Without You I Have Nothing

by J A Scooter

  Every slam with the hammer crashed into that little man’s face as he danced with Jennifer and in the glare of the welding flame Peter could see Jennifer’s face vibrant with enjoyment. The vigorous actions of cutting, welding and hammering the torn, twisted metal began to purge his soul and the angry hurt began to drain into just a deep black void as he became more engrossed in the job.

  The shrill ringing of the phone disturbed him. He tried to ignore it but it just drilled into his consciousness until finally he picked it up.

  “Peter, can you help me?” Mrs. Williams, one of his customers, sounded relieved. “I'm at the club and my car won’t start. Since that episode after rehearsals, I'm frightened of going into any car park to catch a cab. I'm so sorry to have to call you, but I had no one else I could call.”

  “That’s okay. I’ll be there in ten minutes. Wait inside the main doors by the security stand and I’ll flash the lights three times. You’ll be safe. I’ll get your car running during the week and have an apprentice drive it home for you. Now wait there and stop worrying.”

  His thoughts in turmoil Peter groaned, ‘Oh for God’s sake, why? Why me? I’d drive to the moon for Jennifer but it’s not her calling. It’s Mrs. Williams. Why me? Just because I rescued her that infamous night doesn’t mean I'm her white knight forever!’

  The car lights flashed three times and Susie Williams wasted no time sliding into the passenger’s seat. Her short blonde hair reflected the latest hairstyle. Her sheer, skin-tight blouse and brief, flared skirt displayed her feminine charms to advantage.

  “I hoped you were working - you're always working. You're a life saver and I do appreciate your help.” Under the illumination of the interior light, her blue eyes gleamed and she lightly drew the tip of her tongue across her lipstick as if checking its taste but Peter ignored her response as he began driving her home.

  “Come in and let me get you a drink. At least I can do that as thanks.”

  Peter’s thoughts reflected his sorrow. ‘How different to Jennifer. Why? Why doesn’t Jennifer unwind? She could just bend a little. I wouldn’t hurt her.’

  No sooner had they entered her apartment than Susie poured a long fruit juice for both of them, and Peter, standing so close, could not help noticing her warmth and softness as she stared up into his eyes. Her lips slightly parted as if demanding a kiss when she proffered the glass.

  ‘Hell, why not? I owe Jennifer nothing. She is enjoying that creature’s arm about her. I wonder if she also enjoys his kisses. Why shouldn’t I do the same?’ The thoughts flashed through his mind as he bent to accept Susie’s offer. Fire coursed though his veins as her free arm wrapped itself around his neck trying to arouse him even more.

  Yet the taste was wrong and the smell was wrong. This was not his Jennifer.

  “I'm sorry, Mrs. Williams.” Peter drew back, aghast. After all, she was a married woman and a customer. “I’ll finish this drink and go.”

  “I'm Susie. Call me Susie and don’t apologize. After all, you did rescue me after that rehearsal without pausing to think. Those men could have killed you. I was grateful for that then and I'm grateful again now. Don’t apologize. I enjoyed that. You taste so...”

  She licked her lips as though cream covered them and preened herself like a cat before a warm winter’s fire. “You taste so powerful and so male. Sit over here and don’t be in such a hurry to leave.” Susie sat on the divan and patted the seat beside her.

  Desperate to cling to his code of chivalry, Peter allowed excuse after excuse to tumble out.

  “My overalls are far too dusty, I’ll shed dust everywhere. I must get back and finish the job. You're far too beautiful for this poor, crass man who couldn’t do justice to your beauty and... and... and...”

  Stammering and blushing he hoped Susie would allow him to leave. “No, I’d better go.” Peter had no experience of what to do in this situation. ‘What the hell is expected of me?’

  “What? Leave me all alone, on a Saturday night?” She seemed disappointed. “If dust worries you the shower’s through there.”

  She pointed through the bedroom door. “I’ll bring a dressing gown and some slippers for you.”

  She positively glowed, and clearly, she didn’t intend giving up easily.

