The first box contained a bottle of SPF-fifty-five sunscreen. “Huh?” I muttered as I reached for another package. Inside I found a pair of gold leather, wedged heeled flip-flops. I smiled when I confirmed they were a seven and a half, my size. The next package I opened had a long white halter-top sundress, again my size. Things were looking up. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to open the big or small box next. I chose the small one and found a super cool pair of Prada sunglasses inside it. Finally, I opened the last and biggest box. Inside there was an oversized floppy straw sun hat. I smiled when I saw it. I used to have one that looked exactly like this a million years ago.
I reached for the card, not bothering to throw the crumbled wrapping paper into my garbage pail. I was so curious as to what Bryce had up his sleeve. Obviously, nothing could top his surprise vacation to Aruba this past winter, but clearly, he put a lot of thought into this gift.
The card had a picture of a beach on the outside. Inside was a folded up piece of paper. I slowly opened the letter, which was handwritten. But the handwriting was not Bryce’s. I started to twirl my hair as I began to read.
Dear Cecelia,
Although many years have passed, some things never change. I bet you opened all of the presents first. You probably have them scattered all over your desk, along with balls of crumpled up wrapping paper. You’re twirling your hair with your left hand like you always do when you are confused.
Don’t be confused. In a few seconds everything will click, and you will understand the significance of the gifts. Oh, and stop rolling your eyes.
I couldn’t help but laugh, as I was about to roll my eyes. I sat down and continued reading.
Okay, think back to a day a very long time ago. It was a Friday night. Just like today, the eighth of July to be exact. The city was sweltering, and as usual, I planned to work late. We were going to meet for dinner, but you had other ideas. You showed up at my office right after you got out of work. It was only five-fifteen—the middle of my workday . You were wearing a white halter sundress and gold flip-flops with a wedged heel. Your hair was in a loose ponytail, and you had a huge pair of sunglasses perched on top of your head. You looked beautiful as always, but there was a fire in your eyes. You had a small overnight bag on one of your shoulders. You were holding a huge floppy sun hat in the other hand. I looked at you like you were crazy when you busted into my office and told me to pack up for the night. Like I said, it was only five-fifteen! I tried to fight you, but I couldn’t. You were so insistent (err… BOSSY). Oh, you know exactly what your pushy side did to me…
I took a deep breath, my voice barely a whisper. “Oh, Keith,” I said to the letter. A sad smile spread across my face. I remembered the evening and the weekend perfectly, as if it happened only yesterday, instead of a lifetime ago.
I really had no idea what you had in mind Cee, but I let you lead the way to Penn Station and then all the way out to the Hamptons. Meredith’s boyfriend and his friends had a summer share, but they were all in Vegas for a bachelor party. Somehow you managed to sweet talk her or him (probably both – I forget) to let us use the house, alone. Do you remember the weekend?
I hope you do. I sure do. I’ve thought back on the weekend so many times over the years. The weekend was heavenly. The sun, the salt air…and that gold bikini I couldn’t wait to tear off of you! I just wish you would have listened to me and used sunscreen. You’re so fair and you got burnt so badly. I know you had to have been in pain by nighttime, but you never showed it. You were so happy. You made me so happy. I promised you that we’d spend another weekend together at the beach. I knew how much you enjoyed being by the ocean, but we never made it back. Yet another thing I wish I did differently. I blame myself for not taking you there again.
Cecelia, I hate that I’ve let so many years pass without seeing you. I hate I let you walk out of my apartment and my life. I hate myself for not chasing after you and telling you how much I missed you. But most of all I hate I never once told you I loved you. Because Cee I did.
I gasped. My heart was beating so fast in my chest. I struggled to catch my breath. I ran my fingers through my hair, scratching my scalp. What the hell was going on here? I haven’t heard from the man in twenty long years. And now, out of the blue, he was telling me not only did he love me then, he still loves me now?
