Tender Deception: A Novel of Romance

by Beckman, Patti

  She pushed the disturbing thoughts and emotions aside, forcing herself to concentrate on Kirk’s voice.

  “The throttle controls the airplane’s power,” he was saying. “Push it in for more power, pull it back for less. But do it gently. In fact, everything you do in an airplane, you do carefully, gently. There’s no need, except maybe in case of an emergency, for sudden maneuvers.”

  “All of this probably sounds complicated,” he went on, “but it will become an easy routine once you are familiar with it. We’ll take one at a time. Today, you’ll just concentrate on flying straight and level.”

  Kirk opened his side window, called “Clear!” in a loud voice, then started the engine. The roar was almost deafening.

  “Keep your hands on your set of controls, your feet on the pedals on the floor and just follow through.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “That means let me do the flying. You can feel through your controls what I’m doing over here. They are dual controls, so whatever I move on my side moves on your side, too. That will give you a feeling for the movements I’m going through.”

  Kirk picked up a microphone from the dash, turned some dials, and spoke into the radio transmitter, asking for permission to taxi. The radio loudspeaker crackled and a voice from the control tower cleared the Beechcraft to go ahead.

  The ride was slightly more bumpy than being in a car. Lilly tightened her seat belt as the plane moved to the taxi way. The craft seemed very light and flimsy. The metal covering the frame was thin. The doors were not heavy like car doors.

  Kirk stayed to the left of a stripe on the pavement. He steered the plane down several hundred yards of a ribbon-like stretch of blacktop and stopped short of a wide expanse of concrete than ran perpendicular to them.

  Lilly kept her hands on the stick, trying to relax her muscles so she could follow through on Kirk’s movements without interfering.

  His feet moved to the top of the floor pedals, mashing against them hard to set the brakes. He pushed in the throttle and kept his eye on the needle of one of the instruments.

  The engine roared. The propeller became a shining circle. The plane vibrated. It seemed suddenly tense and alive, as if eager to be on its way.

  “Why are you doing that?” Lilly wanted to know.

  “It’s a customary check to be sure we have enough power to get us off the ground.”

  Kirk pulled back on the throttle. The roar of the engine died down. He spoke over the microphone again, asking for permission to take off.

  When his request was granted, he eased in the throttle. The plane rumbled merrily onto the runway.

  Kirk pushed in the right brake, and the plane swung around and headed down the long strip of pavement.

  He shot her a challenging look. “Ready?”

  She nodded, every nerve in her body suddenly alive with anticipation.

  “Here we go!” He pushed in the throttle, worked the foot pedals back and forth to keep the plane going straight down the runway and called over the sound of the engine, “You’ll feel when she’s ready to take off. When she lets us know she’s ready to leap into the air, I’ll pull back gently on the stick. I want you to try and sense that moment, Lilly. Flying is done mostly by feel. The best pilots rely more on themselves than on instruments.”

  The engine whined, the plane vibrated harder. Lilly felt sure the forward thrust exceeded the pull of gravity. She wasn’t sure how she knew, but she could feel the little plane just begging to leap from the ground.

  “Now!” she cried.

  Kirk pulled back on the stick. Lilly felt the control on her side draw closer to her belly. When the plane jumped into the air, Lilly felt a jolt of exhilaration. Suddenly, they were free of the constraints of the earth. The runway dropped away below them. The landscape around the airport began to appear minuscule. It didn’t seem to her that they were pulling away from the earth, but rather that the earth was falling away from them. Gravity clutched at them, mashing them into their seats.

  “Pull back on the stick to climb,” Kirk said, “but also give it more throttle. Power is the key, remember.”

  As the plane circled higher and higher, Lilly’s spirits soared with it. She adored this little machine. It already had a personality. The engine was singing with joy as the craft flew happily through the sky. She was so entranced by the excitement of the moment and the beauty of the landscape below, that she forgot to keep her hands on the controls.

  “Plane heading right at us!” Kirk shouted.

