Elusive Lover

by Carole Mortimer

  Josh had gone to his bedroom hours ago, she had heard him use his shower before climbing into bed. And still she moved about restlessly, wishing she could sleep but knowing it was impossible in the circumstances.

  Suddenly the bedroom door opened, and Josh stood there, his only clothing a dark towelling robe. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked sharply.

  ‘I—er—Why, nothing,’ she lied. ‘I—I’m just a bit restless, that’s all.’

  ‘A bit!’ he scorned. ‘You’re moving about so much you’re making it impossible for me to sleep too.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she muttered, clutching the bedclothes to her.

  ‘What’s wrong with you?’ he repeated impatiently.

  ‘I—I’m uncomfortable,’ she evaded, her cheeks fiery red.

  ‘The bed——’

  ‘No, not the bed,’ she snapped resentfully.

  ‘Then what—Ah,’ Josh began to smile, the smile turning to laughter, open laughter that mocked her blushes. ‘Painful, is it?’ he taunted when he could contain his amusement long enough to speak.

  ‘Yes, it is—if you must know!’ She turned away.

  ‘Oh, I think I must, Erin,’ the amusement was still in his voice. ‘Have you put anything on it?’

  ‘Like what?’ she snapped again, glaring at him.

  ‘In that case, I guess you haven’t. I’ll go and get you some cream. I might even offer to put it on for you,’ came his parting taunt.

  Like hell he would!

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  SHE was in the middle of struggling out of bed when Josh came back into the room, her stiffened limbs making it impossible for her to move any faster.

  He quirked a mocking eyebrow. ‘Going somewhere?’

  ‘I—Just out of bed.’ She swung her legs to the floor to sit on the side of the bed. ‘Is that the cream?’ she held out her hand for it.

  ‘I believe I offered to put it on for you?’

  ‘No, thank you.’ She still held out her hand for the tube of cream he had in his hand.

  ‘No?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Shame,’ he shrugged resignedly. ‘Did you have another bath?’

  ‘I didn’t have the strength,’ she admitted ruefully. ‘I was going to have a shower, but I couldn’t work out how the shower in the bathroom works.’

  ‘You could have used mine.’

  She remembered what had happened the last time she did that. ‘No. . .’

  Josh obviously remembered too, and his eyes darkened in colour. Of course he remembered, hadn’t he said he had total recall!

  ‘Maybe not,’ he agreed tersely. ‘Anyway, you need a good long soak in the bath. Go and have one now, before you put the cream on.’

  ‘I’ll disturb you——’

  ‘No,’ he shook his head, ‘I’m going up to my studio.’

  ‘Now?’ she gasped, knowing it was after one o’clock in the morning.

  ‘Now,’ he nodded. ‘I have this sudden urge to paint. Actually, the urge is much more basic,’ he added derisively. ‘But for the sake of friendship, and my peace of mind, I think it would be best if I exerted my energy on painting you, not making love to you.’

  Erin’s cheeks were scarlet by this time. ‘I—You still intend painting me?’

  ‘With your permission, yes.’

  ‘Nude?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I see,’ she bit her lip. ‘I can’t stop you . . .’

  ‘Do you want to?’ His voice had deepened huskily. Erin looked at him as if mesmerised, watched as he came closer and closer, felt the bed dip as he sat down next to her, felt the warmth of his arm as it came about her waist, his hand resting just below the curve of her breast.

  ‘Do you want to stop me, Erin?’ he breathed softly, his face only inches from hers now.

  She should say yes, she had to say yes—didn’t she? But did she? Yes, she did! Josh had given her a lesson in self- respect today, and she couldn’t go against that.

  She moved away from him. ‘I think I’ll take up your suggestion and have a bath. The way I feel right now I need to soak every inch of me.’

  Josh stood up. ‘I’ll be up in the studio if you should need me,’ he told her abruptly. He stopped at the door. ‘Do I have your permission to paint you?’

  She pretended concentration on collecting her toiletries together so that she didn’t have to look at him. ‘Yes.’ Her tension left her in a sigh as he softly closed the door as he left. Josh had had a very thin control over his emotions just now, one word or movement of encouragement from her and he would have been making love to her right now. So much for friendship! Someone had once said it was impossible to have true friendship between a man and a woman. She was beginning to think they were right!

