The Depths of Sorrow

by Eleanor Eden

“You are wise.”

  “We call you the entity, mostly,” I said, wanting to laugh because it was so beautiful. Everything; all of it. And when I thought to take in my surroundings entirely, there was light and color, movement and stillness. There was everything and nothing.

  “That is fine, if it feels right to you.”

  I nodded, a decision made. “You are Entity, and the new darkness is Legion.”

  There was laughter. “We admire your tenacity. We are you; know that, and yes, you may use Entity in your earthly form.”

  “Good. Am I hear because of the baby?”

  “First we must address your name for the darkness. Legion is fine, but just as you must know I am you, you must know Legion is, too.”

  At this I could only withdraw slightly, feeling like a child without answers being quizzed in front of her class.

  “Legion is us, but it is not whole. As such, it is causing an imbalance. It is gathering in new ways, consuming light with new strength, so light, too, is changing to meet it. Do you understand?”

  “I – I don’t know,” I stammered.

  “Then – can you trust it?”

  I laughed, then. “I don’t know.”

  Laughter surrounded me again. “Our Burden, our Fated. Do you understand that without darkness, there would be no light?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then you do understand. But this gathering – it is growing like a cancer.”

  “Jay – Journey – says we can’t destroy it.”

  “You only need to dispel it; balance is key.”

  “Are we waiting too long?”

  “No; trust your Missive. All will occur as is best. And remember – time is of little consequence, here.”

  “But Legion gathers on Earth!”

  “Trust.”

  I sighed, and it flowed out of me in a twist of delicate purple. “Ha!” I made a sound of awe.

  “Now we must discuss the child you carry.”

  “Oh – I thought you meant Eve.”

  “You will find he is easily overshadowed by Eve for much of his life, but do not mistake that for an inability to shine as brightly. His purpose is to protect her.”

  I would have shaken my head if I had a physical form. “Is that why it happened? Why I was pregnant with him even before she was born?”

  “Partially. They are one, but she is weak in ways he is not, just as she is powerful in ways I cannot comprehend. She is new.”

  “She’s a teacher.”

  “Yes.”

  “Do I need to be near Eve, as we’ve suspected? To help him stay safe?”

  “Yes, but only for a short time. You will feel it shift – and Sorrow will know when he is safe.”

  I smiled without a face to show it, but I felt it change everything.

  “You make us want to be on earth again. You are so real. So loved.”

  “Then I guess that means you are, too,” I tried.

  Laughter filled everything up.

  “I think I’m beginning to understand,” I said.

  “You would do well to be a Missive, but we wouldn’t want to lose you as a Fated.”

  “Is that possible?”

  “Once you leave your earthly shell again, yes.”

  Overwhelmed, I fell silent. And I folded that little bit of information and stored it.

  “Your child – his name is Solemn.”

  I didn’t miss a beat. “Can we give him a middle name? Like Sorrow?”

  “No, Fated one. It is already decided.”

  “You know we’ll call him Sol.”

  “I know it as you do.”

  “We know it, right?”

  “You are learning, child.”

  “Thank you.”

  Chapter 25 – Present

  “Solemn - Sol - is a lovely name,” Jay said. We stood side by side at the picture window, watching as Odyssey, Garrett and Eve turned soil over in what would be the garden.

  I nodded.

  “He’s missed her,” he nodded to the children.

  I smiled up at him. “I think she’s missed him, too. But it’s been nice to be back here with her; she seems to love the house – and the yard even more!”

  “She’ll be walking any day, now.”

  I nodded again, watching her stand as she held on to Garrett’s fingers. “They – the Entity - talked about Legion,” I said quietly.

  “Good. I’ve always found it’s better to learn there, at the source, when we’re less bound by our physical selves.”

  “It’s weird; the first time I was with them – it – I didn’t solidly acknowledge I was out of my body.”

  “You exist however you are comfortable, there.”

  “We can’t ever understand it, can we?”

  Jay smiled down at me. “There will always be mysteries, Burden. Don’t rush to solve them all; where’s the fun in that?”

  I smiled. It felt nice to be near to him, alone, and feel only friendly. No angst or resentment bit at the edges of my words. No heat simmered in secret parts of me when I met his eyes. “I wonder if we were intended to make her?” I asked, and he looked out the window again.

  “Odyssey says everything is a puzzle. It all makes sense on some level of existence, but we don’t have access to it.” He smiled wryly. “She’s very good at acceptance.”

  “How did you know her before?”

  He watched her chase Eve as she crawled toward the neat rows of overturned soil. “It was long ago – but I saw her when we all gathered at the source, too.”

  “Have you ever been together?”

  He frowned, but kept his eyes on the scene outside. “I’ve told you Missives aren’t bent to couple.”