My leg started to shake uncontrollably. Part of me wanted to tear the letter into a million pieces, and then burn it. I was so angry. What was wrong with him? What game was he trying to play with my emotions, and why was he doing it? Didn’t he damage me enough already? Why did he want to play with my heart?
I glanced down at my wedding rings and nervously twirled them around my finger. Better yet, what was wrong with me? Why was I compelled to keep reading? Why did I desperately need to learn more?
I know you never expected to see me again and honestly I never thought I would see you either. When Walter told me he met you again, I couldn’t stay away. I did what I should have done years ago. I went where I knew you’d be and tried to tell you how I felt. Sure, I had to pretend my words were intended for the bride and groom, but have no doubts. EVERY word I spoke was meant for you, just YOU.
Looking back, performing the ceremony was probably one of the craziest ideas I’ve ever had. I don’t know what I expected to have accomplished at the wedding. Well, I know what I wanted to happen. Even as I worked on writing the vows, I knew I wasn’t being realistic. After all, Wally told me you were married and had children. (Your boys are so adorable. BTW – they look exactly like you.) I’m afraid you probably hate me and never want to see me again. I can’t blame you if you do feel that way. I deserve it after all. Cecelia, I would do anything to have the chance to spend a few hours with you and talk.
I did something crazy. I rented a townhouse in Atlantic Beach for the summer. It’s right on the ocean—you would love it! I love it. Although it does make me sad… I can’t help but think back to our weekend in the Hamptons. Think of how badly I wish you were lying in the sun next to me.
Cecelia, like I said, I would do anything just to see you again and spend a little time with you. I pray you’ll want to see me too. I know it may be awkward to come to the beach house, but I think we’d both appreciate a quiet and secluded spot to talk. Atlantic Beach is such a quiet, sleepy beach town. It is the best-kept secret in Long Island. There is a boardwalk that is always practically empty. You say the day and time, and I will meet you there. Anytime…
I don’t want to put pressure on you. Take your time. Think about it. Consider it, PLEASE. And if you want nothing to do with me, I’ll be heartbroken, but I will understand. Don’t worry; I won’t reach out to you again. Know one thing, Cecelia. Even though I was too dumb, stubborn, and scared to say the words then, from the first day you came into my life I did love you.
Forever,
Keith
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CECELIA
“Wow! Who kicked you out of bed this morning?” I asked. I was shocked to see Anna sitting at her desk, typing away before nine o’clock. She was notorious for getting into work late, especially on Mondays.
“Shocking, huh?” She smiled, as she eyed me. She didn’t even try to hide the fact she was making sure I had a paper bag in my hands. “Good job! I see you brought me my muffin and coffee this morning. I was a bit worried, I must admit. I almost toasted up a frozen bagel before I left the house, but I was running far too late to do that.”
“I’m hurt. You think I would let you down twice?”
She let out a large sigh as she took the bag from my hand. “Thanks! You’ve no idea how badly I needed this.” She sniffed the coffee and closed her eyes. “I couldn’t sleep at all last night. It was a rough weekend.”
“What happened? You guys seemed fine on Saturday.” Anna, Cole, and the kids came over for a barbecue. Anna’s daughter, Violet, was ten going on twenty-seven. Despite her sassy disposition, she was amazing with my boys. She kept the twins and her younger brother Harle
y, entertained and safe. The four of us had a great time, although we did eat far too many barbecued ribs. I ran five miles yesterday in an attempt to burn some of it off.
“Yeah, we’re fine.” She shrugged her shoulders. “It’s just Cole’s job, again. He’s been running into issues with the shopping center he’s designing. He’s afraid the owner is having financial issues, so he’s freaking out that the project is going to be scraped.”
I took a small bite of my corn muffin. “That’s not good. If it happens what does that mean for him?” Cole was an architect. Recently a huge company acquired the firm he works for. Many of the people at his level were either let go or convinced to take an early retirement. Cole was worried he’d be getting his walking papers, but when he was put in charge of designing a new shopping center he finally breathed a sigh of relief.
