If I Told You

by Jennifer Domenico

  I smile, listening to his words. “Sounds good.”

  “See you tonight.”

  “Bye.”

  Hanging up my phone, I continue my walk, then notice the text message from Flynn.

  Rhys called. I gave him your number. Hope that’s cool.

  My eyes open wide as I read it. Rhys called Flynn to get my info? That’s classic. I respond.

  Not mad. He already called. Tell u more later.

  K.

  When I reach my destination, I pop inside to see a surprised Jill.

  “Hey, girlie,” she says. “Thought you were taking the day off?”

  “I am. I came to work out. I just have a ton of energy.”

  “Anything going on?”

  I lean on the counter. “Not really.” I look down for a moment, then back up again. “Actually, do you know who Rhys Camden is?”

  “Nope.”

  “He’s a food critic. Like the biggest one in the city. He reviewed Flynn’s last night.”

  “Oh really? How’d it go?”

  “Great. He loved it. I guess he’s interested in me.”

  “Cool. Is he good looking?” I pull out my phone and produce a picture of him. Jill’s eyes open wide. “Holy shit.”

  “I know, right? He’s even better in real life if you can believe it.”

  “Wow. So what happened?”

  “He asked me to eat with him last night so I did. Then he called a few minutes ago to ask me out for tonight.”

  “That’s awesome. He’s hot.”

  “I know.”

  “Why don’t you seem excited?”

  “I am. I guess, I don’t know, it almost feels like a conflict of interest.”

  “Why? You don’t own Flynn’s.”

  “No, but Flynn’s my best friend, you know?”

  “Yeah, but the review is done, right?”

  I nod. “Yeah, I think so.”

  “So it should be okay now.” She looks down at the phone again. “Besides, this guy is hot. If he wanted to go out with me, nothing could stop me.”

  I laugh softly. “Yeah, he’s hot. He’s intense and arrogant, shit that totally gets me going. I don’t know why I love the cocky bastards, but I do.”

  “I have a theory.”

  “Hit me.”

  “You have a strong personality. Not every man is capable of handling a woman like you. You don’t need his money, you don’t need his name, you don’t need anything but his penis, and as pretty as you are, you can get it from anyone. It’s an interesting position of power you hold. A lot of men can’t stand up to that. The cocky ones at least give it a shot.”

  I smile. “Maybe that’s it.”

  “What did Flynn think?”

  “Of?”

  “Hot food critic asking you to eat with him?”

  “I don’t know. He seemed okay with it. Why wouldn’t he be?”

  “True. He is…” she shakes her head. “Unbelievable.”

  “Rhys or Flynn?”

  “Flynn.”

  “I know he is.”

  “Is he dating anyone right now?”

  “Nope. Free as a bird.”

  “God, I’d love a chance at him.”

  “He’s not the settling down type.”

  “So? I’d be his play thing if that’s all he wanted.”

  I laugh. “Yeah, I guess he’d be worth that.” My mind drifts back to this morning and watching him stroke that amazing cock of his. As the memory hits, a flood of warmth invades my body. “I could hook you up if you want.”

  Her eyes light up. “You’d do that for me?”

  “Sure. Why not?”

  “Do you think he’d go for it?”

  “He thinks you’re pretty. He’d at least be up for a round in the bedroom. If you want more than that though, he’s not your guy.”

  “You never know, Brooklyn. One day, there’s gonna be a woman that tames him. It could be me.”

  I shrug. “It could be. I’ll mention it to him and see what he says.”

  “You’re awesome. Does he know about the food critic?”

  “Not yet. Rhys called just a few minutes before I came in here.”

  “I can’t wait to hear about it.”

  I pull my scarf off. “I’m gonna go hit the punching bags for a while.”

  “Sounds good.”