  Lilly tore her gaze from the earth, looking frantically ahead of them, cold fright tearing through her. But she saw nothing. “Where?” she gasped.

  “Nowhere,” Kirk said calmly, “...this time. But next time you might not be so lucky. Keep your eyes on the skies ahead of you,” he warned. “Flying is not exactly like driving a car. If you have a wreck here, it’s a long way to fall. A collision is a disaster. Look in front of you, above, and below you, especially near the airfield. Never rely solely on the air traffic controllers. If you start daydreaming or sightseeing, it could be fatal. A mistake in the air can cost your life, so always depend first on yourself. Understand?”

  Lilly nodded.

  “Now are you ready to take over the controls for a little straight and level flying?”

  “I think so,” she replied, with a fresh wave of anticipation.

  “Okay. Watch the altimeter. Remember, that’s the instrument I said shows your altitude above sea level. We want to stay about 3,000 feet above the ground. Now it’s all yours!” He took his hands and feet off the controls, placed Lilly’s right hand on the throttle and leaned back in his seat.

  Lilly awkwardly fiddled with the stick and the rudder pedals. The needle in the altimeter moved back and forth. First she climbed, then she descended. Try as she might, she could not maintain a consistent altitude.

  “Remember, the throttle is the key,” Kirk advised. “More power means more altitude. Less power and you lose altitude. Control your flight with a little bit of elevation, but mostly with power. In a car, the more you push in the accelerator, the faster you go. But in an airplane, the faster you go, the more altitude you’ll gain, unless you compensate with the controls.”

  Lilly gently pushed the throttle in a bit and the altimeter began to climb. She pulled back and they descended. She spent several minutes adjusting the throttle before she was able to maintain her altitude for more than a few seconds.

  “You’re doing fine,” Kirk encouraged.

  When they were back on the ground, Lilly turned to Kirk. Her eyes were sparkling, her face flushed. “Kirk, how can I thank you for this wonderful gift? I just love this little plane!”

  He smiled. “The joy is your eyes is all the thanks I need, Lilly. I’m glad the airplane pleases you.”

  “It must have cost a lot. You—you have been very generous with me.”

  He looked at her thoughtfully, appearing pleased by her approval.

  * * * * * * *

  True to his promise, Kirk began energetically promoting her musical career. He arranged a booking for her at a prominent Las Vegas hotel where she was an immediate success. One of his companies funded a half hour musical show for public television. The show was built around Lilly. She recorded a song that hit the top charts around the country and was on her way to becoming a star in the entertainment world.

  It was an exciting period in her life.

  Kirk hired a good instructor to complete her flying lessons. She had a natural feel for flying as she did for music. By the end of the first week she had progressed enough at the controls to solo. Then there were ground school classes to attend, navigation to study, and more flying hours to be logged. Somehow she worked it all into her busy schedule and at the end of two months she had her license. Then she could fly to Las Vegas when she was performing there or simply spend hours in the clouds by herself, escaping the tensions and cares of the world.

  Lilly sometimes puzzled over Kirk’s inter
est in her career. Why was he so eager to see her talent recognized? One day she made a discovery that she thought gave her an answer and at the same time a fresh insight into the complex man she had married.

  She was spending a week in their San Francisco home between musical engagements when she took some of her things to a storage room in the house where a large cardboard box caught her eyes. Curiosity prompted her to open it. In the box were a number of oil paintings. She took one out, wondering why they had not been hung in the mansion. It was a coastal scene of waves breaking on great rocks. Although she was no expert in such matters, she thought it looked as if it had been painted by an amateur. Then her gaze fell on the signature in a lower corner—”Kirk Remington.”

  She stared at the name, her eyes widening with shock. Kirk had never mentioned having an interest in painting. She tried to envision Kirk as an artist, but failed. It was more natural to picture him controlling a board of directors’ meeting.

  She looked over the other paintings in the box. The subject matter was varied, including landscapes, still lifes and portraits.

