Beyond Doubt (Beyond Love Series #2)
Page 14
“Please? I can handle it. No matter what I find.”
He let out a deep sigh and nodded. “Yeah. I’ll give it to you.”
He programmed the address into my iPhone and briefly explained how to get there. Aaron lived closer to the country than the city, which completely took me by surprise. I’d just imagined that he was someone who wanted to be near the action.
“Thanks, Jason,” I said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll run the goodies upstairs and be on my way. Wish me luck.”
“You aren’t going to need any luck. You’ve got this. And Brandy?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t give up on him. Even if you find him doing something stupid.”
My stomach knotted as I took the tray of brownies and cookies upstairs. Jason knew something and he just wasn’t telling me. That much I knew.
I passed the driver’s test with flying colors and was so unbelievably proud of myself that I did the unthinkable and texted my mom the good news. It only took a few seconds for an immediate response back from her, asking if I’d lost my mind. I quickly texted Ayden and Mason, and they didn’t believe me so I sent them a selfie of me on my brand new bike holding the endorsement. Mason wanted me to come over and show off my new bike, and Ayden wondered what drug I was on. This new me felt absolutely amazing, and if nothing else, I wanted to thank the person who helped me get over my fears. The entire time I was testing, I imagined being on the Jet Ski with Aaron. The way he went into the turns, and the first feelings of absolute freedom that crept in.
I texted Aaron and hoped for a response but expected none.
My surprise is ready. I hope you are.
And none was what I got.
I tucked my phone in my leather jacket and got ready for my ride, trying to push the sadness away. I needed to focus on my drive to his house. I only had one stretch of highway and the rest was back roads. The weather was beautiful with the sun blazing in the sea of blue, and I couldn’t ask for better driving conditions. As I started the engine and slowly took off from the parking lot, my mind began to wander to different scenarios. Would I show up and some woman would be rolling out of bed behind him or would I get there and find an empty house because he was shacking up somewhere else? And why were all of my scenarios involving other women? I needed to keep myself sane and upright. Those were the two rules I had for myself. And to get home before dark.
The scenery passed in a blur as I kept my speed between forty and fifty before pulling onto the freeway. My pulse began racing as I merged in between two very aggressive drivers, but I didn’t panic and continued at freeway speeds that were surprisingly pretty fun and made the bike feel even steadier. I passed several exits, feeling more and more confident and finally hit the exit I needed. My heart started beating faster, and I realized it had absolutely nothing to do with riding this bike, and everything to do with possibly seeing Aaron.
A grocery store sat sprawling at the main intersection where I took a right and began my drive through the rolling hills and country roads where meadows were more frequent than houses. With every mile the anticipation of seeing him was increasing and so was the doubt.
I turned onto the rural road where his driveway was supposed to jet off from. As I drove along, only slowing to read addresses off of mailboxes, the nervousness turned to eagerness. Spotting the correct address painted in silver on a black mailbox, I turned down the private, gravel road and began second-guessing my bright idea of showing up to his house unannounced.
I was a planner. Always had been. But here I was about to drop in on Aaron and hope for the best and with his track record his best day might be the worst day in my life. I drove the bike slowly along the gravel drive, avoiding potholes and large rocks the best I could while trying to focus on where I was driving.
Once his home came into view, I knew I couldn’t back out now. The house sitting at the back of the property took me aback. It wasn’t sprawling and extravagant like I imagined. It was understated and cozy with a small stoop tucked into its modern architecture. Slowing my speed even more, I drew in a breath as I spotted a small workshop with the garage door rolled up. My heart was hammering as I noticed some sort of light glowing from inside the garage. Was he in there?
I glanced at the house and saw a shadow move across the upstairs window and my insides fell. Aaron couldn’t be in two places at once. I spotted a large Cedar tree and parked underneath it, turning off my engine. I let out a deep breath and unfastened my helmet, only to be met with crashing music coming from the garage. He had to be in there. So who was wandering around inside his house? Maybe I imagined it. Hopefully, I imagined it.
I hung my helmet on the handlebars, shook out my hair, and slowly walked toward the garage opening. As I got closer, I realized the glowing light was actually sparks flittering across the cement floor, and I slowed my stride unsure of what I might see. Maybe it wasn’t Aaron inside the garage after all.
The music was blaring, and it wasn’t at all what I expected. Old Rage Against the Machine transitioned to Prodigy. This wasn’t the Aaron I knew, but it certainly was one that I wanted to get to know. As I turned the bend, I saw a large metal sculpture in the corner of the garage and Aaron standing on a ladder, welding along the top of the piece that looked to be the star of the show. Even though the arc was nowhere in sight, I shielded my eyes as I attempted to take in the scene unfolding in front of me. The sculpture was absolutely magnificent. The curls of the metal sprung from a cavity that looked like it represented a mouth opening wide, displaying an intricate pattern of wood and metal pieces intertwined throughout.
