From Ashes To Flames

by A. M. Hargrove

  I let out a self-deprecating laugh. “I hope she believes me.”

  “Grey, you may be many things, but you’re not a liar.”

  “True, but she has no basis to believe my actions will hold merit.”

  Mom’s penetrating gaze had me glued to the floor. Then she asked, “How much do you want this woman in your life?”

  “More than anything.”

  “How much are you willing to risk in order to get her back?”

  “Everything but my kids.”

  “Then find a way to prove it.”

  “How?”

  “Figure it out, son.”

  Mom walked out, leaving me standing there. I was bereft and didn’t know what to do. But I had to come up with something, and it had better be epic because I needed Marin in my life as much as I needed food, water, and air. Each day without her was leaving me weaker and weaker. It was draining the happiness out of my soul. Marin had recharged my batteries, only they had never been fully charged to begin with and now I was experiencing life the way it had been before her and it sucked.

  That night when I was in bed, I texted her to see if she’d made it home okay and to let her know I was thinking of her.

  You don’t have to text me back, but I did want you to know that you’re always on my mind.

  I didn’t hear from her and hadn’t expected to. I checked in to see if she needed me to bring her things to her. I received no response. I gave her daily updates on Kinsley’s progress because as much as she hated me, I knew she still loved my daughter. But it also occurred to me how very little I knew about her. That set the stage for my plan on how to get her back. Over the next few weeks, I decided to send her daily texts, asking her specific things about herself.

  What’s your favorite color?

  If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?

  What’s your favorite song?

  The beach or the mountains?

  Sunrise or sunset?

  Favorite movie?

  Favorite Disney character?

  Chocolate or vanilla?

  Hershey Kisses or Peanut Butter Cups?

  Pizza or burgers?

  The questions went on and on. I was relentless.

  After a week, she finally broke down and her first response was Will you stop texting me?

  Not a chance. I need to know these things. As the song says—I won’t give up on us even if the skies get rough, I’m giving you all my love, I’m still looking up.

  I didn’t hear from her for another day. Then I got You are the most annoying person I’ve ever known. Leave me alone.

  Ignoring her, I kept up the questions. Then she came back with Why are you doing this?

  Because I believe in us!

  Go away!

  I didn’t. I persisted.

  She texted me back with Why do you need to know this stuff?

  Meet me for dinner and I’ll tell you.

  A few more days passed and no response.

  Then she texted No. Seeing you will hurt too much. It would remind me of how you pulled my heart out of my chest and ripped it into tiny pieces. You’re supposed to fix hearts, not destroy them.

  Oh Jesus. Oh God. If words had the power to destroy, hers had just mutilated me, completely butchering my heart and soul. And I deserved every single one of them. I swear by everything I own, everything that’s in me, I won’t ever hurt you again. Like I said … I won’t give up. I had to learn what I got, who I’m not, and who I am.

  She didn’t respond so I sent Please.

  No. Leave. Me. Alone.

  So, I did. For a while. But it didn’t settle with me. The bit she said about me fixing hearts was true and I had done the opposite to her. I wouldn’t give up until she found someone else, or I was dead.

  Thought you might like this. It was evil, but at this point I was desperate. I sent a photo of the kids.

  Nice try.

  Then one night, without my knowledge, Kinsley got a hold of my phone. She texted Marin. The next morning, I saw it.

  Miss U. U coming bak?

  Marin must’ve figured it was Kinsley because she hit her back with Miss U 2 and two heart emojis.

  That’s when I made the move.

  Please meet me for dinner. Just once and after that, I won’t ever ask you again.

  I heard nothing for hours. But then …

  Where?

  I gave her the name of the nicest restaurant in town and the time.

  You can even drive yourself if case you want to leave early.

  Fine. Only if it will stop these annoying texts.

  Not a chance. We’ve got a lot to learn. God knows we’re worth it. I won’t give up. I’m here to stay and make the difference I can make. I stuck in a heart emoji.

  She agreed to meet me the following night. This was it. My one and only chance and I’d better make it right. I made sure I was out of the office by six. The reservation was for seven fifteen. I arrived at seven, just in case. I asked for the most private table they had so we could talk. I gave the hostess Marin’s name and description so she could escort her back. The setting was perfect. I’d ordered a bottle of wine and waited. Seven fifteen came and went. Seven thirty did too. The waitress stopped by several times. When seven forty-five arrived, I knew she wasn’t going to show. I checked my phone and figured she could’ve at least texted me. I had hurt her, yes, but I thought she’d at least have the decency to tell me she wasn’t coming.

  “Sir, are you sure you don’t want to order something?”

  “You know what? I’ll just have the check, please.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  She came back and set the bill down. I gave her my credit card and realized that Marin never knew I loved her, that I still love her. I never had the chance to tell her and now it was looking like I never would. Even though Marin had given up on us, I would never do the same. She had probably moved on, but that would never happen for me. She was mine, now and forever, and I would have to figure out a way to make her see that.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Marin

  * * *

  My damn car wouldn’t start. Of all times for this to happen. Why now? Appeared to be a dead battery, or so Dad thought. Then when I went to text Grey, my stupid phone also had a dead battery.

