Twice Shy

by Patrick Freivald

"Ani!" her mom scolded. "Be polite!"

  "Him first. It wasn't a polite question."

  "You apologize right this—"

  "Him first!"

  "Ani, this is not—"

  Mike interrupted her, his voice quaking. "So the two of you have been dating since mid-January?"

  "Yes," Mr. Brown said, a fake half-smile on his lips. "A few weeks after Christmas."

  Ani saw where this was going and shrank down in her seat. Don't be too grateful about the change of topic, Mr. Brown.

  "So during February break, when we were supposed to go ice fishing and you canceled, you were with Mrs. Romero?" Mr. Brown scowled at his son. Ani tried to make herself even smaller. "And our weekend in March when you were supposed to give me a tour around the U of R? Or last weekend, when—"

  "That is enough," Mr. Brown said.

  "Yeah," Mike said. He pulled his napkin from his lap and dropped it on the empty plate, then shoved back from the table. "It is." He stood and stormed out.

  Her mom glared after him. "Now that's childish. How is he going to get home?"

  "He's got the keys," Mr. Brown said. "He'll probably just leave."

  Ani stood. "I'll go talk to him."

  "As long as you don't leave with him," her mom said. "He needs to come back in here and eat like a civilized person." Yeah. Civilized. Awesome.

  Ani got to the door as Mike started the engine. Mike pulled out of the parking space and she stepped in front of the car. She'd never seen him so angry, not even clubbing Dylan with a shovel.

  "I can't believe you didn't tell me, Ani."

  She opened her mouth to reply and he gunned the gas. She stepped out of the way as he squealed out of the parking lot. I didn't know died on her lips.

  When she got back to the table her salad had arrived, dusted with grated cheese.

  Chapter 25

  It was a relief to get back to school. Mike's embarrassed avoidance had been replaced with rage-filled shunning, and he wouldn't let her explain. He doted on Devon whenever she was around, much more than he had before, but it was petty and mean-spirited, and from the looks Devon gave him, she'd caught on.

  Careful, Mike. Thinking about me at all—even if it's hate—brings out her inner psycho. Getting dumped would serve him right for jumping to conclusions.

  "You," Fey said, interrupting her thoughts, "need a freaking hobby." She opened Ani's purse, plucked out a cigarette, and tucked it in her cleavage.

  "Excuse me?" Ani asked. I have lots of hobbies. I paint, play the piano, write music—

  "Every time I think you're done with that jerk, you go all dreamy-eyed-stare-y." Fey grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. "Earth to Romero. He's not interested. Give it up."

  "I gave it up a long time ago," Ani said. Until I'm cured.

  Fey tapped her on the forehead. "In there, maybe," she said. She poked her in the sternum. "Not in there."

  "What the hell do you know about it?" Ani said. She slammed her locker and walked away.

  * * *

  That night Ani was reading in her bedroom when she heard a tap against the window. She looked over and saw another pebble bounce off the glass. Frowning, she walked to the window and looked down. Fey stood in her yard, wrapped in a parka too big by half.

  Ani opened the window and kept her voice low. Not that it matters. These days her mother slept like the dead. "What do you want, Fey?" The air was warm for an April night. She held up the book. "I'm busy."

  "Just get the hell down here so I can apologize," Fey said. She dropped the pebbles she'd been holding right in the grass. Ani imagined Dylan lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce.

  "I'll let you in," Ani said. She closed the window, hobbled down the stairs, and opened the door. Fey walked in, and Ani closed and re-locked the door.

  "Paranoid much?" Fey asked.

  "No," Ani said. "Just careful." The only place he can get serum is here.

  "They still haven't found him, have they?" Fey sat on the couch, bounced up and down a few times, then settled in. "Nice couch."

  Ani sat on the piano bench and folded her hands on her knee. "Look, I'm sorry for freaking out at you today..."

  "My fault," Fey said. "I know there are some topics I just shouldn't bring up, but my mouth goes faster than my brain."

  While my brain always wanders to the same place.

  "Don't sweat it."

  "Still friends?" Fey asked.

  "Of course," Ani said. "But we won't be allowed to be if Mom catches you in here."

  Fey rolled her eyes. "Oooh, Mommy."

