by Nicola Marsh
He leaned forward, not sure if he’d heard correctly and wishing for the impossible, that she might say, I’ll miss you.
It didn’t happen.
Silently cursing himself for being a fool, he rummaged around in his coat pocket with icy fingers and pulled out his parting gift for Chas, the only good thing he could do for his nephew, the only thing he couldn’t botch up.
‘Here, this is for Chas. I wanted to do something for his future and I think this should help.’
He handed her the cheque, knowing he should’ve said how much he loved the little guy, how much he valued the precious time he’d spent with him, with both of them, but the words stuck in his throat. There was a reason he was so damn good in the business arena; he could deal with cold, hard facts. It was this nebulous emotion thing he had no way of controlling and he hated it.
Maya stared at the cheque. She didn’t say a word as she looked at it, flicked her gaze up at him and back again, her face entirely blank.
‘I’ll send more on his birthdays and Christmas and if you ever need any more, just ask. Use it for his education or whatever.’ He babbled on and on, desperate to fill the growing silence, wishing she’d say something, anything, before he turned on his heel and walked out of her life.
Finally she closed her mouth and lifted her eyes to his, green fire flashing like tiny lightning bolts. ‘His education? Why? So he can go to some fancy private school and become an unfeeling, rich know-it-all who would rather buy a kid’s affection than be there to give him the real thing?’
‘Listen—’
‘Thanks but no thanks. I’ve already told you what I think of your money.’
She tore the cheque into small pieces as she spoke, short, sharp, vicious rips of paper punctuating every word.
‘It’s not like that,’ he said, not surprised by her reaction in the slightest.
Initially, when he’d made up his mind to leave, he’d thought she’d react like this, had counted on it. What better way to distance himself from the situation than to deliberately offer her money?
However, a small part of him had wished that after all they’d been through lately, she would understand where he was coming from, would give him the benefit of the doubt that he really loved Chas enough to want to give him the world and then some.
‘You want to know what it’s like?’ She took a step towards him, her signature rose essence enveloping him in a welcome fog, drawing him physically closer while his mind took a step back and said stop!
‘I’ll tell you what it’s like! You come into our lives playing knight in shining armour, boosting your own ego and making yourself feel so darn good for helping a couple of charity cases like us. Riley to the rescue. Riley the responsible one. Riley the do-gooder. You make Chas love you, you make me l—like you and then you waltz right out again, thinking a couple of hundred thousand can buy us off? Well, this is what I think of your generous attempt to buy my son’s affection.’
He stood rooted to the spot as she tugged roughly on his pocket and stuffed the remnants of paper into it, a parody of a similar action she’d made towards him eons ago.
‘There. Seem familiar? Hope that helps you sleep at night,’ she said, sending him a scathing look while tears shimmered in her eyes. ‘See you round, Riley Bourke.’
She stalked back into the stables, dragging the huge wooden door shut behind her with a loud bang, leaving him alone in the yard, the distant sound of horse’s hooves thundering around the track not succeeding in drowning out the self-admonition ‘stupid, stupid, stupid’ ringing in his ears.
Maya stomped into the nearest empty stall and burst into tears, kicking at the fresh hay and glad there were no cats around.
She should’ve been furious that Riley had given her so much money.
She should’ve been happy that he’d made her life easier by putting some much needed distance between them—exactly what she’d intended on doing anyway.
Instead she shed tears of regret and bone-deep sorrow that the man she loved would walk away thinking she hated him.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Sure, she’d seen red when she’d first looked at the cheque and had spouted all that stuff at him about being bought but her anger had been hollow. It was the shock of his impending departure that had made her lose it and not the staggering amount of money he’d given her.
‘Hey, Eddy. What’s all the blubbering about?’
Albert stuck his head over the stall door, his characteristic grin absent and a frown in its place.
‘Go away,’ she said, sniffling into a scrunched up tissue that had seen better days. ‘Can’t a girl have a bout of hay fever without getting the third degree?’
‘Hay fever. Uh-huh.’ Albert unlatched the door and stepped into the stall, his gaze moving from the messy hay at her feet to her face, which must look a fright considering she was cold, tired and upset. ‘If you ask me, your sudden allergy has something to do with the guy I just saw heading towards the main house like a pack of stampeding brumbies were on his tail.’
‘Who asked you? Maybe I’m allergic to short guys who go around poking their nose into other people’s business?’
She folded her arms and glared at him, knowing her crack about his height should distract him. Albert loved poking fun at himself but hated anyone else mentioning his stature.
To her chagrin, he burst out laughing. ‘Nice try. However, I find the subject of your love life much more riveting than giving you a dressing down for that nasty remark about me being vertically challenged.’
She managed a watery smile despite the empty feeling spreading through her body like a slow-travelling poison. Trust Albert to try to cheer her up even after she’d insulted him.
‘I don’t have a love life’ she said, sinking on to a bale of hay and pointing to another for him to take a seat. ‘And haven’t we had this conversation before?’
Albert shook his head and spoke slowly, as if to a child. ‘Listen up, baby cakes. Time to wake up and smell the manure. The guy’s smitten, he’ll do right by you and the brat.’
‘You don’t understand,’ she said, another wan smile poking through at being called baby cakes.
‘Then explain it to me.’
Weariness settled over her like a blanket and she rubbed a hand over her eyes, wanting to go home, hide under the covers and not come out for a week. Totally wishful thinking considering she hadn’t had a full night’s sleep since Chas’s birth.
‘What’s there to explain? There’s nothing going on between Riley and me and there never will be. I won’t let Chas face that sort of scandal.’
