Cut Short

by Julia Wolf

  Me: Joe, you better not change my house! Of course it has to stay white— it’s gorgeous.

  Him: Ha ha, that’s why I asked! I’m going to repaint it while the guys are inside refinishing the floors. Wanna help?

  Me: Why yes, yes I do.

  Him: Phew. You have a little more painting experience than me. I have exactly none.

  Me: That’s what friends are for! I’m sleepy. Talk soon, Joe.

  Him: Talk soon, sweet girl. Good luck at the dentist.

  Video Chat Request from Joe Silver

  Accept

  “Hi,” I mumbled. I was laying in bed with a bag of frozen peas on my jaw. I almost hadn’t answered his call because I felt so puffy and gross and sorry for myself.

  Joe’s brows knitted together. “Crap, Rachel, what happened?”

  “It was a horror show, Joe. Impacted wisdom tooth extracted and a root canal in the tooth in front of it. This is why I hate the dentist!” I had gone in to see my regular dentist thinking I just needed a filling, but wound up at a specialist for several hours. Thankfully they gave me good drugs so at least I wasn’t in pain, but I was feeling a little loopy and tired.

  “Aw, I’m sorry, sweet girl. I wish I was there to take care of you.”

  “Me too. I’m sleepy, though.”

  “You should rest. Do you at least have ice cream for later?” Joe looked so sympathetic, my eyes welled up.

  “No ice cream! No mashed potatoes! No pudding! No Joe!” I slurred, tears rolling down my cheeks. “I’m just going to go to sleep now.” I laid the phone down on the pillow next to me and closed my eyes. I thought I heard my name being called, but my eyelids refused to open, so I let sleep carry me away.

  Nineteen

  The clock read 6:32 a.m. when my body decided to be awake for the day. The last thing I remembered from the night before was talking to Joe. Oh god—did I cry? Hopefully he realized it had been the pain meds talking...and sobbing.

  I went into the bathroom to assess my face. Since I felt a little better, it surprised me to see how swollen my left cheek was. The puffy skin was sore when I pressed, but I decided no more pain meds were needed. Luckily, I’d had the foresight to let Eliza know I needed the day off work. She’d promised to rearrange my clients.

  After carefully brushing my teeth, I hopped in the shower. I stood there for a long time, letting the hot spray wash over me. What felt like ten minutes went by when I heard a banging sound. I decided it was a pipe in the old building and ignored it, until it became persistent and more clear from the direction of my front door. Someone was banging on my front door before 7:00 a.m. while I was alone and naked in the shower.

  Dripping wet, I opened the bathroom door and yelled, “Who is it?” I couldn’t hear the answer, but my phone rang, so I slipped and slid on wet feet to my bedroom to answer it.

  “Hello?”

  “Rachel, it’s Joe. I’m at your door. Can you let me in?”

  “Um, yeah, just give me a minute. I was in the shower.”

  I hung up and stood there for a second, my wet hair dripping onto the floor, stunned into a stupor. Joe stood on the other side of my door at seven in the morning. He wasn’t supposed to even be in the state until the next day. What was he doing here? I glanced around my apartment, as if the answer to my question would be found somewhere on the walls.

  Shaking the bewilderment out of my head and limbs, I sprang into action. I went back to the bathroom to dry myself off, then skated across the floor on two towels to clean up the puddles I’d made. I threw on my comfiest gray lounge pants and black tank top, then sprinted to the door.

  Exhaling loudly, I threw open the door. There he was. With grocery bags around his feet, Joe leaned against the wall on the landing, scrolling through his phone. He looked up and his worried eyes found mine. I held my arms out and he walked straight into them, his head resting on top of mine, his arms wrapped tightly around me.

  “Hi, Joe,” I said, my voice muffled by his shirt.

  I whimpered when my sore cheek pressed into his chest, and he immediately pulled back to look at me. He lightly brushed the back of his hand over the swollen skin. “Aw, sweet girl, look at you. I brought ice cream.” He picked up the bags and followed me to my galley kitchen.