  Josh’s mood the next day was explosive. Erin was exposed to his temper as soon as he came into the kitchen the next morning.

  ‘No breakfast for me,’ he snapped, pouring himself some black coffee before sitting down at the breakfast bar.

  She turned from the stove. ‘But I’ve cooked it now.’ She had got up early to make sure she was ready to cook Josh’s breakfast as soon as she heard him moving about his bedroom. She hadn’t heard what time he had gone to bed; the bath and soothing cream had done the trick, so much so that she had fallen asleep as soon as she got back into bed. Whatever time Josh had got to bed it hadn’t agreed with him.

  ‘I said I’m not hungry.’ He stood up forcefully, putting his empty cup down on the side.

  ‘But——’

  ‘Did you sleep last night?’ he cut in abruptly.

  ‘Yes, thank you. Did you?’

  ‘Once the storm had passed, yes.’

  ‘Storm?’ she blinked. ‘What storm?’

  ‘The one we had in the night,’ he said dryly.

  ‘But I didn’t hear any storm.’

  ‘No, you wouldn’t have heard it, it was an electric storm.’

  ‘Like the one you painted,’ Erin said excitedly. She remembered the painting well, the dark sky suddenly alight with pink light, the moment captured for all time beneath Josh’s expert talent.

  He didn’t return her smile. ‘Yes.’

  She shook her head regretfully. ‘I missed it.’

  His mouth twisted. ‘Don’t worry, there’ll be others. We get a lot of those type of storms, and they aren’t always that quiet. Usually we get loud thunder too, and occasion-ally rain.’ He moved to the door, picking up his hat on the way.

  ‘Where are you going?’ asked Erin.

  ‘For a ride.’ His tone wasn’t encouraging.

  She ran her hands nervously down her thighs, not knowing Josh in this unapproachable mood. ‘Can I come?’

  He gave her a derisive glance. ‘I doubt that would be a good idea. How are you feeling today?’

  ‘Better,’ she blushed. ‘And I’d like to come with you— really.’

  He shrugged. ‘Please yourself.’

  That seemed to be his attitude towards her over the next few days. She could do what she wanted, as long as she didn’t get in his way. And she didn’t do that; she made herself as unobtrusive as possible, being used to doing that around Bob. After all, Josh was the artist, and as such he was entitled to his artistic temperament.

  And she wasn’t the only one he shut out. Sheba seemed to spend a lot of her time sitting at the bottom of the stairs waiting for her master to come out of his studio.

  Josh made no effort to tell Erin how he was progressing with the painting of her, although he seemed to spend every waking minute up in his studio, hardly touching the meals she prepared for him. She knew she wasn’t the best cook in the world, but she wasn’t the worst either, so it couldn’t be her cooking that was putting him off.

  The only time Josh seemed to truly relax was during their early morning rides together. Her own relationship with Blaize reaching an understanding—she didn’t tell him where to go as long as he didn’t wander too far from Josh and the stallion! She would never make a horsewoman,
but she enjoyed it enough to join in the daily ride. And if she hadn’t, she wouldn’t have spent any time with Josh at all.

  She jumped nervously as the studio door slammed shut, heard the sound of pounding feet coming down the stairs. She was sitting in the lounge quietly reading a book, but she looked up curiously as Josh reached the bottom of the stairs.

  ‘Is there anything wrong?’ she asked anxiously as he glowered down at her.

  ‘Not a damn thing.’ His mouth twisted derisively.

  Something was definitely wrong, she could clearly see that. Josh looked as if he had been pulling his hair out, small tufts of it stood on end, and his expression was harassed.

  Erin bit her lip. ‘How’s your work going?’

  It seemed she had said the one thing to make him look even grimmer. ‘It isn’t,’ he snapped.

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘Aren’t you interested in why it isn’t?’ he asked tautly.

  ‘Er—why?’ Heavens, he looked ready to explode, his eyes deeply green, a cynical twist to his mouth. She couldn’t understand him saying his work wasn’t going well, he had been constantly up in his studio for days now.

  ‘Because of you,’ he rasped. ‘Because of your damned body!’