  What a difference. Jennifer objected to Peter’s attentions and to his kisses - offended by his feelings. Tonight, Susie was handing him a flagrant invitation, and should he leave and not grab the fragrant package offered, Susie would be most disappointed.

  “You're all muscle and sinew,” was Susie’s comment as she came into Peter’s arms, demanding a kiss.

  Peter’s hand stole into her blouse, gently cupping a breast and his touch met, not a hostile gesture of rejection, but a soft gasp - a sucking of breath.

  “Oh, Peter, you're so gentle.” She drew back a little to study Peter’s face, then, throwing both arms around his neck, plunged her tongue deep into his mouth in surrender.

  Slowly as he kissed her, trying to force his mind into believing this was Jennifer, he began unbuttoning her blouse.

  Susie made no objection.

  Convinced he was what she needed; Peter carried her like a baby to her bedroom.

  She wanted to undress him but he grasped her wrists not allowing her hands to wander across his back as he kissed the blouse from her shoulders then her skirt from her hips. He knew he should be aroused as he slid her lacy panties down her legs using his teeth.

  With her naked body face down on her bed, Peter knelt between her legs as she begged him to take her. His hands lightly traced erotic patterns on her back and her buttocks before he began to kiss her skin relentlessly. He drew on all the training of Yin and Yang from his youth to please her as he slowly drew forth her moans and whimpers.

  As if he were some primeval beast, he unsheathed his claws dragging his fingernails lightly across her shoulder blades, the small of her back and her buttocks. As Susie shrieked her agony, the soothing, silken smoothness of his kisses replaced the fire of the nails biting into her flesh as again he kissed her from her neck to the backs of her knees.

  Moving to the floor he knelt, terrified that should Susie feel his back she would be repulsed.

  Susie rolled over and stared at him with passion-filled eyes as his fingers danced a light tattoo across her breasts and her belly, studiously avoiding her nipples and her sex.

  Peter massaged her feet, her legs, her belly, her breasts and her arms. It was a long, slow process as he studied the feminine form in front of him, wishing all the while that it were Jennifer.

  Breathing her in, he worshipped her with his hands, his eyes and lips. Peter advanced slowly towards her inner thighs and pelvis.

  He could only look down on her passion-contorted features as she begged, “Oh, please ... please ... please ... Oh, God.”

  This was not the woman he wanted to love. She was nothing to Peter but a soft pliable warm body on which to play a merry tune. He felt no desire and his body showed no arousal. He explored her breasts and worshipped her sex – her yoni - as her eyes rolled.

  Begging for release Susie panted, thrusting her moist treasure towards his lips.

  Ignoring her desire, he allowed his mind to travel back to the long days and nights of his special education in Malaysia as he brought more of those lessons into play.

  Susie would remember this night with fondness - Peter was a thoroughly well-trained man. She was discovering the difference as Peter played with her body, demanding she reach even greater heights of pleasure.

  Ignoring her cries to stop, Peter continued until she lost consciousness.

  Then, crying softly that this was not Jennifer, he admitted to himself that he had no interest in her, and no wish to penetrate that soft, warm, fragrant offering. Disgusted at his own behavior he left.

  Slowly Peter started the car as he stared through the windscreen wondering what was to become of him.

  Chapter 3 Secrets No More

  However as soon as he re-en
tered the workshop, his mind was too full of the job in hand to even think about women until, as if waking from a nightmare, he noticed the workshop was flooded with sunlight.

  Sunday had dawned, his body was aching, his mind was black with self-disgust. Yet, Bob and Ted expected him to go surfing with them.

  Barely had Peter arrived home when the lift arrived at his door. “God, you look terrible. Out on the tiles all night, eh?” Bob thrust his cheery face into Peter’s somber countenance. “All right, where is she?”

  Pushing past Peter, he walked straight into the first bedroom. He checked each room in turn.

  “The beds are all made and you're still wearing the same clothes as last night. Oh, ho? So, she took you to her place. You're sure a quiet one.”

  He shouted back towards Peter as the lift doors closed behind him. “Hurry, shave and change. We’ll wait. It’s a beautiful day.”

