If I Told You

by Jennifer Domenico

  “Something on your mind?” she asks, tilting her head.

  “Nope. Be out soon.”

  “Okay.”

  Forcing myself to walk away, my mind drifts back to my interaction with Rhys earlier. Is she thinking the same things I am? Or maybe, it was just an innocent slip-up. That’s what I need to convince myself to avoid doing the things I want to do to her.

  In my room, I strip off my clothes and hop in the shower, fisting my engorged cock until I reach the relief I need. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve jacked myself off fantasizing about her body. That lucky bastard Rhys has touched her, kissed her, tasted her. I look down at my still hard dick and shake my head. I gotta get my head right. Bracing myself, I twist the handle until I’m sprayed with freezing cold water. Ah, fuck.

  After pulling my hair out of the bun it’s in, I run my fingers through it, maintaining the waviness created by the previous hairstyle. Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I smile at the woman looking back at me. My new workout regime has succeeded in tightening my abs. I can see new muscle definition in my biceps. I look strong, but still soft and feminine. As I run my hand down my flat tummy, my smile fades. I wish I had more to offer than just my looks. Actually, that isn’t true. I know I do. What I really wish is that I was brave enough to show myself to someone. Brave enough to let a man get to know me, and maybe take a chance on having a real relationship. I know what Rhys wants. The same thing they all want.

  “You want sausage?” Flynn calls out to me from the living room.

  Looking back at the doorway, I call back. “Yes, please.” Smiling, I apply some lip gloss and start to walk out to meet Flynn for dinner. He’s the only person that knows me, understands me, and accepts me as I am. Maybe what I should wish for is enough bravery to admit what I really think about him. I should wish for enough bravery to admit it to myself. I know I won’t though. There’s not enough bravery in the world. There’s just too much at stake. It’s so rare to find a friend like the one I have in Flynn. Crossing the line is too risky.

  Entering the living room, I see him filling two glasses with beer. He looks up at me and flashes that sexy smile that melts the hearts and panties of women everywhere. He has to be the best looking man I’ve ever met, even more so than Rhys, and that’s saying something.

  Women would pay to be in my position. How many times have I seen his half naked muscular body, laid on his chest while watching scary movies, cuddled in bed during a thunderstorm? I get homemade chicken soup when I’m sick and killer foot rubs after a tough workout. Flynn would be an awesome boyfriend, but he won’t let anyone in. No emotions, just sex. We’re the same that way. Funny, but my heart is filled with all kinds of emotions for him. Maybe that’s why the idea of sex with him has always scared the shit out of me.

  “Hey, gorgeous,” Flynn says, handing me a beer. “Pizza’s on its way.”

  “Great.” I plop down next to him, take the beer, and sip the froth off the top. “Mmm, good.”

  “Yeah, it really is.” He takes a drink of his and glances at me. I catch his eyes roaming over my body, something I admit to enjoying. I could be more modest around the house, but why should I? This is how I would dress if I lived alone.

  “I’ve been thinking about getting a new tattoo,” Flynn announces.

  “Oh yeah? What do you want?”

  “Not sure yet, but I was thinking something to honor my Scottish heritage. Maybe the flag or something.” He points to a blank space on his upper arm while I envision him once again in a kilt. Damn. “I want something here.”

  “Yeah, that’s a good spot.”

  “Want to come with?”

  “Of course.”

  “Good, you can hold my hand. You know how wimpy I get.”

  I laugh. “Yeah, it’s the only time you are.”

  “Shit hurts.” We look up when we hear the intercom beep. “I’ll get it.”

  “I’ll get plates and napkins.” I jump off the couch and head into our kitchen, deciding to grab the Patron off the top of the fridge. I think a few shots would take the edge off. I can’t stop thinking of a naked Flynn, and that’s not good.

  Back in the living room, Flynn opens the pizza box as I set out the plates.

  “Patron?” he asks, eyeing the bottle.

