by Rachel Hauck
"Over here," Belle answered in a loud whisper.
Meg came around the hay bale. "Are you okay?"
She nodded, wanting to say more, but feared she would lose control and cry again.
Gentle hands caressed her shoulders, and Meg joined her on the floor. "You're crying."
Belle laughed weakly. "Just a little, Meg. Just a little."
Meg whipped out an old dishrag she'd been using to wipe down the tables. "Here, blow your nose on this."
"It's filthy," Belle noted.
"It's all I have, and you can't go out to say hi to Burke with a runny nose and mascara under your eyes."
She smiled and reached for the smudged rag.
"He asked about you," Meg offered.
Belle blew her nose and used a clean spot on the towel to wipe her face. "What did he say?"
"Just wondered where you were."
"Oh," she said, feeling disappointed.
"You still love him?"
"No! No, no, no, definitely no!"
"So, the answer's no, then?" Meg asked.
"Definitely."
"Why all the tears?"
"The moment he spoke to you, I felt it coming. This wave of emotion, you know? I wasn't ready for it. I thought I'd cried all the tears I could possibly cry over that man."
"You okay now?" Meg asked, tenderly brushing her hand over Belle's hair. "I like this short cut you have now."
Her hand went to her head. "This is the first time he's seen me with short hair."
"I think he'll like it."
"I guess it doesn't really matter if he does or doesn't," Belle concluded, looking Meg in the eye. "Thanks for listening."
"Hey, what are best friends for? You want to go say hi to him now?"
"Do I have to?" Her eyes twinkled at her friend.
"I think you should. Gates is going over tomorrow night's agenda with him."
"I guess I should get out there, then."
"Belle, you know you have to face him sooner or later. You can't avoid him this whole weekend."
"I've managed to avoid him for the past twelve years."
"Well, this weekend is your weekend of facing the past; good and bad. Reunion and reconciliation."
"We'll see," Belle said, standing. She took a deep cleansing breath.
Meg smiled and followed Belle out from among the hay.
By now, Tyler had arrived. Belle plastered a smile on her face and greeted him warmly. As they stood talking, she began to relax and occasionally stole a peek at Burke. He looked as handsome as ever with his strong chin and high cheeks. His hair had darkened some over the years, and he wore it trimmed close to his head. Belle liked it. His lean frame had filled out with the muscle that comes from professional football training, and his wide, rakish smile still made her knees feel weak.
She expected to see an arrogant, cocky super star. Instead, she sensed humility about him, a steady confidence. He was a man at peace.
You're the same Burke Benning, she thought, only more so. So how could you have-
A vivacious call came from the back of the gym. "Never fear, the life of the party is now here." Spencer walked across the floor, his declaration sparking a laugh.
He worked the room, greeting each person heartily, boldly interrupting Gates and Burke when he got to the stage. He gregariously welcomed his old high school football teammate and rival, over-complimenting his pro success.
He shook hands with Tyler and brought up the hottest political issues. They debated amiably, Spencer baiting the Senator with opposing views just for fun. After a few minutes, Tyler laughed and assured the crowd that Spencer would make a fine Washington politician.
"No, not me," Spencer laughed, holding up his hands, his playful smile lighting his face. "I let my home town girl here do all the politicking."
To Belle's surprise, Spencer wrapped her in his arms and spun her around the floor. She couldn't help but laugh, his spontaneity lightening her mood.
By now, Burke and Gates had joined Meg and Tyler down on the main floor. Spencer entertained them all.
"I think you missed your calling, Spence. You should have been an actor," Gates said.
"Actor, lawyer, politician. What's the difference?"
Belle glanced around the small circle, her eyes landing on Burke's face and, just before his eyes met hers for the first time in a long time, he looked away.
He's as uncomfortable as I am, Belle realized.
Gates grabbed Tyler to rehearse his part for Saturday. Meg had some last minute details to attend to, so in a matter of moments, Belle found herself alone with the past and the present.
