Riverton. She’d nearly reached her building and was contemplating a quick detour to a cozy spot she noticed beneath a pair of giant oaks on the front lawn when she heard, “Nice day to play hooky, huh?”

  She grimaced before she turned and smiled at Monica. Thus far, Aliesha had succeeded in avoiding coming into close proximity to people, like Monica and Pat, who were more likely than some others to notice the change in her demeanor and would insist she let them in on the reason why.

  “Maybe for a minute,” she said as she strolled with Monica toward the spot beneath the trees. “Gotta maintain our role-model status, you know.”

  “Where have you been hiding the past couple of days?” Monica asked. “Did you get that e-mail I sent you this morning?”

  Aliesha shook her head. “Haven’t had a chance to look at it. Too much work, not enough time.”

  “You’ve probably read it already, anyway. It’s an article about macaque monkeys and how, according to a group of scientists who’ve been studying them, the males of the species use grooming to barter for sexual favors from the females. Kind of sounds familiar, doesn’t it?”

  Aliesha narrowed her eyes and said, “Ha-ha!”

  “Ooh, kind of testy today, aren’t we?” Monica laughed. “So what do you and barber boy have on tap for this weekend, besides more hot monkey sex?”

  On reaching the stone bench beneath the trees, Aliesha deposited the bag hanging from her shoulder before she said, “Not a damn thing, if you really must know.”

  Monica studied Aliesha’s face. “What is your problem? Wait, don’t tell me there’s already trouble in paradise. Yeah, I knew his ass was too good to be true. What did he do?”

  Aliesha sighed. “It’s what he hasn’t done, like call. He said he’d call and I haven’t heard from him.”

  “Girl, now you know they all do that. No biggie, so he missed a call. Chew him out and keep on keeping on.”

  “No, Monica. He hasn’t called at all. I haven’t heard from him since last Saturday morning when he left my house.”

  Monica grabbed her arm. “You’re shitting me! Well, hell, have you tried calling him?”

  She shrugged and started gesturing with her hands. “I don’t have his number. I left word for him at the shop and even stopped by there the other day. Still, no Dante. He’s obviously laying low and the fellas at the shop are covering for him.”

  “So roll by his place and set his ass straight.”

  Aliesha heaved a sigh of exasperation. “Monica, are you even halfway listening? I don’t have the man’s private telephone number—cell, home, or otherwise. I don’t know where he lives. Hell, I don’t even know his last name.”

  Monica stared at Aliesha for a few seconds, then laughed. “I’m sorry, girl, I just never imagined you as the type who’d give it up without first getting a social security number and running a thorough background check.”

  “Well, I’m glad to be able to brighten your day.”

  “Oh, come on, it’s not the end of the world. You’re not the first woman out here to be duped, nor I suspect will you be the last.”

  “I guess it’s still hard for me to believe he’d actually do something like this.”

  Monica stared out over the lawn. “Well, maybe he didn’t. Maybe something happened to him. Could be Kenneth was lurking in the bushes in front of your porch and when he saw barber boy come tripping out your house Saturday morning, he snatched his ass and carted him off somewhere.”

  Aliesha felt her heart skip a couple of beats. “You don’t think that could be a real possibility, do you? That Kenneth actually did something to hurt Dante?”

  A frown took hold of Monica’s face and her voice turned hard and flat. “Aliesha, you really need to get a grip. I was only joking. Wanna know what I really think? That fool did something that got his ass locked up. That’s right, he probably got hauled downtown on some outstanding warrant shit and he’s laying up on a cot behind bars somewhere now.”

  A thin layer of ice formed over Aliesha’s eyes and the words tumbled off her lips like frozen sickles. “What is it with you? You don’t even know this man. What leads you to automatically assume he’s got a criminal background, much less has done something that would land him in jail?”

  Monica widened her stance and crossed her arms. “You asked for my opinion. Forgive me for not coughing up one more to your liking.”

  Aliesha lowered her voice. “Go ahead, blow it off if you want. But don’t think I haven’t noticed how you consistently jump to the same negative conclusion when it comes to brothers like Dante and Kenneth, the latter of whom, if memory serves correct, you were ready to all but gun down a weekend or so ago. But Javiel could have had my ass dismembered and chilling on ice and you, no doubt, would still be sitting up somewhere defending his holy name.”

  Monica nodded and looked as if she were about to turn and walk away. Instead she took a step toward Aliesha and in a fierce whisper said, “You know, that must have been some hellafied, spellbinding dick ole boy laid on you. ’Cause from the looks of things, it’s got your ass speaking in tongues, ready to fight the devil and some of everything, and Sunday is still two days away yet.”