  “Ugh!”

  “What’s wrong?” Mom asked.

  “My phone’s dead and I was supposed to meet Grey at seven fifteen. He’s going to think I stood him up.”

  “Use mine.”

  I grabbed Mom’s phone but then realized I didn’t know his number and the damn thing was stored on my phone.

  “Shit, shit. I don’t know his number. Who even knows anyone’s numbers these days.”

  “Come on. Get in the car. I’ll drive you,” Dad said.

  “I’m still going to be late.”

  “Don’t worry. He’ll wait. If he’s not there, I’ll take you to his place. And you can explain.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  I leaped out of the car but asked my dad to wait, just in case Grey had already left. The hostess walked me back and I saw Grey was paying the bill.

  “I’m sorry. Don’t leave. My car wouldn’t start and I couldn’t call because my phone was dead. Clearly, not my day. Let me run outside and tell my dad he can leave.” Grey’s expression was priceless. His mouth hung open and I casually said, “What? Did you actually think I would stand you up? Please.” I rolled my eyes, all the time I snickered to myself.

  I hurried outside to tell Dad he could leave, then rushed back in. “Woo, I’m exhausted from all that. Can I have some of that wine?” I asked. “Or did you drink it all because I’m so late?”

  He finally broke a smile. “I actually did think you stood me up.”

  “I’m sorry. Dad thinks my battery is dead. The damn thing wouldn’t even make a sound. And well, it was a mess. And that car never lets me down. I went to call you on Mom’s phone but … I didn’t know your number.”

>   I barely got that last word out before he grabbed my hand and pulled me over. His lips were on mine and he was hungrily kissing me, as in devouring me. All my talk about staying strong and not succumbing to his sexual advances if he made any, went flying out the window. I was gone. Dead. Completely fucked.

  He released me and I said, “Well, I’m glad we got that settled. So, what did you want to discuss?”

  The man rumbled with laughter and did I ever miss that sound.

  “Pink, huh?”

  “Guilty as charged. My room at home is still that color. Love it. Look at this hair. Don’t you see it?”

  “I should’ve known. And sunrises. That surprised me since I had to wake you up on your first day of work.”

  I twirled a piece of my hair. “Uh, that was when I was coming down off of my old lifestyle. I love the mornings.”

  “Pride and Prejudice.”

  “I’ve watched that movie maybe fifty times.”

  “Why?” he asked.

  “I adore Mr. Darcy. He was such an ass at first, but then he was such a softie. And he truly wasn’t an ass. He was just … shy. And Elizabeth was plain. But so perfectly beautiful on the inside and out.”

  “Exactly like you.”

  “What did you say?”

  “You’re beautiful on the inside and out. You’re not flashy. You’re not heavily made up. You’re absolutely perfect. Just like Elizabeth Bennett.”

  “You’ve seen the movie?” I asked.

  “Never, but I’ve read the book.”

  “And?”

  “It’s a classic. I didn’t care much for it at the time, but I was an ignorant kid. I reread it when I was in medical school and loved it.”

  I leaned back and appreciated the glow in his eyes. “Why?”

  “Because it was about a man who people perceived completely wrong. That happens a lot with the way doctors are regarded.”

  “So, in other words, you’re not proud.”

  He leaned closer and steepled his fingers. “Not at all. I’m humbled by my patients when they are so appreciative of what I can do for them. I won’t pretend to think I’m not good at what I do because I’m damned good. I’m thorough and don’t take anything for granted when it comes to my patients. But I’m not proud. And I don’t wear the white coat like a badge of honor either.”

  “Why not? Is it not an honor?”

  “In some ways, yes. But the way I see it, it’s my duty. I took the Hippocratic oath and as long as I practice, I will live up to that oath to the best of my ability.”

  I was seeing him in a new light, a revealing light, and it was frightening.

  “Why am I here, Grey?” I thought I’d get that out of the way.

  “I would’ve thought that was rather obvious.”

  “I need to hear your version. Before you tell me, you have to know that I can’t go through anything like we did again. It was excruciating. I crawled home twice with my tail between my legs. A third time is not an option.”

