“Go on.” She relaxes back in her chair and eyes me as warily as I’m eyeing her. “Is everything okay?”
“It’s about Hayley’s wedding.”
The shutters come down in her eyes, locking away all emotion. She nods. I gulp.
“Would you be upset if I was to attend… with Jocelyn?”
Her lips part and I see her hands twitch but her voice is steady when she speaks. “You two are together?”
“Well not really; we went to dinner the day after the dress fitting.” I bite on my lip and assess her blank face. She’s being careful not to react. I hate that. Part of me wants to see her envy, if she has any. I’m sick for wanting that, I know I am, but I can’t help it. “We’ve spoken over the phone a few times since.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“I don’t want to cause you any unnecessary stress. If it’s upsetting for you, just say and I won’t go at all.”
“Upsetting?” Her brows hit her hairline. “Why would it be upsetting? It’s fine. Date who you want.”
“You’re sure? Because you’re saying one thing and your tone is saying another.”
“I’m not bothered,” she states, though she’s frowning. “I don’t care. Do what you want.”
“And it won’t be weird for you?”
“Isaac,” blowing out a breath, she leans forward. “I’m with Silas now. He’ll be there. It’s not going to be weird unless we make it weird.”
Of course he is. “Good, because I’m actually looking forward to it.”
Her smile is soft and reassuring. I think she’s probably envious but, in reality, what I do doesn’t matter to her anymore. She’s moved on. This makes me happy and sad all at once. Happy because I want her to be happy and she seems it, despite everything, and sad because she loved me so desperately once that I never thought we’d be here.
She stands, smoothes down her dress and hooks her cardigan over one elbow. “I should go.”
“Don’t rush off because of me.”
“I’m not. I’ve got to meet Hayley. I’d invite you but you’d be bored out of your mind. Hell… I’m not even there yet and already I’m grinding my teeth.” I’m surprised when she wraps an arm around my neck and brings her body flush to mine. Feeling every soft inch of her against me sends painful tingles around by body. I place a hand on her hip, not daring to move for fear that I’ll walk out of here with a raging hard on.
Grannies and dying bunnies. Bathing in ice. Naked men. Hairy beast men in a sauna naked. Naked donkeys. Shaved lemurs. FUCK! Rhubarb… long legs… pulsing, warming, clenching as she...
She finally releases me but the damage is done.
“Try to have fun.” I croak, my voice strained.
“Thank you.”
My face feels warm. All I can picture in my mind is her, sinking onto me, grinding against me. The burning tingles she’d create were so powerful they could unman me. I need…
“See you later.” She gives me a little wave and turns. I stare at the outline of her arse underneath that thin dress and wonder if she’s wearing a thong.
I’m married to this goddess. Fucking married to her and I can’t just go over to her, rip it up and plunge my cock inside until we’re both satisfied.
It seems so unfair.
She turns just as I finish adjusting myself in my trousers. I stand ramrod straight and hope she doesn’t see through me. “I like this.”
“What?” Please… just go so I can leave and go home and make myself feel better.
“This.” She motions between us both. “I feel like we’re getting back to how we were before we complicated things all those years ago.”
I don’t know what to say so I simply nod. Does she truly not know that I don’t want to be just her friend? Does she think that I’ll be able to just go back to how everything was with ease? Sure I’m handling it well right now, but for the sake of my father and mother more than anything. It wouldn’t do anybody any good if I told her that I can’t see her. It hurts, physically and emotionally, to look at her, be near her, knowing that even though we’re married I can’t touch her, hold her, kiss those luscious lips.
No, I’m resolute. We need to stop bumping into each other like this. We need to stop acting like friends. As of right now, save for Hayley’s wedding, I’m going to avoid her. Hopefully then the ache in my chest will dissipate and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to move on. “Bye, Elle.”
Finally, she turns and leaves, signing out at the nurses’ station as she goes.
Chapter Sixteen
Eloise
Silas helps me down from the ladder and wipes a speckle of paint from my nose. “It looks amazing.”
He’s right, it truly does.
I stare around the lobby which is finally only a step or two away from being finished. The rest of the inn is still being worked on but for now I can celebrate this small victory.
“I have great taste,” I boast and squeal when he grabs me around the neck and slams his lips down onto mine.
“I can’t wait until we can christen every single room in this house with our naked bodies.”
“I heard that!” One of the joiners yells. My uncle's gift to me was two of his work men, free of charge. I couldn’t afford to not accept. Because of him, we’ve pushed the finish date forward by three weeks. “I’m telling your uncle.”
“I’ll poison your tea,” Silas shouts back, making him laugh loudly. He dips his head and kisses me again. “Speaking of which…”
I watch him head towards the kitchen area to make drinks and smile at his back.
Hayley: I’m getting married in six weeks. I can’t cope. I’m too excited.
Eloise: I bet you are. And your hen night is in five weeks, ;-)
Hayley: Yay! What are you up to right now?
Eloise: I just finished painting the ceiling in the lobby. You?
