She risked a short look at Mya, communicating that this was the man Sundance had warned them about but Mya didn’t seem to catch the hint. She was too focused on the fact that this man—a man of power—had taken a real interest in her clinic. And since the clinic could use someone in high places in its corner, she was more than willing to play nice. “Pleased to meet you,” she murmured, pulling her hand free as soon as it was polite.
“Are all the nurses and doctors as pretty as you two?” he asked with a wink that shot way past the mark of inappropriate, but Mya seemed willing to overlook it for the moment.
“Dad, you’re embarrassing yourself,” Chad said, earning a small point in his favor from Iris. “These ladies are more than pretty faces, they’re the backbone of this operation. Let’s be respectful.”
Mya smiled. “I’d be happy to show you around. I’m sorry we missed you yesterday,” she said, shooting Iris a look that said, “don’t be such a worrywart,” and moved away, encouraging Paul to follow, which he was only too happy to. “We are in sore need of updated equipment in our OB department and our X-ray machine is straight out of the dark ages of medicine.”
Iris opened her mouth to protest but Chad swooped in quickly. “She smells federal dollars. We’ve lost her,” he joked but Iris couldn’t dispel the tightness in her chest. Sundance didn’t like the guy, he surely wouldn’t want his sister traipsing off with him but what could she do? She returned to Chad, unable to hide the distress she felt. It was then she noticed the big bouquet of flowers behind his back. He noted her confusion and explained with a shrug. “Dad wanted to make a grand gesture. I told him I already brought Sierra flowers but he thought it might look good to bring another bunch from the BIA. You know, the personal touch.”
“Sierra’s not here,” she said, trying not to let her personal feelings seep out too much.
“Yeah, we figured that out. A shame. These ones are much prettier than the ones I got her.” He leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially, “He’s got a bigger expense account.” He produced the bouquet and thrust them at her, causing her to blink in surprise. “No sense in letting them go to waste. My dad was right about one thing, you are a beautiful woman. And beautiful women deserve flowers.”
Iris accepted the flowers, unsure of how to feel about the unexpected gesture. Surely she was overreacting. What would the old Iris do in this situation? She’d gleefully accept the flowers with a cheeky grin and flirt shamelessly. She felt miles away from that woman. She stifled a frustrated groan at the niggling little voice that never seemed to shut up these days, particularly when the opposite sex was involved. At this rate, she’d be a card-carrying lesbian by the end of the month. Sundance was right, this case was turning everyone upside down. “They’re lovely, thank you.” She bit her bottom lip, her stomach choosing that moment to be particularly loud. She barked an embarrassed laugh, rubbing her belly. “Guess it’s time to feed the beast after I put these in some water. Thanks again…”
She turned to leave but suddenly Chad seemed to have a grand idea, saying, “Hey, let’s go together. Like you, I haven’t eaten yet and seeing as my father has been kidnapped by Mya, that leaves you and me without someone to share lunch. I’m game if you are.”
“I—” It was on the tip of her tongue to decline but she wasn’t sure if she was saying no because she really didn’t want to go or because she was afraid to be alone with a stranger. He was harmless, she told herself. Stop being ruled by fear, she chastised herself. Just say yes! “O-okay,” she stammered, her cheeks flushing. Lifting her chin, she said in a stronger voice, “I’ll go get my coat. We can walk to the deli cart.”
“Ohhh, a deli cart. Sounds delicious,” Chad said, teasing.
She knew for a fact no matter how sternly she might tell herself to get it together, there was no way she could climb into a car with a stranger so dining at the deli cart was all she could offer Chad Brown. She smiled angelically. “Take it or leave it. Today’s special is chili in a bread bowl. My favorite.”
“Well, lead on, Miss Iris. I’m your willing lunch companion, no matter what’s on the menu.”
Iris actually laughed and it felt good, almost as if she were catching a glimpse of her former self. Maybe she wouldn’t become a lesbian after all. She paused to put the flowers in water and took a quick look at herself in the mirror as she shrugged on her coat. She looked the same, the bruises were long gone, and if she wanted to start feeling normal again, she’d have to start acting normal.
