In Search of Healing

by Katie Holmburg

  And then he said, ‘Then why would you think that Lena wants any differently for you?’”

  Aletta took a sip of her tea, trying to ease the dryness in her mouth. “I finally broke down and cried. I let out all of the uncertainty, fear, and pain that I’d been carrying for the previous week. And when I’d finally cried it all out, my mind finally cleared up. I didn’t want to be an opera singer anymore. That was our dream, not my dream alone.

  But I couldn’t just sit around and do nothing. So I joined the police academy. It shocked my parents, but they supported me. I suppose that they expected me to come to my senses and drop out, return to my opera career dreams.

  Imagine my surprise when I actually had a knack for police work. I graduated the academy early and even managed to become a detective at the end of my second year on the force, something nearly unheard of. It was probably helped by my dormant powers but still, I had never felt as fulfilled during my years at the music academy as I did in a week on the force. And here I am today, working for HSI and partnered with you.”

  “And they never found out who mugged your friend?”

  “No. They are still investigating of course, but the force is always overwhelmed. They have to focus on putting away people that are actually killing people. There have been no cases similar to Lena’s, and although she’s in a coma, she is still alive.”

  Making sure that there was no one within hearing range, he asked quietly, “What about your gift? You were able to help Aunt Awena. Maybe you could help your friend.”

  Her face lost color as desperation and a hint of fear entered her eyes. She lowered her voice to just above a whisper, unable to keep the hoarseness from it. “I’m a coward. I’m too afraid to try. When I touched your aunt’s hand, my gift tugged at me, immediately drew me into the problem.

  When I hold Lena’s hand, I feel nothing. No tug, no feeling, no nothing. And I’m so scared that if I actively look and see, I’ll find nothing. That our three years of hope will have been in vain. That she’s already gone.”

  He reached out and gently placed his hand over hers. “Hey, it’s okay. Remember, I won’t judge you no matter what.” Trying to ease the mood slightly, he teased, “Even if you are willing to eat at Billie’s.”

  Regaining a little of her composure, she sniffed haughtily. “Fry snob. They have the best Ruebens there. I don’t care what you say.”

  “Yes, but they have the worst fries. Too bland, not enough seasoning. Anyway, you should eat before your food gets cold.”

  Surprised to find herself hungry, she picked up her sandwich and eagerly bit into it. He watched with satisfaction as she ate steadily. He waited until she’d eaten most of her meal before he articulated the point that was worrying him. “So why is going back to the opera so hard for you?”

  She paused, the new case having slipped her mind for a moment. She sighed and said quietly, “I haven’t stepped foot back into the opera house since Lena’s attack. My mother and brothers retrieved the few things that I’d left there. I just couldn’t face it with Lena lying there in the coma. I know that it’s a silly thing to be worried about, but I just couldn’t face it. Not alone.”

  “You won’t have to face it alone, I’m here with you. Will you be able to handle this case? I can use my connections to find someone else if you want.”

  She smiled gratefully but shook her head no. “While I appreciate the offer, no. I can’t put this off; I need to face it head-on. That’s how Lena would’ve handled it. When she wakes up, I want to tell her how I caught the criminals messing with the Canticum Company, not how I left them to the wolves. I can do this but I’m going to need you to be patient with me. I can’t promise that I won’t have a few bad episodes like I did in the captain’s office.”

  He shrugged, “I can deal with it, as long as I know what I’m facing. I can’t work in the dark. I’ll be behind you one hundred percent. You just have to say the word and I’ll get you out of there. But you’ll have to be completely honest with me.”

  She shot him a disbelieving glance. “When have I ever been less than honest with you?”

  His eyes hardened slightly and he gazed out the window. “Emotions and trauma can make you act differently than you normally would. It can make you lie to people that you would normally be completely honest with. It can make you shut down completely, unable to trust anyone or differentiate between friend and foe. I’ve been there, it’s not a pretty place. I don’t want you to have to deal with that alone.”

  She understood where he was coming from and immediately nodded her acquiescence. He took a deep breath and his eyes softened slightly. Aletta knew that he hadn’t dealt with his trauma, just shoved it down. She decided to let it go for now. Someday he was going to have to get rid of some of the poison that he was carrying around or he was going to drown in it.

  Sliding her plate back, she smiled tiredly at him. “Ready to go? We have a lot to go over if you’re going to go undercover with me at the opera.”

  He grimaced and nodded sourly, wondering what in the world he had signed himself up for.

  Three

  Instead of heading back to the office after lunch, Aletta directed Lirim to a studio that was centrally located between the department, the opera house, and her apartment. It was a discreet brownstone, indistinguishable from its neighbors on either side.

  He glanced at Aletta questioningly. She hadn’t been as withdrawn as she had that morning, but neither was she her usual chatty self. However, instead of desperation, she seemed to be filled with a quiet determination.

  Catching his glance, she smiled slightly. “This is the studio where Lena and I trained nearly every day. It’s odd being back here, but healing, I think. I have a lot of good memories of this place.”

  He was relieved but was careful not to show it. He could just imagine her show of temper if she believed that he was treating her like a delicate human female. Instead, he asked neutrally, “So when do I pick you up?”