  “Just a couple of shots.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  I open the bottle and take a long swig of it, handing it to Flynn as it burns through my insides. He takes a drink, shaking his head, and laughing.

  “Damn, that shit is good, but it burns.”

  “Right?” Taking my plate, I lift a slice of pizza, blow on it, and take a bite. “Mmm, so good.”

  “Yeah, I love this place.” He smiles, taking a sip of his beer. “So, you and Rhys. You gonna keep seeing him?”

  “I think so.”

  “You like him?”

  “Enough. He’s nice and funny. I’m attracted to him.”

  “That’s cool.”

  “Yeah. What about you? Any prospects?”

  “No.” He shakes his head. “Hey, you never gave me Jill’s number.”

  “Oh, yeah. I forgot.”

  “I don’t need it right now anyway. With things picking up at the restaurant, I need to be all in there.”

  “True.” I smile. “It’s exciting, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah, for sure. Rhys was a blessing.”

  “A well deserved one.” I lift the bottle of Patron. “Here’s to our dreams coming true.” I take another shot, then hand Flynn the bottle and he does the same.

  “To dreams coming true,” he says.

  I take another bite of pizza as Flynn turns on the TV and surfs through some channels. The effects of the shots settle over me, warming me from the inside out. Especially the spot between my legs. What I wouldn’t give…

  “What?” Flynn asks.

  “Nothing. What?”

  “Uh, you’re staring at my crotch.”

  I laugh. “Oh, my bad. I was just, uh, nothing.”

  Grinning, Flynn leans close, moving my hair off my shoulder. “Patron shots starting to hit?”

  I nod. “Yeah, and I’m horny as fuck.”

  “Maybe you should call Rhys. I’m sure he’d help out.”

  “I don’t want to call Rhys.” Leaning forward, I kiss Flynn’s lips.

  “You shouldn’t do that shit, Brooks. Don’t taunt me.”

  “Why? What will you do?”

  “You want to find out?”

  “Maybe.”

  He shakes his head. “Finish eating.”

  “K.” I eat another slice of pizza, watching Flynn as he watches me. It might be the alcohol, but there’s a ton of sexual energy between us. I can feel it. I pick up the bottle again and take another swig, then wash it back with my beer. If something happens I could always blame it on alcohol.

  The show on TV gets my attention when one of my favorite songs comes on. I pop up and start swaying my hips while Flynn lays back on the couch, watching me.

  “You ever have a lap dance?” I ask.

  “A few times.”

  “Not by me.”

  “Nope.”

  I turn around, wiggling my ass in his face and flipping my hair around. “Want one?”

  “It’s probably not a good idea.”

  “But you like watching me dance.”

  I continue dancing, moving between his legs. Lowering down, I run my hands over his rock hard thighs, recalling all the moves I learned from our pole fitness class. Then turning around, I rub my ass against his crotch, feeling his cock harden as I do.

  “Brooks,” he whispers. “Stop.”

  Twisting around, I play with the straps on my tank, pulling them down just enough to tease him. The look on his face is divine, like he’s gonna throw me down any second. Do it. We’ll deal with it later. Climbing onto his lap, I press into his hips, wrapping my arms around his neck. He doesn’t move, but his eyes do, focusing on my chest.

  “Want
to see them?”

  He nods, without saying a word, so I pull my tank down just enough to expose the tops. Suddenly, Flynn lifts me off his lap and puts me down beside him.

  “That’s enough, Brooks.”

  I pop my bottom lip in a pout. “You sure?”

  “You’re drunk.”

  I nod. “I know what I’m doing.”

  He grabs my chin, pulling my face close to his. “If we ever do it, it won’t be like this. You understand me?”

  I nod. “Yeah.” Lunging at him, I pull him into a hug. “I love you so much, Flynn. You know that right? You mean everything to me.”

  “I know, baby. I know.”