  Joe bent over to put the ice cream and Popsicles in my freezer drawer, then stood and rested his head against my refrigerator. When he didn’t move, I came up behind him and laid my non-sore cheek on his back. He breathed in deeply and I wrapped my arms around his waist.

  “I’m okay, Joe.”

  He let out a shuddered breath and turned around to face me. “Goddamn it, Rachel, I was really worried. You sounded like you were in a lot of pain, then you started crying and passed out cold. I could see you laying there and I called your name, but you didn’t budge. I guess I panicked. I couldn’t stop thinking about the what-ifs.”

  I laid my hands on his chest. “I’m sorry you were so worried. And I’m incredibly embarrassed you had to witness me in that state. You look like you’re dead on your feet. Come sit down.” I led him by the hand to the couch and we flopped down together. He looked up at the ceiling and ran his fingers through his hair.

  “I can’t believe you drove down here in the middle of the night.” I pulled his hand into my lap and held it between both of mine.

  Joe looked down at his hand in my lap. “I would have been here much sooner, but I had to make some arrangements before I could leave. Thank god for Jonah. He helped me load up my car in the dark and he’s going to deal with the movers tomorrow.”

  I gasped. “Your move! Oh no! I feel horrible.”

  Joe shook his head. “Nope, not going to let you feel bad. Seeing you in pain like that, I just needed to be here. I hope you don’t think I’m a creep.”

  “Nah, you’ve done far creepier things.” He smiled, and I returned it with an awkward puffy-face grin. “What kind of ice cream did you bring me?”

  “Would you like me to take you through my 6:30 in the morning ice cream buying train of thought?”

  I nodded vigorously. “Hell yes I would!”

  “First, you must realize I was, and still am, slightly delirious with lack of sleep. So I picked up vanilla first, because it’s a classic. Who doesn’t like vanilla? But then I thought to myself that’s not special enough for Rachel, so I moved on to chocolate. I think you probably like chocolate, but not plain chocolate. What about mint chocolate chip? Most likely you would have enjoyed that flavor, but I decided it wasn’t sweet enough for you. When I think Rachel, I think cinnamon. And then I stumbled upon the perfect flavor for you. Cinnamon bun cheesecake ice cream.”

  “Huh.” I stood up without another word and went into the kitchen.

  “Where’d you go?” Joe called from the living room.

  I poked my head out of the kitchen. “I’ll be right back. Stay there!”

  I came out of the kitchen holding two bowls full of ice cream. Joe laughed when he saw what I had in my hands. When I sat down next to him, I handed him his bowl.

  “Isn’t it too early for this?” He eyed his ice cream.

  “Hey, it’s dairy and cinnamon buns. I call that a good breakfast. Besides, after the lengths you went to bring this to me and the way you carefully picked it out, I’ve got to try it right now.”

  Carefully putting the full spoon in my mouth, I let the cold creaminess sit on my tongue as it melted. The coldness soothed my sore mouth. Joe had chosen a delicious flavor. I scooped up another heaping spoonful and dragged my tongue over the ice cream, moaning softly.

  “Enjoying yourself?” Joe’s eyes were on my mouth.

  “Mmmmm, so much. Good choice.”

  We ate our ice cream quietly and even as I concentrated on the deliciousness of my dessert, I felt Joe’s gaze on me the whole time. After licking the spoon clean, I put the empty bowl on my coffee table and leaned back, my hands on my stomach.

  “You found my new favorite dessert, buster. That was outrageously delicious.”
<
br />   Joe cleared his throat and pulled a pillow onto his lap. “I have never seen a woman enjoy ice cream with such...um, fervor.”

  I giggled self-consciously. “I know I made a pig of myself.”

  “Not at all. In fact, if you weren’t in pain and I wasn’t so damn tired…” A huge yawn overtook him, cutting off what he’d been about to say.

  “I better head out to my parents’. I’m about to crash.” He started to get up, but I touched his shoulder, keeping him in place.

  “I’m tired too. Want to sleep together?” I nodded toward my bedroom.

  “Are you sure you want me in your bed?” Even though he asked the question, he had already started taking off his shoes and socks.

  “I loved sleeping with you. Let’s go to bed.” I held out my hand and we walked to my bedroom together. “I promise to be a better bed sharer this time.”

