by Nicola Marsh
Thankfully, he’d waited till the doctors had seen Chas, diagnosed him with a bout of croup and given him a shot of corticosteroid before calling, needing to reassure her that everything was okay.
As he’d anticipated, it hadn’t worked. Though Maya hadn’t freaked out over the phone, her tight voice, controlled sniffing and curt announcement that she’d be there in ten minutes told him she hadn’t bought his reassurances for a second. Not that he could blame her.
Though the doc had explained that croup was a common occurrence in toddlers, some kind of virus of the voice box, he would never forget waking up to the sound of the little guy struggling for breath, trying to cry in fear but croaking instead.
It must’ve been something he’d done or not done. Some guys were cut out for the whole kid-rearing thing and it looked as if he wasn’t one of them.
He adored Chas and wanted to give Maya as much help as he could but maybe this wasn’t the way to go about it? Perhaps he should be the type of uncle who sent birthday cards with money, made the occasional phone call and that was all?
It didn’t matter what he thought. He had a feeling Maya wouldn’t let him near Chas after this episode anyway.
At that moment Maya burst through the swinging doors at the end of the corridor and sprinted towards him, blonde curls streaming behind her, bright blue hooded top slipping off one shoulder, short denim skirt restricting her movements and mismatched shoes.
‘Where is he?’ she demanded, skidding to a halt in front of him and fixing him with a mistrustful glare. ‘I want to see him now!’
He reached out a placatory hand before thinking better of it and letting his arm drop to his side. ‘He’s sleeping. The doctor said he’ll be fine.’
He didn’t add that the doc had also said that if he hadn’t acted so quickly things could’ve been a lot worse for Chas.
‘Take me to him.’ She grabbed his arm in a vice-like grip and started marching towards the nurse’s station. ‘Now.’
Riley led her to a small room opposite the lift and pointed through the window. ‘He’s in there.’
He took a step towards the door with her but she whirled on him like a protective lioness. ‘You wait here,’ she said, her voice a low growl, a perfect fit for his analogy, and he nodded, wanting to give her space but fighting the urge to watch over her too.
Damn, backing away would be tough. Not just because he’d miss the little guy but because he’d miss Maya so much too. He’d grown used to being needed, had enjoyed playing the hero—feelings he’d never experienced in the frenetic business world he usually called home.
As great as seeing the Girl win the Cup had been, the minute the mare had flashed past the finishing post, he’d known his time with Maya and Chas had come to an end.
And he knew he wanted more. More than the tentative friendship she was offering, more than the occasional platonic peck.
Stupidly, he’d attributed her reticence to guilt; he was Joe’s brother, Joe was dead and she didn’t deserve to be happy or something along those lines.
Then he’d had a wake-up call. What if she just didn’t feel the same way he did? Sure, there was a sizzle of underlying attraction between them but that could be explained away as sheer physical chemistry.
She hadn’t given him any indication that their relationship went beyond friendship, even though he’d tried to read more into that impulsive kiss after her protégée had won the Cup than there was. Unfortunately, whichever way he looked at it, he was flogging a dead horse—so to speak.
Maya didn’t have feelings for him, he had feelings for Maya. A simple equation for a smart guy like him. It was the solution he didn’t like.
He watched Maya bend over Chas and kiss the little boy on his forehead, straightening the bedclothes and hovering over him like an angel as a fist squeezed his heart, causing an ache to spread through his chest.
Maya and Chas needed him.
They were a part of his world now, a major part, a part he wanted to nurture and develop into something warm and special.
Not any more.
Shaking his head, he turned away from the poignant scene of mother and son and headed for the drinks machine, finding a lukewarm cup of putrid coffee better than mulling over his depressing thoughts.
He’d barely taken a sip when Maya joined him and pointed to a nearby empty alcove.
‘Coffee?’
‘No, thanks.’ She dropped into a plastic chair and ran a hand through her hair, her delicate fingers tangling in the curls before she yanked her hand free and clasped it with the other one as if to still it.
‘What happened?’
He sat next to her, taking care not to touch her. Her body language screamed ‘hands off’ and by the feral gleam in her eye, she’d probably take a swing at him.
‘I don’t know. One minute he was sleeping peacefully, the next he couldn’t breathe.’
‘Did you take him into the bathroom immediately and turn on the shower? Steam is the best thing for croup.’
He shook his head, feeling more inadequate by the minute. For a guy who could handle million dollars’worth of stock, he knew diddly-squat when it came to kids.
‘No. I didn’t know what was going on so I brought him here ASAP.’
Her hands clasped so tight, her knuckles turned white. ‘Why didn’t you ring me immediately?’
‘Because I didn’t have time to think. I did what I thought was right at the time and that was to get medical attention. You weren’t there, you didn’t hear him struggling for breath…’ He trailed off, knowing it was the wrong thing to say the minute all colour drained from her pale face.
However, rather than berate him for his lack of sensitivity, she said in a soft, wavering voice, ‘No, I wasn’t there.’
Her bottom lip quivered and, before he could blink, she burst into tears, loud, noisy sobs that shook her body and had him hauling her into his arms to offer what little comfort he could.
