“If I’m so strong, how come I still can’t sleep through the night? I wake with night terrors, fighting and clawing at invisible hands, terrified that he’s out there, waiting and watching me. Some pillar of strength, huh?”
He didn’t hesitate, he gently drew Iris into his arms, where she went willingly, sinking into his embrace like someone who’d finally found safe harbor. It felt right to hold her like this and he wondered why he’d never realized before how much she meant to him. Knowing she was suffering so deeply, cut him and he’d do anything to ease her pain. “Don’t confuse fear with cowardice. You are facing that fear every day like a warrior going into battle,” he told her, smoothing her hair with slow, soothing strokes. “You are going to find your core again and you’ll be stronger than ever before. I know you, Iris. And it’s impossible for you to remain timid and scared. It’s not in your nature. It never has been, not even when you were faced with terrible odds.”
She sniffed against his chest and rubbed her nose. They remained that way for a long time, each lost in individual thoughts and memories. He would’ve given any amount of money to sneak a peek into her mind so he’d know how to comfort her.
Pulling away, she stared at him with red-rimmed eyes. “You don’t have to do this,” she said. “I don’t like feeling like I’m an obligation. It’s bad enough that I feel broken inside and you treating me with kid gloves just accentuates that fact.”
She thought he was doing this out of obligation? He’d never understand the female mind. There was only one way he could imagine that would chase that thought away. Leaning down, he placed a gentle but firm kiss on her plump mouth. Her sharp intake of breath caused him to still, afraid he’d scared her, but when she met him for a second round, he knew it was okay. “Did that feel like obligation?” he asked huskily, his heart rate kicking a healthy staccato.
Iris swallowed and shook her head. “No,” she whispered.
“All right then.”
Chapter 19
He hadn’t set out to become a serial rapist but life had a way of happening to people and before he knew it, he had a compulsion and a rather unfortunate label.
But he was never one to focus on the things he couldn’t change. He was a doer, not a dweller.
And right now, something had to be done about Iris Beaudoin.
The thing was, Iris was breaking the rules and he couldn’t have that. He hadn’t built a significant portfolio of success to have it topple like a deck of cards under a stiff wind because one stubborn, bullheaded woman got it into her head to become a champion for all the poor, victimized women.
He’d been amused to see her struggle to find herself again. Her pain had tasted like fine chocolate; he’d wanted to savor every last moment, drink every salty tear.
But she was trying to put herself back together again and—bravo for chutzpah—but in her mission to become whole she was on a course to discover his identity.
And that was something that he couldn’t let happen.
He imagined the fallout and it wasn’t pretty.
No, his life would be ruined.
That left him with one recourse and he was loath to do it, for he truly wasn’t a sadist—well, maybe just a little—but as he said, he was a doer and something had to be done about Iris Beaudoin.
Was it bad that he was going to enjoy it?
His mouth twisted in the tiniest of cruel smiles.
Yeah…a bit. But that’s what made what he did so irresistible, so impossible to stop.
Hell, everyone had their vices, right?
A low chuckle rumbled from his chest as he faded into the night, the light from Iris’s bedroom window shining like a beacon, bringing him home.
Iris awoke and turned to Sundance who lay on the bed with her, his chest rising and falling with the soft, even cadence of a man fast asleep and she wondered at the chain of events that had put this magnificent man in her bed.
He’d remained fully clothed, only kicking off his shoes to climb into the bed with her, drawing her close because she’d begun to shake uncontrollably. Somehow she’d fallen asleep, though she wasn’t sure how it’d happened. As tightly wound as she’d been, she was fairly certain sleep wouldn’t find her until the wee hours of the morning, but there was something about the feel of Sundance’s arms around her that soothed her like a child and she’d drifted off easily.