  She gave an evil grin and he shuddered slightly. “Oh no, you’re coming with me. Part of our cover story. I’d been longing to return to the opera but couldn’t bring myself to face it alone. However, when I discovered your talent I could no longer stay away and had to bring you along.”

  He shuddered and whined, “Really? That’s the best you can come up with?”

  The edges of her lips twitched, but her eyes were still sad. “It fits with what they remember of me. I was a different person then.” She shook her head and said briskly, “Anyways, let’s park the car and head in. It won’t go away just by staring at it.”

  He groaned exaggeratedly but did as she bid, quickly finding a parking spot. His curiosity sparked, he asked, “So anyone can just go into this studio and get voice lessons?”

  She chuckled. “Oh no. This is a very exclusive studio. You only get in if you get an invitation or come in with someone. I just happen to have a standing invitation to come whenever I want. Since you’re with me, you’ll be permitted access as well.”

  He studied her from the corner of his eye. “You have a standing invitation to an exclusive salon that is still good after an absence of three years?”

  A faint rose dusted her cheeks and she tipped her chin up defiantly. “I was one of the top pupils at the academy and had a very promising career ahead of me. It was a very turbulent time and I have no doubt that there will be an epic storm when I re-enter that world. There will be those who hate me for abandoning it, for after all, the show must go on. There are those who will hate me for running away even if it advanced their positions. There are those who envied and hated my top position and will be angry to see me back.

  Then there are those who will be cautious and test the waters, see how I’ve changed since I’ve been gone. Will I still be drawn into the petty drama or will I be aloof like I was before? Then there are those who will pretend to be glad to see me, even as they scheme to drive me away again.

  And lastly, there will be a few who will be genuin
ely glad to see me again. The problem is, it’s been three years since I’ve been here. I no longer have my finger on the pulse of this world, no longer know all the players. These things are hard to keep track of from day to day, and I have been gone for much longer than that. Hopefully, my skills at navigating this morass have not grown rusty. However, we shall see.” She lapsed into a thoughtful silence.

  He gave a small grimace and she raised an eyebrow in silent question. He debated not answering but knew that she wouldn’t let it go. He sighed and capitulated. “It just seems rather harsh. I can’t imagine you being happy in a place like that. Also, I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around an environment like that.”

  She tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Weren’t you trained to be part of the defense force for the Glade? Isn’t that an elite force?”

  He nodded, unsure of where she was going with this.

  “Are you telling me that people didn’t envy and resent you for being part of it? That nobody wanted you gone so that they could have your place?”

  He nodded his understanding. “There were always a few. However, there is an emphasis on teamwork and brotherhood so they were always weeded out fairly early. There was one candidate that almost completed the training, but thankfully the instructors realized his true nature before he graduated.”

  She shrugged, “It happens in every group. As to your earlier question, I was happy in my own way. I had Lena and I had my music. That was always enough for me. However, I didn’t realize how shallow that happiness was until I joined the force and realized what true comradeship was.” Her lips twisted down into a small frown. “Well mostly. There are a couple of officers there that hate my guts. Remind me later to tell you about Officer Wells.”

  “The liaison for the police force?”

  She groaned, “He’s the liaison? As if my life wasn’t complicated enough right now.” She shook her head abruptly as if tossing the thought aside. “Anyways, we’ll talk about it later. Come on, follow me.”

  She led the way up the brownstone’s steps and entered the door. The door led to a large foyer that was tastefully decorated, warm and inviting. A feeling of understated elegance pervaded the room. He watched as a stately, middle-aged woman gracefully descended the stairs and glided over to where they were standing. She swept Aletta into a light hug, genuinely kissing both cheeks, not just doing that weird air kiss that some women did. She exclaimed, “Cherie, why didn’t you let me know that you were coming?”

  Aletta’s smile actually reached her eyes. “It wasn’t planned, Madame Grandine, it just happened. I just couldn’t stay away any longer. And I brought you a gift!”

  Easing herself from the hug, she stepped back and snagged Lirim’s arm, tugging him forward for Madame Grandine’s inspection.

  Madame Grandine raised an eyebrow at Aletta before turning her attention to Lirim. “What’s this, Cherie? Your young man, perhaps?”

  He saw her faint blush return, but she merely chuckled. “No, he is my work partner. However, I happened to overhear him singing one day and knew that I had to introduce him to you. It’s one of the main reasons that I came back.”

  Madame Grandine hummed absently, circling around him to inspect him closely. “Well, you’ve always had a good ear. I’ll test him, see if he has potential or not.”

  “Thank you? Is the blue room free?”

  “Of course, feel free. We shall be at least an hour.”

  His eyes silently begged her not to leave him alone with Madame Grenadine, but Aletta just smiled and walked away. He watched as she made her way to a room on the second floor and entered, leaving the door slightly ajar. Madame Grandine watched her go as well, a wistful look on her face. She didn’t look at him as she said quietly, “We’ve missed her. She brings light and life to this place. You’re her partner –Tell me, how is she? Truthfully.”

