If I Told You

by Jennifer Domenico

  “Eleven.”

  “Great. Everyone’s here?”

  “Yep. Everything’s good.”

  “Awesome. I’ll be in my office.”

  “Everything alright?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  “You just seem distracted or something.”

  “I’m good.”

  As I walk through the restaurant, my eyes scan every detail making sure the place is perfect. A Monday brunch is highly unusual, but it’s not every day the mayor’s daughter wants to have her bridal shower at your restaurant. I couldn’t say no.

  Sitting at my desk, I look over some mail and think about Rhys and Brooklyn. Without him, none of this would be happening, but without him, I wouldn’t be at risk of losing her. It’s already been a couple of weeks, much longer than most of her relationships. I notice how he looks at her with nothing but affection in his eyes. He’s into her, I know. What I don’t know is how she feels about him. She’s elusive for sure. I smile remembering this morning. She wasn’t thinking about him though. She was calling my name in her sleep. She was having sex with me in her dreams.

  Lying next to her naked body this morning was torture. I wanted to touch her, kiss her, lick her. I wanted to be inside of her, and I know I could. She’d open her eyes and wrap her legs around me, pulling me deeper. She’d moan from those pretty lips and flash those sweet eyes at me. I rub my forehead. But then what? How do we go forward? How do I tell her I can’t stand her being with anyone else, but I don’t know how to make her happy? I don’t know how to love her.

  “Chef?”

  I look up to see Melissa in the doorway. “Hey. What’s up?”

  “Not too much. Everything’s handled up front.”

  “Great. You need something?”

  She smiles, twisting her hands together. “I thought I’d see if you did.”

  “What?”

  “Need something.” She runs her hands over her ample chest. “I’m happy to help.”

  I study the woman in front of me for a minute. I don’t know why she wants this with me, knowing I’ll never give her anything more, but damn, I’m crazy horny since last night, and if I can’t be with Brooklyn, I might as well fuck Mel.

  “Let me see your tits,” I demand.

  She grins and unbuttons her blouse, then unhooks her bra releasing them. Ah, shit.

  “Those are nice.”

  “Thank you. You want to touch them?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  Melissa walks over to me and kneels, taking my hand and pressing it into her tits. I squeeze and massage them as my dick gets harder.

  “Why do you let me do this? Hmm? Why let me use you?”

  “I have a crush on you. You’re the hottest man I’ve ever met, and I just want whatever you’ll give me. Is that so bad?”

  “No,” I answer, shaking my head. “It’s not bad.” I unbutton my slacks and pull my dick out. She sighs, starting to suck. Leaning back in my chair, I close my eyes. This is good. This is exactly what I needed right now. I just wish I could stop imagining it was Brooklyn.

  Walking through the restaurant, I make my way to the back, then stop in my tracks. Holy shit. I watch, completely stunned as Flynn gets his dick sucked by Melissa. His eyes are closed and he hasn’t even noticed me. It’s just like my dream with Jill. I’m immediately flooded with lust and jealousy and a strong desire to tear her off of him. Instead I lean against the doorframe and watch, fixated on his cock sliding in and out of her mouth. His hand massages her tits, while the other is buried in her hair. I wonder how long he’s been fucking her. I wonder why. He never messes around with employees. Ever. A moment later, he grunts and I watch with pure awe as Melissa swallows him whole, taking all of it down her throat. Lucky fucking bitch.

  Flynn opens his eyes and smiles at her, rubbing her cheek, and when she sees me her eyes open wide. Flynn swings around in his chair and looks shocked to see me.

  “Brooklyn. What are you doing here?”

  I look down at the two cups I still hold. “Brought you a coffee.”

  Melissa stands and quietly puts herself back together while walking out of the room, avoiding eye contact with me. Once we’re alone, Flynn stands, all buttoned up again, and closes his door.

  “Uh, I don’t know what to say.”