  “There won’t be a third time, Marin.” His silver-gray eyes locked onto mine and he began. “After Susannah, I swore there wouldn’t be any other women in my life. My heart was so brittle, it didn’t have the capability to feel, let alone beat. And to be honest, it wasn’t because we had some sort of undying love, because we didn’t. I just refused to put myself or my family through anything like that again. But you walked through the door with that hair, those piercings, and tattoos, I didn’t know what to think. I couldn’t get over the way you spoke to me for one. You really just didn’t give a shit. And then Kinsley calling you Marnie. I would watch the two of you interact while I was at work. Susannah was never so hands-on with the kids. You both laughed all the time. You even made me laugh. When I was home, I would eavesdrop on your conversations and they were downright hilarious. And the way you handled Aaron, and how fast you bonded with him, had me stepping back and examining my own feelings concerning him. I would go into his room at night and question why I had to know about his parentage so much … why it even mattered. But then one day, I saw you in a different light altogether. It was right when I showed up at Kinsley’s school program. You made fun of my goofy hat. But it was more. Much more. After the office picnic, I knew it. I tried to push my feelings away, tried to resist, but the night I came to the hospital, it was hopeless. I told myself it was just sex, only I knew that wasn’t true. Even Hudson gave me shit about it. But when everything happened with the kit, it crashed down around me and all I focused on was Susannah’s betrayal. I couldn’t get it through my thick skull that you were different. We were different. Blame it on my stubbornness, my stupidity. I accept total responsibility for it.” He slashes his hand through the air as though he was angry. “When you walked out of those catacombs, all I wanted to do was hold you forever. But it was so chaotic with Kinsley screaming and you fainting. Then you were rushed away and we went to a different hospital. I was a fucking mess, Marin, crazy with worry. Kinsley had to be sedated in order for her to settle down, and I had Aaron to deal with. But I was so out of my head over the two of you. Shit. I didn’t know if I was up or down. I couldn’t even call to check on you. But my colleague did and found out you were okay. I’m sorry I’m rambling, but there is so much I needed to tell you because I never got that chance in Vienna. Then I struck out at you and I have absolutely no excuse whatsoever for that. I should’ve been pulling you into my arms and kissing you instead. I was just crazy that day.” He let out a long huff. “Anyway, the whole point of this is I love you, have loved you, probably since the day you knocked on my door. Only this obtuse idiot didn’t recognize it. When you left Vienna, there was no use staying. I packed up the kids and left too.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything.” He laughed awkwardly, then said, “I just word vomited all over you.”

  “That was an awful lot, I won’t lie.”

  He glanced away then back at me. “May I ask you one thing?”

  “What?”

  “Don’t give up on us yet? Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that when you see something you want, don’t ever give up. I’m not ever going to give up on us, Marin.”

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Greydon

  * * *

  Marin had listened, so there was hope. I was determined not to give up even if she told me no.

  “I swear, if you give us a chance, I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy,” I said.

  “Grey, it doesn’t work like that. I can’t just pop up and say—okay, it’s all fine now.”

  “I understand. You need time. And I plan to earn back your trust in me.”

  “It’s not just that. You crushed me, Grey.”

  “I realize that.” I blew out a breath. “It’s a definite no then.”

  “I didn’t say that either.”

  I nearly tore out my hair in frustration. I was a lost man, a ship without a mast, drifting hopelessly along. Where do I go from here? How do I win her back … find a way into her heart again?

  “What can I do? Everything I have is yours, except the kids.”

  “What if I want those the most?”

  A grin played at the corners of my mouth. She would go for them before anything else. “Figured you’d say that.”

  She hugged herself. “Here’s the thing. I don’t care about materialistic things. I’d rather live in a small three-bedroom house than a palatial mansion. I don’t care about fancy clothes or cars. My parents didn’t raise me that way. You know my dad, right? He’s very successful, but we always lived modestly. I wasn’t raised with all that stuff so the designer handbags or shoes mean nothing to me. All I want is happiness.”

  “Done.”

  “Grey.” She said my name in a warning tone. “I don’t want mercurial moods either.”

  “I swear, Marin, I’ll make you happy. I will. Think back to the way it was before. Put yourself back to then. It can be that way and I
’ll be the Grey you fell in love with. We’ll hire a nanny and you can go back to work if you want.”

  “I don’t want someone else raising our kids.”

  “Our kids?” I couldn’t help the smile that formed on my mouth.

  A bright pink flush spread from her neck up to her cheeks. I always loved that she blushed so easily.

  “I’m not questioning it. It’s the opposite. I’m ecstatic you think of them that way. And I know without a doubt that they love you.”

  She was silent.

  “You need time. Not to mention we need to eat dinner.” I flagged the waitress over and ordered for both of us.

  When the waitress was gone, I asked, “Is everything okay?”

  “I’m just thinking.” She was fiddling with her napkin.

  “About?”

  “Us.”

  “Care to enlighten me?” I asked.

  “Not really.”

  I reached over and took one of her hands in mine. “Mom is going to watch the kids for me so you can take all the time you need.” She stared at her lap and didn’t respond.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I was thinking about us.”

  “Marin, I want to ask you to please not base your decision on the kids. I know you love them and I know how worried you get over them. If you and I don’t work, Kinsley’ll be fine. She asks about you and I know you two are texting. Mom told me.”

  Her watery smile let me know that’s what she’d been thinking. I wanted her decision to be based on what was right and not the children.

  “Grey, I love your kids, but contrary to what you’re thinking, when it comes to our relationship, I’m being completely selfish in making this decision. You’re probably aware Kinsley and I have been seeing each other. Paige has been great in helping with that. She’s also been instrumental in me getting my things out of your house. But Kinsley keeps asking when I’m coming home.”

  “Yeah, she asks me that every day. I’ve been brutally honest with her, Marin. I’ve told her we are working on grown-up things and that I’m hoping you’ll come back, but I’m not really sure if you will.”