  I sat on the bed, watching Joe reach up behind his head in the universally sexy guy way and pull his shirt off. The man was a work of art. He wasn’t a bodybuilder, but had more of a swimmer’s build, his torso carved with taut, elongated muscles. He had olive skin and small dark nipples surrounded by black hair. His shorts hung low on his hips, and my eyes followed the treasure trail disappearing beyond his waistband. Oh what I wouldn’t give to follow that treasure trail all the way down.

  I patted the other side of the bed and Joe lay down, his hands behind his head. He pulled my sheet up to his nose and breathed in. “Even your bed smells like cinnamon,” he said drowsily. He looked like he was barely able to keep his eyes open.

  “Get some sleep, Joe.” He nodded slightly and let his eyelids close. I turned over on my side, facing away from him, feeling my body become heavy with fatigue. The room was cool and dark from the light-blocking curtains hung over the windows, and the only sound was Joe’s slow, deep breaths.

  As I began drifting off, I heard rustling behind me and felt the bed shift. I looked over my shoulder to see Joe scooting toward me. And then the entire front of his long body molded around the back of me, one arm under his head, the other arm resting on my hip.

  He mumbled, “I was too far away from you. Hope this is okay.” I answered by wiggling my body even closer to his and sighing as I felt his warm breaths on the back of my neck. Even though I usually spread out over the entire bed, this—being nestled against Joe—had instantly become my new favorite spot to sleep.

  When I woke up, I was on my back, stretched out diagonally across the bed, my arms above my head and both of my legs slung across Joe’s middle. I lifted my head up to see he was awake and watching me. When our eyes met, he gave me a groggy smile.

  My head fell back, and I covered my eyes. “Did I wake you up with my crazy legs?” I started to pull my legs off him, but he grabbed my thighs and kept them in place.

  “Stay. I told you sleeping with you is the best sleep I’ve ever had. And why would I ever mind your body on mine?” Joe pushed my loose pant leg up and squeezed my calf lightly, then rubbed the back of his fingers up and down, up and down my skin. Goosebumps formed in the wake of his hand. I shivered.

  “Cold?” He rested his large warm hand on my calf.

  “No, just tickles.” I pulled my legs away and rolled onto my side. Joe rolled onto his side too, so we were face to face.

  “I thought maybe I dreamed that you were here. But there you are,” I said sleepily and smiled at him. Joe smiled back, pushing a strand of hair off my face.

  “That was a crazy thing to do, huh? Driving down here in the middle of the night.” His eyes scanned over my face, searching.

  “Maybe a little. But I’ve never felt so cared for. Thank you for being here, Joe.”

  When I scrolled through the years of memories I had from my time with David, I couldn’t remember him ever taking care of me or even being worried about me. Once I had the flu, shivering with fever, and he made fun of me for being in bed in the middle of the day. Another time I sprained my ankle and David had been aghast that I took two days off work to let it heal. So for Joe to drop everything to come to me was hard for me to wrap my mind around, although I knew I would do the same for him.

  “You’re very welcome. How are you feeling, sweet girl?”

  I touched my cheek, surprised it felt less puffy than before. “I’m doing better. I think the extra sleep helped a lot. What about you?”

  “Right now, I’m perfect.” He reached out and put his hand on my hip, gently pulling me closer to him. He ran his hand up and down my side, watching my reaction.

  I had wanted Joe so badly for so long, that now, when all the obstacles were out of our way, I froze up. Even though my body and heart were telling me I was an idiot, I wasn’t quite ready to travel down this path with him. He must have felt my body stiffen at his touch because he withdrew his hand, rolled over, and sat up on the edge of the bed.

  “I’m going to run out to my car and get some clothes. Do you mind if I take a shower?” He still faced away from me.

  I crawled across the bed and knelt behind him, resting my head on his back. “Joe...”

  “I’ll be right back, okay?” He stood and walked out of my room without glancing back. I didn’t feel bad for not being quite ready to have sex, but I also didn’t want Joe to think I was rejecting him. My desire for him overwhelmed me at times.