  “There’s nothing to say. You don’t owe me an explanation. I guess I’m just surprised you’re fucking someone that works for you. You normally tell me stuff.”

  “I’m not, Brooks. She just, uh, she offered and I accepted.”

  “She just walked in your office and said can I suck your dick, Chef?”

  “Basically.” He rubs his forehead. “Remember that Wednesday when you and Rhys came to dinner right after his review?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I got kind of stressed seeing him again. Mel noticed and offered some relief. I needed it so I said yes.”

  “So you got your dick sucked during dinner service?”

  “Yep.”

  “I see.”

  “Today she popped in and offered again.”

  “Is she special to you?”

  “No. Why would you think that?”

  “Your rule about fucking around at work. Why is she different?”

  Flynn nods and averts his eyes, turning back to his desk. “She’s not different.”

  “But you’re doing stuff with her. You’re letting her touch you. I don’t get it.”

  “Honestly, I feel a little bad about it. She knows I’m just using her, and she’s okay with that. She said she’ll take what she can get.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with that. She’s a grown woman making her own decisions.”

  “I guess so.”

  “Looks like she was good at it.”

  “She’s not bad.” Flynn smiles. “I believed her when she said she’d keep it between us. After the first time, she was totally cool, like nothing happened, so I felt safe doing it a second time.”

  “Have you fucked her?”

  “No.”

  “Do you want to?”

  He tilts his head. “Not really, but…” he shakes his head.

  “But what?”

  “It’s been a long time for me. Longer than it ever has been before, and I don’t have time to go out and meet someone new. You know my motto.”

  I smile. “Pussy is pussy.”

  “Right. Mel has one.”

  “Yeah.”

  “How long were you there?”

  “Long enough. I couldn’t stop watching.” I hand him the coffee, deciding it’s time to change the topic. “I swung by Java on my way to the studio.”

  “Thanks for thinking of me.”

  “Always, Flynn. You know that. I have to go face Jill now.”

  “It won’t be bad. You were awesome last night. Rhys call yet?”

  “No.”

  “I’m sure he will.”

  “Yeah.” I look at the door. “I’ll see you later.”

  “I’ll be home for dinner.”

  “Cool.” I start to walk out, but he grabs my arm, pulling me into him.

  “She doesn’t mean anything to me, Brooks.”

  “I know. Did you kiss her?”

  “No. Why?”

  I shrug. “I just wondered.”

  “I haven’t done anything to her. It’s just, you know.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  We search each other’s eyes for a moment and I wish he would kiss me, so I do it instead. Just a soft one, like I always do, but I notice how he sighs.

  “See ya later, Flynn.”

  I walk out to the dining room and see Melissa busying herself. When she sees me, she looks down at the floor. “Bye, Mel.”

  “Bye,” she says, but pauses as I pass. “What happened with Flynn was just… uh…”

  I look back at her. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. You and Flynn are adults.”

  “I know, but you must think I’m such a slut.”

  “What d
oes it matter what I think?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I’m just embarrassed.”

  “No reason to be. It’s cool. He’s not my boyfriend.”

  “I know.”

  “Just do yourself a favor and guard your heart. He won’t fall in love with you. He won’t take you out. He won’t do anything more than what he is doing with you, and without notice one day, he’ll stop.”

  “I know that, too.” She looks down for a minute. “I shouldn’t do stuff with him, but he’s so hot and sexy, and I just forget myself when he’s around. I was shocked the first time he let me, and I think it’s only because of you.”

  “Because of me?”

  “Yeah. You walked in with Rhys Camden and he looked crushed. I saw the tension and jealousy all over his face, and I took advantage of his weakness. I knew he just needed a minute to forget you were with someone else. I was right.”

  “You’re wrong about that. Flynn and I… it’s not like that. He wasn’t jealous. He was stressed out about Rhys. That’s all.”

