Skin Like Dawn (When You Come to Me)

by Alyse, Jade

  “Very.” His voice was husky and low now.

  “I mean, how could he marry a person like me, exactly? I told him how much I loved him, yes, but I left out a few things. Important things. Goddamn it...if he only knew. He’ll want to discuss everything about that email when he returns. And I’m not sure if I have the heart to have a conversation like that...”

  Bellamy didn’t respond. He was now breathing a little heavier, with the almost-empty glass of wine, settled in his lap. He must’ve been far more tired than he originally let on.

  Ha.

  She giggled, but the humor never reached her eyes. She’d crawled into a cavern of her mind, huddling in a fetal position in the corner, shivering from the coldness of it all, rocking back and forth like an invalid on the cusp. Her eyes reached outward, but never settled on anything in focus. “I’ve put him through so much. So fucking much.”

  What was happening? Was she talking to herself? Her voice felt powerless, drowning in the sound of the music, bleeding from the stereo.

  “I could’ve called it off. I should’ve called that wedding off. The whole fucking thing. Put him out of his misery for loving a girl like me. What kind of bride panics five minutes before she’s to walk down the aisle?”

  Bellamy’s breathing was quite audible at this point, and his head had slumped over with exacerbated fatigue. She reached over, took the glass from his fingers, and placed it on the table. He didn’t move.

  She stared at the potent liquid, missing the splash of its crisp, fruity taste on her tongue. “He should have never fallen in love with a girl like me. So fucking foolish. Now...where do we go from here?”

  She reached for the glass, sneaking a glance in a sleeping Bellamy Lambert’s direction. He looked far less strained, more relaxed. She felt squeamish at the sight of the vulnerable side of him. She wasn’t sure that she liked it...or deserved it. And Minnie Riperton’s “Take a Little Trip” echoed in her brain.

  Pressing the glass to her lips, she had all of the intentions in the world of quelling her anxiousness. Desperate actions and trembling hands prompted her to taste the wine, swirl it around in her greedy mouth and swallow it. “I’ve sacrificed so much for that man.”

  Then she swallowed again. “My heart. My body. I was a med school student, for Christ’s sake. And I...I gave it up. Just like that. Everything I’d worked for. Everything.”

  She took another sip as a tear slid down her cheek. “But I love him. I’ve always loved him. I’m consumed with him. Brandon fucking Greene.”

  She replaced the glass on the table. Bellamy shifted into a position more comfortable for him. She licked her lips, gazing at him through hooded eyes. “What are we supposed to do? Is this how it’s supposed to feel when you...?”

  Don’t finish that statement. Don’t fucking finish it. Remove yourself from the room. Leave it all behind. Be smart, girl. Be smart. If not for you. For Harper. For the baby.

  She gathered to her feet, body weighed down to numbness, and another tear slid down her cheek. “Resistance grows tiresome. I’m sick of it.”

  And she left the room.

  JUST LIKE THE WATER

  SHE AWOKE AND HER HEAD THROBBED. She sat up quickly, sliding through a recourse of events in her head. She couldn’t remember a number of details; but one thing stood out very clearly: she’d left Bellamy sleeping on her couch.

  Untangling herself from her sheets, she reached for the first pieces of suitable clothing she could find, nearly tripping over a few pairs of Brandon’s leather loafers, scattered about the floor. Infantile sunlight was peeking through the parted curtains over the bed, splashing onto her skin aggressively.

  She ran a script of things to say to Bellamy as she fussed with her hair; a campaign of sorts, petitioning against the judgement of her foolish actions and whatever the hell might’ve fallen out of her mouth.

  She was just to the door, when she heard her cell phone ringing on the nightstand. Scrambling back across the bed, she reached for it, pressed the “talk” button and moaned into the receiving end.

  “Jesus, baby, I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

  Dear God, the sound of her husband’s voice. She’d always been a sucker for the sound of it over the phone. She melted into bed for a moment to savor it.

  “No, you didn’t. Hi, baby. What time is it over there?”