  I walk in the back to my office, knowing I offered to arrange a date for Jill with Flynn just to get him laid. We both need to relieve the tension between us before we ending up making a mistake. It’s just that he already said he doesn’t want to mess around with someone that close to me. Besides, I would hate watching him date my employee and worse, listening to her complain once he dumps her. Which he will. She’s not the one. I don’t know who is the woman who could tame him, but it’ll take someone really special to pull him off the market. I don’t know how many women I’ve seen him go through, finding many reasons from the important to the ridiculous of why they won’t work for him. He’ll fuck a woman for weeks and then suddenly, he’s done. She never knows why, and I wonder if he even does. When he loses interest, that’s it.

  I chuckle as I peel off my coat. I’m exactly the same way. What it would take to get me to pick just one man for the rest of my life eludes me. I couldn’t even name the qualities I look for in a man. The two things I generally use are his face and his dick. If he can please me in bed, I’ll at least give him a few dates to see if he can interest my mind. No one ever does though. I’d love to sit and talk for hours about life, but most men I date aren’t interested in anything but themselves. I have a feeling Rhys won’t be any different. All I can hope for at this point is that he’s amazing in bed.

  Picking up the receiver on my desk phone, I hit the speed dial for Flynn.

  “Hey, Brooks, what’s up?”

  “Hey, busy?”

  “Just the usual stuff.”

  “So I was talking to Jill.”

  “Yeah?”

  “She’s really interested in you.”

  “That so?”

  “Yep. I told her I’d put in a good word for her. I know what you said about being too close to home, but maybe you’d want to take her out or something.”

  “Or something?”

  “She’s down for whatever.”

  “I see.” He’s silent for a minute. “So you’d be cool with me fucking your assistant manager?”

  I close my eyes, twisting my neck back and forth, trying to ignore how his words sting. “I don’t care.”

  “No?”

  “Nope. She’s pretty and she’s cool. She knows what she’s getting with you.”

  “Why is that?”

  “I told her.”

  “Told her what?”

  “That you’re not ready to settle down and any relationship with you would likely be purely physical and short term.”

  “Is that how you see me?”

  “Until the right one comes along, yeah. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

  “No, there isn’t. Maybe I should’ve warned Rhys about you.”

  “What would you say?”

  “I would say…” He pauses. “I would tell him to enjoy your attention while it lasts, which won’t be long. I’d tell him he better find a way to engage your mind, and if he couldn’t do that, he should be prepared to lose you.”

  “That’s fair.”

  “I’d tell him though to be careful not to fall, and not to look into your eyes too long or he might just turn his soul over to you.”

  His words shock me a little. “Giving me a soul would be bad?”

  “Yeah, it’s always bad to give your soul to someone who doesn’t want it.”

  “Is there something you want to tell me, Flynn? This is kind of deep.”

  “You and I are the same. People fall for us, and we just walk away like it doesn’t matter. How many broken hearts have we caused? I wonder.”

  “You make us sound like assholes.”

  “Aren’t we?”r />
  I look down at my desk and scribble on a piece of paper. “I guess maybe we are.”

  “Jill and Rhys won’t even know what hit them. They’ll be excited at first, especially when we touch them. They’ll think they won a prize.” I’m struck by how sad his voice sounds. “But then we’ll do what we do. We’ll find imaginary flaws. We’ll distance ourselves emotionally even though we’ll keep fucking them for a while. We’ll sit on the couch and talk about how they annoy us, how we don’t know why we stay, and then one day, we’ll dump them. Just like we do everybody else. Then you’ll grab some beer, and I’ll order pizza, and we’ll talk about why we’re always alone and how we can’t find love.”

  “Flynn…”

  “Then we’ll go back to our rooms and lie in bed thinking about how we ruined another chance. We’ll wonder if we should even bother trying to date knowing we’re only capable of giving our bodies, but nothing else. Then the next pretty face will appear, and we’ll go all in again `cuz that’s what we do.”

  His words stun me into silence. Not because they’re so harsh, but because they’re so true. This is what we do.

  “That’s why we’re friends,” he continues. “You understand me and I you. We don’t judge because we have no right to. That’s why you told Jill I’ll just fuck her and run, because you know, and if I was friends with Rhys, I would tell him the same thing. I’d say soak it up, buddy. Enjoy every inch of her beautiful flesh, because it’s all you’ll ever have of her until she decides it’s over.”