Spencer seemed to sense the tension between Belle and Burke and tried to make light of the moment. He clapped his hands together and said, "Say, you kids know each other? Burke, Belle, Belle, Burke." He chuckled at the alliteration.
This time Burke did not avert his gaze. "I believe we know each other," he said, extending his hand to shake Belle's. "How are you, Belle?"
"Fine, Burke." She took his hand and gave it a hard squeeze; afraid he could sense her trembling. To her surprise, his hand felt cold and clammy. She remembered that as a telltale sign of his nerves. A small, sudden wave of compassion hit her. This wasn't easy for him.
For a brief moment, their eyes locked. But before Belle could see deep into those clear pools of blue, Spencer blurted out an idea.
"How about some dinner? Burke, Belle? My treat. The Diamond Back Steak House."
Burke dropped her hand. "No, thank you Spencer. Mom's tempted me with some of her good home cooking tonight."
"Then you and me, Belle?" Spencer wrapped one arm possessively around her shoulder.
"You two an item?" Burke's asked, curious.
"No, not really," Belle answered.
Spencer admitted, "I'm working on it, Burke. Working on it."
Belle stepped out of his one arm embrace. "You always did like to work alone," she said, indignant.
Burke couldn't hide his grin. "As I recall, Spencer, Belle is her own woman. Likes to makes up her own mind."
She couldn't stop the words as they flowed out, but there they were, straight from the core of her heart. "I'm surprised you recall anything about me."
"Ouch," Spencer said, stepping away from her as if he would be bitten next.
"Guess I deserved that," Burke said with a hint of humility.
"Maybe you did," Belle said, biting the inside of her lips and blinking away the tears. Burke started to say something, but she excused herself and walked away.
***
"I can't do it, Daddy. I can't." Belle sat next to Duke on the family room's old sofa. The soft hum of the window fan drowned out the song of the crickets and sent a cool breeze through the warm room.
"What's this now? Saying I can't?" Duke leaned forward, elbows propped on his knees and peered into Belle's eyes.
"I can't be around Burke. I can't."
"I figure you can do anything you put your mind to, Belle. You went back to college carrying your broken heart in your hands. You graduated with honors, then helped me get this ranch back in the black. Last year you ran for town council and beat the ten year incumbent."
Tears pooled in her eyes as she listened to her father's encouragement. Yes, she'd done all of those things, but this was different. She felt tired and weary as if all her strength were gone.
"You're about the strongest, most confident woman I know. I'm proud to call you my daughter. Don't know how the Lord blessed me with such fine women in my life."
Belle spoke honestly and openly. "I'm not so strong, Daddy. Not when it comes to Burke. I want to be strong, everyone expects me to be long over this, and I'm not. I'm not."
Her dad nodded, thinking, rubbing his chin. "After your mother died the Lord told me I had to teach you to deal with life's pain. I didn't do much to shelter you. I guess we just take it for granted you can handle most any situation that comes your way."
She squeezed his hand. "I'm grateful f
or what you taught me. I'm grateful to Jesus for being so real in my life, but right now, I need you to pray for me. Please."
Duke did not hesitate. He wrapped his strong arm around her shoulders and started to pray as Belle dropped her head against him.
"Father, we come askin' for grace and peace, wisdom and understanding. Just wrap my girl in Your mighty love and give her strength to get through this reunion. And Lord, once and for all, let there be a healin' between Belle and Burke. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.
"Thank you," Belle whispered.
He smiled his tender, fatherly smile and kissed her on the cheek. "Mind if I change the subject here for a minute?"
Belle waved her hand at him. "Please do. I'm tired of focusing on me."
For the next thirty minutes they sat at her desk situated in one corner of the spacious ranch kitchen and discussed the business. Belle's improved grazing methods had produced better data on the cattle they sold for beef, and the Bar J's profits were up.
"I knew sending ya to college would pay off," Duke teased, winking at her.
