In a Moon Smile

by Coner, Sherri

  Chesney said nothing except thank you and filed away yet another reminder that Madelyn Blake might not be successful in picking her daughter out of a line-up. She didn’t seem to actually see Chesney at all for who she really was.

  I’ll bet she doesn’t remember my dress size or my favorite color. She has never bothered to ask any of those questions. Ever. I’m invisible unless I am once again causing my parents some kind of morbid embarrassment.

  “Your sister is in the kitchen, feeding the baby,” Madelyn said. Just mentioning her only grandchild brought a blush of pride to Madelyn’s chiseled cheeks. That grandmotherly glow temporarily blinded Chesney as she slipped around the edge of the sofa. Her fingers lingered on the leather, wishing something in the room could be soothing. But it was again that dental office experience.

  “Your father and Cooper are in the study, smoking those nasty cigars,” Madelyn said with a laugh. “I was slicing tomatoes for the salad when I heard you arrive. And the bread is baking.”

  Here it comes, Chesney thought as she followed her mother toward the kitchen.

  Any minute now. When I’m least expecting it. Or after I’ve been expecting it for more than an hour and I’m trying to trick myself into thinking it won’t happen. Any minute….

  She walked a few steps behind her mother, into the sunny kitchen where the cobalt blue and stark white color scheme, with pops of lemon yellow, carried on that crisp, cool look of her mother. Charlotte, looking pink and motherly, glanced up from her perch by the window. She smiled their mother’s smile. Her hair was the same blonde as their mother’s lovely hair. In fact it fell to her shoulders in perfect, straight strands.

  Chesney allowed her eyes to meet her sister’s gaze and she was immediately filled with envy. That twinge was accompanied by an odd ache like the one Chesney experienced in elementary school when other girls left her out of recess games. Definitely, she was the outsider here. Between the two tall, perfect, skinny blonde women, Chesney was the family dwarf, the family misfit with the ridiculous hair. She felt the need to drum up an old fantasy. That she would one day learn she was adopted and that her real family would search for her and love her quirks, such as the hatred of coffee and wine. They would embrace her fuzzy hair because they too had fuzzy hair. There would be a tearful group hug and they would promise to be extra loving when she blundered.

  Charlotte cocked her head to the side and said it. “Hello, Chez. Where’s Jack?”

  Damn it.

  Chesney scanned the kitchen, expecting to see her perfect sister’s words bounce around on the counter tops like ping pong balls. She braced herself, waiting for Charlotte to grab the kitchen light, shine it on her face and begin the interrogation. Where was Jack? How much money does he make? Was it true that he owns both a Jag and a Lexus? Why didn’t Jack drive the Range Rover anymore? What about the property Jack bought in Costa Rica? When could the family plan to stay there? How much did the engagement ring cost?

  “Jack couldn’t be here today,” Chesney said quickly.

  It wasn’t exactly a lie. Jack really couldn’t be there or anywhere in Chesney’s company. She hated him. But she left out that fact. She averted her eyes from her sister’s puzzled gaze and turned her attention to Piper. Charlotte’s tow-headed gift to the family gurgled happily in the high chair next to Charlotte. She kicked her pudgy little legs and grabbed at a few Cheerios with pudgy hands curled into fists. Chesney smiled, noting that Piper was the only other family member with short legs like hers.

  “Hello Sweet,” she cooed at the baby girl. Piper’s eyes were such a beautiful gray, exactly the color of Aunt Chesney’s eyes and grandmother Grace’s eyes. Fringed with long, soft lashes, and filled with wonder, the baby blinked up at Chesney. And for a moment, Chesney considered crying when she noticed that Piper’s nearly bald little head was covered with wispy blonde duck down. Piper might grow up to be petite like her aunt. But Chesney was brought to tears, so grateful that Piper’s hair would be like her mom’s and her grandma’s hair, not like the curly mess her aunt wrestled with every day of her life. In the back of her heart, Chesney realized that she was grieving already about the the fact that sweet little Piper wouldn’t belong on her team, either. Still, Chesney was a Blake without an island.

  Piper will be on the pretty side of the Blake family portrait.