  “You have said that, but I’ve seen you love, too. And I see the way you watch her.”

  He shook his head, turning his back to the window stubbornly as I laughed at his quiet confirmation.

  “Why the denial? Why wait? Odyssey is amazing; I think we all love her.”

  “Things have been confusing lately.”

  I laughed. “I can relate.”

  He chuckled as I looked out the window again.

  “Let’s join them,” I said, pulling his sleeve a little.

  He nodded as he straightened, then stretched.

  “Don’t wait to be happy, Jay,” I said as we went to the patio door.

  He was silent in response, but I noted the way he pressed his lips together.

  I paused to look toward the road as Jay rounded the house. Money was in the city, on a plumbing job. I missed him.

  We’d planted half the garden when he returned, but we all froze as he skidded to a stop beside us, having run back. Except Eve, who squealed and reached for him.

  He met my eyes and my heart sped to a gallop. “What is it?”

  “There was one in the city,” he panted, bringing Eve to his hip. “One of the spies.”

  Jay stepped toward him. “How do you know?”

  “I came face to face with it, and it clearly wasn’t the traditional variety. I felt it there before I saw anything; we were working in one of the restaurants in the market and I went to the truck to get some tools. Gary was still inside -” he looked at Jay, “- it was a profitable day, by the way.

  I gestured impatiently. “Tell us!”

  “Yeah – sorry. I was going back to the truck and I felt something when I passed the alleyway between the restaurant and the store next to it. It hurt, but it pulled me, too – the whole right side of my body was hot, and my shoulders were tingling.”

  I nodded. I knew the urge to gather in the same way.

  “That first pass, I was more shocked than anything. The market is arguably the busiest spot in the city! Why would it be there?”

  Jay and Odyssey exchanged a look, but said nothing.

  “Anyway, I didn’t even look on the way to the truck, and I didn’t want to raise any suspicions, so I stepped into the alley on the way back rather than just stopping to look into it.”

>   I gasped.

  “I’m OK, Burden,” he said, his voice reassuring and understanding at the same time.

  “What happened?” Garrett slipped out from under Odysseys’ touch as she questioned Money, and Eve struggled until Money lowered her to follow him through the grass. I watched them play, aware on some level that Garrett was still running from the darkness, despite his expressed wish to fight them.

  “It was strange. At first, my brain tried to tell me it was just a shabbily-dressed homeless guy, but where there were no features, there was only flowing darkness…and what it wore – it was like strips of fabric wound around the shadow, like a mummy, you know? And the fabric sort of wavered, as though there was a spell on it. From a distance, I guess you could assume it was a person in jeans and a shirt. And it had a cap on, too; that was real. But it all made me pause as I tried to figure it out.”

  “I remember thinking the one we saw from the kitchen was wearing something tattered at the ends,” I said, my voice dreamy as I recalled the way it had moved, seemingly in the breeze.

  “It was like the strips of fabric held it together – held its shape, too. There was shadow in between its limbs, leaking out from the scraps that shaped it. It was like it was condensing and melting all at the same time.”

  “What happened? Did you gather?” Jay was frowning.

  Money shook his head. “I didn’t have the chance to consider it, really. It started to move toward me – and let me tell you, if I was spooked by the way it looked, the way it moved nearly pushed me over the edge.”

  I stepped closer to him and took his hand.

  He looked down at me gratefully. “The scraps around it did nothing to make it appear human as it moved. The bottom of it – I guess what was supposed to be its feet and legs, stretched toward me first, and I saw it was wearing snowshoes, of all things. But it glided; its ‘feet’ didn’t step, but the ‘legs’ made walking motions as it came. And it stretched as it moved, like the picture going sideways on those old-style televisions, you know?” He looked to the others, eyebrows raised, and they nodded, concern etched into their faces. “Then the rest of it started to seep towards me, too, and any success in appearing to be a person just – went to shit, as Jonesy used to say,” he grinned, shaking his head as he studied his feet.

  “Were you scared?” Odyssey asked.

  Money looked at her, smiling. “I was terrified. It started coming faster, like it knew the gig was up, and the strips of material were just trailing behind it. Its head sort of melted into its torso, the cap tumbling to the ground, and the rest of it sort of – unraveled – until all that was moving toward me was a skewed shadow on snowshoes,” he ended with a wry laugh, then looked down at me. “And the sound. It was buzzing, and as it got closer, it started to hurt my head – I covered my ears, like a kid!” he finished, looking incredulously back at Jay.

  “What happened?” Jay asked.

  “I shouted, as it got close and I started to feel it – it was like having a million mosquitos buzzing in my head. I screamed at it to fuck off, and it just – dropped.”