A dark curtain of thick, long lashes—she used to tease him about them when they were younger because secretly she’d been ridiculously jealous—rested above proud, strong cheekbones. Really, he had the bone structure of a model but there was nothing soft or metrosexual about him. When they were kids she’d found his unrelenting stoicism annoying. Criminy, he was as stiff as hard oak. But right now, she appreciated his strength for she felt she had little to spare.
His lids flipped open, and she found herself staring into a set of eyes belonging to the man she’d longed for. It seemed unbearably cruel that it took something catastrophic for him to see her as a woman and equally unfair that now that he had, she felt unworthy of his attention.
“Did you sleep okay?” he asked, his voice scratchy from sleep.
She nodded shyly. “Best in weeks. You?”
He smiled. “What matters is that you slept well.”
“I snore, don’t I?” she asked fretfully, hating the idea that she’d kept him awake while she’d slept like the dead. “I’m sorry…”
He grinned. “You don’t snore. But you do make a funny little breathy sound that is…odd. And mildly endearing,” he said, when she’d begun to frown. He smoothed the skin between her brows with a light touch. “It’s fine. I didn’t sleep well because I’m still clothed. I’ve always slept—”
“—nude,” she supplied, her cheeks coloring a bit. “I remember.” Once when they were teens, she’d caught a glimpse of his bare backside when she’d sneaked in his room to grab an extra blanket. At the time she’d been horrified and terribly embarrassed. He’d yelled at her as he’d jerked the covers over his bare behind. She’d run from the room, dying from mortification. Mya had found it hilarious.
Sundance remembered, too, saying, “You should always knock before walking into a teenage boy’s bedroom. You never know what they might be doing.”
“I was just looking for an extra blanket,” she retorted, her cheeks flaming, though a giggle wasn’t far behind as she remembered the scene. “Besides, Mya was the one who sent me in there.”
“Ah, and all these years I thought you were just trying to catch me naked.”
“Hardly. If you recall, I didn’t think much of you back in those days.”
“I remember.” He tucked strands of her thick hair behind her ear with a gentle touch. “And what do you think of me now?”
Her mouth played with a smile. “I think that’s fairly obvious. Don’t you think?”
He sobered and shook his head. “Nothing about a woman is obvious.”
“Let me help you out then,” she said, moving closer, cuddling into him, soaking up his warmth and enjoying the unique scent of his body. “I like this very much,” she whispered, burying her nose against his chest. She smiled as his arms folded around her, holding her close.
She liked how he touched her reverently, as if she were some rare treasure. She would’ve never expected him to be so gentle. Everything about Sundance was hard, except his touch with her. She needed that so badly. Moisture pricked her eyes. She managed to hold back the tears but Sundance had noted the subtle tensing in her body and pulled away to regard the source.
“Was it something I did?” he asked, worried.
“No. Yes. Sort of,” she amended, no doubt cementing his earlier sentiment about women being confusing. She rubbed at her nose. “Everything about me has changed. I no longer trust my instincts. I question my feelings. I don’t know how to act around a man, much less one I’m attracted to, and being here with you is excruciating yet I don’t want to give it up.” He made a move as if to climb out of the bed, but s
he stopped him. “No, wait, please,” she pleaded, hoping she could make sense of her own contradictions. He stilled, waiting for her to continue, his dark eyes intense and unfathomably dark. “I want you here, selfishly. You deserve a woman who isn’t an emotional wreck. I break into tears at the slightest provocation, I’m paranoid over the smallest things, and I feel sick to my stomach at the idea of being intimate with someone. How is that fair to you?”
“Tears don’t bother me, you’ve always been a little left-to-center about certain things, and as far as the intimacy goes, let’s play it by ear. I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to. I’m willing to wait until you’re ready.”
Couldn’t he see that she was trying to warn him? She ground the moisture from her eyes and glared. “Stop being so damn reasonable,” she said, not surprised when her comment made him frown. “This isn’t something that’s easily fixed. I’m broken inside. Don’t you get that? I can’t promise you that I’ll be fixed or get better ever. I can’t live with that burden, why should I expect you to?”