And she supposed that meant accepting lunch invitations from people outside of her inner circle. She resolutely pushed away the persistant feeling warning her of potential danger and pasted a smile on her face.
She would not be ruled by fear! It was just a chili bowl for goodness sakes.
Sundance caught Mya as she was cruising past the nurses’ station, a patient history folder in hand. He called out to her and she smiled, gesturing for him to follow her into the staff lounge.
“What can I do for you, my brother?” she asked, closing the folder to give him her full attention. “You just missed Iris, she went to lunch with your friend Chad. Oh, and I had a lovely conversation with Paul Brown. I don’t know why you wanted us to steer clear. He seems very nice, even if he’s a little loose with what’s considered politically correct.” Startled by that, Sundance took a second to recover but Mya didn’t seem to notice as she continued, “I like him. He’s very charming. It seems the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree with those Browns. I think Chad would be good for Iris.”
“What?” he asked, annoyed at the idea and still uncomfortable with the fact that Paul Brown had made yet another unscheduled trip to the reservation. Seemed he’d taken quite a shine to the people and the place, which he found odd. If he’d liked it so much in the first place, why’d he leave? Added to that, he hated the fact that Iris was out with Chad. “She doesn’t need to start dating anyone just yet. She needs to focus on healing and recovering.”
Mya frowned. “And how do you think that’s going to happen if she doesn’t take baby steps toward being around the opposite sex? She’s not made of china, Sonny. She can handle it. She’s strong and determined to recover.”
“And Chad is going to help her do that?”
“What’s this? I thought Chad was your friend?”
Things change. But he couldn’t rightly explain his feelings without bringing up the unsettling questions he was harboring so he changed the subject instead. “So where’s Paul now?”
“I told him I had to finish rounds and passed him off to the physician’s assistant to show him the X-ray machine we’re forced to work with. And back to the subject of Iris,” she said, stubbornly refusing to let it go. “So what’s the problem if Iris wants to get to know him better, maybe even go out with him? It’s not as if the reservation is booming with eligible men. And it’s not like you’ve declared your interest.”
He scowled, absolutely hating the idea of Chad dating Iris but to admit that… It would reveal a lot more than he was willing to share at the moment. “I just think she needs to go slowly,” he said.
Mya’s expression warmed with love. “Oh, my sweet brother, always the protector. She’s fine. Now, what did you need? Not that I don’t love your visits, somehow I know this visit isn’t social.”
“I came to talk to Iris,” he admitted, adding stiffly, “About the case.”
Mya made a face, then sighed heavily. “Do you have a new lead?”
“No, the exact opposite. I’m back to ground zero. I need to speak with Iris and see if she’s remembered anything new.”
“I’m sure she would’ve told you if she had.”
“Yeah,” he acknowledged, hating the fact that he’d been more interested in seeing her than questioning her. “I wondered if she’d managed to try any of the self-hypnosis yet.”
“I know a lot of my colleagues think it’s a bunch of mumbo-jumbo but I don’t know, I’m open to anything that might help,” Mya said. “Just
don’t tell anyone I said that. My colleagues would tease me to death.” Her smile faded as she added with a concerned frown, “Sonny, even though I’m not closed minded about hypnosis, I’m not sure it’s a good idea to hang all your hopes on a pseudoscience. There’s a good chance Iris simply won’t remember, even with Emily’s help, because of the drug she was given.”
“I know but it’s all I’ve got right now. Every other lead has dried up,” he said, hating how desperate that admission made him feel. “So…where’d Iris and Chad go for lunch?”
Mya smiled, seeing right through him. He wasn’t surprised, just annoyed at himself for trying. “They went to the deli cart. I’m sure you could catch them if you walk quickly.”
He wanted to. His feet were already itching to move in that direction but he made himself shake his head. “No, that’s okay. I can catch her later.”