  * * *

  The next day Fey grabbed her arm as they passed in the hall, spinning her around. "Ani, did you find an earring after I left last night?"

  Ani shook her head. "No, but I didn't look either. What's it look like?"

  "Let me know if you do. It's a real diamond."

  "Sure," Ani said. "Maybe it's in the couch cushions."

  It wasn't.

  * * *

  That night her mom swept the floor while Ani practiced Rachmaninoff. I'd rather be painting, but these days all I ever paint is Mike. She had several paintings of Mike-as-Seraph that she was too embarrassed to show anyone she knew, even her mom. Maybe especially Mom. She knew they were excellent in terms of technique, her best work ever, so she'd put them in her college portfolio—only Mr. Frazer and the admissions officers would ever see them.

  Her mom bent down and interrupted her music. "What's this?" She held up a small, sparkling earring.

  "Oh, wow, I think that's Fey's," Ani said.

  Her mom frowned. "How did it end up behind the loveseat?"

  "It must have stuck to my clothes or something. She lost it yesterday at lunch. She was really freaking out about it." Ani walked over and took it from her mom.

  "Yeah, this is hers. So weird that you found it. I'm going to run it over to her."

  Her mom's frown deepened. "It's getting dark."

  "It's two houses away. You can watch me from the window."

  Her mom tsk-ed. "Hurry up."

  Ani threw on her boots without lacing them up and trudged across the Washington’s back yard to the Daniels's house. The lights were on both upstairs and down, and System of a Down blared from Fey's window. Ani looked in the side door and didn't see anyone in the kitchen or dining room, so she knocked. She waited, tried again. Nothing.

  The darkness at her back creeped her out. She tried the doorknob, and the door opened. "Hello?" she yelled. No one answered. "Mrs. Daniels?"

  She stepped inside, earring in hand, and headed for the stairs. As she entered the living room a cat exploded out of a chair in a hissing frenzy, then scrambled into the master bedroom. Fey's mom lay on the couch, mouth open and drooling, a can of Coors Light spilled in her lap. Not even eight o'clock. Nice.

  She shambled up the stairs to Fey's room and knocked twice. She tried again, banging on the door with her fist to be heard over the noise. The door shook, but there was no response. She turned the knob and walked in.

  "Fey, I found your—"

  Fey lay on her bed in flannel PJs, propped up with a pillow, covered in bloody vomit. A surgical tubing tourniquet lay slack around her bicep, and a needle protruded from the vein in her elbow. Ani rushed forward and dropped to her knees next to the bed. Oh, you stupid girl.

  She put her cheek in front of Fey's mouth, felt hot breath even as her stomach growled at the smell. That's so gross. She put her hands to Fey's neck and felt a weak pulse. Very weak. She patted Fey's cheek.

  "Hey, Fey. Wake up." She patted harder. Nothing. "Fey?"

  She snatched the phone off the nightstand and called home. Her mom picked up on the first ring. "What's taking so long?"

  "Fey's in trouble, Mom. I think she OD'ed on something."

  "I'll be right there. Call 911."

  "Okay." She hung up and dialed.

  "911?" A pleasant male voice answered. "What's the nature of the emergency?"

  "I think my friend had a drug overdo
se." She was surprised how calm her voice was. She gave the address as she watched Fey's chest rise and fall.

  "We're sending an ambulance. Stay with her until they arrive."

  "Okay," she said. Fey's chest rose, then fell, then stopped. No no no. Ani waited for it to rise again. It didn't.

  She pulled Fey off the bed and started CPR. She scooped vomit out of Fey's mouth with her fingers, tilted her head back, took a deep breath, and blew into her mouth until her chest rose. No response. Except for a growing desire to bite Fey's tongue. She did it again. No response. Come on!

  She straddled Fey and compressed her chest thirty times, then breathed in her mouth again. A shadow fell across her vision—her mother stood in the doorway.

  "What the hell are you doing?" she asked.

  "CPR!" Ani said, then re-straddled her to continue chest compressions. She was twelve counts through when Fey coughed, spluttered, and gasped. She didn't regain consciousness, but she was breathing.

  "That was incredibly stupid," her mom said, dropping to her knees.

  "What?" Ani asked.

