The Depths of Sorrow

by Eleanor Eden

  “Why?” I laughed.

  “Because we were both holding back because of love. Love for each other and for our girl and our new little one. And because the last thing we want is to cause hurt,” he rolled toward me again, pressing his forehead against mine.

  We breathed like that, lost in each other, until Eve roused us, her happy gurgles reaching us from her room.

  Money kissed my forehead. “She sounds happy.”

  “They’ll almost be twins,” I said quietly, my hand going to my tummy.

  He laughed. “In a very unusual way, yes.” He started to get up, reaching for his pants, but turned back to me before he went to get the baby. “Do you think it’s a boy, or are you just assigning a gender so you don’t have to say, ‘it’?”

  I shook my head. “I know he’s a boy. I can see him – around two years old, gorgeous, eyes like yours.”

  He smiled. “Good. I can see him, too.”

  And for one second, we allowed ourselves a shared moment of joy. Knowing, even in our happiness, that something ominous was coming.

  Knowing all of us might not make it through.

  Chapter 16 – Journey’s Return

  Journey had purposefully kept the exact date of his return a secret, in case the darkness learned it and tried to stop them. But when the day dawned, we all knew it. We could feel him coming.

  Even Eve was bright and pensive throughout the day, sitting on her own for the first time and riveted, always, toward the windows and doors.

  “It’s incredible, isn’t it?” Money looked at me in disbelief. “She keeps surprising us.”

  I shook my head in shared awe. “I have the feeling this is just the beginning.”

  Money frowned. “Do you ever wish she could have a more – quiet – life?”

  I watched her playing on the carpet, her pudgy hands gripping a stuffed giraffe and repeatedly slamming it against the floor as she cried out with glee. “I used to, even before she was born. But that wasn’t the life that was set for her, and – I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I understand the purpose more, now that I know her.” I looked back at Money. “She’s for something, Money. I think anyone who meets her knows that. And we are, too.”

  Money nodded, a bit sadly.

  I got up to hug him and, looking up at his handsome face, asked, “Are you excited?”

  He nodded, but tentatively.

  “I know you’re scared, too. But let’s focus on the now, you know? We know they’re coming. And that’s not all bad! Jay will meet his amazing daughter for the first time!”

  Money smiled at that. “I know.”

  I pulled away slightly. “That doesn’t threaten you at all, does it?”

  Money shook his head, watching Eve. “If anything, Journey is threatened by me. I’ve been her father from the beginning, after all.” He looked back down at me, “So I’m eager to share. He’s given me so much already.

  I laughed. “You’re full of surprises, too.”

  We’d given in to Eve’s ongoing plaintive cries for the outdoors when they arrived; we’d set up our blanket and a little fire, as usual, even though the warmth of June was upon us.

  Eve looked up before we did; her eyes wide.

  “They’re here,” I said, looking at Money. My heart pounded a funny rhythm in my chest.

  Money smiled and rose, then picked Eve up, reaching back for her as she demanded it loudly. I followed behind them, giddy with excitement. It was probably a transference from Eve; I know now how she affects us all – but it felt good. It chased the fear away.

  “Money,” was the first word from Jay, and then, “Oh, God. Can this be her?”

  I watched him take her. We’d spoken with him with video messengers plenty of times, but no amount of electronic conversation could have prepared him for the child he gently took from Money’s arms. I saw his face as I came up beside Money; it was pure love, there. Pure awe.

  And Eve was just as rapt, her entire composure giving away her state of overwhelm to be in the presence of her birth father for the first time. I linked arms with Money, crying already.

  “She knows him,” he said, quietly, and I nodded.

  I watched as they discovered each other, overtaken by love…and something else. I think that was the moment I realized that Eve wasn’t only mine. I’d known it on the surface, but now the fact of it reached deeply into my core. I didn’t have the control over Eve and her life that I had fooled myself into believing in.

  I squeezed Money’s arm. Afraid, finally.

  A woman came around the corner, her energy reaching me before I could see her. But when I saw her, I was overcome yet again.

  She was stunning. There is no way to describe her beauty with human language. Jay had told us little and we hadn’t probed; he’d referred to her in such an offhand way as to render her insignificant – but now I understood that it was self-protection, not indifference that fueled his demeanor.

  Of course, he loved her.

  We all came to love her.

  But it was the boy who grabbed my attention from her.

  Garrett, Jay had told us was his name, but the name was bigger than him. He was tiny – seven years old and smaller than average, with large dark eyes like a fawn’s, black hair, and coffee-colored skin.

  And sad.

  It was as much a part of his looks as it was the energy that was tightly held to his form. Like a blanket.