  “My sweet grandbaby makes the biggest mess with one single cookie,” Madelyn said as she took a swipe at the Piper’s face with a soft towel.

  “Isn’t she the most beautiful child in the world, Chesney?” Charlotte asked.

  “Of course,” Chesney nodded. “She’s an angel, Charlotte.”

  And she meant that. Piper was a stunning baby. Chesney ached to hold her, rock her, love her. But at the same time, that familiar twinge of guilt and failure rose in her throat. As the oldest daughter in the family, she was not married. And she wasn’t a mother. She definitely understood those unspoken messages and expectations. Well after today, she might not have a family at all. Then she wouldn’t worry anymore about all the ways she never measured up.

  I have failed the family. Once again, it was Charlotte who saved the day. Charlotte who inherited our mother’s tall, willowy presence and straight, blonde hair. Charlotte, first with a storybook wedding, and now, the first once again, to use her perfect eggs to produce not just a grandchild, but an incredibly lovely one.

  Standing in the midst of the two beauty queens, Chesney tried not to obsess about her petite frame, her flat chest and her unruly auburn curls. She had suffered through these self-esteem attacks since she was six years old, wearing her younger sister’s hand-me-downs, which always required hemming. She walked over to the counter and faked a great deal of nonchalance as she grabbed a carrot stick from the relish tray.

  At that moment, Charlotte’s better half, Cooper, the man with the personality of cardboard, walked into the kitchen. He towered over the Blake women, barely clearing the kitchen light. Cooper was wearing a perfectly starched white shirt with the cuffs rolled up to expose an expensive watch. His slacks were perfectly creased. Every hair on his sandy brown head was perfectly groomed. He definitely belonged with Charlotte. And with Madelyn, too. They were all models.

  Chesney fought the urge to accidentally on purpose dribble some veggie dip on Cooper’s perfection. That would really rock his world. He would leave immediately, hyperventilating about the trauma of a stained, monogrammed button-down.

  “Dinner smells wonderful, Maddie,” Cooper said to his doting mother-in-law.

  Then he offered a half grin in Chesney’s direction and shot a zing while her guard was down and her mouth was full of carrot stick with ranch dip.

  “How are you, Chez?” Cooper asked, then added, “Hey, where’s Jack?”

  “He couldn’t be here,” Charlotte said quickly before Chesney mustered a fake response.

  But Chesney definitely saw the glint in her brat sister’s eyes as the message telepathically traveled across the polished kitchen table and the shiny white tile. Her eyes telepathically said to Cooper that once again, Chesney had screwed up the family. But don’t say another word about it. Charlotte’s eyes sent that clear message: “Cooper, don’t say anything else about Jack. I’m fairly certain that Chesney has either been dumped or been the dumper once again.”

  Watching the words silently make their way from Charlotte’s eyes to Cooper’s made Chesney’s face burn with humiliation. She wanted to grab Charlotte in a head lock and bang her face against the stairwell, something she had done twice in their childhood when Charlotte made fun of Chesney’s ugly hair. Chesney pretended not to see the telepathic communication or the wave of pity crossing Cooper’s face as he glanced in her direction.

  “I’ll get the dinner plates,” Cooper awkwardly turned his attention away from her, his forlorn sister-in-law who brings drama along to every single family expectation.

  “Chesney can set the table, dear,” Madelyn said quickly.

  So Cooper scooped his daughter f
rom the high chair and disappeared into the safety of the family room. He probably shielded the baby’s eyes from her aunt, hoping Chesney’s wayward ways would not somehow rub off on Piper’s perfect beginning.

  “Well, tell me what’s new,” Charlotte said. “I haven’t seen you since Piper got her first tooth. How is your work?”

  Chesney munched on a celery stick, preparing to tell yet another lie. Thankfully, her dishonesty was interrupted by the sudden presence of their father, Lyle Joseph Blake, who had the auburn hair Chesney inherited. He stepped into the kitchen like a fresh, brisk breeze and rushed over to envelope his oldest offspring with one of his famous bear hugs. His squeeze brought tears to Chesney’s eyes. She didn’t want her dad to let go.

  “We’ve missed you around here, Chez,” he said. “How’s the book coming along?”

  “Fine,” Chesney nodded dumbly, realizing that lots of lies either erupted from her lips or lined up in her throat to be told at a later time.