  He kept his voice gentle, realizing that she was one of the people that genuinely cared for Aletta. “She is doing well. She’s become a valuable asset for HSI and does an exemplary job. She is still sad about her friend, but she is happy.”

  “Lena’s absence has saddened us all.”

  Right then, Aletta’s voice drifted through the brownstone. It was a soft song, one that began with sadness and longing that eventually turned into struggle and conflict before ending with exhaustion and triumph. She had barely sung two lines before the soft creak of doors opening and quiet footsteps reached his sensitive hearing. He heard a chorus of whispers.

  “Is it her?”

  “Aletta?”

  “It can’t be.”

  “Did you see who came in?”

  “Who’s in the blue room?”

  “Diane?”

  “No, she’s auditioning today, can’t be her.”

  Aletta entered the second part of the song, her voice gaining strength and power as the whispers intensified.

  “It is her!”

  “It has to be Aletta!”

  “No one else does this song like she does.”

  “Does the mean the Yelena is back too?”

  “I don’t hear her. Besides, wouldn’t we have heard if she woke up?”

  Another clear voice cut in, their tone harsh. “It’s been three years, she’s not going to wake up. Just give it up already. And it’s about time Aletta came crawling back, she’s run away long enough.”

  Although the woman’s voice was angry, he could sense the underlying relief in it. He decided not to make any snap judgments until he consulted Aletta about matters pertaining to the other singers. He returned his attention to Aletta just as she entered the final crescendo of the song. The disbelieving hope and exhaustion twined together, leaving him breathless and amazed.

  Madame Grandine allowed him to listen until the last note was fading before urging him away. He was tempted to linger but he knew that it would do their mission no good. He knew that his partner was all right – well at least physically safe – but he was worried about her emotional state. Still, he had to trust her to hold up her end of things. She’d had his back so many times and now it was his turn to have hers.

  Sighing quietly, he turned and trailed meekly after Madame Grandine.

  * . * . *

  Aletta shut the door to the blue room with a decisive snap. This way, she wouldn’t have to spread word of her return. During her song, she had heard the soft murmurs. They were too quiet for her to make out, although she knew that Lirim would’ve had no problem hearing exactly what they were saying. Still, she could guess well enough as to what their conversation was.

  She smirked a little. She’d loosed a cat amongst the pigeons, and with the way word traveled, she’d probably be hearing from her mother before the night was out. Speaking of which, she needed to come up with a plausible cover story. One that wouldn’t leave her mother disappointed when she returned to HSI but didn’t give away the details of their case.

  She sighed briefly before shoving her tangled thoughts aside. She was here to train, not to dream up scenarios that might never happen. Squaring her shoulders, she made her way over to the music stand and shuffled through the selections. Time to find how out of practice she was.

  * . * . *

  When Aletta met Madame Grandine and Lirim in the lobby, he didn’t say anything. He just stood there waiting by the side as she and Grandine said their farewells. She thought that she saw him flinch when Grandine told him to return first thing in the morning, but the movement was so tiny that she could’ve been mistaken. Instead, he merely nodded and opened the door for Aletta.

  They walked to the car in comfortable silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts. It wasn’t until they were in the car and underway that Lirim finally spoke. He rasped, “She’s a monster.”

  Aletta turned and looked at him, slightly confused by his abrupt statement. “Who’s a monster?”

  He raised an incredulous brow at her. She finally caught his meaning as her mind returned to the present. She chuckled. “Madame Grandine?”
/>   He nodded emphatically.

  “Madame Grandine is a master of her craft. Not only that, the opera is her passion. She used to be a prima donna of remarkable renown before she abruptly retired at the height of her career. As she puts it, she had reached the top, she wasn’t going to endure the ignominy of a descent into obscurity. After traveling for several years she returned here to Isenton and opened up a training school for singers. She’s produced several primas and several more of her students show promise of blossoming into primas. So yes, she demands perfection, but only because she requires it of herself as well. You’ll find a truly amazing woman if you are willing to spend time working past her stern exterior.”

  He sighed but didn’t argue. “So, what now?”

  “If there’s nothing else pressing that we need to do?”

  He shook his head and she sighed in relief. “I want to go home. It’s been a long day and I just want to go home and sleep.”

  He nodded his understanding and turned the car towards her apartment. They had arrived and Aletta was about to shut the car door when his quiet goodbye reminded her of something. Bending down so she could see him, she grimaced sympathetically and advised, “Gargle hot water, lemon, and honey tonight. It will help with the soreness. Your throat will adjust in a few days and then it won’t be so bad.” Without waiting for a reply, she shut the door and headed into the building.

  Trudging up the stairs, she wearily pulled out her phone and sent her mother a quick text that she’d call her sometime tomorrow. If they talked tonight, she knew that her mom would pick up how frazzled she was and she would end up spilling everything into her mom’s sympathetic ear. While tempting, she couldn’t do it while working on an active case.

  She had barely shut her apartment door when the emotions that she’d been holding back all day hit her, causing her messenger bag to slip from suddenly numb fingers and land with a thump. Her knees gave out on her and she crumpled to the floor, silent sobs wracking her as the last three years compounded by today crashed over her.