  “I guess I should have known not to expect any better coming from you.” Aliesha snatched her bag from the bench and slung it back across her shoulder. “But can I let you in on a little something? Not every Black man in the world is like your trifling-ass, deadbeat daddy.”

  For a moment, Monica looked as if she’d just been slapped. She emerged from the stupor in a burst of laughter, followed by, “Yeah, well, by the same token, not all
of us were fortunate enough to get blessed like you and end up with our very own ‘Black prince in shining armor, can’t do no wrong, Jesus on the cross’ type for a daddy, and one who from the looks of things is still never more than a fucking nightmare away.”

  Having leveled her parting shot, a red-faced Monica spun around and stormed off in one direction while Aliesha did likewise in the other.

  CHAPTER 30

  Aliesha hung around campus for as long as she could that Friday. It wasn’t as if she had anyplace special to go or anything to do—much less anyone special with whom to go and do anything. She felt awful about the argument she’d had with Monica and wished she’d kept some of the uglier sentiments, particularly those about Monica’s father, to herself. Even so, she couldn’t help but stew over some of the nasty and insensitive comments Monica had hurled her way. Did she actually believe all that crap she’d spewed about Dante? Did she honestly think the view Aliesha held of her own father was some goody-two-shoes, grossly distorted, larger-than-life one?

  When a tired and desponded Aliesha finally slid behind the wheel of her car and sped off, her plan to drive home quickly turned into a hunt for signs of Dante. The first stop on her unplanned tour wound up being none other than Nelson’s Barbecue. She circled the small, congested parking lot, and even got out for a minute to search for a vehicle that might resemble Dante’s. On finding none, she left Nelson’s and burned rubber in the direction of Wally’s Cool Cuts.

  Again, upon arriving, she found the parking lot packed. As in most Southern urban communities with a sizeable Black population, in Riverton, Friday and Saturday nights were traditionally busy ones for barbers and salons, barbecue joints and chicken shacks, clubs and liquor stores, ER rooms and the morgue. Aliesha sat in her car and watched as one man after another left or entered the shop. Rather than call or enter the establishment herself, when she saw an older gentleman amble out of the building and into the parking lot, she cruised toward him and rolled down her window.

  “Excuse me, sir? Would you happen to know Dante? A barber who works in the back of the shop here?”

  “Ah, yeah, I know Dante. Friendly dark-skinned fella? Looks like he mighta once played ball?”

  “Yes, sir, that’s him. Did you happen to notice if he was working tonight?”

  “No, sweetheart, I can’t say that he was. Only barbers in there this evening are Wally, Gerald, and some new fella.”

  “Okay, thank you.” Some new fella? Aliesha shook her head and started for home.

  But on pulling up to her house, she thought about the snide remark Monica had made about Kenneth jumping out of the bushes in front of her porch. While he didn’t own Dante’s youth or athletic build, Kenneth was large and fit enough to overpower Dante, especially if the element of surprise was on his side.

  But was he truly capable of such? Her thoughts wandered back to the brutal beating he’d given Skip before fast-forwarding to the message he’d left on her phone:

  “I know it’s not what you want to hear, baby, but nothing’s changed. I still love you and I’m still not ready to stop trying. My seeing another woman or even your seeing another man isn’t likely to change that.”

  Had that been some sort of veiled threat? Aliesha shifted her car into reverse and set back out across town, headed for the wealthier still yet unincorporated part of the county, where Kenneth lived. Due to the absence of streetlights and sidewalks, Aliesha had never cared much for driving there alone after dark. But she didn’t feel as if she could wait until the next morning for answers. She’d arrived in Kenneth’s neighborhood still unsure as to how she’d even go about broaching such a topic with him. Umm, did you do something to make Dante disappear? didn’t strike her as the best conversation opener.

  As fate would have it, no sooner had she pulled within sight of his house did his black Navigator appear. She slowed her own car to a halt across the street and a couple of houses down. She watched as Kenneth and his new lady-friend, Donna, climbed out and spent several seconds smooching underneath the porch light before entering the house. Several minutes after the couple’s disappearance, Aliesha still sat, staring toward the home and with her mind stuck on the smoldering image of Kenneth showering his affection on someone other than her. The sight saddened her more than she thought it would.

  When she finally restarted her engine and drove off into the night, she did so with no real destination in mind. If asked, she would have sworn her only thought had been to clear her head. But somehow, no less than thirty minutes after leaving Kenneth’s neighborhood, she found herself pulling up in front of Javiel’s house. On noticing the light in his studio, she couldn’t resist the urge to call.

  “Hi,” she said.

  “Hey,” he replied.

  “I was in your neighborhood tonight and I saw the light. You working on something?”