  Like a shroud.

  I knelt on the paving stones, my eyes on his downcast ones. “Hi.”

  He raised his eyes to me, allowing a moment of connection, and I smiled.

  “He doesn’t speak, still,” the woman said with a voice like the lower register of a flute.

  I looked up at her. “You’re the Missive that’s been working with Jay?”

  She smiled. It brightened her face, her wildly-freckled skin rounding out her cheekbones as her lips turned up at the corners. “My name is Odyssey, but you can call me Dess, if you like.”

  I stood, studying her eyes from close-up. They were a dark green, and her hair was a blend of the shades of flames curling down her shoulders and back. “You’re so beautiful,” I breathed, and she laughed.

  “Thank you, Burden.”

  “What name would you prefer?”

  “I prefer my true name in the company of the Fated.”

  I frowned. “And the Missives?”

  “Odyssey doesn’t make a distinction between the two,” Journey cut in, his eyes still on Eve’s face.”

  I looked back at the imposing woman, having to lift my chin a bit, despite my own height of 5’, 6”. “I want to know more about that.”

  “And so, you shall,” she nodded warmly.

  I tore my eyes away from her with some effort, reaching toward Money, whose expression was as awed as I’d felt looking at the woman. “This is Money.”

  Odyssey stepped toward him. “Journey has spoken of you often and with great admiration,” she said, and something in her words tweaked a possessive response in me.

  I worked not to let it show on my face, but it was difficult, because it was new.

  Jay glanced up at me, but quickly away again when he saw my frown.

  I reached out for Garrett, whose presence seemed so easily hidden in the shadows of the rest of the group. He hesitated, then stepped toward me and finally took my hand.

  “Would you like to come see the fire pit in the back yard?”

  He met my eyes shyly and pointed toward Journey.

  “You want Journey to come?”

  He shook his head to the contrary.

  I looked up again, but that time I saw how Eve was watching him. I shared a look with Journey.

  “You want Eve to come?”

  He nodded, that time, and I straightened. “Jay, let’s take Eve and Garrett back to the blanket. I think he wants to get to know her.”

  Jay nodded and started back without a word. Eve peeked at Garrett over his shoulder.

  “T
here’s something there, isn’t there?” Money asked, having been abandoned as Odyssey followed Jay, holding the boy’s hand.

  “Uh huh,” I replied absently, watching my daughter as the distance grew between us with some trepidation.

  “And her!”

  I regarded him with a confusing mixture of envy and understanding.

  “I know,” I said, watching them turn the corner to the back. “Let’s join them.”

  Money jogged a bit to keep up. “I mean, she’s so exotic-looking, isn’t she? And tall – like an Amazon woman!”

  I bit the insides of my cheeks, unsure if my words would obey my desire to stay cool.

  “I think Journey is intimidated by her, too,” he added with a chuckle.

  I stopped. “Wait. You’re intimidated by her?”

  “Pffft, aren’t you?”

  I smiled and hugged him gratefully. “Yeah, I am,” I laughed.

  “And she thinks of Missives as Fated, too. That’s – interesting,” he continued, pulling away slightly.

  “Do you think she’s beautiful?”

  He smiled. “Of course. I’m not blind. But she shines much less brightly next to you.”

  I put my arm around my back as we continued toward the back. “Guess I’ll have to keep close to her, then” I laughed.

  He kissed the top of my head. “Not if I can help it; I want you alone as much as possible.”

  The Missives were standing on either side of the blanket, watching the children, when we arrived by the fire. Money went to add another log onto it, and I looked between Jay and Odyssey. “Uh – OK if I sit with them?”

  Neither raised their eyes. “Of course,” Odyssey said, waving me toward the blanket.

  Eve was sitting again, her little hands on her knees, which were bent outward. And she was burbling that charming, bird-like language she had, her smile for Garrett, only. And Garrett was entranced, also sitting, but leaning toward her, his fingers playing idly with her toes.

  I sat beside him, feeling the outsider until Eve reached for me. I sat her forward on my legs so she could continue her discourse with the boy. I looked up at Jay. “They seem to like each other!”

  He nodded.

  “This is the first time I’ve seen him smile,” Odyssey’s voice tickled at my ear as she leaned behind me to whisper.

  I turned to look at her. “Wow.”

  She nodded as she straightened.

  “They said the two of them should be brought together,” Jay noted.

  Money came to stretch out on the blanket, making casual look graceful. It wasn’t just the way he moved; it was how he held himself. Like a big cat, proud, but uncaring how he appeared to others. It was mesmerizing.

  “Do you have a new friend, Evie?”

  Eve bounced in my lap, slapping her thighs.

