So, Liam had to be talking about me, asking about me. It’s all suddenly very clear. Much clearer than it was before. Even though I’ve already made my decision to end my relationship with Ben, it’s something I ache to do now. No, I still don’t want to hurt Ben, but it’s inevitable. I love someone else. And he seems to feel the same way. Okay maybe not love, that I can’t be sure of on Liam's part. But it’s definitely something.
I climb into the backseat of Ben’s car again – not wanting to be near him, especially now.
“What the hell was that all about?” Ben asks as he glares at me accusingly through the rearview mirror.
“How would I know?” I snap back.
“You know that kid or something?” Ben asks with annoyance.
“Just from school,” I shrug.
“Yeah, he’s new this year,” Axel chimes in sounding distracted.
“So what’s his beef with me? He doesn’t know me at all.” Ben complains.
“How would I know?” I repeat.
“I should've messed him up,” Ben says in a now arrogant tone.
“Sure,” Axel laughs. “Easy to be cocky now that we're gone.”
“I just didn't want to cause a bigger scene, that's all.”
“Okay, big man. If you say so.”
The rest of the drive home I remain quiet, but Ben manages to continue on with talk of a big game now that he’s in the comforts of his own car driving away from Liam. He goes on and on and on, grumbling about Liam and what he’d said. And although he has no idea for the reasons behind Liam’s reaction, I now do. Liam is falling for me, too.
Chapter Six
Ben and Axel drop me off and leave without much else to say. In fact, Axel hadn’t said anything the entire ride home except for the few comments when we’d gotten in the car. I could feel the ice-cold stare of Ben’s eyes piercing me through the rearview mirror a few times, although I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of any eye contact as I knew he wanted to say something smart-assed. Luckily for him, for the first time in history he decided to keep his mouth shut. I really didn’t think I could handle a sarcastic comment.
“That was… interesting.” Sera says as I walk into my room. She’s sitting on my bed with a smirk on her pale and softly freckled face. She has her hair braided around her scalp, making it look a strawberry-blonde crown as the rest of the tresses fall wavy down her back. She’s so pretty, so pure, a true angel right before me. I guess that I shouldn’t be surprised that she’d been there for the whole thing.
“To say the least. But,” I begin with a shrug, “I have to admit now that I look back on it, it was a little funny.”
“Funny? Funny how?”
“Just Ben’s face and the way he backed down. Whenever he’s called out on something or confronted, he accepts defeat like the coward he really is. It’s a good thing that my life hasn’t ever been in any kind of danger when he is – not that there’s much to threaten my life around here. He’d run the other way with his tail between his legs and I’d be dead.”
“I hardly find that funny.”
I roll my eyes. “I meant because he looked so… I don’t know… so easily intimidated. Didn’t you notice how his face turned red and he just looked down to his feet? He didn’t even try to defend himself, me, or our relationship for that matter. Not that it makes a difference much anymore. Hell, I don't think Ben even made the connection. It’s nice to know where I rank,” I finish dryly.
“Now that I think about it, Ben has never been one to defend himself. Let alone you. He actually seems to do the opposite and rag on you.”
“No, he hasn’t. And yes, he does. It’s annoying. I have to admit that I liked the fact that Liam was standing up for me, even though it really wasn’t his place.”
“Ah, but maybe it was his place,” Sera says whimsically. “He certainly seems to have feelings for you.”
“You think?”
“Obviously.”
“One can hope,” I sigh.
“Then why are you so upset about Ben?”
“I don’t know, I guess that I just get tired of feeling…used.” I shrug.
“Used?”
“Never mind. It’s not important.”
Why am I upset about Ben? Am I upset? No. Disappointment seems a better word. I realize that there’s just a tiny part of me still hanging on to the fact that this boy who is supposed to have feelings for me, supposed to love me, was totally ignoring me and then couldn’t muster any kind of courage to stick up for how he’s supposed to feel for me. His actions were speaking volumes to say the very opposite of how he supposedly feels for me. But Liam. We’re not together in any kind of way, yet he stood up for me.
