Plan Cee (Secrets, Lies, and Second Chances Book 2)

by Hilary Grossman

  “I know. Keith told me about him.”

  Beatrice nodded, “Walter had no plans to retire until Jacob got sick, you know. After he passed Walter started to slow down workwise. Sure, it took him several years to fully retire, but his priorities shifted almost immediately. Anna told you Walter and I met on a cruise, didn’t she?”

  “Yes, she did.”

  “Well, the trip was Walter’s first real vacation in over twenty years. Any trips he previously took were somehow related to work. He never did anything or went anywhere for the pleasure of it. And look at our relationship…” Bea winked at me. “Don’t you think it’s funny how quickly he and I became a couple?”

  “Um, I don’t know,” I shrugged my shoulders, unsure how to answer, as I remember how shocked Anna was when Beatrice first discussed the wedding with her.

  “Well, I sure know the answer. I don’t hold any false illusions about myself. My surly disposition didn’t easily make me girlfriend material. Hell, I was downright rude and obnoxious to him the first time we met. Walter gave me a chance. I truly believe he was open to spending time with me, despite my ridiculous actions, because he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life alone. Neither one of us realized at the time we’d somehow manage to bring out the best in each other, but life tends to work itself out sometimes.”

  “What are you getting at?” I nervously twirled a strand of hair around my index finger.

  “I’m trying to say you immediately think the worst of Keith, of everyone actually I bet.”

  I stared at my lap, unable to face her.

  “You can’t fathom the thought Keith may want you as a permanent part of his life, can you?”

  “No. I can’t.”

  “Well, what the hell were you doing climbing into his bed then? Were you just trying to sabotage your marriage? Was that your plan Cee? Did you want to do something stupid so your husband would be left with no choice but to leave you? If so, it was brilliant. It was a sure fire way to validate all your fears of abandonment.”

  “No, of course not.”

  Her eyes bore into mine, “How sure are you?”

  I swallowed hard. I had no words.

  “Like I said to you once before. You remind me a lot of myself, Cecelia. I spent most of my life alone and miserable. I was dealt with some difficult blows, for sure. I married a man I didn’t love because the love of my life was ripped away from me, killed in a motorcycle accident right before my eyes. I had so many miscarriages — I even lost a child to sudden infant death syndrome. Instead of letting my husband into my heart and help me through the bad times, I closed him out. I turned cold and bitter. It took many years for me to realize, but with Walter’s help, I understood my role in my husband’s choices. I no longer blame him one iota for his infidelities. I didn’t give him much choice. I was a horrible wife and partner. He deserved more than I was able to give him.”

  She took a sip of wine, “You’d think I would have smartened up over the years, but I didn’t. I continued to act the same foolish way year after year. I let my fear of being hurt cripple me. I missed out on so much with Anna and her children. I will never be able to get those lost days back, but I still have the future. Yes, I’m no spring chicken anymore, but I still have a lot of living to do. I am not going to waste one more second. You, on the other hand, are still so young. You don’t have to learn the hard way. You have time now to make whatever changes you see fit so you can have the life you want. You have to start being honest with yourself.”

  “I know,” I mumbled.

  “I’m sure you came here desperately looking for answers. I have none to give you. You are the only one who can figure out what your heart wants. Let me ask you a few questions. You don’t have to answer them now. Think about them long and hard. Based on your answers hopefully, you’ll figure out what you need to do, okay?”

  “Sure.”

  “First, you spent so many years of your life thinking about Keith. You almost idolized him. Why? Did you really love him so much? Or did you just put him up on a pedestal because he was a safe bet because he was unobtainable?”

  “I…”

  “I tried to be polite before, but I’ll be blunt now. I really don’t want to know the answer. You don’t have to explain or rationalize your feelings to me. And furthermore, you shouldn’t be rushing to clarify anything. You’ve lied to yourself and to so many other people for such a long time. You need to stop lying and start thinking! For once try to understand your feelings and your actions.”

  “Fine. What’s your next question?”

  “Anna told me you were a serial dater, going out with man after man, finding something wrong with each and every one of them. Why did you push them all away? Was it really because they weren’t Keith? Did they really have some sort of a fatal flaw you couldn’t see past, or did you just believe you were unlovable? Was it easier to reject them before they rejected you?”

  I chewed on my lip. This woman was good.

  Beatrice glanced at her watch, “And my last and final question. This one is about your husband. Clearly, there was something different about him. You kept dating him and then you married him. What made him so special? What was so different about him that prevented you from pushing him away? Was he just at the right place at the right time? Did you really fall in love with him or were you simply tired of being alone?”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  KEITH

  “Hey, doll,” I grinned groggily as Cecelia came into view. She walked along the grass on the side of my summer rental slowly. I was resting on the deck, in a zero gravity lounge chair, facing the house. My plan was to see her when she pulled in. I was reading while I waited for her to arrive, but clearly l I must have dozed off for a fair amount of time. I never heard her car pull into the driveway and I was shocked to see it was already almost four o’clock in the afternoon.

  “Happy Saturday,” she smiled sweetly as she leaned down and gave me a small kiss.