  Colour flooded her cheeks. ‘I——’

  ‘Oh, don’t worry,’ he scorned at her flustered manner. ‘It isn’t your fault. I just can’t do it.’

  ‘But you said you had total recall.’ Her cheeks were still coloured a delicate pink.

  ‘And I do. But I can’t—I just—You—Oh, hell!’ He dropped down beside her on the sofa, his hands coming up to cup either side of her face. ‘What the hell is so elusive about you?’ he muttered almost to himself.

  Erin blinked dazedly. ‘Elusive? Me?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said savagely. ‘You’re driving me insane,’ he moaned, his lips taking possession of hers.

  Erin responded without reserve, her arms going up about his neck as the book she had been reading fell slowly to the ground, forgotten by both of them.

  Josh kissed her with a hunger that made her gasp, caressing her restlessly from breast to thigh, lingering on the latter before moving his hand to cup and hold her breast. She pressed herself against him as excitement thrilled through her body, touching the broadness of his back with questing fingers, knowing he was as aroused as she was.

  Tension, and—dared she admit it, frustration, made her response explosive, at once feeling on fire for Josh, sensing that he felt the same way. She shuddered with pleasure as his hand moved below her sun-top, caressing her heated body, seeking the erect flesh beneath her bra, touching the tautness of her nipple almost wonderingly.

  ‘Oh, Erin,’ he kissed her throat with probing lips and tongue, ‘I’m going out of my mind thinking about you. Day and night, I can’t get you out of my head.’

  She felt the same way; she had been aware of a growing attraction to him the last few days, an attraction that had now reached fever pitch.

  But suddenly he was pushing her away from him, moving back with a shake of his head. ‘Just what the hell am I doing to you?’ once again he spoke to himself. ‘I’m sorry, Erin,’ he said stiltedly, standing up, ‘I didn’t mean for that to happen.’

  ‘Josh——’

  ‘Come on, Sheba,’ he turned to the dog, opening the door. ‘Don’t get me any dinner, Erin,’ he told her abruptly. ‘I won’t be back in time.’

  She quickly stood up, straightening her top. ‘You’re going out?’

  He nodded. ‘I think I should. Don’t you?’ he asked tautly.

  ‘I—I—Yes, I suppose so.’ She looked down, at her hands, wishing she had the nerve to ask him to stay. But somehow she had disappointed him, her inexperience making him turn, away from her. ‘But you’ll be back before it gets dark?’ The quiver in her voice showed her nervousness.

  ‘Yes, I’ll be back,’ he nodded abruptly. ‘And, Erin— that was A-plus.’ He closed the door quietly as he left.

  A-plus . . .! But— She ran to the door. ‘Josh——’ She was just in time to see the pick-up disappearing down the driveway, Sheba standing regally in the back.

  A-plus! Josh had given her A-plus. Then why had he stopped when he did! Why—What on earth was she saying? If he hadn’t stopped they would be lovers now. Suddenly it no longer bothered her. Oh, not because of any lack of self-respect, as Josh said, she was ‘over that’ now. But love had entered her life, when she least expected it, and wasn’t even sure she wanted it. She mistrusted all men, didn’t want them in her life, and yet Josh was different. He had to be—she loved him.

  She wasn’t even sure when it had happened, only that she had been longing for him to kiss her the last four days, had been hurt by his coldness, had tried in every way she knew how to please him, and had received only scowls for her trouble. But he had said he had been thinking of her day and night too, that she was driving him insane. She hugged the memory of that to herself. Surely that meant he cared for her too?

  There wasn’t any sign that he did when he got back two hours later,, although his bad mood seemed to have evaporated.

  ‘Like a beer?’ he asked on his way to the kitchen.

  ‘Er—no, thanks.’ She had been wary of his mood, but he seemed quite cheerful, whistling to himself as he moved about the kitchen. ‘Where have you been?’ she asked softly when he joined her in the lounge.

  ‘To Jim and Martha’s.’

  ‘Oh.’ She couldn’t hide her disappointment. She liked the bungalow, enjoyed its peace and quiet, but she would have enjoyed seeing the other couple again. It would have been nice to talk to Martha. Josh left her on her own so much that it would just have been nice to talk to someone. ‘How are they?’

