Sweet Things (First Course Book 3)

by JA Armstrong

  A picture of Carrie, Dar and CJ sat on the corner of the desk. Carrie picked it up and smiled. CJ was barely two in the photo. She chuckled at CJ’s chubby cheeks and the remnants of chocolate ice cream around her lips. It had been a good day—a simple day. She sighed, wishing things had never had to become so complicated. Her fingertip traced Dar’s face in the picture. “I miss you, you fool.”

  Another deep breath and Carrie set the photo aside. She looked at the top drawer and opened it. A few pens greeted her first. She removed them and placed them in a box. Her hand fished deeper and retrieved a folder. She opened it. Inside she found an envelope. She was surprised to see the name written on it: Carrie Jane. Carrie flipped it over. It was unsealed. “I shouldn’t.” She swore she heard Dar whisper, “you should.” Carrie tried to steady her breathing as she retrieved the note.

  CJ,

  I hope that I get to give this to you one day or that you read it many years from now. Somehow, I don’t think it will be me who hands this to you.

  I’m 35,000 feet in the air—again. That seems to be home for me these days. You’re too young to understand that. I know that. I need to be in motion lately. Sitting still is too hard for me. I start to think, and that is never a good thing. Ask your auntie if you don’t believe me.

  Carrie laughed.

  The truth is, I’m not sure what’s going to happen. Being an adult isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. You’ll learn that one day. I know that I haven’t been home much lately. I haven’t been there for you. I don’t know that you will ever forgive me. I’m not sure that you should. You should know that I think about you every minute. I wonder what you are doing. The one thing I do know is who you are doing it with.

  Carrie sighed.

  You are a lucky girl, CJ. You have so many people who love you. Not just me, and I do love you. You have your daddy, and you have Carrie. I never saw two people happier than those two the day you were born. They both lit up like Christmas trees, like Santa had delivered them the best present a couple of weeks late. I wish you could have seen it through my eyes. One thing I am starting to realize, we seldom see ourselves the way other people do. I wish I could let you see what I see when I look at you—when I look at your father or Carrie looking at you. You are such a lucky little girl, CJ. You won’t stay a little girl forever. I know that too.

  Life can get a little crazy sometimes. Chances are it will be Carrie that hands you this note. I know that. She’s the only one crazy enough to clean out my desk or my house.

  Carrie laughed.

  She will tell you that I’m not the best at telling people how I feel. That’s never been my way. Carrie’s always been better at that. She’s got the biggest heart of anyone I know. I think that’s why we both love her so much. I know how much she loves you. I’m glad that you have her. I know that no matter what might happen in our lives, you will always have Carrie. That gives me comfort now.

  I love you, Carrie Jane. I remember your first smile and the first time you laughed. I remember your first step and the first words you spoke. If there is anything in my life that I can say I am proud of it is having the chance to be your mother. Nothing on earth could ever compare to that. I want to believe that I will be there to see you go to your first dance, to bring your first boyfriend home, to graduate high school and college; in my heart, I know that is not what’s meant for us. Someone will be there, CJ—the same person who has always been there for both of us—Carrie.

  One day, not long ago, you asked me if you could call Dakota. I shouldn’t have listened. I did. You were talking about your mom and Dev. For a minute, it hurt. I realize now that it makes sense. More now than ever, I’m grateful that you feel that way. I know you love me. I also know that you love your dad. You love Carrie too. She’s the person you look to. Believe me; I understand. You miss her when she’s not with you. I don’t blame you. I miss her too—always have. She’s everybody’s mom and she doesn’t even know it. Please know that loving her will never take anything away from me. I’ve tried to let her know that. You need to know that too. You might have to help her to believe that. She can be a bit stubborn.

  Carrie chuckled through a few tears.