Hayley: Darn… I was hoping you’d drive to see me for the night.
Eloise: Sorry, my lovely, but I’m working and I’ve got plans with Kira afterwards.
Hayley: Booooo!!!
Eloise: Shut it, woman. I’ve got to get back to work. I love you! <3
Hayley: You don’t know what love is! Love is skipping work to assist your mentally deranged friend in eating a tub of ice cream and bitching about boys.
Eloise: Don’t call Kira mentally deranged…
Hayley: Awwwwwww I’m telling her you said that!!!
I laugh and tuck my phone away, but only for a moment as another text comes through. Silas finally seems to have finished making drinks.
Yay.
Dad: We haven’t spoken in a few weeks. I’m worried. Are you avoiding me?
“Frowning like that will give you wrinkles,” Silas says as I switch off my phone and drain the rest of my lemonade. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I still have yet to speak to him or anybody about what my father did to me. I just don’t know how to process it all. “My phone just crashed is all.”
And suddenly I’m lying. I hate liars. I’m becoming what I hate.
“I did tell you that brand is shit,” he points out and wraps me in his arms.
“I have so much to do.” I pull free and nod to the other room. “You need to go around and measure all of the windows now they’ve been fitted.”
He salutes and pulls a notebook and pen from his back pocket. “Yes, Mistress.” But then he doubles back a few minutes later with his phone in his hand and a sour look on his face. “I don’t know how he got my number, but it’s your dad.”
Bollocks.
I take the phone and bring it to my ear. “Yeah?”
“Yeah?” My dad scoffs. “Are you ignoring me?”
“I don’t know… should I be ignoring you?” I can’t help it. Just hearing his voice makes me angry and sick. His betrayal still boils my blood.
“I hope not,” he chuckles, clearly not hearing my sour tone. “I miss my daughter. Can I see you?”
“
I’m actually really busy this week. I’m at the…”
“Inn, I know, I know. I was thinking of coming up there to see you the day after tomorrow? I’ll bring lunch.”
“I’ll pass. I don’t need the distraction.” I say coldly.
He pauses. “Are we… are we okay, Elle?”
“No.” I shake my head, too caught up in my fury to remember that he can’t see me. “Not at all, dad.”
The phone rattles and I can just imagine him sitting up and resting his elbows on his knees. I can imagine the frown of concern marring his features. “Why?”
“I think you already know why… Did you think I’d never find out?”
Clearing his throat, he pauses for an even longer moment than before. “Find out what, exactly?”
“How many things are there for me to find out that you’d even need to ask that question?”
“Elle…” I hang up before he can finish and hand the phone back to a gaping Silas.
“What just happened?” He asks, frowning deeper than I was when I received my dad’s text.
“Nothing.”
“That didn’t look like nothing.”
“I don’t want to talk about it right now. I need to get ready to go.”
“Elle,” he practically begs and wraps his fingers around my wrist. “What’s going on with you? You never talk to me?”
How can I tell him though? For one, I really don’t want to talk about it and two, I don’t want him to think I still have feelings for Isaac.
“I don’t know how to tell you.” I admit and hate that my eyes begin to blur with unshed tears. “You probably won’t understand.”
His large, warm hand cups my cheek. “Try me.”
Exhaling and inhaling to clear my head, I nod and finally begin. I let it out, every part of it. I tell him everything from the beginning to the end. I tell him about Isaac’s gambling and how we fell apart. I tell him about how I thought Isaac had cheated but didn’t and how he sold our relationship to my dad.
The entire time he sits, listens and strokes my back, my face, my arm, anywhere his fingers can reach. By the end I’m a mess and he’s cradling me in his arms.
But I feel good.
I feel better.
A weight is suddenly gone from my shoulders.
“I love you, Elle. We’ll get past this. Your dad is a prick.”
That he is.
“Isaac too.”
“He was but he’s changed. I can see that.” I definitely can see that. He’s not as happy as he once was, but he’s more mature. He’s grown as a man and a person.
“I still don’t like him,” Silas grits.
“He’s my ex; I’d be surprised if you did like him.”
“Let’s go home,” he says softly, changing the conversation.
We say goodbye to the workmen and women and climb into his car.
I honestly can’t wait for ice cream with Kira. Truly I can’t.
Isaac
“Do you know what annoys me?” I bite out as I unscrew the pipe from under the sink. The scent that travels from it makes me gag.
“Here we go,” my dad sighs.
I ignore him and continue. “Is that every single time I come to see you, you have me fixing shit. What happened to just being able to relax when I visit my old man?” I inspect the clogged drainage pipe before placing it carefully on the ground.
“Shut it you ungrateful trollop,” he jests good-naturedly. “I changed your shitty nappies. I cleaned your poop off my fingers. I…”
“Enough of the visual. Christ.”
“Speaking of which, am I ever going to get a grandkid before I die?”
“That’s not funny.” I frown and pull myself out from under the sink.
“It isn’t, you’re right. You’ll find someone when you’re ready.”