He shrugged and climbed from the bed. “You need coffee. Let’s figure everything else later. We could spend all morning arguing the points you’ve made but we both have work, so I say let’s table this discussion until later.”
She made a sound of exasperation but deep inside a curl of warmth teased her frosted insides, reminding her that she was dealing with a man nearly as stubborn as herself. He left the room and she heard him talking to Saaski, before the front door opened and closed. She smiled in spite of herself. He had made an excellent point. She didn’t have time to convince him that he was wasting his energy on her because she needed to put her butt in gear. Mya was likely already on her way to the clinic—she always made a habit of getting there an hour early so she could ease into the caseload on her own schedule—and Iris liked to share a cup of coffee with her friend before the day started. Damn him, for knowing her schedule so well.
Iris slid from the bed and went in search of that coffee he’d been talking about and tried not to let her enjoyment of the moment between them sink too deeply into her bones.
She’d meant what she’d said and if he was smart, he’d take her words at face value. There was nothing subtle about what Iris was dealing with, and she’d never ask him to wait for her to figure it out because she knew all too well that it could take longer than they had years to live.
For not sleeping well, Sundance felt surprisingly refreshed. It probably wouldn’t last but as long as he had a clear head, he was going to dig into the case again as soon as he got to the station.
He’d let Saaski out to relieve himself and run off some of that coiled energy housed in the big dog and then he’d set the coffee to percolating. He liked that Iris used an old-fashioned coffeepot rather than the automated ones with all the buttons and gadgets that took a degree in engineering to figure out. Plus, he thought the flavor was better with the old-fashioned percolation but Mya said that was all in his head. Maybe, maybe not.
He heard the shower start and busied himself with throwing together quick breakfast for them both. If Mya had been concerned over his weight, he was equally concerned that Iris was fading away before his eyes. Her lush curves had always been the stuff of men’s dreams but he could see her collarbone sticking out, illuminating just how the strain of recent events had affected her. Normally, Iris had the appetite of a teenage boy. She could put away a surprising amount of food without blinking an eye. He knew because once he’d foolishly bet he could eat more pizza than her. She’d out-eaten him by two slices.
He’d just buttered the toast when the sound of glass shattering had him bolting for Iris’s bathroom. He found her wrapped in a towel staring at the mirror above the sink, a broken water glass lying in shards on the tiled floor. The steam curled in the small room like a sauna, and all color leached from her face. He followed her stricken gaze and started when he saw the words that had appeared in the mirror with the help of the steam.
You were the best…
Iris backed away, her hand at her throat as she found her voice. “He was in my house,” she said, sounding strangled and small. “Oh, my God.”
“Don’t touch anything,” he instructed her, rage at the invasion kept at bay by the thinnest barrier. He had a camera in the Durango. First, he had to photograph the evidence, then he had to call in some help from the neighboring, larger reservation. He needed to collect forensic evidence, dust for prints, but he didn’t have that kind of capability with his piddly resources. Iris’s whole body was shaking and her lips moved soundlessly. She was going into shock. He reacted quickly, drawing her away from the bathroom, mindful of her bare feet and the glass. “Iris,” he said gently but she was frozen, locked in fear. “Iris,” he tried more firmly. She turned to stare at him, her eyes glazed. “I need you to get dressed but I need you to grab only what you absolutely need. I’m going to call in additional resources and find if he left anything else behind.”
“I—I’m afraid,” she stammered, tears sliding down her cheeks. “He was in my house. H-he might’ve been watching me in my sleep.”
“I’m fairly certain he was not in the house when you were. Saaski would’ve eaten him alive. Chances are he gained access while you were at work because Saaski goes with you to the clinic. He must’ve known this.”
At that Iris crumpled and would’ve slid to the floor if he hadn’t caught her. She sobbed into her hands, barely coherent. “Why is he doing this to me? Isn’t it enough he ruined my life? What kind of sadistic bastard is he to violate me twice?”
