Tender Deception: A Novel of Romance

by Beckman, Patti

  Of course, it was the way he charmed all the girls. When she had been Lilly Parker, Jimmy had treated her with a kind of amused, protective air. Now, she was like one of the pep squad leaders who rode around their home town in his convertible. He found her attractive. She was a target for his appeal.

  Jimmy...Jimmy, her heart smiled, you don’t have to work overtime to charm me. I succumbed to you a long time ago. All you have to do is ask and I’ll say yes.

  Yes to what? Once before, in New Orleans, she had been ready to invite him into her room. But she had been more cautious then. She had been afraid to trust herself to him. She had wanted something more permanent than she thought Jimmy could give her. Kirk had offered her that—marriage. And look what it had gotten her!

  Now she was bitter and disillusioned. Nothing was permanent. If Jimmy wanted her, she was in a reckless mood to live only for the moment. Perhaps in Jimmy’s arms, she would forget the heartbreak Kirk had brought to her life.

  When the club closed, Jimmy took her to her rooming house in a cab. On her doorstep, he kissed her.

  She slipped her arm around his neck. “Don’t rush me, please, Jimmy? I have fallen for you in a big way. But give me just a little more time. Okay?”

  For a moment he looked frustrated, but then fell back on his easygoing, cheerful manner. “Okay. So I’ll play it cool.” He kissed her again.

  She closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of his kiss, being held.... When the kiss ended, she reached up and brushed back the unruly lock of hair from his forehead. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” she whispered.

  He gave her a puzzled look. “What do you mean, a ‘long time’?”

  “Never mind. You wouldn’t understand.”

  He continued to look puzzled. “You’re a strange little chick. But you’ve sure got me turned on.”

  He kissed her again and his hand moved up to cup her breast. She put her fingers over his hand. She let him caress her for a moment and felt a poignant sweetness, being close to him. She closed her eyes, swaying closer, feeling the warmth of his body.

  But then, something intruded. A pair of dark, probing eyes flashed into her mind. Suddenly, Kirk’s face was there, as clear as if he were standing between them.

  A shiver ran through her body. She pulled away from Jimmy. “Good night, Jimmy,” she whispered and fled up the stairs to her room.

  Long after she had gone to bed, she stared up at the dark ceiling, her emotions in confused disarray. She was furious at herself for allowing the memory of Kirk to intrude that way. She owed no loyalty to Kirk. She hated him!

  She had made the decision when Jimmy asked to drive her home, to sleep with him tonight. This was to have been the start of a new Lilly Parker. Her face was different. Her voice was different. She had a new name. And there was going to be a different man in her life. She intended to erase the memory of Kirk Remington from her existence.

  Was he going to continue to haunt her forever?

  She rolled over and pounded her fist into her pillow with mingled frustration and anger.

  * * * * * * *

  The following night, she went to work at the usual time. This was a club that catered to business executives. Often they came here to relax after a board meeting or to sit in a corner and discuss a business deal. For the most part, they ignored her. She was just part of the setting. She didn’t have to contend with the kinds of drunks who often hung around piano bars.

  Tonight, as she played, she became conscious of one of the men in a group seated at a table. He was staring at her. When she glanced in his direction, her fingers turned to ice. She saw an olive complexion, heavy eyebrows, a pair of jet black eyes that drove searing rays into the depths of her being.

  The man staring at her was Kirk Remington.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  He suddenly rose and headed straight for the piano bar. Lilly became stiff with consternation. Had he recognized her? What would she say? She was not emotionally prepared for a confrontation with Kirk. Where he was concerned her emotions were still too raw.

  He took a seat at the bar, placing his drink before him. She felt his gaze fixed on her.

  She fought a terrified impulse to leap up and run out of the room. What had possessed her to take a job at a club frequented by business executives? She should have considered the possibility that Kirk would come here. The anonymity afforded by a big city had made her too complacent.

  She used all of her willpower to continue playing. She tried to convince herself, Jimmy didn’t recognize you. There is no reason why Kirk should unless you panic and give yourself away.