  “It is now,” I winked as I sat up and stifled a yawn. “I was starting to worry you didn’t love me anymore. After all, I haven’t seen you in forever. You’ve been pretty much off the grid.”

  “I know.” She looked down at her feet, “Sorry.” She sat down next to me in the matching chair I had set up this morning when she called to tell me she was going to stop by today. She looked up at the sky, “There’s been a lot going on.”

  “Well that means only one thing,” I leaned over and snuck my hand under her shirt. Caressing her, “We have a lot to catch up on.”

  She closed her eyes and let out a long, deep breath. “Yes, we sure do.”

  “Then what are we waiting for?” I stood up and grabbed her hand. I tugged her gently until she was standing and facing me. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her deeply. She placed her hands on my bare chest and gently scratched my chest hair. Then abruptly she pushed me away.

  “Stop.” She held out her hand and shook her head. “Not now.” She walked to the large rectangular table on the deck and sat down. She poured herself a glass of iced tea from the pitcher I had left out and took a long sip.

  “What’s wrong with you?” I asked, concerned, as I walked over to her.

  Her emerald eyes were on fire, but her tone was soft, “Do you really care?”

  “Of course I do, doll.” I sat down next to her and placed my hand on her thigh.

  She took another sip of tea, “You know what? I’m not so sure you do. For over two weeks I’ve barely communicated with you. I come here today and tell you a lot has gone on and you don’t even bother to ask me what happened? You know it could have been something serious. One of my kids could have gotten sick or hurt. You didn’t think of any of that, did you? You were just thinking about yourself and getting me into your bed so you could get your jollies. Isn’t that true?”

  “No, of course not.” I squeezed her thigh, “Don’t be silly. Of course, I want to get in your pants, but I really do care about you Cee. I figured if yo
u wanted to talk, you’d talk, and if you wanted an escape for a while,” I ran my fingers down the side of her face, “I could help you forget whatever was troubling you.”

  “If only life was so easy, Keith.”

  “It could be,” I grinned. I totally wasn’t in the mood for a heavy conversation.

  “No, it really can’t be.” She stood up and walked to the edge of the deck and stared off at the ocean. I didn’t go to her. I stayed firmly in my seat. Damn it! My niece Jessie was right. I should have expressed more interest in her kids all this time. How did Jessie get to be so smart? And why didn’t she enlighten me sooner? I wish I could call Jessie right now for some advice because I was totally out of my element here. Cecelia was not acting herself. I really wasn’t good with dramatic women.

  “Sorry.” She sat back down next to me and put her hair up in a ponytail, “I’m being bitchy.”

  “No worries, clearly you’re upset about something. Do you want to talk about it? Did something happen with Donovan or,” I paused as I struggled to remember her other son’s name “or Da…Da… Dylan?”

  Her eyes clouded over. She pinched the bridge of her nose. “You remembered their names. Wow. Very impressive.”

  “Of course I did.” I grinned. “They’re important to you, so they are important to me.”

  “Oh really?” She smirked, clearly not believing me. “Is that why you started to stutter? Or why you always look so nervous whenever I mention them?”

  “Me, nervous? Never.”

  “Yeah, right. Come on, Keith. It’s me you’re talking to, remember? I know you better than you think. I know when something makes you uncomfortable you ignore it. You’ve never asked me one question about my boys. And when I do mention them, you change the subject so quickly I practically get whiplash.”

  I didn’t understand why she thought little boys would fascinate me, especially two boys I have never really met. Did she think I would find t-ball, or whatever game they played, riveting unless maybe I was playing with them? I needed to take the focus off me and put it back on her, fast. This clearly wasn’t the afternoon I had hoped for.

  “Cecelia, you’re not acting like yourself. You’re very riled up. Can you please stop talking in circles? Just spit it out. Tell me what’s bothering you so we can move on. I really don’t want to sit her all afternoon and play guessing games.”

  She stared at me but remained silent.

  “Come on, doll,” I urged as I softened my tone. “Please, just tell me what happened?”

  She took another sip of iced tea and pulled the elastic band out of her hair, undoing her freshly made ponytail, before answering. She stared directly into my eyes. “Bryce found out about us.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me,” she nodded her head. “He knows about our past. And he knows what’s been going on between us for the last few months. He suspected something wasn’t right after the wedding, but like a fool, I didn’t tell him about our past relationship. I actually denied knowing you,” she gave me a small, closed mouth smile. “I thought he believed me, but he didn’t. Why would he? He knows me inside and out. Oh, and I guess I wasn’t as good as I thought I was about hiding our outings from him. He noticed little things, like the smell of your shampoo in my hair.”

  “Shampoo? I don’t understand?”

  As Cecelia droned on, giving me a very comprehensive play by play of her and Bryce’s fight, my mind raced. I wasn’t expecting this. I really liked the way things were going between us. It was wonderful having her in my life again, just how I imagined it would be when I would think or talk about her. The best part was I really enjoyed our no strings relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t saying something more was out of the question. I had evolved a lot over the years, but we have only been seeing each other again for a few months.