  So many amazing things await you. You can be and do anything you dream, my sweet CJ. You’ve been my greatest joy and the part of my life that I know will do the most good in this world. If I can leave you with one piece of advice it is this: love. Don’t be afraid to love, CJ. Don’t be afraid to get hurt. Sometimes you will. I wish I would have learned that lesson sooner. Love as many people as you want and tell them that you do. Don’t wait to tell them. And, don’t be afraid to let them love you. Love them any way you want. You can run forever, but you can’t hide from love. It’s always there. I’ll tell you something else; sometimes it’s scary. You can’t outrun fear either. Believe me; I know that’s true.

  I love you, sweetheart. I will always be with you. And, when you wonder where I am, look at Carrie. She knows me better than anyone ever could. I named you after her because I wanted you to have a piece of her too. I never needed to. You’ve always been part of each other. Be happy, my love. Just be happy.

  All my love,

  Mom

  Carrie stared at the note in her hand for a moment. She slipped it back into the envelope and closed her eyes. “I wish you were here, Dar.” She wiped away a few tears from her cheeks and took a deep breath. The truth was pressing in on her. Dar was not coming back. She’d known that. As she opened the next drawer, Carrie realized she needed to accept it and what it meant for her future. “I wish you were here,” she said again.

  She imagined Dar’s answer. “Why? You never listen to me anyway.”

  Carrie laughed. “I’m trying. I promise; I’m trying.”

  ***

  Devon walked into the living room to find Carrie asleep on the sofa. She set down her bags in the corner and made her way to Carrie’s side. “Hey, she whispered.

  “What time is it?” Carrie mumbled.

  “It’s a little after five. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. I must’ve drifted off.” Carrie opened her eyes. She noted the twinkle in Devon’s eyes. “Please tell me you didn’t bring home a puppy or a big screen TV.”

  Devon laughed. “No.” She handed Carrie a box.

  “What’s this?”

  “Open it.”

  Carrie held Devon’s gaze for a moment before untying the red ribbon around the box and opening the lid. She stared at the contents silently.

  “They’re the ones you pointed out.”

  Carrie looked up at Devon.

  Devon pointed to the wedding rings in the box. “Call me old-fashioned. I’d like to have the wedding before we welcome the baby. I was thinking…”

  Carrie grinned. “You don’t say?”

  “It’s been a hell of a year. I think we could all use something to celebrate. What do you say we make it official at Christmas?”

  Carrie was surprised. “You want to get married on Christmas?”

  Devon nodded.

  “Huh.”

  “If you don’t want to…”

  “No, it’s not that,” Carrie said. “I’m just surprised.”

  “Your folks will be here. I mean, I know it won’t be a big affair. Both our families will be here and…”

  Carrie silenced Devon with a kiss. “I love it.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  Devon let out a sigh of relief. “Thank God.”

  Carrie giggled. “I told you I would marry you whenever you wanted.”

  Yes, you did. “You love Christmas.”

  “I do, and I would love to marry you on Christmas. I do have a question.”

  “What?”

  “What do I wear to this affair?” Carrie asked.

  “Whatever you want.”

  “Tacky Christmas sweater?”

  Devon’s jaw opened and closed several times.

  Carrie burst out laughing. You are priceless. “I�
�m kidding.”

  “Oh, good.”

  “Not into the tacky sweaters?”

  Deon shrugged. “I’d marry you naked.”

  “I’m sure our parents would love that idea.”

  “You know what I mean!”

  Carrie kissed Devon gently.

  “You know, CJ can help with the plans. She’d love that,” Devon said.

  “Be careful what you wish for, honey. CJ will probably want us to carry lightsabers instead of flowers.”

  Devon laughed. “Whatever works.”

  “You would carry a lightsaber?” Carrie joked. She was surprised to see Devon grow serious.

  “For you or CJ? Yeah, I’d do anything.”

  “Dev…”

  “I would.”

  “I know,” Carrie said.

  “What about pizza?”

  “Pizza?” Carrie questioned.

  “You know, for dinner?”