  Her mom didn't meet her gaze. "You're on an old serum, Ani. We haven't tested your saliva since...." Since I burned up the old guy in the basement.

  Ani looked down at Fey. No. She wouldn't let it be true. She burst into tearless sobs. "No, Mom, it can't—"

  She started to shake.

  Her mom knelt in front of her, pried her mouth open, and swabbed her tongue. "Done is done. You deal with the EMTs when they get here. I'll let you know." She turned and walked out.

  Fey's mom was still passed out, so Ani rode with Fey to the hospital. She seemed stable in the ambulance, but was whisked away through the ER doors, leaving Ani in the waiting room alone with her thoughts.

  Six hours later she was paged to the nurse's station. Her mom was on the phone. Ani's mouth went dry, the world slowed to a stop. Standing next to an expectant nurse, she schooled her voice to neutrality.

  "What's up, Mom?"

  "You need to come home soon so you can be ready for school tomorrow." School?

  "I thought I'd stay here with Fey," Ani said.

  "Straight A's, remember? I'm not going to back off on that. I don't care what happens. I called you a cab, so don't leave the waiting room." Oh, great, she's punishing me.

  "What about Fey?"

  "She doesn't need you right now. Doctor Banerjee is looking after her. He has some experience with these kinds of things." She'd never met him, but this was the second time her mom had mentioned him. Ani made a mental note to Google the guy.

  "What about..." She looked askance at the nurse. "...that thing? You know, that problem?" If she was paying attention, she didn't show it.

  Her mom snorted. "These tests take time. We won't know conclusively until tomorrow, but the fact that she's not dead yet is a good sign. Trust me, if everything's okay you'll be the first to know. And if it's not... Well, we'll deal with that if it happens." The line went dead.

  Ani handed the nurse the phone, then went back to the waiting room and waited.

  Chapter 26

  It felt weird riding to school without Fey. The reprieve from her iPod was nice, but kids she barely knew kept harassing her for details. It seemed that everyone on the planet knew that Fey—no, it was Fey's mom—no, it was really Fey—was dead, in a coma, OD'ed but was okay—no she's in the ICU, no it's jail, no it's a rehab facility. They were positive that it was crack, meth, alcohol, crunk, cocaine, acid. God, people are stupid. "Crunk" isn't even a drug.

  The more Ani deflected their questions, the more they pressed, until she shrieked at the top of her lungs. In the stunned silence she murmured, "I said I don't want to talk about it." When they got to school, Mrs. Sidlauskas pulled her aside and gave her a lecture about the dangers of startling the bus driver.

  She was mobbed anew when she got off the bus and again at the beginning of each class. Even teachers asked her for details, which she didn't share. As she limped her way to the bathroom—just as an excuse to escape Trig for a few minutes—she heard hushed voices from around the corner.

  "I heard that she and Ani were shooting up when she passed out...." Leah.

  "Bobby told me that Ani sold him bad drugs last fall...."

  "I heard that she called her mom before the ambulance to help her hide the evidence...."

  "Yeah, that's why her mom's not in school today...."

  Ani stepped around the corner. Two senior boys she recognized but didn't know were talking to Leah. The boys saw her and looked away, red-faced. Leah met her eyes and stepped forward in challenge.

  "Yeah, we're talking about you and your meth-head girlfriend, freak. Are you sad you didn't kill her, so you'd have an excuse to cut your wrists for real?" I might have.

  Ani averted her gaze and walked around them. Leah grabbed her arm and the boys stepped back. Ani looked at the hand on her arm, then down to the floor.

  "Let go of me," she said through gritted teeth. Adrenaline—or something like it—surged through her, but it was somehow flat, muted.

  "What if I don't?" Leah asked.

  "Just let go." Her hands balled into fists.

  "Or what?" Leah said, twisting. "You'll kill me, too?"

  Ani allowed her face to go slack and looked Leah in the eyes. A pretty girl for such a cruel look. Ani grabbed her wrist and pried it off her arm. Behind Leah's gelatinous eyes, Ani could smell her brain, pink-gray and glistening and so, so inviting. I wonder how she'd taste? She licked her lips. "Yeah. Maybe I will," Ani said.