  She glanced up, catching sight of her reflection in a mirror behind the room’s main bar. She tried to gain reassurance from the face that stared back at her. It was not the face of Kirk’s wife, she assured herself. He couldn’t possibly see through her masquerade, and yet he continued to stare at her.

  She finished the melody she was playing. Kirk spoke to her. “Miss, may I make a request?”

  “Y—yes.”

  “Do you know the Moonlight Sonata?”

  Of course she did, but she dared not play it. It had been Kirk’s favorite, those nights she had played for him when they were living together. The association would be too strong, the risk too great. It might be the clue that would make him see through her masquerade and recognize her identity.

  “No,” she murmured. “I’m sorry. I don’t know it. Is there anything else you’d like to hear?” She avoided looking at him, gazing instead at her fingers that roamed nervously over the keyboard.

  “No. Whatever you want to play is fine. You’re very good.”

  “Thank you,” she mumbled.

  He sat at the bar for the next two hours. He didn’t make any more requests or speak to her again. He just sat there listening, lost in his own thoughts.

  It was the worst two hours of her lifetime. She went home that night a nervous wreck. She had wondered how she would react if she ever saw Kirk again. Now she knew. All the emotions she had buried awoke in a raging storm—hurt, anger, jealousy...and bitter heartbreak.

  She prayed he would not return the next night, but he did. This time he made no effort to speak to her. He just sat there in brooding silence, listening to her play, drinking steadily.

  Before the evening was over, she had made up her mind that she would have to give the club owner her notice and try to find a job someplace else. But Kirk did not come back the following night.

  Lilly regained an uneasy peace of mind. But she couldn’t feel totally secure. Kirk often had to fly out of town on business. Was that the reason he hadn’t returned to the club on the third night? Would he come back again when his business was completed and he returned to San Francisco?

  Jimmy called, asking her to meet him again one night when his band finished playing for the evening. She was so unnerved, she put him off until the weekend. By then Kirk had not come back. She relaxed enough to meet Jimmy again.

  On Sunday, Lilly experienced a spell of loneliness. She needed to talk with a friend, and her best friend was hundreds of miles away in Albuquerque. She decided to phone Raven.

  “Lilly!” Raven cried when she heard her voice. “Gee, it’s good to hear you. I got your letter, but it didn’t tell me a whole lot. I’ve been hoping every day to get a longer letter from you.”

  “I really feel guilty about that,” Lilly apologized humbly. “Raven, I’ve been selfish, I know. But so much has been happening, I couldn’t seem to get my thoughts organized to write a letter. I guess I’m not very good at letter writing anyway. That’s why I decided to phone instead.”

  “I’m so glad you did! How are you? I guess you know Glenn Marshall has called me every day wanting to know if I’ve heard from you again.”

  “Please tell him I’m fine. My health is entirely back to normal. I have plenty of energy to walk up these San Francisco hills. And the cool temperature out here is invigorating.”

  “He’ll be glad to hear t
hat. Be sure and keep on taking your vitamins. You don’t have any more of those headaches do you?”

  “I haven’t had a single one since my memory returned.”

  Lilly spent a few minutes telling her friend about her new living quarters and the job she’d found.

  Then she said, “Raven, I told you in my letter I’d seen Jimmy in Sacramento where his band was playing at a big jazz festival.”

  “Did he suspect who you were?”

  “No! My masquerade worked! He told me I reminded him of someone, but he never suspected my identity. As far as Jimmy is concerned, I’m a new person, a woman he has just met.”

  “It’s incredible! Lilly, I can’t believe you’re pulling something like this off.”