  “After the wedding?”

  Devon laughed. “I meant tonight, but if you want pizza I can make that happen.”

  “Lightsabers and pizza?” Carrie asked.

  “Well, no one would forget it, that’s for sure.”

  “Probably not, but if it’s all the same to you, I think we can skip the lightsabers.”

  “And pizza?”

  “We’ll negotiate.”

  Devon grinned. Ha! I have CJ on my side. There’ll be pizza at this affair.

  Carrie shook her head affectionately. “I’m not going to ask. This is why you were out with Mom shopping?”

  “Only partly. I had a little Christmas shopping to do.”

  Carrie glanced over at the bags. “A little?”

  “So? Pizza?” Devon got up from her seat on the sofa.

  “How much of that am I wrapping?” Carrie fluttered her eyelashes.

  Devon grinned. “On second thought, forget the pizza. How about I cook?”

  Carrie chuckled as Devon made her way to the kitchen. She looked at the box in her lap again and traced the platinum rings with her fingertip. The last thing she had expected Devon to suggest was a Christmas wedding. The presents? That she had been prepared for. Devon was a big kid. Carrie had little doubt that most of the bags sitting on their living room floor were filled with gifts for CJ. Her thoughts drifted to the new addition they hoped to welcome in the summer. God help me next year. She listened to the rattling of pots and pans in the distance. Priceless.

  Chapter Seven

  December 10th

  Bruce wandered into the office and flopped down into a chair.

  “What happened to you?” Devon asked.

  “Nothing.”

  “Okay?”

  “I mean—nothing.”

  Devon set down the pen in her hand and pushed her chair back. Bruce had been quiet the last few days. Devon had chalked up her best friend’s mood to fatigue. The holiday season was extraordinarily busy at their small restaurant. In addition to an uptick in daily diners, holiday parties commanded much of their time. Devon was grateful for the success D&B’s enjoyed. It could become draining. Looking at her best friend now, Devon wondered if she had missed something.

  “Nothing? You look awfully tired for nothing to have happened.”

  Bruce shrugged.

  “Okay, what’s up, Solo?”

  “I told you—nothing.”

  “Bullshit.”

  Bruce shrugged again. His behavior reminded Devon of CJ when she was unhappy with Carrie about something. What is going on with you? “You look like you did the day you got stuck in that tree. Wait! Is this about a woman?”

  Bruce sighed. It was about a woman, just not the way Devon was suggesting. Devon had been running in fifty-million directions since Thanksgiving. Bruce saw her nearly every day but they had barely spoken; at least, they hadn’t spoken about anything meaningful. His interactions with Devon had become about business and planning for Devon’s impending nuptials. He had no idea how to broach the subject. Devon had always confided in him. She may have teased him endlessly, but he had never felt shut out of her life. He’d been over it a million times in his head. Was he jealous of Carrie? Maybe he was just a little bit. He adored Carrie. Carrie had accepted him as a central part of Devon’s life. He was being unfair. Carrie and Devon had been through hell over the last year. He knew that. He couldn’t help but feel that something was off.

  For months, Devon had vented endlessly about her frustrations with Dar Willis. She confided in Bruce about everything whether that entailed frustrated rambling or drowning her disgust in a bottle of wine. Something had changed between them and Bruce was not sure what that was. He took a deep breath. “Did I do something to piss you off?’

  Devon was dumbfounded by the question. “What are you talking about?”

  “Did I?” Bruce pushed.

  Devon detected a hint of resentment in Bruce’s voice. What is this about? “Why would you think that?”

  “Gee, I don’t know, Dev. You’ve barely spoken to me in months.”

  “I talk to you every day.”

  “Talk to me? Yeah, you do—about what I should look to do with the staff or what our menu will be for the holidays.”

  Devon stared at Bruce blankly.

  Bruce shook his head. “I get that things are different now.”

  “Different?”

  “What would you call it? You’re already married.”