  Leah tried to pull away. It was like wrestling with a doll. Leah clawed at her hand, gouging her skin, but Ani barely felt it. She stepped forward, forcing Leah back into the wall. Leah punched her in the gut, a vague sensation in the back of her mind. Ani grabbed her other wrist and stepped forward again, pinning her against the wall. As Leah struggled her eyes widened, and she started to sweat.

  "Jesus, freak, just let me go." Her eyes begged.

  Ani bent Leah's wrists backward. Against the wall, she was forced to her knees.

  "Please let me go. Please."

  Ani looked down at her—she was crying now—and smiled. "Don't ever touch me again, Leah. Ever."

  The bell rang, shocking Ani out of her funk. She let go and stumbled away, shoving past the gaping boys. She looked back when she reached the end of the hall. Leah sobbed on the floor. The boys were comforting her, but their eyes were on Ani.

  What the hell is wrong with me?

  * * *

  After school she went with Jake to visit Fey in the ICU. After several pints of other peoples' blood and a couple of liters of plasma, Fey looked pretty good. Peaked, too skinny, and weird without her makeup, but good. She was conscious and talking, and her vitals looked good. She'd be at death's door if... Ani couldn't even bring herself to think it.

  "Hey, Fey," Ani said. She set the potted chrysanthemums she was carrying next to the bed. "You look pretty good." Jake smiled at her.

  "Better than last night, huh?" She sounded weak.

  "How do you feel?" Jake asked. Ani grabbed Fey's hand in both of hers, gave it a good squeeze.

  "Achy. Sick. Like I have the flu." Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit!

  "No surprise, huh?" Jake asked.

  "I guess not... I'm just so...." She closed her eyes and sank deeper into her pillow. Her lips murmured, but no sound came out. Ani held her hand for a while. When her breathing slowed and she fell asleep, Jake stroked back her hair and kissed her on the forehead. Ani gave her hand a final squeeze, and they left.

  When she got home, her mom was drinking coffee at the kitchen table, a color print-out in front of her.

  "What's that?" Ani asked. "Fey?"

  Her mom took a sip of coffee, then pushed the paper over to Ani. There were two smeary graphs on the page. Her mom pointed to specific blotches. "These are the markers for ZV DNA." Ani's heart jumped into her throat. Her mom pointed to the other graph. "This is the sample I took from Tiffany."

  Ani compare
d the two, her eyes flashing back and forth. Most of the splotches on the left graph were absent on the right, and vice-versa. "So, Fey's okay?"

  "Tiffany's okay," her mom said.

  Ani's legs gave out and she fell into the chair. "Oh, thank God."

  "You were lucky." Her mom took a sip of her coffee. "Very lucky."

  "I know, Mom. It won't happen again."

  "No, it won't. Now let's test you."

  * * *

  That Friday morning Fey got on the bus, ignoring the stares and whispers. She sat down next to Ani and shoved her over with her hip.

  "So where'd you hide my stash?" Fey whispered.

  Ani stared at her in dumb shock. "What?"

  Fey lowered her voice even further. "I got home last night, thought I'd take a hit—" Ani opened her mouth to protest but Fey cut her off. "Just a little one, to take the edge off." She rubbed her arms. "I'm all itchy. So anyway, I go to grab it and it's gone. Poof. So what'd you do with it?"

  Ani didn't know what to say. "Um... why would I take your stash?"

  Fey rolled her eyes. "Why wouldn't you?"

  "I'm not a thief."

  Fey raised an eyebrow.

  You know what? Screw you.

  "Look, I didn't touch your stuff. There were a ton of people in there after I saved your life—remember that, me saving your life?—so maybe one of them took it."

  "Jake's uncle's on the EMTs, and he said they didn't find nothing except for what I had on me. No cops have been there, my mom said so. That leaves you."

  "Or her," Ani said. Or you forgot where you left it.

  "Mom doesn't know where I keep it."

  Neither do I. "I don't know where you keep it. I don't know who took it, but it wasn't me."

  Fey's eyes danced back and forth between hers. She frowned. "Fine. That's the way you want to be, after all I've done for you? Fine."

  "Oh, that's rich. I save your life and you accuse me of taking your stuff? I should have, because you shouldn't be doing—"

  "Who the hell are you to tell me how to live my life?"