  Then, at the bottom of the stack of paintings, she saw one that drove a stabbing jolt through her heart. It was a figure study, a woman gracefully posed in a garden setting. It was probably the best he had done. Like the others, it had an amateurish quality. But despite the flaws it had obviously been painted with a loving hand. Lilly recognized at once the beautiful woman in the painting. It was Marie Algretto. She was nude.

  Lilly stared at the painting. Emotions boiled through her, ranging from anger to heartbreak. This was just one more piece of evidence of how much Kirk had passionately loved the opera singer—and how much he still loved her. If she no longer meant anything to him, he wouldn’t keep this painting, would he?

  Theirs must have been an intimate relationship for her to have posed nude for the painting. Lilly tortured herself with fantasies about the circumstances of the painting. Had they taken a break from her posing to make love? Had passion shaken his hand as he drank in the sight of the gorgeous woman as he transferred her flawless beauty to the canvass? Hot images burned through Lilly’s imagination, sending waves of bitter emotion churning through her.

  She sat there for several minutes, engulfed in bitterness and aching jealousy. Then she spent the rest of the afternoon hanging all of the paintings in her bedroom. Angrily, she was planning a surprise for Kirk.

  During their evening meal, she forced herself to act in a normal manner toward Kirk. She could tell by the way he was looking at her that he was in a mood for making love that evening.

  After dinner, he swept her up in his arms and carried her into her bedroom. He crossed the threshold and suddenly froze. He stared about the room, seeing his canvasses on every wall. Lilly had deliberately highlighted the painting of Marie Algretto with a lamp.

  “Where did you get these?” he demanded.

  “I found them in the attic by accident.”

  His expression was dark, angry. “I should have thrown them away long ago.”

  “I wonder why you didn’t?” Lilly murmured, looking pointedly at the nude painting of the opera singer. “Perhaps you couldn’t bear to part with them for sentimental reasons.”

  He crossed the room in quick strides and ripped the paintings from the walls. “They’re silly, childish dabblings.”

  “I’d hardly call them childish. A child wouldn’t do a figure study of a nude woman!”

  He shot her a dangerous glare.

  “When did you paint them?”

  “A long time ago. It was a silly whim. As you can plainly see, I have no talent whatsoever as a painter.”

  “You seemed to have no difficulty getting a model.”

  The look he gave her was cutting. “I was spending a year in Paris. Marie encouraged me to take painting lessons. After a year, I saw it was a waste of time.” Suddenly his voice was bleak with bitterness. “I am simply devoid of talent.”

  She gave him a narrowed look. “You feel that keenly, don’t you, not being able to express yourself creatively through music or painting....”

  “Of course. It’s like having something vital locked up inside, clamoring for release, but damned forever to be imprisoned. I even tried to write a novel once and failed dismally. So I took my frustrations out on my business enterprises. At least there I am successful.”

  “It does make some things clear to me,” Lilly mused thoughtfully. “I have not been able to understand why you went to such lengths to marry a nobody like me when you could have your pick of beautiful women, and why you have worked so energetically to push my musical career. By possessing me, you came as close as you could to possessing my talent. You want to own me so you can own my music. Through me you realize your frustrated creative desire. Perhaps your money can’t buy you talent, but it bought you me, the next best thing!”

  “That’s ridiculous!” Kirk exclaimed angrily.

  “I don’t think it’s ridiculous at all. By marrying me, trying to possess me body and soul, you are trying to reach through me the thing you crave most in life and are denied. You have everything else a man could want—power, money, position. But deep down under that cold, defensive armor of yours, Kirk Remington, is a frustrated artist. You’re like a blind person wanting to use me as your eyes. You’ve never gotten over the childhood trauma of your stepfather refusing to give you music lessons, then smashing your father’s guitar. Now through my fingers you play the piano. Through my voice you sing. Physical desire is a way of making me more a part of you. But love certainly does not enter into it.”