  “Do you really believe that?” She steps closer to me. “He came in today and he had the same look. Tense, like something was really bothering him, but Rhys isn’t here.” She takes my hand in hers. “I know he’s probably thinking of you, but I don’t care. I just want a little piece of him until you decide you’re ready. I know as soon as the two of you get it in your heads that you’re meant to be together, then nothing and no one will ever matter again.”

  I pull my hand away. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  She smiles softly. “Maybe not.”

  “I don’t care what you do with him. I don’t care if he lets you suck his dick. I don’t care who Flynn fucks.”

  Melissa nods. “Okay, Brooklyn.”

  “What’s going on here?” We both turn to see Flynn approaching. “Is there a problem?”

  “Of course not.” Turning back to Melissa, I nod. “I gotta get going.”

  Back outside, I take a deep breath. I do care. Dammit. I fucking care.

  “What was that about?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Come on.”

  Melissa folds a napkin, avoiding my gaze. “I apologized.”

  “For?”

  “For what she saw.”

  “Why would you apologize? We weren’t doing anything wrong.”

  “I know.” She glances up at me then down again. “I just didn’t want her to think badly of me.”

  “What did she say?”

  “The same thing you said. We can do what we want. Then she warned me.”

  “About?”

  “You. That you would never want more.” She looks up. “But I already know that.”

  I stare out the window for a second. “I’m sorry, Mel. I wish I was different. I’m just not the kind of guy that dates and shit. This is how I am.”

  “I know, Chef. I don’t expect more. I don’t think you’re magically gonna fall in love with me or take me out. I don’t think you’ll ever look at me the way you look at her.”

  “Her?”

  “Brooklyn.”

  “What does that even mean?”

  She sighs shaking her head. “How is it that everyone can see it but the two of you? It’s so obvious you two should be together. I don’t know why you’re not.”

  “Because we’re friends.”

  “Right.” She folds another napkin. “Well, in the meantime while she’s still with Rhys, and you’re still in denial, if you need to forget for just a little while, I’ll be that for you.” She looks up at me. “I want to be that for you.”

  “You shouldn’t.”

  “I know, but who wouldn’t want to be the one that makes you feel better for a little while? Any woman would take my place even knowing you don’t care. Even if you are thinking of someone else.”

  I rub my head with my eyes closed. I’m done with this conversation. “I’ll be in my office. Let me know when our guests arrive.”

  “Okay.”

  Stomping to the back, I think of Melissa’s words. She’s right about all of it. I want to chase Brooklyn down the sidewalk, pull her into my arms, and beg for one more kiss from those sweet, soft lips. I want everything with her. I just don’t know what to do about it.

  “Hey, Jill,” I say, walking inside the studio.

  She looks up and smiles. “Hey, you! How ya feeling?”

  “Pretty shitty, actually. I heard I got a little crazy after the third shot.”

  Jill laughs. “It was fun.”

  “I hope how you see me hasn’t changed.”

  “Not at all.” She leans on the counter. “Honestly, I was more focused on Flynn than you, but he wasn’t biting.”

  “Yeah. Sorry.”

  “That’s okay. If it’s not there, it’s just not.”

  “True.” I lean on the counter across from her.

  “Rhys is fun though, yeah?”

  “Sure. He’s okay.”

  “I think he was hoping for a little show.”

  “I heard.” I sip my coffee. “It was nothing personal. I just don’t mess with girls anymore.”

  Jill laughs. “That’s okay. I didn’t take it personally. At least you’re a great kisser.” I laugh as she continues. “I was up for it, mostly because I’ve never done it before, and I thought maybe it would lead to more with Flynn.”

  “Probably would’ve. Most guys would be turned on by that.”

  “For sure.” She shrugs. “Oh, well. Wasn’t meant to be.”

  “No. It was a fun night though. At least until I passed out.”

  Jill chuckles. “Same here. I woke up on your couch and went in search of the bathroom. That’s when I found you and Flynn.”

  “Oh, yeah, he slept next to me.”

  “He did.” She pats my arm. “I want to tell you something.”