‘This is my fault. I should never have left him,’ she sobbed, clutching his shirt and raising a tear-streaked face to look up at him.
If he hadn’t suffered a major blow several minutes earlier when he’d realised what he had to give up, the bereft, guilt-ridden expression in her shimmering eyes now would’ve done the trick.
‘Hey, don’t say stuff like that. The doc said most kids get a bout of croup in their lives and there’s nothing you can do. It’s just one of those things.’
Funny, he could say the words to placate a distraught Maya but he didn’t believe them himself. This wasn’t her fault, it was his and it was about time he took the fall.
‘Besides, if anyone’s to blame it’s me. Chas was in my care and I let him down. I didn’t know about the shower stuff; maybe I could’ve prevented the attack from getting worse.’
He half expected her to rebuff him, to say that none of this was anyone’s fault, but she didn’t. Instead, she pulled away from him and wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, her characteristic defiance reasserting itself as she tilted her chin up to look him in the eye.
‘Why don’t you go home? I’m here now.’
‘I’d like to stay,’ he said, hating the gulf that had opened up between them but knowing it was necessary. He had to disengage from their family unit and, as much as it pained him, now was as good a time as any.
‘I’d like you to go.’
She met his gaze unflinchingly, the sheen of tears adding to the richness of her green irises and not detracting from her beauty one iota. Even with no make up, dark rings circling her eyes, a red nose from crying and tear streaks down her cheeks, she was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.
‘Call me if you need me,’ he said, recognising the irony in his words.
She’d said the same thing to him less than twelve hours earlier when she’d left Chas in his care, not expecting him to do it.
She sent him a curt nod and turned away, effectively dismissing him. This time he knew she had no intent
ion of calling on him for help no matter how dire things were.
Hating the helpless feeling that consumed him, he strode down the corridor, reaching the far door when her voice halted him.
‘Riley?’
He stopped and swivelled on his heel to face her, hoping she’d call him back but knowing the odds weren’t stacked in his favour. ‘Yeah?’
‘Thanks.’
He smiled, resisting the urge to run back down the corridor and sweep her into his arms. Instead, he raised his hand in a farewell salute but she’d already turned away and headed back into Chas’s room.
Maya ran the gamut of emotions while Chas slept peacefully in his hospital bed. Disappointment and doubt in herself and her abilities as a mother, anger and disillusionment that Riley could be just as irresponsible and useless as his brother. The emotions bounced around her brain till she slumped down in an uncomfortable plastic chair and dropped her head in her hands.
She should never have left Chas with Riley.
Bad move.
What kind of mother was she to leave her precious son while she went swanning off for some self-indulgence? A rotten one, that was for sure and way too much like her own irresponsible mum for comfort.
Her mum hadn’t cared when she’d left Maya alone in their dreary house, in their appalling neighbourhood, in the middle of the night, to go out for more alcohol. Maya had hated those nights, which had happened all too frequently, when she’d hear the clink of empty bottles and the muttered curses as her mum searched for money and stumbled against furniture in her haste to make it to the local bottle shop before closing.
Her first recollection of such a night was when she’d been six and she’d shivered under a threadbare blanket in the dead of winter, petrified by the branches slamming against her window in the gale outside, the old weatherboard house creaking around her ears, silent tears pouring down her face as she prayed for her mummy to come back.
Her prayers had been answered but, unfortunately, her mum was never any use when she’d come back from her night jaunts.
‘Miss Edison?’
Maya jumped at the light touch on her shoulder and carefully schooled her face into a semblance of normality before looking up at the young nurse standing over her.
‘Why don’t you go home? Your son is fine and will sleep till the morning. You could take him home now if you wanted but we’ve got the extra bed for the night, a rarity in this place, so why don’t you let him rest and pick him up first thing?’
‘No, I’d rather stay.’ Maya glanced at her watch, having lost track of time since Riley’s midnight phone call. ‘Chas is an early riser and he’ll be up in a few hours.’
The nurse fiddled with the fob chain attached to a watch pinned to her pocket, a slight frown between her plucked eyebrows. ‘You sure? If you don’t mind me saying, you look worn out. Maybe a few hours sleep at home is exactly what the doctor ordered.’
The nurse grinned at her pun and Maya mustered a weak smile in return. ‘Thanks, but I’m fine.’
The nurse hovered before shrugging. ‘Okay, but if you want a blanket, they’re in that supply cupboard over there.’
‘Great.’
Maya kept the smile on her face till the nurse turned her back, slumping into the hard plastic once she’d disappeared.
Okay, maybe she was being a tad tough on herself. She was nothing like her mother and never would be. Life was about choices, like not touching alcohol and making sure the slightest whiff of scandal didn’t touch her child.
It was sheer bad luck that Chas had fallen ill the one night she’d been away from him since his birth. It could’ve happened at any time and had nothing to do with Riley’s competence as a carer either, even if she’d treated him otherwise.
She’d been so darn mad at him that she’d pushed him away when he was probably just as concerned about Chas as her. Her anger that he could be like Joe—totally and utterly useless when it came to child-rearing—had tainted her view of the situation and she’d reacted accordingly. Stupid, irrational and unfair. But then had she been anything but around Riley since Joe’s death?