  ‘Fine. I know,’ he gave a deep sigh, ‘I should have taken you with me.’ He shrugged. ‘I wasn’t thinking straight when I left here.’

  ‘No . . . About earlier——’

  ‘I did it again, didn’t I?’ he gave a rueful shrug. ‘I can’t seem to keep my hands off you. Pathetic, isn’t it?’

  ‘Pathetic. . .?’

  ‘Yes.’ He stood up. ‘I’m ashamed of myself.’

  ‘You are?’ Erin frowned her puzzlement, any chance of being able to tell him she loved him disappearing with each word he said.

  ‘Yes. I’m a man, with a man’s normal appetites, including sex. And you must be sick as hell of my attempts to get you into bed with me.’

  ‘Josh——’

  ‘Don’t blame me too much, Erin. You’re an attractive girl, and you already know I’d like to take you to bed. But it isn’t fair to keep subjecting you to my——’

  ‘Sexual harassment,’ she put in bitterly, realising that to him that was all it was. He was attracted to her, wanted to make love to her, but emotions such as love didn’t enter into that want, that need. Once again she felt her feelings become numb, the love and trust she had started to feel towards this man pushed to the back of her subconscious.

  ‘Yes,’ he bit out tautly, not looking at her. ‘But it won’t happen again.’

  ‘It won’t?’ she said dully.

  ‘Definitely not,’ he said briskly. ‘Now I’m going upstairs to work. Oh, by the way, we’re going to Martha and Jim’s for dinner on Saturday.’

  ‘We are?’ she asked eagerly.

  ‘Yes,’ Josh grimaced. ‘Martha talked me into making a definite promise. What the hell, I can’t work anyway.’ He threw some of the beer to the back of his throat, swallowing deeply.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she muttered.

  ‘It isn’t your fault. Although I must admit this has never happened to me before.’

  ‘You’ve never painted a nude before—you said so.’

  ‘I did in college, and I certainly never had this trouble with it. Maybe I’m going about it all wrong,’ he said thoughtfully. ‘Yes,’ his face lit up with excitement. ‘Yes, that’s it!’ He put down the empty beer can. I’m not doing this logically.’

  ‘A question of lust spoiling your art,�
� Erin derided, hurt that she was only a body to him.

  ‘Something like that,’ he nodded. ‘You sound pleased about going out on Saturday.’ His eyes were narrowed. ‘Bored with my company already?’

  She hadn’t had enough of it to be bored! ‘I——’

  ‘We have over a week to go,’ he derided. ‘Think you’ll be able to stand it?’

  ‘Of course,’ she flushed. ‘You’re deliberately misunderstanding me. It will just be nice to see another woman, to talk. You wouldn’t understand——’

  ‘Oh, but I do. I live a strange life, Erin. In the winter I hardly see anyone, and in the summer I tour the world with my paintings. It’s a strange life, but I like it. But I doubt many other people would, especially a woman. Why do you think I’ve never asked a woman to share my life?’

  ‘I just thought you’d never met the woman you wanted to share your life with,’ she mocked.

  His mouth twisted. ‘As it happens, I haven’t. But even if I had I’d hesitate about asking her to share this. Being the wife of an artist may appear glamorous, but I can assure you, being my wife would be very unglamorous. Martha and Jim, and possibly Dave, are the only people I see all winter. No woman in her right mind would be able to stand that sort of solitude.’

  ‘Women in love aren’t usually in their right mind,’ she derided.

  Josh laughed. ‘I never thought of that! Thanks, Erin.’

  ‘You’re welcome,’ she mumbled as he once again left her.

  It seemed she had now put marriage in the mind of the man she loved—marriage to some other woman!

  Martha and Jim were just as friendly as she remembered, which was perhaps as well, with Josh glowering at them all. His good mood of three nights ago had evaporated by the next morning, and she had once again been ignored, or snapped at.

  It was obvious that once again the painting wasn’t going well, and she made a tentative offer to sit for him again, fully clothed, of course. Josh’s reply had been blistering in the extreme, and she hadn’t offered again.

  This visit to Martha and Jim had come as a welcome break, although Josh didn’t seem to see it the same way, resenting losing the time. When Erin had pointed out that he hadn’t been working very well anyway, his reply had been unrepeatable.