  “Well, I am. I’ve seen him again at the nightclub in San Francisco where he’s playing, and we’re becoming friends. It’s a whole new relationship, starting from scratch. His attitude toward me is entirely different now. Before, he seemed to have some kind of hang-up that he should treat me like I was his kid sister. Maybe it was because we knew each other too well, growing up in the same hometown, going to school together—and he was so much older when we were in high school. Or, maybe it wasn’t that at all. Maybe I just didn’t turn him on when I was Lilly Parker. Maybe I wasn’t sexy enough for him or something, or the chemistry between us wasn’t right. It’s different now that I’m ‘Billie Smith.’ He’s definitely interested.” Lilly giggled. “Maybe I’m sexier as a brunette.”

  Raven laughed with her. “Well, I have to hand it to you, Lilly. It’s the wildest scheme I’ve ever heard of, but I guess I have to admit you knew what you were doing. At least it’s apparently working out for you.”

  Lilly grew serious. “Well, yes, and no....”

  There was a moment’s silence. Then Lilly said, “Raven, I’m going to tell you something shocking. The last thing I’d expected to happen—Kirk showed up at the club where I’m working.”

  “Oh, Lilly!” Raven exclaimed. “Did he recognize you?”

  “I don’t think so. He didn’t give any indication that he did. But I was frightened out of my wits. And he came back again the following night. He sat at the bar, listening to me play. He just looked at me. He’s hardly spoken to me.”

  “You must be under a terrible strain.”

  “Well, yes. I was petrified. But Raven, I don’t know what I’m afraid of. Kirk isn’t a physical threat to me. Even if he discovered who I am, what could he do? Nothing, really. He can’t force me to go back to him. And Jimmy’s future is secure, now. He has a large following out here on the West Coast. He’s making records. He’s being invited to play at the big jazz festivals. Even if Kirk found out that I’m back and that I’m seeing Jimmy, he can’t hurt Jimmy any more. If he fired Jimmy from the club he owns, Jimmy has become so popular, he’d have no trouble finding another job for his band.”

  “So why did I come so unglued when Kirk walked back into my life? I can’t explain it to you when I don’t fully understand myself. My mind goes haywire where Kirk Remington is concerned. My emotions turn into a hurricane. I can’t think straight when he’s in the same room. Any kind of response to him that I’ve ever had has been a violent one. I can have plans for my life all neatly lined up, and then Kirk can scatter things in all directions.”

  “Anyway, I’m probably worried needlessly. Kirk sat right there at the piano bar, not three feet from me, for two nights last week and showed no sign of recognizing me. If I can stay cool and not give myself away, there’s no more reason for him to recognize me than anyone else could. After all, Jimmy has known me since school days, and he didn’t catch on, so why should Kirk?”

  “Still, it’s putting a dreadful strain on you, Lilly. And that isn’t good for you. After all you’ve been through, you don’t want to risk a relapse, now that you’ve just gotten your strength and health back.”

  They chatted a while longer. Before ending the conversation Lilly asked Raven to call Glenn Marshall and assure him that she was fine and would write him a long letter—a promise she kept as soon as she hung up.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Lilly was beginning to relax at her job, again. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights passed without Kirk putting in an appearance. “He’s not coming back,” she assured herself. And then on Thursday night, shortly after she began playing, she glanced up and he was there.

  She looked away with a sharp intake of her breath as he slid onto a bar stool. A couple was seated on the other side to her left. She concentrated on them, playing several requests for them. Then they left. It was a slow night. A few customers were at the main bar and seated at tables. But Kirk was the only customer seated at the piano bar. Lilly realized it would only arouse his suspicions if she ignored him. She forced herself to look at him with a professional smile. “Hello,” she heard herself say in a calm voice that belied her inner turmoil. “Haven’t seen you for a while.”

  “I know. I wasn’t going to come back. I tried, but I couldn’t stay away....”

  She laughed uneasily. “I’m not that good, surely. There are many better piano players in town.”

  “Oh, you’re good all right,” he said in a strange voice. “But that’s not the only reason I had to come back.” He hesitated. “I’m sure an attractive young woman like you, being an entertainer at a piano bar, must hear this line many times. But the truth is, you remind me very much of someone I once knew. Someone very important to me.”