“I had someone,” I say without thinking and quickly hide back under the sink.
“I wish I could go back in time and take back everything I said to her. Maybe then you two would have been able to work stuff out.”
I don’t respond. I’m sick of talking about it, thinking about it, dreaming about it. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m taking a date to the wedding.”
“It doesn’t, surprisingly. How will Elle take it?”
I stamp down my anger at this. Why does he care what she thinks? Why not what I think or feel? She’s moved on so why can’t I? “She’s fine with it. We spoke about it already.”
“Good.”
Again I keep my mouth shut.
“I’ll make tea,” my dad says as I use a narrow, long brush to clean out the pipes.
“Don’t you fucking…!” Water starts gushing over my face before I can stop it.
“Oops…”
“You’re an idiot,” I tell him as I climb from under the sink, dripping wet. My nose and eyes sting from the water. “Honestly… what is wrong with you?”
“I wasn’t thinking?” He bites on his lip, mostly to stifle his laughter. This isn’t funny. “Sorry.”
Growling, I tug my shirt over my head before wiping my face on the dry bottom half of it. “I need to clean that part of the pipe. Don’t touch anything.”
My dad imitates the face of a told off toddler and sits on the stool by the fridge. He watches me work and remains silent for the most part, although I catch him smiling on occasion, no doubt over the water incident.
I really need a shower.
Eloise
“I wish you’d speak to us,” my mum says to my voicemail before hanging up the phone.
I daren’t talk to her in case she was in on it with my dad too. I’ll never move on from that. I just don’t want to address it right now. Or ever.
I don’t know. I feel like this could be the one thing that irreparably damages our relationship and their relationship.
That scares me.
I place my phone on the side and stare at it for the longest moment.
“Here it is!” John says, startling me. “Sorry.”
I turn to face him and smile softly when I see the book in his hands. “And I absolutely have to read it?”
“Promise me you will. It’s a wonderful book.”
“Okay.” I look at the white cover and trace the letters of the title with my fingertips. They’re slightly raised and bumpy on the hardback cover surface. “Distinction… by R. Green. Never heard of him… or her.”
“Just read it.”
I quirk a brow at him. “Okay, okay. Mr Bossy. Are you ready to go?”
“I am.” He grins and pats his rounding belly. “Are you?”
“No…” Eye roll. “That’s why I’m not here early to collect you.”
“Attitude,” he snaps playfully and grabs his bag from the hallway. “I’m actually really looking forward to this.”
“Me too.”
To the show we go.
For John’s birthday I bought him two tickets to go and see a new show called Mud Pie. It’s on tonight in the University theatre. I actually expected him to take Isaac but he said he’d like to go with me instead. Who am I to deny a man such a request?
This means that he’ll have to stay at mine for the night, though. I don’t mind; I just hope Kira keeps to her promise and doesn’t invite anyone over.
This will be the first time John has ever visited, much less stayed over. It’s a little odd and I won’t deny the fact that I’m a bit nervous. He used to be my head teacher and that alone makes this strange, which is funny considering I was married to his son and I’ve stayed at his house before.
I’m over thinking things.
We are going to have a great night and a great day tomorrow. I’m his friend, despite everything. Despite the separation.
“Hayley called yesterday. It has been a while since I heard from her,” John tells me after we pull out of his driveway and begin the journey to Cambridge.
“That’s good.” Even though I separated myself from Isaac and John, I always made sure Hayley visite
d him at least once a month, just in case he needed any help with anything. She’s a good friend like that. I don’t know what I’d do without her. “What did she want?”
“To make sure I have a suit for her wedding. Apparently her other half gets discount in a nice place in London. They extended the offer to me.”
“That’s so kind of them.”
“It is, but Isaac already took me for a new suit last week.”
I smile. Isaac really does seem to have changed, especially when it comes to his parents. I remember when we were together they always seemed to have such a tense relationship. Isaac was always distancing himself, but now they all seem so close like they should be.
I was like that with my parents. I hate my dad for it.
“Did Isaac tell you what my dad did?” I don’t know why I say this out loud. I don’t even want to talk about it.
“He did.”
I nod and chew on my lip. I literally don’t have a clue what to say next. My mind is blank.
“Are you okay?”
I shake my head.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake again. I feel displaced.
“I’ll be here when you’re ready.” He pats my hand on the console and I see him smile warmly out of the corner of my eye. “And if you want me to crack him one, just say the word.”
Now I’m smiling. “My family are so messed up. It makes me wish I had siblings. They’d understand, you know?”
“I know, but now you know what it’s like to be an only child, make sure you have at least three.”
“Three what?”
He blinks at me as if I’m stupid. “Kids. Obviously.”
“Oh, no way. I’m not having them.” I laugh.
“You’ll probably change your mind.”
Not likely. “Sure.”
“What about you and this Silas character? How are you both?”
I hesitate. Big mistake. He spots it and his eyes twinkle with something I can’t decipher. “We’re okay. Same old.”
Distinction: The Distraction Trilogy #3 Page 16