Sundance didn’t know, but he had a feeling, whoever had done this had just changed his MO.
Iris watched as law enforcement strangers from the neighboring tribe came to help gather forensic evidence for Sundance. She’d managed to get the shakes under control but inside she felt her core had turned to ice. She couldn’t quite get warm enough no matter how many layers of clothing she had on. Sundance had called Mya to let her know what was going on, and true to form, Mya had driven like a madwoman over to the house as soon as her replacement had been called in.
Mya held Iris’s hand, rubbing the numb flesh. “You’re like a Popsicle,” she admonished, looking to Sundance for help, but he was preoccupied with the evidence collection. In fact, he fairly prowled the small house like a caged beast, his frustration evident with every step. “Tell me exactly what happened,” Mya instructed, her voice warm but worried.
“I’d gotten out of the shower and went to brush my teeth when I saw the words in the mirror because of the steam. He knew they’d show up and I’d see it. This is a deliberate attempt to get my attention and it worked,” she said, a note of hysteria creeping into her voice until she choked it down. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t feel safe at all. What does he want?”
“I don’t know,” Mya said sorrowfully. “But I think you’re right, you’re not safe here anymore. Maybe you should come stay with me until we get this figured out.”
“And put you in harm’s way?” Iris shook her head vehemently. “No. I can’t do that. This man is a monster…worse than I imagined.” Her eyes widened as a separate thought came to her. “Oh, no, someone needs to warn James. If he found a way to sneak into my home, he might do it to Sierra, too.”
“Sundance will take care of it,” Mya assured her. “If he hasn’t already. We need to focus on you right now. This man is fixating on you and I won’t let you stay here by yourself. Please come stay with me.”
“I can’t,” Iris said, shuddering at the thought of bringing that maniac into her best friend’s life. She would never willingly put Mya in danger, not even to save herself. She gripped Mya’s hand and forced a brave smile. “I’ll figure something out,” she promised, but Mya wasn’t convinced and tried a different tack.
“Then stay with Sonny,” she suggested. “I know he wouldn’t mind.”
It was probably the safest route but she hated being chased from her home and her bitterness leached out in h
er voice. “I can’t just invite myself into Sundance’s space like a Motel 6. He didn’t sign up for a houseguest.”
“Stop,” Mya said, her voice soft but firm. “You know he cares about you. Let him help you. Besides, offering a friend a bed for a few nights is not exactly going to turn his life upside down. If you won’t stay with me, promise me you’ll stay with Sonny. I won’t rest unless I know you’re safe.”
“Mya…” But her friend wouldn’t be swayed and Iris could tell by the pinched set of her mouth that she was going to dig in her heels, and if it came down to it, Mya would drag her from this house and hog-tie her for her own good. She sighed and nodded, finally conceding. “I’ll ask him.”
Mya’s relief was immediate. “Thank you. Has anyone ever told you how damn stubborn you are?” she asked with mock severity. Mya rubbed at her eyes, watching as the team went to and from the bedroom carrying plastic bags of possible evidence while another took pictures of the point of entry, that happened to be the back door where the lock was flimsy. It was something Sundance had been after Iris to change since she inherited the house from her mother nearly five years ago.
Saaski, uncomfortable with all the strange sights and smells, remained stationed at Iris’s feet, a low rumble deep in his chest when someone happened to get too close. On autopilot Iris reached down to give the big dog’s head a good, soothing scratch so he would settle.
“One thing is for sure, that dog isn’t going to let anyone get near you,” Mya said.
Iris smiled, grateful. “Yes, that’s the one thing that’s keeping me sane. If I thought this sick freak had somehow gotten into my house while I slept, I’d lose my mind. But I know Saaski would never let that happen. I think Sundance is right, whoever came into my house did it when I was at work.”
“I think it’s also someone who knows you and possibly lives on the reservation,” Mya said in a hushed tone. “Which I don’t have to tell you, gives me the creeps.”
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