Mya gave a minute shake of her head and waved him off. “You’re impossible,” she declared, but softened her words with a warm smile. “Make sure you eat something, too. You’re getting thin.”
She left and he looked down to touch his stomach. That sounded like a good reason to eat a casserole with Iris. They could talk about the case then.
Satisfied with his plan, he almost had himself convinced that he didn’t care that Iris was enjoying lunch with someone else.
Specifically, Chad Brown.
Chapter 18
Iris tried to remember to smile and act unaffected by the fact that inside she was shrinking.
“Are you cold?” Chad asked, mistaking her shiver for one caused by the chill in the air. He made a motion to shrug off his jacket but she waved away his concern.
“I’m fine,” she assured him, forcing another smile that she hoped appeared bright and confident instead of nervous and agitated, which was how she felt. “So, Sundance tells me you’re working on finding funding so that we can relocate some of the tribe members who are in the flood plain?”
“Guilty. I’m close, I think. But right now I’m really focusing on finding funding for more tribal officers. Poor Sundance is being run ragged.”
Iris snuck a glance at Chad as she chewed her mouthful of chili. She wanted to loosen up but her chest felt tight and miserable and it was difficult to pretend otherwise.
“I’m bugging you, aren’t I?” he asked, surprising her.
“No,” she disagreed vehemently. “It’s not you…I’m just preoccupied. My mind is elsewhere today.” Make that every day. Don’t take it personal, dude. “I’m sorry I’m not very good company.”
He assessed her openly, which made her straighten and meet his stare head-on, though it took a fair amount of mental muscle not to cringe. “You’ve changed.”
“Excuse me?” she said, going very still. “How do you know? To my knowledge we’ve only just met a few days ago.”
He grinned, throwing her off. “I confess, I haven’t known you long but I’ve seen you out and about. You’re hard to miss.”
She blushed, unsure how to accept the compliment. Before her attack, she would’ve grinned, preening from his admiration, but now? Panic was her go-to feeling and she hated it. “That’s sweet of you. Where had you seen me? At the clinic?”
“No. I saw you at the bar. Unfortunately, it was the night of the attack.”
Iris swallowed, her breath coming in short, shallow gasps. He started toward her and she took a quick step away. His immediate chagrin made her realize she was overreacting again. She shook her head, tears filling her eyes, as she tried to explain. “I have changed. I’m trying to find my way back but sometimes I can’t help myself and the panic takes over. It’s not personal,” she said, wiping at her eyes. “It’s something I’m trying to overcome but it’s harder than I imagined it would be.”
“I’m so sorry,” he said. “I should’ve been more sensitive. I was a clod.”
“No…it’s not you, it’s me.” She smiled through her tears, even laughing at herself. “I used to be fearless. Mya used to call me reckless, even. Now I’m practically afraid of my shadow.”
“I can only imagine what you’re going through,” he murmured. “I heard that you don’t remember the actual attack. Perhaps that’s a blessing…”
She hesitated, not quite comfortable discussing the case with a virtual stranger but she supposed she’d have to get used to people bringing it up at some point. She choked down the lump in her throat with difficulty, saying, “I used to think it was but I think the clue to finding who did this to me is locked in my head. I’m trying to unlock the memory with hypnosis.”
“Is it working?”
“I think so,” she admitted. “It’s a process but it’s better than sitting at home and doing nothing. I have to do what I can to stop this freak.”
“Of course. Is there anything I can do?”
“Not unless you can tell me who did this to me,” she quipped, a smidge of her former spunk returning.
“And what would you do to that person if I could?” he asked in a mildly playful tone. “Is it illegal?”
“Oh, absolutely,” she said without a hint of hesitation. “I’m not even sure he’d survive.”
“Bloodthirsty?”
“Only for his,” she assured Chad with a small smile. “For what he did to me and Sierra…death would be a blessing after I was finished with him.”