And as I play it back in my mind’s eye, I can’t stop the butterflies fluttering about rapidly as they take their now familiar and happy place in my stomach. It’s apparent that Liam has feelings for me. I’m just not sure how deep those emotions run, but they’re definitely there. I can’t handle it now though as I sit alone – well, not all alone – I have nothing better to do that to think about how my life would be if I had Liam in it. Not Ben, a boy who clearly cares more for himself than for me. A person too wrapped up in his own image and awesome college life to even make an effort for little ol’ me. Ugh, why didn’t I just break up with him?
I take advantage of the time I have to daydream. I lay on my floor with my feet propped up on my bed and think about Liam as I gaze up to my ceiling, picturing him here with me. We’re holding hands and talking about random subjects, none that contain any meaning. He strokes my hair and stares deep into my eyes with his, as the color of his irises both hypnotize and fascinate me. My fingers itch to touch his face, to run my hand through his hair. My lips part with the thought of his mouth against mine, softly, tenderly. I desperately want to drive back to the pool so that I can at l-east talk to him. What I want even more though, is to wrap my arms around his neck and pull his face to mine. To kiss him with the eagerness I now feel. What a sap I’m turning out to be. I’m never like this.
I am almost sure that I’d already be on the road if my gal wasn’t still in the shop. Dang it, I really want to see him. There has to be a way. Is there anyone I can call to come get me? I doubt it. Brooks is too annoying to spend any amount of time with alone - I can hardly stand her in a group. Morgan had something going on with her family today. Claire and her sister were hitting the after summer sales at the mall, and I’m pretty sure she was trying to squeeze in time for one of her three boy toys. Good God, I hate being without a vehicle. I feel handicapped.
“I don’t think you’ll have to wait long,” Sera says as she heads toward the living room, disappearing as she walks.
I sit up and stare after her, confused. There’s a knock on the door and my heart pounds to a stop.
It couldn’t be.
I nervously walk to the door while my pulse picks up in double time. I can’t catch my breath and my whole body feels like it’s slowly heating with a low and quiet simmer. My limbs tingle and my feet aren’t moving fast enough. I feel like a small child waiting to open a package.
Abigail, my faithful little guard dog trots along beside me. She’ll have to check out this new person; she never allows anyone in the house she doesn’t know. She whines quietly, a whistle escaping through her nose when I stop in front of the door, and looks up to me with her big brown eyes.
“It’s okay, Abby. I promise,” I assure her as I scratch behind her ear. Her whining ceases and she sits down proudly and expectantly on her hind legs as she waits for me to open the door.-
I suck in a very deep breath, close my eyes, and yank the door open.
Liam stands on my front porch looking as beautiful as ever. His hair has dried into a scattered mess – more so than usual – and he has a worried expression creasing his perfect features. Aqua eyes soft and wary, eyebrows slightly raised causing his forehead to wrinkle a little into his hairline. His hands are in the front pockets of his pants and his shoulders a
re tensed in an upward slant making it very apparent that he’s anxious about something. I want very much to reach my hand out to his face and comfort him. As I examine him closer though, it’s clear that he’s more than worried – he’s upset and maybe even a little bit afraid. He doesn’t say anything, though, and the tension rolls off of him like a storm cloud coming into the dawn.
“Hi, Liam. I’m sorry about before, that was awkward, and I don’t know what exactly happened,” I ramble when he doesn’t speak. He sucks in a breath when I say his name. But he recovers quickly and finally manages to say something.
“Will you come with me, Breckin?” he asks before I can finish my garbled sentence. His deep accented voice is soft but guarded. I wasn’t expecting that.
“Where are we going?” I ask matching his careful tone.
“Please? Just come with me. I feel awful for what I did today and I’d like to talk to you about it.”
I notice now that he’s changed out of his swimming attire, dressing in loose fitted, faded jeans that hang from his hips in a way that causes my mouth to go dry. His shirt of choice is a black faded vintage T-shirt with the name of an old rock band that subtly fits the shape of his muscular chest. I’m still dressed in my cotton shorts and tank top that are now damp from the bathing suit beneath it.