In some weird way, she’d made him pay for her own shame at being attracted to him. Whenever he’d looked at her or smiled at her or had just been there for her, she’d been reminded of how wrong it was to like him, to want him in a way that had nothing to do with friendship.
He was Joe’s brother and no amount of dreaming or yearning for the impossible could change that.
It was just plain wrong to love him.
Who said anything about love?
Sighing, she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall. She’d tried ignoring her feelings, she’d tried the friendship thing, and she’d tried her best to deny something she’d subconsciously known for a while now.
She loved Riley.
She loved how he cared for Chas, she loved how he pitched in and helped her whenever she needed it, but most of all she loved how he made her feel: like a woman—a beautiful, desirable woman. Joe had called her a dirty scruffy tomboy that night he drove off and wrapped his car around a pole.
The night he’d told her the real reason he’d ever looked her way in the first place—the only reason—and it brought tears of disgust to her eyes just thinking about it.
She’d been wrong to ever doubt Riley’s capabilities in caring for Chas or his intentions. Riley was nothing like Joe. They were poles apart.
And now it was too late.
Her love for Riley would stay a secret for the sake of her child, locked away where the gossips and scandal sheets couldn’t defile it or use it against Chas.
Come tomorrow, she needed to make some changes, starting with distancing herself from Riley once and for all.
CHAPTER TWELVE
STAYING AWAY FROM Maya and Chas over the weekend almost killed Riley.
He checked the stock markets, went for a bike ride, played eighteen holes of very bad golf and grouched around the rest of the time feeling at a complete loss. Maya had been curt on the phone when he’d rung to enquire after Chas on the Saturday morning, not that he could reproach her.
She blamed him for what had happened with Chas; he blamed himself too. Ironically, it had taken the little guy scaring him to death to make him re-evaluate what the hell he was doing.
Since Joe’s death, he’d been overcompensating in a big way, trying to be super-uncle, and it was time to stop. Yes, he could be an uncle to Chas, but from a distance—much safer that way. For all of them.
Which brought him to the main reason he now stood outside the main stable door on a chilly Monday morning, waiting for Maya to take a tea break so they could talk. Or, more accurately, so that he could say goodbye.
Blowing on his hands, he rubbed them together and cast malevolent glances at the dark clouds scudding across the sky. A fitting backdrop considering his bad mood. Usually he didn’t mind the four-seasons-in-a-day Melbourne weather. Today, like everything else, it annoyed the hell out of him. Sydney would be a welcome change after this.
As Maya exited the stable, her curls tied back in a loose ponytail hanging halfway down her back, a fuzzy pink beanie on her head and a bulky blue plaid coat which belonged on a lumberjack rather than a gorgeous woman, he knew that Melbourne had a lot more going for it than its northern counterpart.
Maya lived in Melbourne—which is exactly why you’re going to Sydney.
He blinked and focused his attention on getting through this farewell without making a total hash of it like he usually did when he got within two feet of this woman.
‘You’re up early,’ she said, strolling up to him with a wary expression on her face. ‘When you said you’d come by, I expected it to be at a decent hour. Like nine.’
‘Thanks to my stint as stable-boy-wonder, I’m up with the birds these days.’ He smiled, trying to lighten the moment, to broach the distance that had opened up between them since the hospital.
It didn’t work.
‘What d
id you want to talk about?’
Short, abrupt, cool. No small talk, no pleasantries and none of the vivacity that usually made her green eyes sparkle with life.
She’d changed and there had to be more behind it than Chas’s croup and his part in it. It was as if shutters had come down, blanking out any sign of life, of emotion and, though he’d come to say goodbye, it scared him. He’d never seen her this lifeless, this introverted, and he struggled with the urge to throw his departure plans to the wind and stick around to make sure she’d be all right.
However, common sense won out and he knew that hanging around hoping for a miracle wasn’t a wise move.
‘I came to say goodbye,’he said, somewhat mollified when her eyes widened in shock before the tell-tale cool slid quickly into place again.
‘Business?’
He managed a tight grin, wondering if she even cared. By her fidgeting hands and shuffling feet, it looked as if she couldn’t wait to get rid of him.
‘Yeah, you know me, business as usual. I haven’t been into the office for a while and I miss it. Time to get back up into the saddle, so to speak. New deals, new challenges.’
If she’d asked, What deals? What challenges? he might’ve thought she cared.
She didn’t ask.
‘Are you going to say goodbye to Chas?’
‘Uh-huh. I thought I’d head up to the house after this if that’s okay with you?’
Her lips compressed into the thin, hard line he hated so much, the line that had vanished from her mouth in the amazing weeks he’d spent with her and Chas, growing closer, playing at happy families.
But it had been just that—playing. Time to pick up his bat and ball and go home, a loser. Something that didn’t sit well with him, considering he’d always been a winner in his career.
‘Sure.’
Maya thrust her hands into her pockets, hunching her shoulders and adding to the air of vulnerability that hung around her like a dark cloud. ‘He’ll miss you.’