  “Are you jealous of Carrie?”

  “No. Carrie’s great.”

  “Then what is this about?”

  “Maybe I am,” he corrected himself.

  Devon was shell-shocked.

  “When was the last time you stayed here and had a drink with me?”

  Devon combed her thoughts for an answer.

  “Right? When was the last time we had dinner outside of this place? How about the last time you told me anything that was on your mind? I must’ve done something.”

  Devon rubbed her eyes. Shit. She hadn’t given any thought to her behavior. She hadn’t meant to avoid Bruce. He was right. She had pushed him away. She and Carrie had agreed to keep the news of Carrie’s pregnancy close to the vest. She respected the reasons Carrie felt that way. They hadn’t told Carrie’s family. They hadn’t told Devon’s siblings. Devon had felt a modicum of guilt for confiding in her mother. Losing Dar was devastating for Carrie. Carrie had picked up the pieces of Dar’s life, broken the news to Dar’s friends and clients, supported Tom and comforted Dar’s parents as best she could. Finding out that Carrie was pregnant had been incredibly emotional for Devon and Carrie. The first few months were precarious. Carrie hardly needed another loss. If that did happen, the last thing Carrie needed was to have to break that news to everyone else. That led Devon to tread carefully. She worried about Carrie. She worried about CJ. She wanted to get home when she was done at the restaurant. There was nothing she could do to ensure a happy outcome. Being with Carrie comforted Devon. Carrie had just received more promising news after her second ultrasound. One more visit to the fertility specialist and Carrie would be released to her OB.

  Bruce had been Devon’s best friend forever. Carrie would understand. Devon smiled at the man sitting before her. The face she saw was that of a stranded young boy in a tree pleading for her to help him. “I’m sorry,” Devon said.

  “I just wish you’d tell me what I did.”

  “You didn’t do anything.” Devon sighed heavily. “Things have been crazy at home.”

  “Yeah, I know. I get that. That’s not new, though.”

  “No, but Carrie being pregnant is.”

  Bruce’s jaw dropped.

  Devon smiled. “Yeah.”

  “You’re not joking.”

  “No.”

  “Why didn’t you…”

  “It’s risky,” Devon said. “We didn’t even know if she could get pregnant. It’s… Well, things can happen.”

  “Devon, I…”

  “It’s okay. I really am sorry. If it helps, the only people who know ar
e Tom and my mother.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah.”

  “How long have you known?”

  “A while. She’s a little over ten weeks now. We were hoping to tell everyone at Christmas.”

  “She’s okay, right? I mean…”

  “Carrie is fine. Better than me, I think.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah. Listen, I’m sorry. I really am. I can’t explain it. She’s been through a lot, so has CJ. I just…I need to be with them right now.”

  Bruce’s lips curled into a smile.

  “What?” Devon asked.

  “I never thought it’d be you having a shotgun wedding.”

  Devon crumpled up a piece of paper on the desk and threw it at her friend.

  Bruce laughed. “Just saying. I’m happy for you, Princess.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

  “Nah, I’m sorry I’m such as asshole sometimes.”

  Devon thought she might start to cry. Bruce could test her patience at times, he loved to tease her, and his antics could annoy a saint from time to time; he was a devoted, compassionate, and trustworthy friend. Not many people got to keep their childhood best friend close for a lifetime. Devon had, and she was confident she would always have Bruce close.

  “You’re not,” she said. “Annoying—yeah. An asshole? No. What do you say we open a bottle of wine?”

  “It’s only noon,” Bruce offered.

  “So? It’s past five in Italy.”

  Bruce grinned. He’s used the same line on Devon once. “Breaking open the good stuff?”

  “Why not? You’re paying.”

  Bruce laughed. “Says the Princess.”

  Devon stood and offered Bruce a hand up. “Come on; I’ll fill you in on the details.”

  “Of Carrie’s pregnancy?”