  “So what do we do? People like us? How do we stop hurting people?”

  “If I knew I’d do it. If I knew…” His voice trails off.

  “What, Flynn?”

  “I’d teach you.”

  “Maybe we’ll meet someone some day that knows and takes the time to teach us.”

  “Maybe. I hope we recognize them if they come.”

  “Me too.” We sit in silence for a moment before Flynn speaks.

  “What’s Jill’s number?” he asks, his voice full of resolve.

  “You sure you want to go there?”

  “Why not? It’s been a while for me, and she’s just as good as anyone else. Pussy is pussy.”

  I nod, knowing he’s in a dark place. “I’ll tell you later.”

  “Fine. See you later, Brooks.”

  “Bye.” I hang up and put my head on my desk. What the fuck was that about?

  Damn it! Why did I say all that shit to her? Why am I thinking it? I rub my forehead, wondering what’s happening to me. Suddenly I have a conscious? I don’t even want to fuck Jill. Sure, she’s pretty, but… fuck. I know why. Fuck.

  Exhaling sharply, I stand up and stretch my neck back and forth. I can’t think like that. I cannot let myself go there. I cannot want Brooklyn. Everything I said was true. We’re not people that can love. We’re not even people that can stay. I’d get my fill of her and then what? I’d start to find flaws. I’d start to pull away. I’d lose the only person in this world that I trust.

  I’d lose my shit when she moved on. I’d want to kill the next guy she fucked. As it is, I can barely stand the thought of some asshole putting his hands on her, but that’s not a good reason to go there. Wanting her physically just makes me a man. It’s not enough to fuck up the only good relationship I have in my life.

  Sitting back at my desk, I try to go back to my paperwork, but my mind still lingers on Brooklyn. Why is it bothering me so much all of a sudden? Is it because I need to have sex? Is it because I’m threatened by Rhys Camden? Didn’t I just try to convince myself that I want her with him? What the fuck changed? I’ve known her for years, lived with her for two, and I’ve always been able to control my desire, even though I’ve wanted her since the moment I saw her face all those years ago when we worked in the same restaurant. Our first interaction is forever ingrained in my mind.

  Walking inside the newest restaurant in town, I stop in my tracks when I see the stunning blonde behind the hostess stand. She looks up, flashing the sexiest smile I’ve ever seen. My eyes shoot straight to the flesh bulging from the top of her skin tight dress. Fuck, she’s hot.

  “Can I help you?” she asks.

  “Uh, yeah. My name’s Flynn Buchanan. I have an interview with the manager at three.”

  “Oh, he’s running a little bit late. He asked if you’d mind waiting for just a few minutes.”

  “No, it’s cool.”

  She extends her hand. “I’m Brooklyn Ames.”

  “Hey, Brooklyn. Cool name.”

  She smiles and my dick instantly hardens. “Thanks. You’re applying for the sous chef position?”

  “I am.”

  “So you’re a good cook?”

  “I like to think so.”

  She nods, running her tongue subtly over her lips. “I like to eat.”

  I tilt my head. “Is that so?”

  “Yeah. Maybe you’d like to feed me sometime.”

  I laugh at the memory. She was hot then, but she’s even better now. I remember how badly our first date ended.

  “Listen, Flynn, you’re an awesome guy, but I don’t think anything’s gonna happen here.”

  “Ooh, dumped before dinner’s even over.”

  She laughs. “Not dumped, just, I don’t know. I really like hanging out with you, but I’m just not feeling it. You know?”

  “Yeah, I know. I’m there.” I lean across the table. “I have an idea.”

  “What?”

  “Why don’t we try being friends? You ever do that with a guy?”

  “No.”

  “Want to give it a shot? I’d have a beer with you.”

  She grins. “I’d have a beer with you, too.”