  A quality in his voice compelled her to look more directly at him. It was the first time she’d allowed her gaze to linger on his face. She realized with a shock that he did not look well. He had lost weight. His face was drawn and lined, his eyes lacked the bright, cold glint that had made her think of black agates. They appeared dulled, vacant. He looked like a man who had suffered a long illness.

  Disconcerted, she jerked her gaze away, turning her eyes downward toward the piano keys. “Who—who do I remind you of,” she asked, forcing her voice to sound light, “an old girlfriend?”

  “No,” he said quietly. “My wife. She’s dead.”

  “Oh...I—I’m sorry,” Lilly stammered. Now she was disoriented with a new wave of emotion. Was this the same man who had ruthlessly blackmailed her into his bed? She couldn’t believe he was capable of feeling remorse over losing her. Surely she was mistaken.

  But out of the corner of her eye, she saw him raise his glass and his hand was trembling. She had never known Kirk to drink to excess. A glass or two of champagne, perhaps a dinner wine, or an after dinner brandy. But he had been too obsessed with being in control of himself and life to ever allow alcohol to control him. Yet, the nights she’d seen him here, he gave every evidence of a man drinking beyond his capacity.

  “What...was your wife like?” she asked, her fingers rippling the keys in an automatic improvisation.

  “She was a pianist, too. An excellent musician. There is a remarkable resemblance...you could be a close relative. I was in a state of shock that first night when I saw you playing here. It’s nonsense, I know, but I thought for a moment I was seeing her ghost. She had blonde hair, though, and on closer look, I saw that your features are different, and your voice isn’t the same. Perhaps you’ve heard of her, being a musician yourself. She was becoming pretty well known when—when we lost her. She used her professional name, Lilly Parker, when she performed.”

  Lilly swallowed hard. She shook her head. “I never heard of her, but I haven’t been on the West Coast very long.”

  “She was a fine jazz pianist. And a singer. She was a little thing, your size, but could she belt out those blues numbers! She had learned all the songs recorded by the great blues singers like Bessie Smith and Billie Holiday.”

  Lilly had the unnerving sensation that she had lost touch with reality. She couldn’t be sitting here with Kirk Remington, discussing herself in the past tense! It must be a dream. Cold chills were starting to creep up her spine. Kirk was actually making her feel like a ghost.

  The
n she reminded herself that she had no one to blame for this impossible situation but herself. She had put herself in this position with her reckless masquerade!

  “It—it sounds as if you know something about music,” Lilly murmured.

  “Well, I don’t know if I could go so far as to call myself a critic,” he replied. “But I am acquainted with music, both serious and jazz. I suppose you could call me a student of music, or a serious aficionado. It was my passion for music that attracted me to my wife in the first place.”

  It sure was, Lilly thought grimly. And that’s why you married me—to possess my musical talent. That’s all you cared about, Kirk Remington! Someone to keep you company when you weren’t with your mistress, someone to vicariously fulfill your creative hunger.

  Remembering that and remembering his unfaithfulness, his affair with Marie Algretto, rekindled the hatred that had driven Lilly away from him.

  But he went on in a quiet, dull voice. “The reason I requested the Moonlight Sonata that first night I heard you play was because it was my favorite melody from my wife’s repertoire.”

  Again Lilly felt a peculiar shock. It strained her credulity to believe Kirk could exhibit any kind of sentimentality over her. Yet he sounded like a man genuinely lost in grief. She was growing more confused and unsure of her own emotions.

  She was relieved when some other customers moved over to the piano bar. Playing their requests afforded her the opportunity to regain her composure.

  But Kirk remained at the piano bar, and when it was time for her break, he spoke to her again. “Would you be so kind as to join me at a table for a drink, Miss Smith?”

  The sense of unreality swept over her again. Where was the imperious note of command she was so used to hearing in Kirk’s voice? He sounded weary, almost humble.

  Her first impulse was to make an excuse and flee to the women’s lounge. But this new element in Kirk’s personality was intriguing. She was drawn by curiosity to hear him talk some more. And she felt more confident of her disguised identity.