  “I understand using her given name in public, but why when we’re alone?” Odyssey said as she lowered herself into one of the lawn loungers.

  I opened my mouth to speak, but Money beat me to it.

  “She’s nothing like Sorrow,” he said, and left it at that.

  I studied him. He would know, I thought with a pang.

  “I can’t deny that!” Odyssey agreed with a smile.

  “Remember that Burden didn’t know who she was until she was twenty-five,” Jay said, his eyes on the sitting Missive. “She learned the significance of the names very late.”

  Odyssey nodded, her eyes on me. “I keep thinking I know you,” she mused.

  I frowned. “I’d remember meeting you!”

  She pressed her lips together, as Journey often did when he was thinking, or puzzled.

  Or when he’s about to say something difficult, I remembered. But it wasn’t with anger. His renewed presence had confirmed the solid shift in who we were to one another.

  “When do we talk about the darkness?” Money squinted up at Jay, the sun in his eyes.

  Jay smiled. “Stand up.”

  Money frowned, but his body complied seemingly on its own.

  I laughed. He was still Jay’s puppy, despite how far he’d come.

  “I’ve been so focused on Sorrow, I hadn’t really seen you, my friend. You look good; fully healed.”

  Money raised his arms at his sides, then did a spin, making Odyssey laugh. “Burden is medicine.”

  “The work has been his,” I interjected as Eve took Garrett’s finger and yanked. The boy theatrically fell to his side, making an “Oooh!” sound as though she’d beaten him.

  Odyssey and Jay exchanged a shocked look.

  I looked at Jay, now. “Eve is medicine, too.”

  He nodded. “There’s much to discuss, but let’s let the children enjoy each other. We’ll sit by the fire tonight and catch up.

  I nodded, all for prolonging the pleasures of the visit rather than rushing toward the real reason we were all together – the reason Jay had been absent for so long, too.

  But Money was less patient. “Do we have time to wait? Isn’t this urgent?”

  Jay shook his head and folded his arms, resuming the powerful stance I knew so well. “The urgency was to bring the two together,” he gestured toward the blanket. The entity demanded it. “But the timing as far as the dark collective is concerned is still – ambiguous.

  “I don’t understand how we’ll fight it,” I frowned up at Jay. “We speak about this new – conglomerate – in similar terms to the source entity, and I’ve only appeared before it – joined it, more like – in a dream!”

  Jay nodded. “That’s why this new being is so dangerous; it’s made its place on this plane, existing amongst the creatures of this realm.”

  “Can they see it?”

  “Not like we can, but they can see something. Even more, they can feel it.”

  “It makes its presence known,” Odyssey added, her voice grave and her eyes on the boy.

  I looked at Jay. “Is that how he came to need you?”

  “Partially,” he said quickly, “but we will wait until later to say more.

  I glanced at Money, and then at Odyssey.

  “It is painful for him,” she stated, and I switched my gaze to the child between us as he continued to play with Eve.

  “I’m so sorry; of course,” I murmured, then stood. “Can I get you all something to drink?” I asked, and the three newcomers looked instantly grateful.

  And Money joined me as I walked toward the house.

  “He must have been through something awful,” he wondered as he pulled the cups down from an overhead cupboard.

  I closed the fridge door and glanced outside. “Why wouldn’t Jay have told us that?”

  Money shrugged. “I always assume he tells us what we need to know, when we need to know.”

  I shook my head. “You forget he’s human, too. He’s flawed, Money, just like us.”

  Money made a face. “None of us are human.”

  “I don’t believe that. Look at us. They can call us ‘Fated’ all they want, but we reside in human shells. We have human emotions – human hearts – and human needs as well. Just because our purpose is laid out for us -”

  “And we’re engineered to fulfill it,” he said, raising a finger.

  “- yes. But I don’t think it negates our humanity.”

  He leaned against the counter, looking pensive. “You’re saying our abilities – what makes us Fated – doesn’t take away from the fact that we’re very much human, too.”

  I nodded. “Maybe it’s a comfortable way to think of it because I was human, at least in my own mind, for so long.”

  “Or maybe the fact that you only saw yourself as different rather than something else entirely makes you uniquely qualified to come to such a conclusion.”

  “Holy shit. When did you become a wise old man?” I laughed.

  He took the pitcher from me as I finished pouring, then folded me into his arms. “Don’t ever stop teaching me.”

  Chapter 17 – Debrief

  Odyssey and Money were te
nding the fire, laughing at something together, when Jay came out from tucking the children into bed and sat beside me.

  “Everyone loves her,” he eyed Odyssey and Money as he crossed his legs at the ankles.