  “You look great,” Dad patted her face and Chesney noticed the deep wrinkles around his eyes. He was so much more tangible than her mother, so much more readable. He was the teddy bear here, between the two Barbies and the Ken doll. “Glad you could be here,” he said sweetly. Then he stepped over to the counter, poured some iced tea into a tall glass and said it. “Hey by the way, where’s Jack?”

  “He couldn’t be here, Dad,” Charlotte shot their father much of the same message she relayed a few moments earlier to Cooper.

  “That’s a shame,” Dad said meekly.

  Immediately, a panicky game of eye ball was played. Was the wedding called off? Had Chesney done it again? What about the guest list? And those giant ice sculptures?

  Tension started to build. Chesney’s stomach knotted. She envisioned her mom, slowly coiling into a snake, ready for the big bite...just as soon as Chesney worked up the nerve to break the news. Madelyn has a sharp tongue which cut to the core. She could say and do incredibly mean things. Chesney didn’t end up with the self-esteem of a dish rag with absolutely no help from home, you know.

  Cooper appeared again. “Stinky baby,” he said. Charlotte disappeared up the stairs with Piper for a diaper change in the princess pink bedroom. Madelyn charged off to the dining room to set the table. And Chesney sat alone in the kitchen. Feeling disconnected from her family, she stared at the baby paraphernalia cluttering the table and counter tops. Piper had everyone’s unspoken permission to toss her favorite baby doll, a couple of bottles and one of her shoes, wherever she damn well pleased. It was amazing to Chesney that Madelyn as a grandmother allowed such disarray. Becoming a grandmother must have somehow sedated that perfectionist side. Chesney wondered why she bothered to show up at all for a Blake family function.

  Once again, she was the downtrodden daughter, the one who didn’t quite make it into the traditional role their parents expected and secretly hoped for. She certainly hadn’t planned it this way. But the truth was that, compared to her sister, Chesney was the lost sheep. She was humiliated beyond words. She hated how loudly she failed to fit into her parents’ expectations. She hated knowing that she was again stirring disaster. Chesney doubted they would ever believe her, but she truly never intended to do the wrong thing. Or did she? Was she subconsciously getting kicked in the face by Life just to spite her tight ass mother? Hmm.

  By the time the family gathered around the dining room table, Chesney’s anxiety level was sky high. Cooper and Charlotte looked adoringly at each other and then at their baby daughter. As Madelyn walked around the table, she tenderly kissed the top of Lyle’s head.

  They all have a place here, a person they belong with and a defined role, even at the dinner table. As usual, I am the odd woman out, the woman without an island, the salt without the pepper… the constant mismatch. I can’t wait any longer. I need to purge the pain. Slather the wholesome moment with my troubles. Rid myself of the charade.

  “Jack and I broke up,” Chesney said quickly and too loudly, immediately after Madelyn plunked Piper into the high chair and passed the corn to Cooper.

  “Really?” Madelyn took the lead. She set the tone for everyone to stare and pretend they were surprised that Chesney no longer had a relationship, a fiancé or a wedding plan.

  “I returned the ring,” Chesney said.

  “That was stupid,” Charlotte grunted under her breath as she plopped mashed potatoes on her plate.

  “So close to the wedding date?” Lyle asked, trying to look calm. The quiver of his Adam’s apple, however, was a dead giveaway. “Why didn’t you tell us sooner, honey?”

  “There was nothing to tell,” Chesney said with a fake shrug. “We weren’t able to get to the next level. That’s all. No one’s fault. We just weren’t ready to be married.”

  “What a crock,” Charlotte growled. “When you get engaged, you make it to the next level, Chesney. Mother and Dad wish you discovered your stupidity before they laid out the big bucks for the rental of the reception hall… for the second time.”

  “Good point, hon,” Cooper said and Chesney was surprised that he didn’t offer Charlotte a high five.

  Charlotte, shut the hell up, you little reptile.

  As she stabbed at the peas on her plate, Chesney blinked away tears and begged herself not to cry.

  “What happened to the two of you, sweetheart?” her father asked.