“Can I change first? I’m all wet,” I explain as I look down to my frumpy attire. “I’d like to get out of my suit.”
“Of course. I’ll wait here.”
“Don’t be silly, you can come in.”
Liam eyeballs Abigail at my side as she happily wags her tail and pants loudly beside me. Her curious eyebrows raise and lower as she looks back and forth between Liam and I, but she’s being friendly enough. He then meets my eyes again and says, “I’m okay out here.”
“Are you afraid of dogs? She’s fine, I promise. You’d know if she wanted to hurt you.” I say with a small smile. “It appears she may even like you.”
He rolls his hypnotic eyes. “No, I’m not afraid. I just think it better that I wait outside,” he says as he looks away. I try to follow his gaze, but he doesn’t seem to be looking at anything in particular.
I don’t say anything else. I turn toward my room and leave the front door wide open just in case, but Liam stays right where he promised. I hurriedly change into my favorite pair of holey jeans not knowing how long I’ll be gone. When the sun sets, it usually causes the night air to chill quite a bit. I opt for the same flip-flops that I’d worn earlier. Instead of a T-shirt though, I choose a plain white tank again. It’s still warm at the moment and I love having the sun on my skin, especially knowing the warm days ahead are numbered. I quickly run my brush through my damp hair and it falls wavy against my back. I’ve gotten a little sun today and I feel the subtle warmth it brings on my pink cheeks. I pull a sweatshirt from a hanger in my closet and stop in my doorway.
With a wave of nerves and slight hysteria, I’ve just now registered that Liam is at my doorstep waiting for me. Me. And he’s taking me to some unknown place so that he can talk to me. I’m just short of hyperventilation again. I need a little brown paper bag to breathe in to.
“Take a deep breath, Breckin.” Sera whispers from behind me. “This is what you want. He is what you want.”
I know, but I’m nervous and excited and scared…
“That’s normal. You haven’t felt the emotions of a new relationship in a long time. It’s exciting! But you've got to get a hold of yourself. You're acting like a ninny.”
Who’s to say that this is headed toward anything? Maybe he’s here to tell me that he doesn’t want me after all. That I’d misread his intentions today… that he’s here to clarify why he did what he did…
“You have got to calm down! I don’t think you misinterpreted anything. Just go. You’ll never know if you don’t.” Sera replies in an effort to pacify me.
I still have a boyfriend, I think with a small feeling of guilt again. Why do I have to feel guilty all the time? Ben clearly didn’t feel any guilt today when he had been talking to those girls. And that’s all we’ll be doing now – just talking. It’s the same thing, isn’t it?
“Yes, it is. Now go!” Sera says, answering my spastic thoughts.
I slowly nod to her with wide eyes and walk toward the door.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever get used to looking at Liam. He is more beautiful than anyone I’ve ever seen before – more beautiful than anyone deserves to be, really. I mean, it’s just ridiculous. He’s waiting for me on the porch, hands still fisted inside his pockets, but at least he’s seemed to relax his shoulders. He still looks really upset, though.
“Ready.” I say, stepping out of the door after petting Abigail. “Where are we going anyway? I mean, we could just stay here, if you’d like.”
He doesn’t answer. Okay, then. Liam guides me down the sidewalk and places his hand to hover over the small of my back – not touching me, of course. When we get to the driveway I practically skid to a stop.
“What's wrong?” Liam asks.
“What is that?”
Before me, sitting in the driveway looking like a harbinger of danger and death, sits a motorcycle. A very shiny, glossy, fast-looking, injury-causing, fatal-maker. It isn't the type of bike I see the old biker farts putzing around town on, no, this one is much different with its black tires and thin seats, sleek body, and swift paint.
“It's a bike.” Liam says, second guessing my sanity.
“No, a bike is something you pedal.” I respond sarcastically, trying to hide my amounting fear.
“Okay, it's a motorcycle.”
“Uh-huh. I can see that.”
“It's an MV-Augusta.”