Aaron continued to attach pieces, switching between a small soldering gun and a welder, stopping only momentarily to stare at his creation. His head would bob to the beat of the music every so often, and I felt completely conflicted as I stood and watched something so personal unfold in front of me. But I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to move. Watching him stand on the ladder, his lean body stretching as he attached pieces of metal was beyond exhilarating. It fed something inside me and told me to fight for whatever it was I thought this could be.
The way his body moved and worked with the piece was like artwork in itself. The dull block helmet covered his head, and he was wearing leathers for protection, but the outline of his body was still quite visible and very enticing. Every movement became sensual as he worked the metal harder and harder, forcing it to mold into the vision he saw.
Before I realized what was happening, I saw him turn off the torch and remove his helmet as he climbed off the ladder. He shook his head and ran his fingers through his dark hair quickly, and my heart was in my throat, waiting for him to turn around and see me.
Part of me wanted to hide, like I was witnessing something intimate and personal that I shouldn’t have interrupted, but the other half of me wanted to run over to him and strip him bare.
He tossed his helmet into a box and began unbuckling the leather protective gear he was wearing, but he was still facing the back of the workspace. I was paralyzed as I debated whether to walk inside or maybe call out to him. As he bent over and released the last clip, he threw the leathers into a bucket and spun around, staring at the ground, concentrating. Reaching for a bottle of beer, he took a swig and still hadn’t spotted me.
Unable to hold anything in any longer, I took a step forward and dug my hands into my jeans. “It’s breathtaking.”
Aaron’s head jerked up, startled, as his eyes locked on mine. “What are you doing here?” his voice was void of any infliction.
Maybe, this was a mistake.
“I texted before I drove out here. You know that surprise I mentioned a couple weeks ago before everything—”
He didn’t say anything and I cringed internally. I really might be too late.
“Well, I completed it and wanted to share it with you,” I finished.
He stood in place, his body frozen, and I wondered if it had to do with whoever I might have seen inside the house
.
“You haven’t answered any of my messages,” I continued. “And I got concerned.”
“How’d you get my address? Did you Google it too?” He looked at me, but his eyes were in a far-off place.
I shook my head. “I got it from Jason when he dropped off part of my surprise.” Even though I was unraveling inside, I tried to keep my demeanor upbeat.
Aaron’s eyes flicked to mine and then to the door and my stomach fell.
“I didn’t know you were an artist…”
“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, but then you haven’t really tried to get to know me at all,” his voice was low. “That’s one of the many realizations I’ve had over the last couple of weeks.”
I took another step forward.
“I know, and I actually came here to apologize. What you said about treating you or us like a game is…was accurate. I was so focused on the big picture of what it would look like to others that I didn’t stop to pay any attention to how either of us felt. I made myself completely ignore what I was feeling inside when I was around you because I was afraid of where that might lead.”
Aaron crossed his arms and glanced toward the house, confirming my suspicions that there really was someone inside. “I’ve got a lot work I want to get finished.”
I felt a lump in the back of my throat and gulped it down. One crying session was plenty for the day, and I absolutely wasn’t going to lose it in front of Aaron. Jason was bad enough.
“I’m sorry for dropping in. I just wanted to apologize for my behavior, and I couldn’t seem to reach you any other way. But Aaron, I truly am sorry. You were right. I was acting immature and apparently the several year age gap between us is more apparent in…” my voice trailed off when I saw a glimmer of a smile appear on his lips. “What?”
“You’re really hard to stay mad at,” he grumbled, taking off his leather gloves. He still wouldn’t meet my gaze.
“Maybe that’s a good thing,” I offered, taking another step forward.
He let out a deep sigh and ran his hands over his head as he brought his gaze up to meet mine. His shirt tugged up, and I blushed as he caught me taking in his hard stomach.
“So I’ve got a lot on my schedule today. What was it that you wanted to show me?” he asked.
My pulse started racing as his eyes burned into me. The desire to be held in his arms was making it almost impossible to think straight. The attraction hadn’t diminished since we’d been apart. It had only grown, and I was certain he felt it too. Something like this couldn’t be one sided, right? I nodded and slid my hand into my back pocket and pulled out my wallet as I walked toward him.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“You won’t be able to see it from far away.” I pulled my license, which displayed the temporary endorsement, out of the leather wallet and handed it to him.
His brows pulled together in confusion as I handed him the plastic, and he looked it over, his eyes stumbling to the sticker.
“You got a motorcycle endorsement? You didn’t have to do that for me.”
Not quite the reaction I was looking for.
“I didn’t. I did it for me, but you were the one who opened up that door for me. You taught me not to be so scared of things I haven’t even tried so I wanted to share my surprise with you first. Wanna see the second half?”
And that’s when I heard the voice. A woman calling out for Aaron from the main house, and my heart and mind sunk to a place I didn’t even know existed.
It felt like my world was closing in and to top it off, the embarrassment that was spreading through me made me nauseous and completely light-headed. How could I have been so stupid and presumptuous to think that he cared enough about me to actually wait for me to figure things out? I began taking steps back, avoiding his eyes and waving my hands at him to stay put. I didn’t want any sympathy hugs or anything of the sort.