  Tears were blinding her. She said, “But what a comedown it must be to have me after your relationship with someone like Marie Algretto! She’s a world renowned artist, not only more beautiful than I’ll ever be, but far above me in the music world. She’s a great opera star, a genius, and I’m merely an entertainer, a jazz pianist and a blues singer. You must compare us every time you make love to me!”

  Lilly was trembling. Kirk’s face was black with anger. The battle of emotions he was trying to contain exploded in his eyes. He quivered with a superhuman effort to gain control of himself. Then, as if not trusting himself to speak, he simply turned and stalked from the room.

  Lilly had the ominous premonition that the conflict between them was moving to a climax. Finding this nude painting of Marie Algretto among his possessions was a warning of what was to come.

  It was two weeks later that she glanced through a newspaper and saw an item that seized her attention. A dark cloud of despondency settled over her as she read that a traveling opera company was coming to San Francisco to perform La Traviata. The tragic role of Violetta Valery would be sung by Marie Algretto.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  As the date drew closer for Marie Algretto’s performance in San Francisco, Lilly’s feeling of nervous apprehension increased. Surely Kirk and the opera singer would meet while she was in this city. Kirk would find her as irresistible as always.

  Lilly couldn’t shake the sad conclusion that her marriage to Kirk was approaching an end.

  These past weeks, she had felt more hopelessly in love with Kirk than ever. In spite of their quarrels and Kirk’s jealousy over Jimmy, Lilly had found a vitality and excitement in sharing life with Kirk that she had never known before. Their lovemaking became more thrilling each time he took her in his arms. His touch never failed to set off a volley of sparks through her nerve endings. One of his dark-eyed looks could reach to the depths of her being and bring a quiver to her entire body.

  How she wished he had let her leave him after that first week when she fled to the hotel. It would have been so much easier then!

  She watched Kirk for signs of restlessness and anticipation as the date for Miss Algretto’s performance drew near. But he kept his feelings so well under wraps that she couldn’t detect anything. Then there was a development that confused and surprised Lilly. A few days before the Algretto performance, Kirk announced that a business trip was going to take
him to Chicago for a week. He wouldn’t be in town for the performance of La Traviata!

  What did it mean? Lilly’s thoughts were scrambled. Was he going out of town because he couldn’t trust himself to be in the same city with Marie Algretto? Was he actually going to try that hard to preserve his marriage to Lilly? It awakened a glimmer of hope in her.

  That week, Lilly was concluding a dinner club performance in Las Vegas. She slept late the morning following her final performance, spent the day doing some shopping, and late that afternoon flew her little plane back to San Francisco. It was nighttime when she arrived in the city. With Kirk out of town, the house would be empty. She decided to stop off at The Landing to visit Jimmy and the band for a while.

  She sat at a small table near the stage, thrilled at how good the band was sounding these days. Every time she heard them they were better. While her own career was doing well, she remembered how exciting it had been to play with Jimmy’s jazz band. A part of her wished she could still be a part of the group.

  The lights on the band dimmed. The spotlight faded to a single beam focused on Jimmy’s golden trumpet. Everything else was in darkness. And then Jimmy played the blues, soft and mellow, summing up in an expression of wry emotion all the misery life could deal to an individual. Lilly forgot everything except the shimmering beauty of Jimmy’s music. The real world faded away. The universe became centered on the golden horn in the spot of light surrounded by darkness.

  Suddenly, Lilly found herself being drawn magnetically to the stage. She moved beside Jimmy. The spotlight left Jimmy’s horn and touched her and she sang one of Bessie Smith’s unforgettable blues songs. It welled up mellow and husky, throbbing with emotion from deep in her throat.

  When the number ended, there was a moment of hushed silence. Then the audience exploded into wild applause. Lilly heard the band applauding her. She was gazing at Jimmy and he was looking at her with a peculiar expression. Her eyes filled with tears. They were both overwhelmed by the emotion they had generated with the spontaneous performance. It was one of those rare moments that come to artists when they have tapped some deep wellspring of inspiration that puts them close to the source of all creation.