  “Yes,” he said. “Something I think you’d like. Would you like to see it sometime?”

  “Sure . . . how’s now?” she asked.

  “Now?” He paused then said, “Okay. Where are you?”

  “On the street outside your house.”

  He fell silent again. A few minutes later, his porch light blinked on and he appeared at the door.

  She pulled her car into his drive and walked up to the house. On approaching the door, she heard a distinctive and repetitive yap, followed by what sounded like a gentle scold and reprimand from Javiel. She peered through the door’s glass inset and saw a wiggling, barking puppy skittering in-between and around Javiel’s bare feet.

  “Forgive me,” she said on entering. “I didn’t know you had company.” She bent down and reached for the frisky pup, whose bright eyes sparkled and pretty black coat glistened.

  Javiel joined Aliesha on the floor. “Her name’s Sheba. I think she likes you.”

  Aliesha studied his face. He seemed different and definitely a lot calmer than when she’d seen him last. “She looks like a sweet pup,” she said. “Dogs generally take after their owners, you know.”

  He smiled and helped Aliesha to her feet. “She’s a Lab. They’re a nice breed. I trained quite a few of them while I was in the monastery.” When she grinned, he said, “And what, may I ask, is so funny?”

  “Oh, I just thought about something your mother told me. According to her, you don’t even like dogs.”

  Javiel’s eyes narrowed. “My mother, as we both well know, says a lot of things.”

  The coldness Aliesha heard in his voice gave her chills. But rather than let him see her tremble, she stared into the dark slits that had become his eyes. “So who are you still more angry with—her or me?”

  He reached down and picked up the pup. “I’m not angry, Aliesha, I’m hurt, or at least I was.” He bent his head so the dog could lick his face. “Having Sheba around has done a lot to lessen the pain. You’re always gonna love me, aren’t you, girl?” he said while nuzzling the quivering black bundle. When he turned his face toward Aliesha again, she noticed that all signs of the tension she’d seen there just seconds ago were gone.

  She reached out and rubbed Sheba’s ears. “You want to show me the painting?”

  Puppy in tow, Javiel led Aliesha to the studio. On entering the room, the first and only thing she saw for several minutes on end was the nearly complete image on the oversized canvas. She moved toward the painting and stood in front of it as if in a trance. Her eyes teared at the stunning, full-length reflection of herself that stared back at her. He’d painted her partially nude, her breasts and pelvis just barely covered by a long, white sheet, but all of her limbs, thankfully, appeared intact. And there was no denying that the proud, dark face and the head with the crown full of black, unruly curls belonged to anyone but her.

  “You like it?” Javiel asked, in a voice quavering with a note or two of anxiety.

  She nodded. “Oh, Javiel . . . It’s beautiful.”

  “I got rid of the other ones,” he said. “I’m sorry they disturbed you. It never even occurred to me t
hat they might. I wish you’d said something sooner.”

  “It’s okay,” she said. “I was just being overly paranoid.”

  “You can have this one when I’m finished, if you’d like.”

  “No, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t feel right,” she said.

  He sat on the stool in front of the easel. “It would certainly make me feel better if you did. I can’t stand the thought of you thinking I’d ever do anything to hurt you, Aliesha.”

  “Finish it first and then maybe we’ll talk. Who knows, you just might want to keep it.” She laughed. “It might even be worth something one day.”

  When she turned to him, still wearing a smile, he reached for her hand. “I want you back, Aliesha. Tell me what I need to do.”

  She looked away and shook her head. “Nothing’s changed between us, Javiel.”

  He stood, held her hand tighter, and on moving closer to her whispered, “I beg to differ. You wouldn’t have come here tonight if it hadn’t. What? You still don’t think I see you?”

  She gazed at the painting, then back at him. “Javiel—”

  He pressed his forehead against hers. “Tell me what to do, baby. What is it you need? You came here for a reason tonight, didn’t you?”

  Rather than move away or attempt to tell him the whole sordid, selfish truth behind her sudden appearance on his doorstep, she stammered, “I-I don’t know. I guess I was a little lonely and—”

  When he tried to kiss her, she said, “No, Javi, don’t. Just hold me. Okay? Right now, I really just need to be held.”

  He folded his arms around her and squeezed her tight. As soon as his body touched hers, she knew she’d made a horrible mistake. She had no business being there. Javiel wasn’t who she wanted, much less who she needed. No matter how earnest his attempt, he’d never adequately fill the void she felt. But driven by desperation and need, she let him try anyway. When he moved to kiss her, she didn’t resist or tell him no. She followed him to his guest bedroom around the corner. She let him help her disrobe and willingly climbed atop the mattress and against the sheets with him.