  “And then he walked out.” Cecelia sighed deeply, “I haven’t seen him in over two weeks. He coordinates seeing the boys with our babysitter, not me. He’s not answering any of my texts. He won’t talk to me, he probably never wants to lay eyes on me again.”

  “His loss,” I smiled as clarity hit me. I have lived in the past for twenty years; kicking myself that I let Cecelia walk out of my life. Now I finally had a second chance to make things right. At the core of my being, I knew I wanted her, and now I was finally going to get what I wanted.

  “What did you say?” She screeched, outraged.

  “Whoa. Calm down. I just meant if he doesn’t want to see you, it’s his loss, not yours.”

  “No, Keith. It’s my loss too.” Her voice cracked, “He’s my husband. He’s the father of my children.”

  “Look on the bright side, doll. Since everything is now out in the open, there’s no need for you to keep lying and sneaking around. I know keeping secrets, and concocting stories couldn’t have been easy for you. You always had one eye on your watch, making sure to get home on time. I was never able to meet the boys, but now I can.” I winked at her. “I really would like to meet them. Before we could never go away for a weekend and you never would have been able to stay over and spend the night. Oh, Cecelia,” I took her hand, “you are going to love falling asleep in my arms listening to the ocean waves and waking up to an amazing sunrise over the water. We can do all this now. We can finally be together anytime we want, like now. I guess he has the kids.”

  “Yes. He does have our children.”

  “Good. Spent the night with me.”

  She shook her head from side to side. “Oh, Keith,” she cast her eyes down, “it’s always all about you, isn’t it? I guess some things never will change.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Your reaction.” She bit her lip, “Here I’m telling you how my husband found out about our affair, how he left me and my sons, and all you can think about is how much easier it will be for you to hang out with me?”

  “I didn’t mean it like that?” I defended myself.

  She arched an eyebrow, “Oh really. What were you thinking about then?”

  “I meant…”

  “Please save it, okay? I don’t want to hear whatever you are going to say.”

  “But…”

  “No. Please. I’m sorry. Just let me speak. This isn’t easy for me,” her voice cracked again. “I didn’t want today to turn out like this. I really didn’t. I didn’t come here to bicker with you or give you attitude. This is much harder than I expected it to be and when I am upset and stressed, I get defensive and angry.”

  I wrapped my arms around her, and she buried her head in my chest. As I stroked her head I said, “I know it’s hard. I’m here for you, just tell me what you want.” I kissed her head. “My track record may not be great, but I know one thing, doll. I’d do anything for you. I love you.”

  She was silent for a few moments as she remained in my embrace. The words I have never been able to say to her before now hung in the air. I love you. Three words. They were much easier to say than I ever thought they’d be. And now, since I finally expressed myself, I felt free. Free to leave the past behind and finally have a future with her.

  Then she pulled away. She reached for my hand and held it tight. She gently massaged it with her thumb. “Did I hear you correctly, your honor? Did you just say you loved me?”

  I stared into her emerald eyes. “Yes, you did. And I will say it again. I love you, Cecelia. I love you. I was a fool not to have told you so many years ago. I’m not going to be a fool anymore. I’ve always loved you.”

  She leaned in and kissed me tenderly. “I love you too, Keith. I always did. I’m so thankful Walter found me. And I am so grateful you convinced him and Beatrice to let you perform the wedding. Hearing your beautiful words that night, truly meant the world to me. After all these years, I never thought I would see you again, yet alone have the opportunity to be held in your arms once more. I can’t begin to tell you how amazing it felt to be back in your embrace. It felt like I found home. For so many years, I thought of only
you, praying you somehow missed me just a little bit too. What a relief it was to finally find out you did love me after all.”

  I gazed into her eyes and stroked her cheek. “And I always will.”

  “I know.” She nodded, her eyes still locked with mine, “And I will always love you too.”

  I didn’t realize it, but I was holding my breath as I waited for her reaction. At her declaration, I felt my face light up. I had never smiled so wide in my life. I never thought I would so feel ecstatic. We had wasted so many years. Finally, we were going to have a future together.

  I grabbed hold of her. I picked her up and twirled her in a circle. “Oh my God, Cecelia. You’ve just made me the happiest man on this planet. Oh doll,” I kissed her, “I know I have been a fool in the past but those days are done. I promise, from now on, I’m never going to let you down again. You will never doubt how much I love you.”

  “Oh Keith,” her voice cracked.

  I tried to kiss her again, but she pushed against my chest.

  “Put me down.”

  “In a second. Let’s enjoy this moment.”

  “No.” Her voice was stronger this time, “Keith, I said put me down. I meant it, put me down, now.”

  She backed away from me. My heart started to beat fast in my chest. I found it difficult to breathe.

  “I wish you would have let me finish what I had to say before you went jumping to conclusions.”

  “You said you would always love me, what’s to misunderstand?”

  “There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. I’m not in love with you, Keith. My heart is with my husband. It’s Bryce I’m in love with. He’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

  “No. I don’t believe you.”

  “I’m sorry, Keith, really I am. I don’t know what is going to happen next with Bryce and me. I may have very well destroyed our relationship beyond repair. But I can’t give up on my marriage. I know I need to try to work things out with him.”