Journey's End

by Deatri King Bey

  He turned his head toward her. “Do you think you can do better?”

  “I know I can. I used to shave my father all the time, and I shave my brothers.”

  He handed her the blade. It was sharp and could easily slit his throat. He laid his head back, revealed his neck and closed his eyes.

  He lived through the shaving and was ready for sleep. She hadn’t nicked him once. Between her closeness and smell, she’d taken over his mind and didn’t even know it. “I’ll see you in the morning…wearing a dress with your hair down.”

  Chapter Six

  Joy couldn’t clear her mind of Jared. Over the past week she had stopped venturing away from the cabin so much, preferring to spend time with him playing cards, laughing and having fun. The first time she did her victory dance, she shocked herself. So overjoyed at having won, she had just reacted. Then the way he looked at her sent a rush through her. She learned to play quickly so she’d have the opportunity to dance for him again and feel the rush.

  Then when she helped him from the tub—his odor was definitely not offensive. Being so close to him gave her a tingly feeling inside. She’d been overconfident and allowed him to position her face upward. She had never truly looked into his face when he was awake. He had a strong jawbone and high cheekbones. His hair was so black it was almost blue, and he had needed to shave. Extremely handsome, she’d thought. Once she gazed into his eyes, the warmth flowing through her body had turned into ice-cold panic. The room began spinning with loud drunken laughter, and she had to escape and find her father.

  Then Jared had come and comforted her. Joy hadn’t felt so secure in such a long time. She’d have to force herself to stop punishing him for the deeds of others. He was obviously different from the white men Lucas told her about.

  She didn’t look forward to wearing a dress. She hadn’t worn one in years and couldn’t understand his fascination with them. They were useless, ugly and uncomfortable. She brushed her hair as Jared thumped around the kitchen. “Would you please stop making all of that noise?” He had let her shave him. He offered his neck to her. Was he insane, a dolt, or what?

  “Why are you stalling?”

  “Why are you rushing me, do you have somewhere to go?” She’d finished and was stalling now. She put her brush away and straightened her room. She felt silly in all of the clothes that fit funny.

  “Don’t make me come in there.”

  “Here I come. Close your eyes.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I feel like a dolt in this getup. At least close your eyes.”

  “My eyes are closed. Now would you please come out here?” he drawled.

  She entered the kitchen wearing a simple yellow walking dress. He stood. The way he looked at her from head to toe warmed her body. She scrunched up her face. “You said you’d close your eyes.”

  He flashed a quick grin. “I lied. Now come closer so I can see.”

  She walked to him and offered her hand. He gently took her hand and raised it. She spun, took a step back and bowed. He was so handsome in her father’s clothes. She had thought her father a giant, so she knew his clothes wouldn’t fit Jared, but she was wrong. The dark brown suit fit like it was made for him.

  “You take my breath away.” He put his hand to his heart.

  Her heart raced at the thought of pleasing him. “I think you clean up pretty well.” She smiled and turned to fix breakfast.

  “I’ve already taken care of breakfast.” He placed their fruit, nuts and goat milk on the table. “I’m almost done making your frame. Do you have any glass around I can use?” He’d made a frame for the portrait of her.

  “No, I don’t think so. I’ll check in the storage shed.”

  “I think you should wear dresses more often.” He pulled out her chair. After she sat, he hopped to his own seat.

  “I’d tear them up too quickly. My clothes serve a purpose.”

  “I guess you’re right, but you could wear dresses when you aren’t going anywhere.”

  “What difference does it make?” She caught a glimpse of his eyes. They were a much darker shade of green than the eyes of the savage who murdered her mother. Everything about Jared was dark from his looks to his personality, and she was drawn to every aspect of him.

  “You are extremely attractive.” His eyes grew wide with shock as if she’d been the one to speak the words instead of he.

  Joy pushed her bowl forward and dropped her head onto the table, her hair falling about her shoulders.

  “I shouldn’t have said that.” He paused. “What I meant to say was you are an ugly, raccoon-faced girl.”