  Towel over his shoulder, wearing a T-shirt and a Malay sarong with swimmers underneath, Peter walked slowly into the street realizing he had not slept.

  “You don’t look too happy this morning. Get out of the wrong side of the bed, eh?” Ted waved from his car. “Look who’s with us.”

  Peter didn’t know whom to hate most - Jennifer or himself.

  If it hadn’t been for Jennifer’s date with that man, dancing with such pleasure in his arms, he would not have been in the workshop and wouldn’t have made a fool of himself with Susie who must now think of him as an immature idiot.

  Peter felt wretched, unable to be pleasant.

  “This car’s full.” Peter knew that was the truth. Karen, Bob, Ruth and Ted were a load for any car, particularly as Bob was trying to wrestle Karen on the back seat.

  “Take Jennifer in your car and follow us.” Ted was doing his best to be helpful.

  Bob stopped mauling Karen long enough to add, “Jennifer, off you go and calm the bear if you can. He looks like a walking thunder cloud.”

  Jennifer placed her cool hand on Peter’s and he winced, drawing away as if burnt. “Whatever’s the matter?”

  “Nothing! Just a bad night!” The snarl showed Peter could barely be civil.

  “Was it a bad night because of me?”

  Peter could only shake his head. “Oh for Christ’s sake, why would anything you do affect me? No, of course not. Whatever could be the matter with me?” Unchecked, his anger rose unbidden to the surface.

  He knew he was being objectionable but he couldn’t help himself. Although his two fathers' words about being a control freak echoed in his mind, he had lost his self-restraint.

  “Is it something I’ve done?” Jennifer persevered.

  “How could anything you do affect me?” Peter had to stop the car, as he felt faint.

  His caustic sneer aired before he could control it. “You're a free agent, you do as you like. Nothing you do affects me.”

  As he drove he lamely concluded, “No, it was a bad night because of the pressure of work.”

  Jennifer sat huddled against the door, her forehead dropped, unwilling to look at him.

  How Peter ached to hold her, smooth her worried frown and brush her hair from her face. If only he could wipe the memory of last night from his mind.

  “I’ve enjoyed the rehearsals but,” she noticed the squaring of Peter’s shoulders yet continued in a soft whisper, “then I became frightened and had to ring you and spoil it.” She began to weep quietly against the window.

  ‘Oh, no, you don’t,’ Peter’s mind replied. ‘You're a block of ice - an Ice Maiden doesn’t cry,’ his thoughts froze his heart.

  “What rubbish.” He was still bitter. “You did nothing.” She would get neither sympathy nor confession from him.

  If the others noticed Peter’s exhaustion as he lay on the sand with the usual T-shirt covering his back, they said nothing, preferring to drag Jennifer off to gambol in the surf rather than break through the wall Peter had built around himself.

  Lunchtime arrived and cold water drenching him rudely awakened Peter. With a roar he hurled himself onto the grinning Bob perfectly prepared to wreak his vengeance on him but Ted and the girls attacked him from all sides until he was pinned on his back with a grinning Jennifer lying across his chest her smiling face just inches from his.

  “For heaven’s sake, Peter behave. Pull yourself together.” Quietly Ted whispered in Peter’s ear, trying to bring him back to sanity, as he lay there captured.

  “What happened last night? Jennifer arrived, aiming to dance with you,” Peter believed he was about to faint, “and after you were tossed out I had to drive her home.”

  Looking at Jennifer for confirmation Ted continued with his growl, “You’ve spoilt everyone’s morning and now you’ve tried to kill Bob. Listen, you great bear, behave! What happened last night?”

  “I suddenly remembered a car had to be finished by Monday and we’d been held up for parts. These only arrived on Friday so I spent all last night working on it.”

  “And Jennifer was left alone to accept the offer of a dance with that young fellow you wanted to tear apart. He sure disappeared quickly.

  They were not getting the satisfaction of the truth from him. What else was he to say? No, he could not admit he was so jealous that he wanted to smash that grinning face dancing with Jennifer.