“I don't care the make or model. It's a death trap.” I murmur with a shaky voice. “Where's your car?”
“I take it you’ve never ridden on a bike before?”
“I have a Schwinn in the garage.”
“Breckin, you'll be perfectly safe. I'm an excellent driver. And my car is back at the house. It's such a lovely day outside, and I'll probably have to put this up soon. So why not ride it while I can? Now, there are a few things you should know before you ride.”
“Rules?” I squeak.
“If you like, sure. For instance, don't lean when I lean. Try to stay flush with my body and just go with the flow. Let me handle the bike. If you lean too much you could cause us to fall. And that wouldn't be fun for anyone.”
“Because we'll be dead!” I choke.
Liam turns so that he’s facing me and puts his large, strong, capable hands on my shoulders. If I wasn’t so panic stricken, the touch would've made me woozy.
“Do you like to swing?” he asks, leaning down to put his face in front of mine. The sight of his eyes staring lusciously into mine intoxicates me.
“What? Swing?” His question makes no sense.
“Yes. Usually hangs from two chains, little rubber seat, you pump your legs to go back and forth?” I’m pretty sure he’s mocking me, but I can’t concentrate enough to care.
“Um, well, I used to when I was a little girl. I have to admit that I probably haven’t been on a swing since I was around ten years old.”
“But even so, you'd remember how to do it now, right?”
“What?” I say exasperatedly.
“Kind of like riding a bike. Once you've learned how, you can't forget.”
“Liam, I can't...”
“Not you, silly. Me. I've been riding bikes a long time and you can trust me. It’s quite easy, actually. You aren't in any danger. I've got a helmet for you and everything.”
Liam walks over to the black prophecy of death and unhooks a black helmet from his seat. As the sun cast its rays against it, I see small flecks of pink sparkles glittering in the sunlight. It reminds me of the paint on bass fishing boats. He walks back over to me and holds out the girly-looking helmet.
“Pretty,” I mumble. It still doesn't change the fact that he wants me to straddle something that could cau
se me a broken neck.
“Do you trust me?” Liam asks in a voice that makes it impossible to say no. I look up to his eyes, which is a huge mistake and nod like a bobble head. “Okay, good. C'mon then, you'll like it. You'll see.”
“Does it have training wheels you could strap on real quick?” I ask.
“No. Although they do make three-wheeled bikes.”
“I know. I had one when I was two.”
“You're impossible. Put your helmet on.”
Liam swings a long leg over to straddle his black bullet and puts his own helmet on. After starting the engine, revving it a couple of times with the hand throttle, and maneuvering the bike so that it’s facing the way of the road, he gestures for me to hop on the back. The seat is a little higher up than my short legs allow, so he taps his foot against a little silver knob located at the base of the bike for me to use as a step. There is another one on the other side, so I figure that's what its purpose is anyway; a foot rest.
“Just hang on to me and don't let go.” Liam says, and I can hear his excited voice in my ears. I look around widely for a second and he laughs. “Microphones inside the helmets. Makes it so we can talk.”
I nod my now very heavy head to signify that I've heard him. I’m too scared to move much else. The helmet is hot against my head and my rapid breathing makes it even hotter around my skin. I wrap my arms tightly around his waist and squeeze my eyes shut. If death is coming, I don't want to be able to see it.
Liam doesn’t say anything more as he puts the bike into gear and heads us toward the road. I don't want to try and hold any type of conversation with him as he drives. I want his full attention on the road and bike beneath us. And suddenly I’m sure the conversation we’ll be having once we arrive to our destination isn’t going to go well. Liam will probably spend the quiet time contemplating the best way to let down someone who appears mental and clearly overly infatuated with him. He won’t know how to disappoint me without an out lash of hysteria, so he’s taking me somewhere without witnesses. I can’t and won’t let him know that I’m already his, that my heart belongs to him, and that I am stupidly and ridiculously in love with him. How can I fall for someone that I barely know – someone who I’ve just met a week ago? Even worse, how can I have convinced myself that he has feelings for me, too?
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