  She giggled. “Raccoon-faced?”

  He leaned back in his seat. “Yep. Raccoon-faced.”

  She tossed a handful of nuts at him, grabbed his crutches and ran outside. “I think I have some chores to do.”

  “If I re-injure my leg, you’ll never be rid of me,” he said from the porch, then hopped into the cabin.

  Joy collected the eggs, running over his words. He would leave in the spring, and she would miss him. A chill of fear scampered up her spine. Not of him, but his leaving and her loneliness returning. She actually didn’t want him to go or she wanted to leave with him.

  Her father wanted her to leave the mountain, but she couldn’t. She ran back to the mountain every time Lucas took her to the reservation. Her godfather finally allowed her to stay and checked on her twice a year. She stopped her thoughts, knowing Jared wouldn’t want to take someone like her from the mountain. He’d be ashamed of her.

  Jared was worried about Joy. She wasn’t her usual cheerful self. She didn’t want to play any games or read a book. He finally convinced her to sit and model for him. She sat in the rocker, brushing her hair while he drew. He admired her inner and outer beauty, her way of life, her everything.

  When he’d first seen her in the dress, he had stood out of respect for her femininity. He had felt an urge to touch her and ensure she was real. How could she hide behind those horrid clothes? Her breasts were full and waist was small. Her hair was thick, wild and beautiful. He hadn’t meant to say she was attractive aloud. He’d caught her gazing into his eyes, and the words slipped out.

  His way of life had changed for the better since coming to the mountain. He was becoming accustomed to Joy’s way of life and more importantly, Joy.

  “What’s wrong? You haven’t been yourself all afternoon.” He grinned. “Is it the dress? Come on now. Give me a smile.”

  She managed a half-hearted smile.

  “That’s no good.” He set down his sketchpad and held his hand out to her. Earlier she took his hand. He hoped she would still allow him near her. She placed her hand in his. His emotions overflowed at her acceptance of him.

  She gazed up into his eyes and he about lost it. He wanted to lower his lips to hers, to unfasten the ties of her dress, to make love.

  “Are you hungry, Jared? I can start supper if you’d like.”

  “I am a little hungry.” Yes he was hungry, starving, but not for food.

  Joy lay in bed wondering how she could have thought Jared to be like the savages who murdered her parents. Lucas was completely wrong about white men, at least this white man. Her Miwok family had told her not to listen to Lucas, to judge each person as an individual but…but she didn’t know why she was trying to force Lucas’s lessons onto Jared. Maybe it was easier than facing her feelings for him.

  Jared called out in his sleep and she went to him immediately. She wished she could find her dream catcher. The tear-shaped catcher caught many a bad dream in its intricate web and only allowed good dreams to pass through the small hole in its center. She sat beside his bed and stroked his hair, whispering, “I’m here, Jared. Let me help you.” She quietly sung a lullaby. He settled, took her hand and held it close to his chest.

  Night poked Jared with his muzzle. Jared opened his sleep-filled eyes to wolf breath. “What do you want, boy?” he asked groggily. He’d woken earlier to Joy’s sin
ging. Her voice was that of an angel, his guardian angel. It would be virtually impossible to leave her. He propped himself up in the bed, rubbing his eyes and stretching. “Do you need to go outside?” He grabbed his crutch and headed for the front door, but Night tugged his night pants toward Joy’s room.

  Joy cried silently in her sleep, murmuring something he couldn’t understand. He caressed her face. I’m lying to myself. She needed him as much as he needed her. They were both lost souls.

  He whispered, “Lean on me, Joy.” She responded to the heat of his body, moving closer to him. He was at an awkward angle, but managed to put his good arm around her. She buried her face in his chest and stopped crying. To hell with the rest of the world. I’m not leaving you.

  Chapter Seven

  Jared looked through the cabin and barn for Joy, but couldn’t find her. The past four weeks she’d been busier than a cat carrying kittens, with gathering acorns, nuts, and honey. She even brought home a half-barrel of apples. When he asked what she was up to, she replied, “Getting ready for winter.”