  Odyssey frowned. “What?”

  Money made a sweeping motion in front of himself, from shoulder height to the ground. “It was like it fell into a hole right in front of me, shoo!” he made the sound, demonstrating with the motion again. “And all that was left was a puddle of scraps, the cap and the fucking -” he paused, looking around for the kids and lowering his voice, “- snowshoes!”

  Odyssey and Money stepped back, both folding their arms and glancing worriedly at one another.

  “What does it mean?” I asked, already bracing for the lack of explanation that was sure to come.

  “Maybe they’re trying to figure Money out,” Jay frowned. “You know, what he can do?”

  “Or maybe it was there for another reason – to watch people?” Odyssey theorized as she started pacing.

  “Well, it didn’t hurt me, obviously, but it scared me, all right,” Money wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me to him. I shut my eyes, connecting to him and taking some of his adrenaline.

  “She’s walking!” Garrett shouted, and we all turned. “Look! She’s doing it by herself!”

  “Shit,” Money breathed beside me, and I gave a whoop of delight.

  Eve’s face was bright, overtaken by a huge grin as she walked toward us, wobbly, arms stretched out on either side for balance, but undoubtably upright.

  “Never a dull moment,” Money said into my ear, then kissed my temple before jogging behind Jay toward Eve.

  Odyssey came to stand beside me, threading an arm through mine.

  Money turned. “My car’s still in Ottawa, by the way. I ran back without thinking! I’ll go get it in a bit.”

  I looked sideways at Odyssey, who was giggling, and started laughing, too.

  “Never a dull moment,” I echoed, as Jay lifted Eve into the air, the sunset blazing brilliantly behind her.

  Chapter 26 – Stolen Time

  That night, after Jay and Odyssey had taken Garrett home and it was just the three of us eating dinner on the deck, Eve was out of sorts.

  Money offered her a piece of banana from her barely-touched plate and she swatted it out of his hand. My ears popped at the same time.

  “My God – did you feel that?”

  Money nodded as he nipped the banana slice into his mouth. Eve squealed at the move, heavy tears tracing iridescent lines down her cheeks. The hair stood on my arms.

  “What’ll she be able to do when she’s a teenager?”

  Money’s eyes widened as he rested back in his chair.

  I took Eve out of her booster seat and sat her on my lap, but she quickly reversed her position, her pudgy belly pressing into my chest as her strange eyes sought out mine. “Are you sleepy, love?” I asked.

  Her breath hitched and she laid her head on my shoulder.

  “We’ll need to work with her to control how she effects energy when she’s emotional,” Money said, his eyes on her back as it rose and fell.

  I kissed Eve’s head. “You did something really big today, didn’t you?” I spoke quietly, running my hands along her little back. “I’m so proud of you.”

  She pulled away and looked at me, pressing her hands against my cheeks. Then she giggled, and I was surprised into laughing, myself. I was aware of Money shaking his head across from us.

  “Tired,” Eve said, clear as a bell, and let her head fall to my shoulder again.

  My jaw fell open as I met Money’s eyes across the table. His expression mirrored mine. “Wow! Good girl, Evie!” he said, but his eyes were dark with concern.

  The baby kicked, my belly jumping and making Eve giggle again.

  “Is that your brother?” I asked, and she nodded, her velvety forehead moving against my neck. “Should we put you in your bed?”

  Eve slept in a little cot in the loft, the sides nearly reaching the ceiling, but open-barred so we could see her – and vice versa – easily. She seemed content in her little bed, and we could relax, knowing she was safe, even as we worked on the main floor or sat outside.

  She nodded into my neck again, and Money rose, reaching eagerly for her.

  “I’ll get her ready and tuck her in; you enjoy the show,” he gestured to the sky and then took her, and she wiggled into him with a contented smile. “There we go,” he whispered, and reached for my hand, where he placed a kiss before heading inside.

  I put my feet on the chair opposite and lay back to take in the brightly-dotted skyscape stretching above me to infinity. It was clear and quiet, and for the first time in months, I felt utterly at peace.

  I lifted my head and spun, an idea popping into my mind as I sought out Money and Eve’s whereabouts. The bathroom door was open, but the light was on. He’s probably brushing her teeth, I thought, or putting her on the toilet. Eve’s advancements didn’t stop at her newfound mobility or the appearance of new words; she’d been showing interest in potty training, too. And, while every unpr
ecedented step she took still surprised us, we’d become experts at shrugging and following her lead.

  I rubbed my belly as Solemn kicked and turned, then stood, slipping through the door quietly. I could hear Money’s narrative to Eve as he got her ready for bed and my heart swelled. He was such a loving father to her; so engaged, so generous.