  “Ten-thirty. I figured I’d catch you before you hopped in the shower. Is this a good time?”

  “Of course.” She hastily wiped the sleep from her eyes. “I’m just tumbling out of bed.”

  “God, what I wouldn’t give to be tumbling in it with you.” He’d lowered his voice. “At any rate, I just wanted to be the first one to say, ‘Good Morning’...as always...”

  She instinctively patted the empty space next to her on the bed and sighed. “Good Morning, Brandy. What do you have on the agenda today?”

  “Well I’m on break right now for a coffee and regroup. We’ve been sucking up to the clients since eight this morning. I ducked around the corner. I have half a mind to grab a cigarette pack or two from the newsstand across the street.”

  “You better not! I want you happy and healthy and in one piece when I return.”

  “And ready to discuss that email you sent?”

  Her heart shuddered. She gathered to her feet, clearing her throat. “Of course.”

  “Natalie.”

  “I’m serious. We can talk about it for as long as you want.”

  “Good. I didn’t very well last night. I’ve read it at least four times.”

  “Brandon, really?”

  “Tal, there are so many things that I want to say. I can’t wait to see you.”

  She smiled. “The feeling’s mutual, Brandon.” She slid down the stairs, careful not to allow the heaviness of her tired body to send her toppling down uncontrollably. “I love you so much. Can I call you on my way out the door? I just want to straighten a few things up.”

  “Of course. I might be back in the conference room by then, but I’ll definitely duck out to answer your call.”

  “Good.”

  “I have on my calendar that you’ve got another ultrasound thingy with Dr. Gill today. Is that right?”

  “Yes. At three.”

  “Okay, let me know what the doctor says about your progress.”

  “You know that I will. Goodbye, my baby. Talk to you soon.”

  She killed the line and slowly crept into the living to find her friend Zuly, lying on the couch with a blanket lapped over her.

  Natalie exhaled. Looming over her, she shook her friend gently, rousing her just beneath full consciousness. “Natalie?”

  “Hey, you.”

  “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “I could ask you the same thing...considering that you’re in my house.”

  “I am?”

  Natalie nodded.

  Zuly slapped her forehead aggressively. “Fuck, how much did I have to drink last night?”

  “Let’s just say that you and his little friend Esme were swapping stories about your lust for Bellamy.”

  She sat up, eyes enlarged. “You’re kidding me?”

  Natalie chuckled. “Nope. Wish I was.”

  “Jesus. And what did Bell have to say about it?”

  “He laughed, but I’m pretty sure he was a little embarrassed.”

  Zuly scoffed. “Psh. Bellamy doesn’t get embarrassed. Only more arrogant and more amused.”

  “Hmm.”

  “Do you mind if I grab a shower here? I don’t have enough time to go home and change before work.”

  “Of course. You can use our bathroom. All of the girly bullshit you need is under the sink.”

  She crawled to her feet. “Perfect. Thank you.” Her eyes surveyed the room. “Where the hell is Bellamy?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, the last thing I remember is him saying that he was going to the kitchen for water. I was still on the floor when that happened. He sai
d when he got back he’d help me to the couch and he’d sleep on the floor.”

  “That sounds awfully...selfless of him. I guess the floor was far too uncomfortable.”

  Zuly laughed. “Yea that and two girls drunkenly worshipping his dick right in front of him.”

  “Gross.”

  “I’ll say. I’m assuming that at some point, he did help me get on the couch. I’m not sure what happened to his friend, though. Maybe they went somewhere to...you know...”

  Natalie suddenly felt queasy. “Well...some of us would know better than others. I need coffee. We’re leaving for work in an hour.”

  GETTING TO WORK BEFORE HEAD NURSE WENDY CHEWED HER OUT, was her main priority. But Zuly was still hungover, dragging her ass to the point where they were both almost twenty minutes late. Head Nurse Wendy was standing by the nurses’ station, brows furrowed and pissed, drumming her fingers, as if she were counting the seconds in her head to painstaking accuracy.