"Considering I barely made it through my last year…" Belle said, stopping suddenly as an image of Burke flashed across her mind. How lonely and disoriented her senior year had been without him.
Duke continued talking about the business, and it kept her thoughts in the present. Together, they finalized their summer plans by deciding to fence in the land they bought last year from Chet Guthrie. They would rotate the cattle to the new pasture and give the older ones a rest.
After making a few notes on her task list, Belle turned on the computer in order to send a few emails. While the modem dialed, she turned to her father and asked, nonchalantly, "Did you ever wish for a son to work the ranch with you?"
From the kitchen sink where he'd started to clean the coffee pot, Duke looked over his shoulder at her, surprise in his hazel eyes. "Now what possessed ya to ask a question like that?" He rinsed the pot and reached for a dishtowel.
"I don't know." She shrugged. "I've always wondered."
He set the pot back on the coffee maker and joined Belle at her desk. "You know your mom and me waited a long time to have a child. We'd been married almost twenty years when ya finally came along. Seeing your beautiful face for the first time, well, I reckon it was just about the best day of my life. We were so amazed by the Lord's favor on us, we never even questioned his choice for boy or girl."
"Ever wish you had another one? Maybe a boy?"
Her father shook his head and said plain and simple, "Nope."
Belle smiled.
Duke went on, a faraway look in his eye as he remembered. "Your mom was almost forty-one when ya were born. We felt more than blessed to have ya. Purty little thing, ya were. Right purty."
"Maybe I'll have a son to give the ranch to, hmm?"
Duke playfully popped the dishtowel at her leg. "Got to get ya married first, girl."
She grew serious. "I want to, Daddy. I do. I just haven't found the right man yet."
"Spencer seems right sweet on ya."
"He's a good friend." She peered into her father's face, her look communicating more than any words she could express.
"I see," Duke said with a slight nod of his head. He strode across the newly tiled kitchen floor and pulled meat from the freezer.
Belle faced the computer and started composing an email. "You're not upset are you?"
Duke chuckled softly. "Why would I be upset, kitten?"
She turned from the screen and her emails. "I don't know. I thought you might want some grandkids by now."
Duke walked over to her and patted her arm tenderly. "Not if it means settlin' for something your heart ain't yearnin' for. Ya take your time and marry the man the Lord has for ya, hear? Ain't no other way to go."
"I don't think I could get married unless I knew the Lord wanted me to," she said, returning her attention to the computer, attempting to finish the day's work. But images of Burke replayed in her mind. Over and over she saw him striding smoothly across the gym floor. Conflicting emotions battled within her. Any hint of longing, any joy at seeing him again was overshadowed by the painful questions that plagued the past.
After several frustrating minutes of trying to forget Burke and focus on her work, Belle gave up and powered down the computer. Saying goodnight to her father, she headed to bed.
Chapter Four
Friday night Burke entered the gymnasium with Grace Peterson on his arm, laughing and talking, greeting his former classmates. Yet, he couldn't keep his eyes from darting around the crowded room as he searched for Belle, longing to see her again.
Since their brief encounter Thursday, he'd not been able to get her out of his mind. He finally spotted her near the stage, laughing and singing with a small circle of her former glee club members. Her appearance seized him for a moment, and he drew in a deep breath. She wore a red and white, fringed blouse and thick-healed boots. Perfect for square dancing. Soft overhead lights captured the golden highlights in her burnished brown hair as she leaned casually against the front of the stage, her legs crossed and her hands buried in her jeans pockets. Her confident manner and gregarious aura reminded him of the Belle he'd loved.
On impulse, he steered Grace in her direction and causally introduced the two women. "Belle, I'd like to introduce Grace Peterson."
At the sound of his voice, Belle stiffened and stood up straight. "Hello," she said, monotone, shaking Grace's hand mechanically. Burke thought he saw her confident demeanor dimming.