  His arm was almost a hundred percent, but his leg was still quite sore. With the recovery of his arm, he was able to use both crutches, which increased his mobility greatly. Today he planned on finding Joy and keeping her company while she worked, and if possible, help.

  In his eyes, he could dig potatoes, beets, carrots and such. He didn’t like her doing all of the work. He wanted to earn his keep. At least that’s what he told himself. In reality, he just wanted to be near Joy.

  He ventured beyond the barn to the edge of the tree line. Through the evergreen tree line, there was a thinned-out area on a gradual slope that contained six apple trees. This area looked out of place. He saw Joy’s basket under one of the trees and called for her.

  Joy jumped down from the tree and smiled at him. “What are you doing here? Don’t hurt your leg on all of those branches.” She approached him and helped him across the fallen foliage. “Did you miss me?” she asked jokingly.

  “Of course not.” He followed her back to the tree she was in. “I knew you’d be missing me by now, so I thought I’d be nice and come to you for a change.” He stood under the tree and watched her climb.

  He was glad her fretful nights decreased along with his. It was the strangest thing how they never talked about what caused their dreams, but they were still able to comfort one another. “These trees don’t naturally grow in this region, do they?”

  Joy continued filling her bag with apples. “No. My dad loved apples, so he planted these trees. Each is a different type of apple. I’m shocked there are any left on the limbs with the weather turning so early. They don’t usually do very well, but this year they are quite plentiful.”

  Jared shivered. “I thought it was hard getting used to the thin air up here, but I will never get used to the temperature. How can you stand this?”

  She handed him the bag of apples. “Put those in the barrel, please. You think this is cold, give it a month or two. How cold does it get where you come from?” She took the empty bag from him and continued gathering apples.

  “This is as cold as it ever gets, and that is for a very short time. I never saw snow until I came here. Look at this.” He motioned around to the light dusting of snow covering the ground.

  Joy handed him another bag of apples, then descended the tree. “This winter we won’t be able to leave the cabin area for at least two months because of the snow.” Jared hoped he didn’t look as horrified as he felt. “But we have plenty of wood and food, so we won’t need to leave anyway. That’s the main reason I don’t keep much livestock. It’s too hard to care for them in the winter.”

  She pointed to some of the surrounding mountains that were higher than hers. “Over there spring weather doesn’t hit until June or July. Boy am I glad my dad picked this area.”

  “It’s kind of odd how your land is so flat. I wonder how it happened.”

  Joy wheeled the barrel back to the cabin while Jared carried the bag. “My dad thinks it was glaciers. I don’t know.”

  Once in the house she asked, “Do you like apple pie?”

  “What? Are you kidding me? I love it.” Jared drew sketches of Joy as she made him a pie. He looked down at the sketch, admiring her beauty and strength. What would the outside world think if he took her as his wife? He knew the answer and didn’t like it. What could he do? He knew his feelings were more than lust. Over the months, he had fallen in love with her.

  That night after a delicious dinner and entirely too much apple pie, he woke to her crying in her sleep. He found himself angry with her godfather. How could he leave a child to raise herself in the mountains? Simply absurd. After witnessing her parents’ murder and being abandoned, no wonder she had nightmares. He went into her room, lay beside her and wrapped her in his arms. Soon her dreaming calmed. They found peace in each other’s arms.

  Joy woke, feeling safe and secure in Jared’s embrace. “Are you awake?” She lay spooned in his body. She loved this position. It was different than when she slept with her Miwok brothers or father. When she slept in their arms she felt safe and secure, but this added warmth that emanated from her inner core.

  “I am now,” he answered sleepily. He nuzzled closer, but moved his mid region back.

  Joy cupped his arm to her chest. “I’ve wanted to ask you something, but have been… I don’t know. I guess embarrassed because I don’t know much about different types of people.”

  “Don’t talk silly. You can ask me anything.”

  Joy didn’t know the words for what she wanted to ask. “Are white men built different than Indian men or are all men the same?”

  “Only in color, why?”