  Natalie formulated an excuse in her head and she approached her supervisor slowly. There was no way of ducking out early to make it to her doctor’s appointment today. She was prepared to reschedule.

  Parting her lips, Natalie tried her best apologetic expression.

  “Excuse me, Wendy. Can I borrow Natalie for just one second?”

  Thwarted by Bellamy Lambert’s unexpected appearance pissed off Head Nurse Wendy, to the point where she now had difficulty hiding her seething disdain. Bellamy already had the tips of his fingers on Natalie’s elbow, gently tugging her away.

  Head Nurse Wendy expelled a breath. “Certainly, Mr. Lambert. I trust your morning is going well. You owe me, Greene. Come with me, Garza. I’ve got a stack of paperwork with your name on it.”

  Tucking into an empty room a few paces down the hallway with her in tow, Bellamy closed the door behind him. He appeared well-rested, but a day or two’s missed shaving gave him a dark shadow around his jaw. He unbuttoned his blazer, revealing a crisp white shirt and bright blue tie underneath.

  She folded her arms across her chest. “What do you think you’re doing? I have work to do.”

  “Lunch.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Would you like to go to lunch?”

  “Bellamy, it’s nine in the morning, I’m not hungry.”

  “Not right now, dummy, later? Say...one?”

  “I don’t feel like it.” She shifted the weight of her body from one side to the other. “And who leaves someone’s house without saying goodbye?”

  He grinned. “Were you worried about my safety?”

  “Go to hell, Bellamy.” She started for the door.

  “Wait! Last night was...look...let me just buy you lunch. It’ll be my way for making up for it.”

  “You have the hardest time, don’t you?”

  Baffled, he recanted his confident expression. “With what?”

  “Saying ‘I’m sorry’.”

  “I thought you said that this wasn’t a ‘pissing contest’?”

  “You’re insufferable.”

  “Meet me by the gift shop on the main floor at one.”

  “It’s good to know that you and your friend made it home safely.”

  He smiled again. “You were worried about me.”

  Huffing, she strolled past him and placed her hand on the knob. “If I don’t show up for lunch. Don’t be offended, okay?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  Then, she left the room. She figured he knew the truth anyway.

  SHE TURNED DOWN LUNCH WITH ZULY, got in the elevator at 12:58, and smiled at a nurse who she immediately recognized from the Oncology floor. Gazing into the reflection by the capacity and weight limit sign, she fussed with her hair and licked her lips. In all of the haste from the morning, she’d neglected to check the mirror before she left the house. Brandon always remarked on her natural beauty, but she never believed him.

  Bellamy was waiting by the gift shop, as scheduled, checking his watch and rolling his lips around tensely. When he spotted her, he dropped his hands, shuffled his shoulders to adjust his blazer, and smiled. “You showed up.”

  “Yes. What kind of idiot would I be if I turned down a free meal?”

  She wasn’t surprised at all when they approached a black Range Rover on the third level in the parking deck. “A gift from daddy?”

  “You’d like to think so,” he replied, opening the passenger door for her.

  The interior smelled of him. “Lots of road trips, huh?”

  He slid behind the steering wheel, pushing his key into the ignition. “I like to drive, if that’s what you’re asking me.”

  “I’m shocked. Is your driver off today?”

  “Yes. I only require one on holidays and whenever the president is in town. Have to make a good impression, right? That’s important to you, isn’t it?”

  “Funny.”

  He started the engine. “Please buckle your seatbelt.”

  “Where are we going anyway?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I was under the impression that you had an idea.”

  He shrugged. “No. I just kind of like to drive and see where I end up. You don’t?”

  “I’m only allotted an hour for lunch.”

  He pulled out of the parking space with grace, confidence and ease. “Not today.”

  “What the hell do you mean?”

  He switched gears, then glanced at her as he turned the wheel counterclockwise. “It’s taken care of.”

  “Again...what does that mean?”