  The next time my eyes open, it’s morning, and Flynn is beside me sound asleep. I look down to see I still have clothes on. Last night’s shenanigans come back to me and instead of being embarrassed, I smile. Flynn could’ve taken advantage but he didn’t. He respected me. I climb out of bed and head into the bathroom to freshen up, then pad out to the kitchen to start the coffee. After it brews, I pour two cups then bring them into my bedroom.

  Setting them down on the nightstand, I brush my fingers over Flynn’s cheek. “Hey.”

  He opens his eyes slowly, then smiles. “Hey.”

  “I brought coffee.”

  “Awesome.” He sits up slightly and takes the cup I give him, sipping some of the hot liquid. “Mmm.”

  Sitting beside him, I sip mine, too. “Thanks for staying with me.”

  “No problem. You drank a lot in a short time and ended up throwing up.”

  “Shit. Seriously?”

  “Yeah. I got you to the bathroom in time. I stayed to make sure you were okay.”

  “I appreciate that.” I sip my coffee again. “About last night…”

  “No worries, babe. It was the Patron.”

  “Yeah, but, thanks for not taking advantage. You could’ve.”

  “I could’ve.”

  “Why didn’t you?”

  Flynn flashes his bright blue eyes at me. “Honestly? It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. You’re so sexy, and your body is... you fucking know.”

  I nod, smiling.

  “But like I’ve told you before, I can’t take advantage. I can’t use you for sex, even though, fuck, Brooks, you had me so turned on last night. Rubbing your ass all over my dick.” He sighs. “I can’t even talk about it.”

  “You’re sexy too, Flynn. Sometimes I look at you and see the man you are instead of my best friend. I just got carried away last night. I’m sorry.”

  He leans over and kisses my cheek. “No harm done. We’re good.”

  “Yeah, we’re good.” Looking down, I notice the bulge straining against his sweat pants and sigh.

  “I’m gonna get out of here,” he says, softly, noticing my hungry stare.

  “Okay.”

  After he leaves, I fall back in my bed. Damn.

  As I hurry down the hall to my bedroom and away from hers, I can’t stop thinking about her. That body, her mouth, those eyes staring at my package. As if last night didn’t nearly kill me, now she’s tempting me again. I just wish I understood why now. What changed?

  Once in my room, I lie down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I guess if I’m honest, there’s always been a sexual undercurrent between us, but it wasn’t voiced, never discussed, and definitely wasn’t as obvious as it has been recently. There was a line that never got crossed. It feels like it’s coming to a head all of a sudden, and I don’t get it. She gets a man and then goes into overdrive wanting me? Doesn’t make any fucking sense. What does she expect me to do? Fuck her and then pretend like it didn’t happen? If it was that easy, I would’ve done it years ago. If we could be fuck buddies, I’m sure we would be, but there’s no way. There’s too much between us now. Besides, I have a feeling that one taste of Brooklyn would never be enough. That’s why Rhys wants her so badly. He knows.

  All I know is the smartest thing I can do for my relationship with Brooklyn is to stay away from any thoughts of fucking her. It just cannot happen. Not now. Not ever.

  An hour later, I walk out to the living room to find Brooklyn cleaning up from last night. She looks up, smiling.

  “Hey, you,” she says.

  “Hey. Need some help?”

  “No, I got it. Going out?”

  “Yeah. I’m gonna go check out a new bakery in Queens. I might want to order some pastries from them for the restaurant. Want to come?”

  “I wish I could, but I’m teaching a class today for Bridget.”

  “Cool. I’ll see you later then.”

  “Yeah. You’ll see me later.”

  I always hug her before I go, but I hesitate, not wanting to get that close to her again.

  “I’m not gonna bite you, Flynn.”

  I laugh. “I know.”

  She approaches with her arms extended, and I walk into them. “We’re good, right? Nothing’s changed?”

  I hold her tight and kiss the top of her head. “Right. Nothing’s changed.”

  Stepping back, we gaze into each other’s eyes, both of us knowing that’s a fucking lie.

  Right before Flynn leaves, my phone rings and I grab it without looking at the caller ID. “Brooklyn.”