“I’ve gotta get going. It’s going to be dark soon,” I said, stumbling backwards.
Feeling the hardness of the concrete as my body slammed into it only added to the humiliation I felt.
“Aaron?” I heard the voice call again.
Damn it!
Scrambling back on my feet, I quickly looked at him and muttered a quick apology for intruding and took off for my bike. I threw my leg over the seat and started the engine. I knew I was in no way prepared to ride right now, but if I could just get down the driveway and off his property, I could pull over and shed the tears that were threatening to escape.
“Hey, Brandy,” Aaron shouted, jogging after me. He was holding something in his hand, waving it at me.
Shit! My license.
I pulled my helmet over my head and secured it quickly, refusing to look toward the house. I didn’t want to know what she looked like or, worse yet, who she was.
“It’s not what you think,” Aaron said, his voice competing against the roar of the engine.
I reached for my license, but his fingers gripped it tightly.
“Please just let me leave,” I said, my voice trembling.
“Brandy, please. It’s not like that…”
“It is like that and it always will be with you. That’s the problem. It has nothing to do with your sister. I’ve been afraid of you, and I finally just admitted it to myself.” And the tears began their parade down my cheeks.
Aaron turned away from me and yelled across the driveway,” Not now. I’ll come in later. You’ve done enough for the day.”
My fingers were trembling as I attempted to rub the tears off my skin so my strap wouldn’t get completely soggy, but I couldn’t keep up with the amount of leakage.
“Please just give me my license. I should’ve taken the hint when you didn’t reply back to me. Please. Or I’ll just take off without it.”
Aaron’s gaze softened as his eyes connected with mine. He stuffed the license in his pocket as I drew in a wobbly breath, and he brought his fingers to the straps of my helmet. The roughness of his fingers as they glided across my chin still sent my heart racing, and I cursed the weakness of my body as he unstrapped my helmet.
“You aren’t going anywhere. I accept your apology. But you shouldn’t be the one apologizing,” his words lingered in the air, only to be wiped away by the wandering female behind him. “And I have one for you too.”
An apology isn’t gonna cut it, buddy.
I spotted the female figure standing on the porch, but I couldn’t make out her features from this distance.
“Age hasn’t had anything to do with it. I’ve been just as immature as you.” His lips turned up slightly in the corner. “I got all of your messages. Every single one of them, and I played them over and over again.”
I brought my attention back to Aaron, my gaze falling to his mouth.
“I was away on business and when I got home you started sending your messages.”
“Where did you go?”
“China. But that’s beside the point,” he said smiling, touching his thumb to my chin. “I’ve been miserable thinking that I may have lost you because I didn’t want to be patient. But patience isn’t one of my strong suits.”
A strong breeze began to pick up and I shivered. “Now let’s get you inside and get you warmed up. It’s getting close to nightfall, and I don’t think you should be driving back tonight.”
“I can’t. Not with her in there,” I whispered.
A smile touched his eyes as he grinned. “Let me help you off and try this again. We can start in the garage and go from there. I’d love to show you what I do in my off-hours. How I blow off steam.”
I nodded slowly and saw the shadow of a woman go back into the house.
“Here, give me your hand.” He helped me off my bike, even though I needed none before, and I let him wrap his arms around me. If nothing else, I would enjoy the next few moments before my fantasy blew to the wind.
“So how long have you done this?” I asked, pointing to the garage.
We walked back into the garage, and I felt my tearstained cheeks tighten as I attempted to smile. It was impossible not to be impressed with the large sculpture in front of me. The emotions that were captured in the twists and twirls of the metal and protrusions of wood stirred something deep inside.
“It feels angry,” I whispered. “The mouth gaping like that. I feel like it’s trying to swallow my soul.”
“Then it’s doing its job,” he said, releasing me from his embrace.
I blinked up at him just as he touched the button on the wall, closing the large wooden doors behind us with a thud.
“I don’t know if that should make me scared or not…”
“This is what I felt with the thought of losing you; my nightmares coming back to greet me, swallow me whole. All of the loneliness and feelings of inadequacy I’ve felt over the years went away when I was around you. The moment I left your condo, they all came flooding back. Instead of going to the places I normally sought out…I began on this.” He looked up at the sculpture and then over at me. There was a heat in his eyes, and my heart began pounding as I let the words sink in.
“I’m sorry for saying the things I said outside,” I murmured.
“Don’t be. I understand why you said them. I haven’t had the greatest track record, and I’m thrilled the Seattle magazines have been there to capture it.” He pressed his lips together and held out his arms. “Can we start over?”
I nodded, gravitating to the one place I felt the most secure—in his arms.
“What about the woman inside?” I whispered, knowing I needed to face things head on from now on. No more blaming situations or people who were not truly the cause of my discomfort.
His body began to shudder in laughter as his hands ran through my hair.