  “It means that you’re not going to be confined to just an hour for lunch today. Just today. I bargained for you to do a ton of makeup work tomorrow, though.”

  “Thanks...?”

  “No need to thank me,” he said, easing out into the traffic as he slid a pair of Ray Bans over his eyes. “Just didn’t want you feeling like you had to rush back for anything.”

  “But, Head Nurse Wendy loves me so much. You couldn’t tell?”

  “She’s been at the hospital for twenty years. She’s against any woman younger or better looking than her...or both.”

  “Well...I feel just as old as she looks.” She gazed out of the window. “A life half-fulfilled, I suppose.”

  It spilled out of her mouth before she had a chance to stop it. Bellamy didn’t respond either way. Still...she was sure that he’d heard it and absorbed it. After all, what else could a statement like that mean?

  THEY WERE FIVE MINUTES AWAY FROM THE HOSPITAL NOW. Bellamy had all of the windows in the car cracked, allowing the crisp Pacific air to flow through it. She then imagined what her husband would think of her, riding alongside in this man’s car willingly. Brandon rarely got angry...but when he did? She felt lucky to only be on the receiving end of it a couple of times. Even then, she feared the worst.

  But what exactly was she doing wrong now? They’d exchanged very few words as he drove, and vaguely passed glances at one another. She’d be the first to admit that she was steaming inside; she still wanted answers that she was sure he was unwilling to give. He was a slave to his self-created enigma, trouncing about with lurid glances, cheeky, highbrow smirks, and a tightened jaw line. If she, or anyone else, ever tried to understand him or learn something completely factual, he’d return with a vague response of only two words, maybe more. Just enough to magnetize you to the point of relentlessness.

  At any rate, Brandon needn’t worry. Her minuscule interactions with Bellamy Guillaume Lambert were nothing more than something to pass the day, tarry her thoughts, exercise her brain.

  “I feel like walking.” He’d stalled at a red light. What the hell did that mean? Waiting for him to finish, she looked at him. He returned her gaze.

  “So.” She raised her eyebrows. “There’s a trail around the hospital.”

  “You know that’s not what I mean, Natalie.”

  “Well, what could you possibly mean, then?”

  “There’s a farmers’ market. That’s only open today and
tomorrow.”

  “Okay? What are you not telling me?”

  “It’s forty-five minutes away.”

  “So...essentially...you already knew that we were going there. You simply waited until we’d been in the car for fifteen minutes for you to say something.”

  “Correct.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You’re unbelievable, Bellamy Lambert.”

  “It’ll be worth it, I promise.”

  HE ZOOMED EFFORTLESSLY INTO A PARKING SPACE, in a sea of gravel and killed the engine. Locals coursed through the lot, heading in various directions, collectively enthusiastic, motivated. The smell of something frying filled the air, reminding her of the markets she visited with her family back in Georgia on tepid Sunday mornings in the Spring.

  Pitched tents of the vendors’ best crops were displayed confidently in a long, narrow row that faced each other. Trailing Bellamy cautiously, she murmured, “Where the hell are we?”

  “Salem.” He glanced down at her. She couldn’t read his eyes behind the veil of his dark shades.

  “Been here before?”

  “No, of course not. Ever had dungeness crab and northwest cornbread?”

  “Cornbread?”

  He grinned. “Yes, from Alaska.”

  “You’ve lost me.”

  “Come.”

  She followed closely. Fishermen yelled at each other from tent to tent, hustling buyers from all over the state. Salmon seemed to attract the biggest crowd.

  Stalling in front of one tent, Bellamy reached into his back pocket for his wallet, and began ruffling through it. A smallish old man with a crooked spine and a toothy grin approached them. He smelled of stale flour and fried fish and something else. Natalie wrinkled her nose. “Well...if it isn’t the Bellamy Lambert.”

  Bellamy nodded once quickly. “Jasper. Always a pleasure.”

  “Haven’t seen you around these parts since-”

  “Yes, it’s been a minute, hasn’t it?”

  Jasper then turned to Natalie. “And who’s this little lady?”