  I never told her that I just went along with her that night. I wanted to fuck her like there was no tomorrow, but for whatever reason, she wasn’t feeling it, so I let it go, and kept her in my life the only way I could. I wasn’t used to a woman not falling all over me, and I guess it intrigued me. She was the female version of me. Then three years later, I misread her cues and ruined a perfect night.

  “I love you,” Brooklyn says, laughing as we roll around on the couch after I’ve just finished tickling her. Her laugh is one of the only things other than my career that makes me happy.

  “Love you too, Brooks.”

  “Do you?” she says, looking up at me with her arms around my neck.

  “I always have.” Our eyes lock together, and I watch as her smile fades from joy to seduction. I lean close, and when she doesn’t resist, I kiss her. When my lips touch hers, it feels like everything in my life suddenly makes sense. It’s the best feeling in the world. But then…

  She shifts in my arms, moving away. “I can’t.”

  My heart sinks. She doesn’t want it. She doesn’t want me. “I’m sorry, Brooks. I just got carried away.”

  “It’s okay. Me too.” She brushes the hair from my forehead. “I just don’t want to mess things up.”

  “Yeah, me neither.”

  For one brief moment, I thought I had her, at least her body, but no. That was over a year ago and nothing has ever happened since. Nothing but my fantasies.

  Now I have to deal with her going out with one of the most eligible guys in New York. He’ll impress her by taking her places most people can’t get into. He’ll charm the panties off of her, if she was wearing any, which she never is, another late night revelation from living with her. He’ll be the one that makes her body his. The only solace I have is knowing she’s incapable of hanging around too long. She’ll tire of him, running back to me, and I’ll get all of her time again. Even if it’s just friendship, I’ll take it.

  Pacing the living room, I look down at my watch for the tenth time, anticipating Rhys’s arrival. I’m nervous and I’m not sure why. Maybe because he’s intense. Maybe because he’s so damn hot it’s unnerving. Maybe because I need to fuck so bad, and he’d be the perfect one to do it with. It’s too soon though. Not because I subscribe to any stupid antiquate
d dating ideals, but because I have a feeling as soon as Rhys gets what he wants, I’ll be just another girl he fucked, and I’m never gonna let myself be that girl. Nope. If anyone’s getting used in this equation, it isn’t going to be me.

  The intercom rings, and I push the button to let him in the entry door. When he knocks, I exhale before opening the door. When I open it, Rhys is standing there decked out in a suit more incredible than anything I’ve ever seen. He smiles, and I actually feel my stomach flutter.

  “Brooklyn,” he says, softly. “You look amazing.”

  “Thank you. So do you.”

  I grab my jacket and clutch then walk out with him. In the elevator, we’re silent, but my mind is racing.

  “Nice place,” he says. “The studio must be doing well.”

  “I have a roommate.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah. I live with Flynn.”

  Rhys looks at me. “Interesting.”

  “Why?”

  He smiles. “It just is.” The elevator doors open, and we walk out to a waiting limo.

  Once inside, I glance at the man beside me. “You always travel like this?”

  “No, sometimes I take taxis or even walk, but I wanted to impress you. Did it work?”

  I grin. “It did.”

  “Good. I’m taking you to an exclusive little hotspot that I really like. It’s owned by celebrity chef, Goodwin Blake.”

  “I’ve heard of it through Flynn. He’ll be jealous.”

  “Good.”

  “Good?”

  “Yeah, I like the idea of you going home tonight and telling him all about the fantastic night you had courtesy of me.”

  “You want him to be jealous of you?”

  “I want all men to be jealous of me. Especially because I have you on my arm tonight.” He leans close. “You have to be one of the most spectacular women I’ve ever seen.”

  “Thank you, Rhys.”

  “I’d love to see his face when I come out of your room in the morning after spending the night making all your fantasies come true.”

  My eyes open wide. Guess we’re going there. “You won’t be waking up in my bedroom tomorrow. Just to be clear.”

  “We’ll see.”

  I shake my head. “You’re so full of yourself. I’m sure you have good reason. Most of the women you take out can’t wait to get their panties off for you.”