  Joy thought about what he had said and was glad he didn’t interrupt with comment as he used to do when she first brought him to her cabin. If nothing else, he had learned patience in waiting for responses.

  She just couldn’t figure out why he was different than the males in her family. She scooted her butt into his crotch and rubbed up and down against his hardness. “You are just different here than my brothers and father.”

  He held Joy close. “Oh, God, Joy, please stop.”

  Afraid she had hurt him, Joy stopped instantly. Some nights he’d rub himself against her in his sleep, so she didn’t think it would hurt him. After a few seconds, she turned around in his arms and examined his face. His eyes were closed, and he looked to be in a far off agony. “I’m sorry.”

  “Hold on a second, love.”

  She rested her hands on his chest and watched with intensity as his eyes slowly opened. She was relieved his pained look left, but his breathing had become ragged and his eyes had turned to a dark forest green. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “You didn’t hurt me.” He brushed his lips on hers. “It was quite the opposite.” He kissed her lightly.

  Joy liked the feel of his soft lips on hers. She reciprocated by kissing him lightly. Jared pulled her closer, taking her bottom lip into his mouth, encouraging her to open up to him. She parted her lips slightly, and he probed her mouth. Berry sweet. They moaned simultaneously, enjoying each other’s flavor.

  Joy wrapped one of her legs around his thigh to pull herself closer to him. She was so close she could feel his strange hardness between her legs. As they kissed, Jared pulled her nightshirt up slowly. Once waist high, he tasted her belly and she didn’t know what to do. Why was this feeling so good? She knew about kissing, but this…what was it and could they continue doing it?

  He peeked at her with a devilish grin. She wanted more and could barely wait to see what would come next. He pushed her shirt up higher and uncovered her breasts and took one into his hot mouth.

  “Do you like this?” he asked softly.

  Unable to speak, she nodded.

  Jared put his hand between her legs, and she opened instinctively to his touch. “Oh, God, help me stop,” he murmured.

  “No, I don’t want you to.”

  He whispered, “
I want to…” He jerked up quickly. “Oh shit!”

  Worried, Joy scooted away to see what was wrong.

  Jared swung his legs over the bed and sat up. “I put too much pressure on my leg.” He looked at his injured leg. “Shoot, shoot, shoot.”

  Joy hopped out of the bed and tugged down her nightshirt, then knelt to him and took off some of the fastens of the splint. He hadn’t reopened the wound and the splint was still in the same position. “You should lie here for a while. I’ll bring your breakfast.”

  She went into the kitchen and returned a few minutes later with his breakfast and a bucket of warm water. While he ate, she washed his leg.

  “I know you’re hurting, but do you think you can make it a day or two without me.” She’d willingly kissed him and wanted to put distance between them until she could understand why. “I’ve put off getting our winter supplies too long. The snow has already started.”

  “I can manage. Will you be seeing Wolf?”

  She smiled. “I hope so, but he might be hunting. Everyone’s preparing for winter. There are many wild sheep out here. I think when I return I’ll hunt a few up for you.” She bound his leg, then washed her hands in the washbasin.

  She could feel him watching her carefully and wanted to know if he was as shaken by what had just transpired between them as she was. She sat beside him on the bed, grabbing her bowl of nuts and berries.

  “How did you end up with an Indian brother? I want to know all about it.”

  Thoughts of her Indian family brought a smile to her face. Without them she wouldn’t have made it. “My first year on my own, my godfather left me here in the spring and returned in the fall to check on me and bring supplies. He brought dry goods, cut wood, and hunted. He even smoked a deer and boar for me.”

  “How could he leave you alone? You were only a child.”

  “He couldn’t care for me. At first I was mad at him for leaving because I didn’t understand, but now I do.” She scooted back on the bed and leaned against the headboard for support. “I found out early on I could kill big game, but I wasn’t strong enough to bring it home. I didn’t want to waste the meat, and I didn’t want to fight bears or wolves for it, so I only ate smaller animals like fish, frogs, birds, rabbits and squirrels.”