  “I’d only just driven home when you arrived. I was beaten but at least the customer will be pleased. His car’s ready for the final touches and will be finished late Monday.”

  “You’ll kill yourself. That’s twice recently you’ve worked all night. Remember all work and no play makes Peter a dull boy.” Ted smiled. With a roar, he grabbed Peter’s legs. “Come on. Let’s throw him in.”

  Peter did not struggle. They were his friends and, besides, two soft, cool, feminine hands held his head.

  The water shocked him into the awareness of what a cantankerous bastard he had been all morning.

  As soon as he surfaced, he threw himself towards Jennifer, who, screaming, attempted to dive for safety. Slippery and struggling though she was, Peter lifted her high and she wrapped those long legs around his waist to stop Peter throwing her back into the surf.

  Grinning, Peter slowly slid her down his body until he almost seated her on his arousal.

  Shocked, she opened her mouth to admonish him, wondering what mayhem he was about to cause. Her eyes were bottomless pools of cool green in which Peter wanted to drown.

  His head drew closer and she didn’t turn way. Her struggling stopped, and motionless, she stared until their lips touched.

  Peter reeled. The light touch of their lips scalded him but he was careful not to frighten her as her arms about his neck tightened.

  Breathless, she allowed her legs to unlock and, on tiptoes, she stood facing Peter.

  “You're a big bully.” The cool pits of green twinkled and sparkled in merriment. “Fancy taking advantage of an innocent young girl where she couldn’t struggle or she’d drown.”

  Peter didn’t point out the water was only knee deep.

  Jennifer pushed him away but he just moved closer to her. The ache to hold her was urgent and he had no intention of struggling against it.

  There in the surf, repeatedly he kissed her, oblivious of everything, until her body sagged against his. Only then did he release her.

  Holding her hand, he led her back to the others.

  “You’ll get sun burnt. Lie down on my towel.” Peter enjoyed ordering Jennifer about as though she were his and he began rubbing sunscreen into her shoulders and back. She lay still until he used the tips of his fingers to beat a butterfly’s dance up her legs and then onto her inner thighs.

  He knew that he was being offensive as her muscles tightened but still he leant closer to whisper in her ear. “Roll over and I’ll do the front.”

  With one arm raised to lash out, she whipped over but Peter’s roar of laughter as he hurled himself backwards out of reach surprised her.

  “You're a nut,” she grinned. “You're mad. You
knew damn well what you were doing.” Becoming girlish and coy she shyly added, “A girl isn’t safe with you about.”

  “But you are safe with me Jennifer – always safe.” Peter stopped her with his kiss. She made no effort to push him away.

  “You're coming home with me,” he whispered as he lay alongside her.

  Although her head rose in protest he ignored her, continuing, “Oh, I know. No funny business. Do you think I'm as stupid as I look?”

  Back went Jennifer’s head as she stared at Peter trying to read his mind.

  “You can listen to music while I cook. I promise you a meal such as you’d get nowhere else, all charcoal and burnt offerings.” He grinned as she tittered. “I promise you no funny business. I’ll seal the bargain right now.”

  Again, they kissed and again there was a change. No turning away, no reticence and Jennifer used a finger to trace a light path along his jaw.

  The return trip was different. They chattered and laughed but no mention was made of the previous night.

  The moment they entered Peter’s apartment he dived for the third bedroom. “I’ll have the first shower. The door’s not locked so I’d appreciate all the help I can get.”

  He laughed at her surprise. “The second bedroom can be locked. Use the shower there. In the cupboards and drawers are some clothes which may fit you.”

  Jennifer could not believe her ears and moved to the second bedroom. When she walked into the hanging space, she gasped.

  The rack was full of matching clothes. Shoes of the most delicate colors and exquisite taste were neatly stacked on the floor. She opened a drawer full of bras. Someone had packed one drawer with matching delicate panties and yet another with matching underwear of varying hues and types.

  She checked and everything was her size. ‘What’s going on? This Peter has some questions to answer.’ Angrily she stormed into Peter’s bedroom without knocking.

  He was standing with only a sarong draped around his waist - his bare back to her.