The others in the circle starting talking at once, greeting Burke and introducing themselves to the Hollywood star.
Burke kept one eye on Belle, aware that her posture remained rigid and uninviting.
Silently, he reprimanded himself for not considering her feelings and the truth about their relationship. Until yesterday, they hadn't spoken in over twelve years. Tonight, he introduced Grace to her as if the mountain of unspoken words between them did not exist.
All his planning and rehearsing seemed to fade the moment he saw her. The reunion weekend had stirred his yearning to be close to her again and be done with the angst between them. He missed her, and more than ever regretted the impulsive, selfish action he'd taken so long ago. How could he have rejected something so precious?
"Burke's told me a lot about you," he heard Grace's velvet voice say.
Belle merely nodded, mumbling something like, "How nice." But the expression in her eyes revealed her discomfort.
Before the conversation could go any farther, other classmates joined the small circle, reuniting with Burke, congratulating him on his pro success and quizzing him about the upcoming football season. Then, politely, many of them asked Grace for her autograph, while welcoming her to their class reunion.
"Hi, I'm Dana Love," a shrill, eager voice called from behind Belle. A slender white hand slinked over her shoulder toward Grace.
Awkwardly, Grace greeted the audacious woman.
Dana squeezed in front of Belle, whispering over her shoulder, "Guess Burke found someone more to his liking." She prattled on with Grace about things she knew nothing of - like Hollywood and movie making, punctuating her sentences with an obnoxious cackle.
Burke burned inside when he overheard Dana's cruel comment. He watched a spark ignite in Belle's eyes as she turned to walk away. Impulsively, he stepped around the two women and touched her lightly on the shoulder.
"Don't listen to her," he said in her ear.
Belle looked askance at him with narrowed eyes, still lit with the same fire. "I don't need your reassurance."
He stared at her, searching for the right thing to say, desperate to chip away at the wall between them. But there were too many words for the moment.
"Anything else, or can I go?" she asked after a second, raising a brow, her tone clipped and caustic.
"No, that's all I guess," he said, forcing a smile.
***
Belle turned on her heel and stepped smack into Gates.
<
br /> "You were rude," she said.
"Don't talk to me about rudeness. Talk to him," she bristled, jerking her thumb toward Burke. Why did the responsibility of her relationship with him fall on her? How could she make right the wrong he'd done?
Gates shook her head and wagged her finger under Belle's nose. "So help me, Belle, if you don't deal with him I'm going to hog tie you two together until it's done with."
"Why don't you talk to him about that, hum?"
"He's trying," Gates started.
Belle put up her hands. "Whatever, Gates. This isn't the time or the place."
Dana's snide comment had unearthed emotions and thoughts Belle preferred to keep buried. When the evening began, she ignored the nagging anticipation of seeing Burke again. Now she felt like an emotional volcano.
Fresh air, she thought. I need some fresh air.
She caught the glare of the exit sign out of the corner of her eye. Eagerly, she made her way through the crowd, head down, envisioning her escape.
But out-of-town classmates halted her retreat, stepping into her path, attempting to catch up with the years by asking simplified, generic questions about her life, the Bar J, and Duke. Then, those who didn't know about her break up with Burke asked innocently about her relationship with him, unwittingly turning up the heat under her volatile emotions.
Weren't you two heading for the altar? Of all the couples in high school, surely you two were the most likely to get married. What happened to you two? Do you keep in touch? Doesn't he look fantastic? What a career he's had, eh, Belle?
Her head pounded with the barrage of words, their force invoking images from the past that swirled around in her mind.
I don't know, I don't know! She wanted to scream. She dashed through the gym doors and burst into the cool June air.
"Overwhelming, isn't it?"
Belle froze at the sound of Burke's voice, her back toward him. He must have been right behind her. He heard all the inquiries. "Burke, please-"
"I wanted to make sure you were all right."
"All the questions, you here with Grace..."
"I'm sorry I introduced you to her without talking to you first."