“I don’t know.” She shook her head from side to side. “I keep telling him to try and worry less and just focus on the project. But you know him, he tends to overreact.”
I took a sip of coffee. “You can’t blame him for being concerned, Anna.”
“I know. I just don’t want it to consume him. Whatever happens, we’ll be fine.”
Anna received a significant inheritance from her grandfather many years ago. She never had to worry about money a day in her life. When Cole first learned his job was in jeopardy, she wasn’t too sympathetic. She threw her trust fund in his face and told him she’d take care of the finances. She didn’t grasp his pride would never allow it. Fortunately, over pizza and tequila I helped her see the light.
“I know. But you know how Cole is when it comes to his job.”
“That I do.” She paused and gave me a small smile. “Which is exactly why I couldn’t sleep. I was worried he was worried. Aren’t we quite the pair?”
“Yep, which is why I love you.”
“Speaking of love, I love your dress.” Anna winked.
I glanced down at the white halter dress Keith had sent me. “Thanks.”
“Clearly you do too.” She popped a piece of muffin top into her mouth. “What’s happening to you, my friend?” She stared at me.
“Huh?”
“You’re slipping.” She made a tsk tsk sound and waved her index finger at me. “You always mix up your wardrobe. I remember when I first met you, I was positive you kept a calendar of what you wore and when. You never repeat for at least a month, yet this dress you’ve worn twice in two weeks!”
I felt my face flush. I actually wore the dress three times, but only twice to work. “I can’t be perfect forever I guess.”
Anna’s desk phone rang. She rubbed her head as she listened and began to frantically scribble notes down. Figuring she’d be tied up for a while, I packed up my half eaten muffin quietly and headed back to my office. I didn’t even realize how many times I wore the outfit Keith sent me until she pointed it out. Over two weeks had passed since I opened the package. I must have reread his letter a hundred and fifty times since—no joke.
I reached into my center desk drawer and pulled it out once more. As I read the last line, as usual, tears fell down my face. At first, I was positive I wouldn’t call him, but now I was seriously having second thoughts.
I picked up my cell phone and scrolled through my contacts. I then used my office line to dial the number, as I hated using my cell at work. A woman answered the phone on the first ring. Damn it!
“Hello, Annabel,” she exclaimed in a singsong voice.
I took a deep breath. “Hi Beatrice, it’s not Anna, it’s Cecelia.” I had really hoped Walter would have answered the phone.
“Oh hello, dear. I assumed it was my daughter when I saw the number come in. To what do I owe this call?”
“I was hoping to speak to Walter. Is he in?”
“I’m afraid not. He’s at the club, playing golf. Is there something I can help you with?”
“No, it’s okay. Thanks. I’ll try him some other time.”
“Very well. I’ll tell him you called.”
I probably should ask her about her trip to Italy. Instead, I just said, “Thanks.”
“Cecelia, let’s cut to the chase, shall we? There is only one reason why you wanted to speak to Walter. You wanted to talk to him about Keith. Don’t you think you’d be better off speaking to a woman, even if that woman is me?”
I chuckled. I loved how she was able to accept her faults and reputation. “Yeah, Bea. You’re right on both counts.”
“I know. So speak,” she demanded.
And I did. I told Beatrice about the gifts Keith sent and the letter he wrote. At her request, I even read it to her. As I folded it up and placed it back into my desk drawer, there was silence on the other end of the phone.
“Bea? Beatrice? Are you still there?”
She sniffled. “Yes, dear. I am. Sorry. I got a little teary. Wow. It took guts for him put his feelings on paper like that. Don’t you think?”
“Yes.” I snorted. “I honestly didn’t think he had it in him. He never came close to expressing any real feelings during the whole time we were together.”
“Just because he never said the words before doesn’t mean he didn’t think them, Cecelia. Do you finally believe what Walter and I told you over lunch? Do you understand the man has been pining after for you years?”