  “Sure.”

  “When I saw him, he was cradling you like a small child, stroking your hair and gazing at your face like you were the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.”

  I pull my head back. “What?”

  “I felt kinda bad watching him look at you like that. I felt like I was invading a private moment even though you were asleep. It was really sweet.”

  I nod my head slowly sipping my coffee. “He’s protective.”

  “Maybe, but it was more than that.” She smiles. “Have you guys ever discussed a relationship between the two of you?”

  “No,” I lie. “We’re just friends.” Maybe if I keep saying it, I’ll believe it.

  “Yeah, I know. I just wondered because the way he looked at you this morning…” She smiles. “Let’s just say I’d love for a man to look at me like that.”

  After considering her words for a minute, staring down at my coffee, I look up. “Can I be honest for a minute?”

  “Of course.”

  “I don’t have any other friends who I can confide in. Everything that’s really private I only tell Flynn.”

  “Okay.”

  “I don’t know what’s happening, but I feel like something’s changing between us. I’m having all these thoughts that I never had before.”

  “Like?”

  I hesitate. “This is awkward.”

  “You can trust me, Brooklyn. You can tell me.”

  I look into her kind eyes. “Okay. Thoughts like wanting to do stuff with him. Not wanting him to be with other women. Not wanting to be with other men. I’ve always seen him as a good friend, but lately, it’s like I’m finally seeing him as an option.”

  “An option,” she repeats nodding. “Romantically?”

  “Yeah.”

  Jill smiles. “How does that make you feel?”

  “Terrified. I only know how to take. I have no idea how to give. Flynn’s just like me. We go through life…” I pause, briefly. “We’re not good people.”

  “Oh, Brooklyn, of course you are. You’re both great people. Just because you haven’t mastered relationships yet, doesn’t mean you’r
e bad.”

  “You don’t understand. We use people. Both of us. We don’t know any different.”

  “So you’re using Rhys?”

  I shrug, staring at my hands. “I don’t really know anymore. I like hanging out with him. He’s nice and funny and sexy.”

  “But?”

  “I still don’t want to have sex with him, and I always want to have sex. I don’t know what’s missing.” I look up at her. “And every time I’m with him, a part of me hopes it’s making Flynn jealous. I don’t understand.”

  “Okay, Brooklyn. You say all you and Flynn do is use people, but he didn’t use me. He could’ve taken me to bed last night. He knows I would’ve gone, but he didn’t. He kissed my forehead and said he had to take care of you. Your boyfriend was there and Flynn said he had to take care of you.” She smiles. “And Rhys let him. He threw a throw blanket on you and carried you to your room and Rhys let him.”

  “He didn’t help?”

  “No. We waited on the couch together and had another shot.”

  I nod, wondering why Flynn told me otherwise.

  “You don’t remember anything that happened, do you?”

  “It’s blurry after you and I kissed.”

  “You started dancing and pulling your dress off. Flynn was pissed and told Rhys to do something, but he just laughed and said it was fun or something. Flynn tried to cover you up, but you kept taking the blanket off and dancing around us, so he gave up and sat back down.”

  I shake my head. “God.”

  “Honestly, none of us could stop watching you.”

  “Awesome,” I murmur.

  “Then you sort of just passed out. Flynn immediately got between you and Rhys and said he would take you to bed. Rhys said he’d do it, but Flynn said no. He would take care of you. Rhys stayed with me and we chatted a bit.”

  “I see.”

  “Then when Flynn came back out, he said he was tired and was gonna lie down with you to make sure you were okay. Rhys offered to share a cab with me, but I declined, hoping me and Flynn would still hang out. He left and I slept on the couch by myself.”

  I think about this for a minute. “So, Rhys knew Flynn was gonna lie down with me?”

  She nods. “I mean, he was wasted so, you know, that changes things.”

  “Yeah.”

  “And Flynn was being… I guess the best word is protective. Maybe Rhys didn’t want to mess with him.”