  Now Chesney’s lips trembled. Tears stung her eyes. She wanted to curl up on her dad’s lap and be a little girl again. She wanted to sob her heart out about how Jack betrayed her. “I can’t talk about it,” she said in a soft voice.

  I can’t bring myself to tell my dad about Jack fooling around with his assistant, Belinda Big Butt, who has straight hair, womanly breasts and long legs.

  For some reason, Chesney feared that if she was honest about what happened, her parents might smile and say something like, “Can you blame him, honey? A real man can’t lust after a barely five foot, two inch ironing board with bad hair.”

  She didn’t think they would respond in that manner. But then again, why chance it? Chesney watched the news flutter around the family table. Her mother looked away, trying to hide the disappointment and rage. Again, the oldest daughter took a detour from the altar. Again, friends and extended family would quietly ask Madelyn why her daughter can’t land a husband and why she can’t seem to figure out until the wedding dress, the bridesmaid gifts and the reception hall have been purchased, that she doesn’t want to be married.

  As Madelyn buttered a slab of bread, she was already worried about how to break the news at bridge club. Chesney saw her disdain, right between the butter knife attack on the bread and the moment she turned in her chair to sooth Piper with a lone green bean and another cracker. Madelyn’s fingers trembled slightly as she stroked Piper’s hair. Her beautiful swan neck was blotchy with red dots of I-wish-I-didn’t-have-Chesney-for-a-daughter. Those blotches were Morse code for Chesney. Her failure had again deeply wounded her mom.

  As usual, Lyle chose avoidance. He pretended to be deeply engrossed in slicing the roast. He was, of course, angry with Jack for stringing the family along. He was angry about the fact that Chesney was no longer on her way to becoming the respectable wife of a polished young man who frequented the finest golf courses. Lyle’s dream of bragging about his wealthy son-in-law drizzled down the front of his shirt much like the gravy. As Chesney watched the shadow of disappointment cross her father’s face, she felt ill.

  Charlotte, glib as usual, removed her chunky daughter from the high chair and bounced Piper like a trophy on her lap. The baby was a silent reminder that Charlotte, not Chesney, was the family winner. It was an unspoken message to everyone: Feel sorry for a moment that Chesney has once again failed. Then turn your attention to the Chosen One, her Gerber baby and her ambitious, perfect husband.

  Before the news could thoroughly sink in and be questioned, Chesney decided to drop the other bomb. “I bought back Granny Grace’s place,” she said it suddenly, before the bo
wl of mashed potatoes made its way past perfect Charlotte.

  “What?” All forks froze in mid air. All eyes were on Chesney.

  “Yes,” she nodded as her heart picked up a rapid beat.

  Aha, for a moment, everyone in the dining room forgot that Charlotte even had a uterus. Yes, every eye was definitely focused on the ugly duckling daughter. Chesney felt powerful and interesting. She also felt nauseated. Under the table, she picked at her cuticles, willing herself to stay in the chair. “I saw the house again, after all these years,” she stuttered. “Everything is still the same. I fell in love with the place all over again.” She stopped talking for a moment and swallowed hard. The grand finale erupted crisply from her mouth for a second time. “So that’s my big news,” Chesney said with a victorious sigh. “I’m not getting married and I bought Grace’s place.”

  “When were you in Bean Blossom?” Lyle carefully placed his knife in the middle of his perfectly roasted slab of dead cow. He stared at his oldest child with a puzzled look on his thin face. Where did he go wrong with Chesney? “When did you buy it?” he asked. “Why would you buy the place, Chesney? It’s more than a century old. When your grandmother lived there, all kinds of things were wrong with the house.”

  “A week ago, I needed a few days away,” Chesney said. “I was working on chapter seventeen in my book. I was struggling a bit with the plot. I thought a few days away would do the trick.”

  “I’d never consider a trip to Bean Blossom, Indiana as an inspiration for anything except depression,” Charlotte snorted.

  “Cute,” Chesney sneered at Charlotte as if they stepped back in time with matching pigtails and missing teeth. Sibling rivalry was alive and well; Charlotte, the tall, skinny family favorite with long, thin pigtails, her perfect husband Cooper, and their goddess baby lined up next to the unmarriable odd ball with wild hair, short legs and no boobs.