He chuckled and shoved the last bite of his sandwich in his mouth. “You know—” he canted his gaze at her “—I believe you. I don’t see fear in your eyes right now.”
“Oh, yeah? What do you see?”
“I see rage.”
Rage…yes, that was fair. And it felt good to admit it.
Sundance knocked on Iris’s front door, carrying a pizza. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, he just knew he wanted to spend the evening with her. After leaving Mya earlier that afternoon, he was a mess the rest of the day. His thoughts wouldn’t stay focused, his train of thought was wrecked. He chalked it up to concern for Iris but he was kidding himself. He was more than concerned, he was agitated to the point of irrationality at the thought of Iris chatting it up with Chad.
Iris opened the door, Saaski at her side, and she smiled quizzically at his appearance. “You lost?”
“I thought you might be hungry and tired of casserole,” he said, hefting the pepperoni pie. “How about it?”
“I’ve never been able to deny a man holding a pizza,” she said, allowing him entry. He could feel her eyes on him and he didn’t blame her. He was acting out of character. He set the pizza box down and she handed him a plate that he promptly filled with two healthy pieces. She balked at the size of the slices. “I’m not sure I can eat—”
“You can try. You’ve lost too much weight. And according to Mya, so have I. We are on strict orders to pig out with carte blanche.”
She laughed, the sound warming him faster than a hot toddy. “Well, Mya is a doctor. I suppose she knows what she’s talking about.”
“That’s what I figured and there are worse prescriptions, right?”
“True.” She accepted the plate and they walked into the living room, both sinking into the leather sofa. Sundance took a fat bite, eager to fill his mouth with something other than the awkward conversation threatening to fall from his lips. He and Iris had never had much in common—aside from their aversion to one another—and he didn’t know how to engage her on a personal level. So he stuffed another bite in his mouth.
She, on the other hand, picked at the toppings, obviously not as hungry as he was.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
She shrugged. “Rough day.”
Wiping his mouth, he swallowed and gave her his full attention. “How so?” She didn’t want to talk about it, he could tell. He wanted her to feel secure with him, to at least trust him enough to share what she was going through. But he wasn’t sure he had the right to be that person for her. He’d never been in this position before and he felt tongue-tied, unable to find the right thing to say. “I want to k
now,” he said, trying to be encouraging. “I’m fine.”
“I’m beginning to hate that word,” he grumbled, taking another bite and finishing his slice. “Just tell me.”
“I don’t want to,” she grumbled back, flashing him a dark look. “It’s nothing.”
Was it something she could talk to Chad about? The uncharitable thought shamed him but it didn’t stop the chafing. “I want to help,” he said.
She stopped plucking at her pepperoni and sighed unhappily. “There’s nothing for you to do. This is something I have to do on my own. I have to be able to talk to men without flinching, without becoming overwhelmed with panic. Not everyone is out to get me but when the fear overcomes me, I can’t think rationally.”
“What happened?” he asked quietly.
“Chad Brown happened,” she answered, disgust in her voice. “I freaked out over a simple statement.”
“What did he say to upset you?” Sundance asked, trying hard to keep the growl from his voice. “I could have a talk with him.”
“No, please don’t. I already feel like I’m damaged. I don’t need to confirm it to other people. It was an innocent statement that he made, but immediately I felt a chill wash over me and I couldn’t breathe.” Tears appeared in her eyes and their sudden appearance seemed to annoy her. She scrubbed at her eyes with agitation. “See? I can’t even talk about it without crying. I’m a mess. Maybe I shouldn’t even be working with patients yet. I can’t continue to break down at the drop of a hat. Mya needs me to be like I was. I need me to be like I was.” She stared at the moisture on her hand. “Instead, I’m this weak, pathetic victim who cries like a baby when the wind blows.”
“You’re no weakling,” he assured her, shocked that she’d even think that about herself. “You’re a woman to reckon with. You’re a fighter, not a quitter.” It’s what I love about you. He wished he had the nerve to actually tell her. If anyone was weak, it was him.
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