  “Hey, it’s me.”

  “Hey, Rhys.” Flynn immediately stops walking toward the door and watches me when he hears me answer.

  “Busy?”

  I sit on the couch. “Not too bad. What’s up?”

  “Well, I just got invited to a restaurant opening in Brooklyn,” he says. Chuckling, he adds, “So I thought I’d take Brooklyn to Brooklyn.”

  I laugh shaking my head. “Funny.”

  “It’s a table for four, and I thought perhaps you could invite Flynn.”

  I crinkle my brow, shifting my eyes up to Flynn. “Why would I do that?”

  “He’s a chef and they love to eat at new places. We could double date.”

  “What are you up to?”

  “Can I be honest?”

  “That would be best.”

  “He’s your best friend and since we’ve been spending time together, I thought it would be nice if he and I got to know each other better.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “He could see I’m a nice guy that has nothing but good intentions toward you.”

  “I see.”

  “Nothing wrong with that, is there?”

  “I guess not.” I stare into space for a second, then lower my voice. “So you’ve forgiven me for my slip up the other night?”

  “I told you I would still call.”

  “You did. I’m glad you did.”

  “Why?”

  I watch Flynn as he goes into the kitchen. “I like you, Rhys. I really do.”

  I hear him his exhale. “I really like you too, Brooklyn. I want more.”

  “So do I.”

  “Then we’re on the same page.”

  “We are.”

  “Sunday night. Find out if Flynn wants to come and if he can find a date.”

  “He can find a date. I’ll text you later to confirm.”

  “Great. Have a good day.”

  “You too.”

  After hanging up, I stare at my phone for a minute waiting for Flynn to come back.

  “Hey,” he says coming back. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. That was Rhys.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “He wants to see if you’d be up for a double date on Sunday. He’s been invited to some new place in Brooklyn and thought you might enjoy it.”

  “Interesting.”

  “I thought so. He said he thought you and him should get to know each other.”

  “Hmm. What do you think?”

  I smile. “I think he thinks there’s something going on between us and he wants to witness our relationship close up.”

  Flynn chuckles. “That’s what I think, too.”

  “So, we’ll show him there’s not.”

  “Works for me. I need a date
.”

  “What about Jill?”

  “Yeah okay. Make it happen for me.”

  “Will do.”

  “Maybe after Sunday he can finally get it out of his head that I’m no threat to him.”

  I nod, wondering if I should admit why Rhys is so worried, but decide against it. “Let’s hope.” I stand up, walking toward him. “If anything, it should be interesting.”

  “Definitely.” Flynn’s eyes seem to search mine, and I’m reminding of the words we just said. Nothing’s changed. “I should get going,” he says, breaking the silence.

  “Me too.”

  “Let me know what Jill says.”

  “Of course.”

  He lightly pinches my chin. “Have a good day.”

  “You too.” I watch him leaving wondering if he knows we both told a lie. Something has definitely changed.

  Once I get to the studio, I walk inside and see Jill checking out with a customer. When she’s done, I lean on the counter. “Doing anything Sunday night?”

  “No. What’s up?”

  “How would you like to go on a double date?”

  She grins. “A double date with who?”

  “Me, Rhys, and Flynn.”

  “Holy shit. Are you serious?”

  “Very.”

  “Girl, you know you don’t have to ask me twice. I’m there.”

  I laugh, shaking my head. It should be an interesting night for sure.

  On Sunday night, as I stand in the living room, my breath catches when Flynn walks out of his bedroom. He’s wearing a suit, and he looks fucking amazing in suits. His hair is perfectly styled, he’s clean shaven, and basically the sexiest man alive.

  “You look great,” he says, when he sees me.

  “You too.” I exhale slowly. “Is it weird that I’m nervous?”

  “Kind of. You know all of us. I’m the one that should be nervous.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “It’s a series of first. First time hanging with Jill, Rhys, and the first time I’m going on a double date with you. The last time we went on a date, it was ours.”