I swallowed a lump in my throat, “Yes, I think I do.”
“Good. Finally, there is some improvement,” she said sarcastically. “So, what are you going to do? Are you going to meet him and hear him out?”
“I don’t know Bea. I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, I sure do.”
“Yeah?” I took a sip of coffee.
“The way I see it you really have no choice. If you don’t speak to him, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. You’ll always wonder what he wanted to say and how you’d feel. Living in a world of what-if is the worst. Trust me, I know.”
“You’re probably right. But why do I need to open old wounds? I have spent years trying to forget him.”
“So tell me. Were you successful at forgetting?”
“Well…”
“Come on Cecelia. No need to lie to me. You know as well as I do, you failed miserably. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have been so shaken up when you saw him at the wedding. You wouldn’t have reacted the way you did over lunch. You never forgot him and your feelings never died.”
“But…”
“But nothing. Did Annabel tell you about my past?”
When Anna was helping her mother plan the wedding she discovered so much she never knew about her mom, including her mother’s past relationships.
“She did. She told me everything.” I worried Beatrice would be upset that her daughter shared all her secrets with me.
Not taking any chances, she asked, “So you know about my husband and William?”
“I do.”
“Good. Then you should have no doubts I know what I’m talking about. Cecelia, I don’t know you well, but when I look into your eyes, I see myself. I see the pain and sadness you feel. I know nothing about you, your marriage, or your history. All I know, is you’re doing what I spent a lifetime doing. I buried my feelings. I was so afraid of getting hurt again I closed off my heart, which just hurt me more in the end. I pushed away everyone who mattered to me. I was a sad, miserable woman. No one wanted to be around me. Hell, I didn’t even like myself.” She paused. “But I was powerless to change. Fortunately for me, I met Walter. He saw I had some redeeming qualities and took a chance—chipping away at the walls I had built. He managed to bring happiness back into my life, and love into my heart. I now have a better relationship with my daughter and grandchildren as a result.” She sighed. “Dear, I learned my lesson the hard way. We only have one life. Time passes regardless if you are happy or miserable. Every minute that goes by is gone. You never get that time back. Life is short. You need to make the most of it. Please, Cecelia, don’t do what I did. Don’t settle. Don’t let fear cripple yo
u. Open your heart. Try to find your happy. Get answers to your questions. Call Keith. You will never be able to enjoy the present if you don’t resolve your past.”
I nodded my head. For a second I forgot I was on the phone and she couldn’t see me. My throat was so dry despite the fact I was drinking coffee. “You’re right Bea. I think I have to. Thanks.”
“I can’t believe I’m really doing this,” I muttered to myself as I parked my car on Ocean Boulevard, near the east end of the Atlantic Beach boardwalk. Anna was so excited when I marched into her office around noon and announced I was following her advice and taking the afternoon off. During the past few weeks, she made her disappointment known when I didn’t manage to take any time for myself. However, I think her happiness would have been short lived if she knew what I was really doing this afternoon.
I glanced at my reflection in the rearview mirror and fluffed my hair. After I had hung up with Beatrice I tried to work for about a half an hour. Unfortunately, my mind was somewhere else. Her words kept echoing in my ears. In a moment of weakness I caved and called Keith. Despite the assurances in his note about meeting me anytime, I didn’t really expect him to be available at my beck and call. I sort of hoped he’d be in court or in the city, but he offered to meet me by the beach at one-thirty. I’ve been trying not to throw up ever since I hung up the phone.
For most of the hour-long drive from my office in Great Neck, I debated if I should stop off somewhere and buy a new outfit. I couldn’t decide if wearing the dress he sent me was brilliant or nuts. I was leaning towards nuts, which was pretty much how I felt at this very moment. So I made a quick stop at Green Acres Mall along my way. I picked up a pair of khaki shorts, a fitted white tee-shirt, and a pair of sneakers, which I wore out of the store.
Plan Cee (Secrets, Lies, and Second Chances Book 2) Page 9