  I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. As I rinsed my face, I felt his presence behind me. I stood up straight and gingerly dried myself off, taking extra care not to rub my still-sore cheek too hard. I met Joe’s eyes in the mirror, not sure what I would see. He moved so he stood right behind me, his expression repentant.

  “That was a dick move, huh? I’m sorry. It’s just being next to you like that…”

  “I know, Joe. I feel it too. Believe me, I feel it, but can we just hold that thought until I don’t feel like crap run over?” I asked. When Joe and I kissed for the first time, it would be ideal if my face and mouth were fully functional. Our lips had never touched, but I already knew I wanted to kiss him for hours and days.

  He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I leaned back into his chest. I stared at our reflection in the mirror, and though we couldn’t look any more different, we also seemed to fit perfectly. Joe’s tall and lean frame fit around my short and soft body like a puzzle. His smooth olive skin stood out in contrast to my freckled pale skin, which made me want to see the entirety of our skin naked against each other.

  Without breaking eye contact in the mirror, Joe leaned down and whispered in my ear, “We can go as slow as you want, Rachel. I’m not going anywhere.” He pushed my hair to the side and kissed my neck three times, then inhaled my scent. “Delicious.” I shivered and pressed my ass into him without really meaning to. He growled. “But it’s going to be hard going slow when you do things like that, sweet girl.”

  I laughed and turned around to face him. I tapped his chest with my fingertips. “Go ahead and take a shower. I’m going to put on some real clothes. There are towels in the cabinet. Sorry to say there’s only girly soap in the shower, though.”

  “A cold shower and girly soap it is. Be out in a few minutes.”

  After putting on a flowy tie-dye maxi dress, I went out to my balcony and sat in my lounge chair, my feet up on the ottoman. The last two days had been mentally exhausting. First, the unexpected and traumatic trip to the dentist, then Joe showing up on my doorstep at the crack of dawn to rescue me.

  More than being exhausted, though, I had the feeling of being at the precipice of something big. Joe and I had gotten to know each other again as grown-ups through countless texts and late-night phone calls, and I found that on top of being off-the-charts physically attracted to him, I really liked him too. Though we hadn’t been able to spend a lot of time together in person, those few times had been uncomplicated and easy.

  In the back of my mind, though, that niggling little voice—the one I thought I had banished—made me question everything. What if he only wants to sleep with me and does
n’t see this as the start of something too? What if we finally get together and it ends with me heartbroken, like I’d been two years ago at the end of my marriage...and fourteen years ago, after he sent the email. What if I get scared and run?

  The thing is, even when I loved David, even when I gave my marriage my all, Joe was always there between us, even when I went long periods without thinking about him. David never knew it had been Joe’s email that made me run to him for comfort, which he’d been more than willing to offer in the form of sex and control. He never knew that email had planted a seed of self-doubt in me that he nourished with constant criticism, causing it to grow into a giant weed whose shadow followed me everywhere I went. It took finding David in bed with someone else for me to work on uprooting that weed and stepping out of the shadows. And when I finally stepped out into the sunlight, I found myself again.

  After watching the river flow by for a while, I started to wonder what was taking Joe so long. I must have been on my balcony for at least twenty minutes. When I opened the door to my apartment, I heard clanking and cooking sounds coming from the kitchen. As I got closer, I saw Joe standing over a steaming pot on the stove.

  “Whatcha doin’?” He jumped, obviously not knowing I had been watching him. When he turned around with a smile on his face, looking so clean and fresh with his hair still damp, my stomach did a skydive without a parachute, leaving me with a distinct feeling of falling. I stayed in the doorway instead, holding onto the doorframe to stop myself from moving.

  “I’m making you mashed potatoes. We slept through lunch and now I’m starving. Are you hungry?”

  My heart almost burst out of my chest. Joe stood in my little kitchen, making me mashed potatoes while wearing my frilly apron from Anthropologie.

  “I’m so hungry! I have real food if you want something besides mashed potatoes.” I started to walk into the kitchen, but Joe put his hand up.

  “Despite sleeping the day away, I came here to take care of you. Let me do this for you. Please.” He looked so sincere, I couldn’t say no, even though it was hard for me not to help out.