Albert opened his mouth to respond but she rushed on, determined to put an end to this conversation.
‘And there will be scandal, no doubt about it. People are already talking. I’ve been subjected to their vile conjecture at the funeral, at the Ball and in the media. I won’t have my child grow up having to put up with that sort of insinuation.’
‘I didn’t realise it was that bad,’ Albert said, all sign of teasing wiped off his face.
‘It is. Now, if you don’t mind, I have work to do.’
Plus several houses to see with a smarmy estate agent afterwards and a cranky child who’d become clingy since the bout of croup to drag along. There was only so much she could take and, right now, she’d reached the end of her tether.
She jumped off the bale and dusted off her butt, eager to get through the next few hours by burying herself in her job, the only thing that took her mind off her troubles. It had worked before and she’d make sure it worked again.
‘But we haven’t really talked. I haven’t given you any of my helpful advice.’
Pausing at the stall door, she fixed Albert with a sad stare. ‘There’s nothing you can say. Riley walked away and it’s a good thing. Maybe not for Chas but it is for me. It has to be this way for all our sakes.’
Now, if only she could believe it.
Riley had been a fool.
For a smart guy who had never quit anything in his life, he’d walked away from the best thing that had ever happened to him and for what?
Because he’d messed up that one time with Chas? Because Maya didn’t want him as more than a friend?
He could learn to be a better uncle. Plenty of guys raised kids every day, guys less capable and driven than him. It wouldn’t be a walk in the park, but then being an older brother to Joe hadn’t been easy either and he’d practically raised him.
Maybe he did have what it took to care for a kid, to be more than just a once-a-year-visit type of guy, especially for a kid he loved to bits? And maybe Maya would see that his affection was real and he wasn’t trying to buy anybody.
He’d gone back to the stable to tell her as much and he’d caught the tail-end of a conversation.
Riley walked away and it’s a good thing.
It wasn’t the phrase so much that echoed through his head but the way she’d said it, as if her heart was breaking because of it.
But that couldn’t be true? That would mean she cared more than she’d let on and, if she cared, maybe there was a possibility of more?
If there was the slightest chance of anything beyond friendship developing between them, he had to make amends, had to make her see that it did not have to be this way for ‘all our sakes’.
But how?
Glancing towards the main house, he saw Chas tottering on unsteady legs, chasing Brett’s two older boys, an ear-splitting grin on his chubby face.
Suddenly it hit him. The answer to everything: a way to make things right for all of them, a way to convince Maya how much Chas meant to him and, possibly, a way to explore what lay unsaid between them.
Slipping his mobile from his pocket, he punched in the number for Matt Byrne. He needed some papers drawn up. Fast.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
MAYA SANK ON to the sagging sofa, shifting around to avoid the nasty springs digging into her butt, and cradled a steaming mug of cocoa in her hands, deriving small comfort from its warmth.
After her disastrous morning, she’d trudged around half of inner Melbourne checking out houses and not finding anything. Not that she’d been paying particular attention to any of them considering her mind kept wandering to her confrontation with Riley and how terrible she felt because of it.
Thankfully, Chas had gone down like an angel tonight and she’d had a half hour soak in the tub—ignoring her recurring thoughts about Riley, where he was and what he was doing—followed by a healthy wedge of leftover pizza and a caramel ice cream chaser.
Comfort food was a great distraction. Unfortunately, it hadn’t worked and she hoped the cocoa would do the trick and help her drift off into uninterrupted sleep.
As if.
She drained the last of the cocoa and padded towards the kitchen, stopping dead at the faintest knock on the front door. No way. It must’ve been the rattle-trap steel security door banging in the wind, for no visitors came knocking at her door, let alone at ten p.m.
Except one and he’d gone back to his cushy job.
She held her breath and stared at the door, waiting. Again, the softest of knocks and she hurried to it, torn between an instant surge of hope and wanting to clobber the insensitive clod for turning up now.
Pulling her robe tight, she opened the door a fraction.
‘I’m sorry for turning up so late but I needed to see you. It’s important.’
She glared at the insensitive clod, her heart doing a betraying somersault of joy, and opened the door reluctantly.
‘I don’t know what you’re doing here. I thought everything had already been said.’
She stood back to let Riley in, refusing to acknowledge how incredible he looked in all black: black jeans, black T-shirt and black leather jacket, which looked buttery soft. At least the logical part of her brain refused to acknowledge it. The rest of her had a hard time trying not to drool.
‘That’s why I’m here. The wrong things were said and it’s time those mistakes were rectified.’ He smiled at her, the same sexy smile that had her heart beating way too fast as always and sent her scurrying to the furthest chair away from him, sitting on the sofa. She hoped a wayward spring stuck him right where it hurt the most.
‘I’m tired, Riley. I don’t want to rehash anything or discuss any mistakes. Let’s agree to move on and leave it at that?’
‘No.’
She raised an eyebrow, surprised at the force behind that one small word. He always spoke to her in a kind, gentle manner, as if he thought she would break.
‘Yes.’
She tilted her head and tried to stare him down, not willing to give an inch. They were finished and his being here was futile. Not to mention he’d probably robbed her of any chance she had of sleeping thanks to his impromptu visit and, for that alone, she could kill him.
‘I have something to show you.’
He pulled a thick folded wad of paper from his jacket pocket and made to hand it across to her before thinking better of it.
‘Let me guess. It’s the deed to the stables and another cheque,’ she said, bitterness scouring her words.
He didn’t buy into her angst. ‘No, it’s proof that I’m not trying to buy my way into Chas’s heart. I love the little guy and I want to show you both just how much.’
Her curiosity piqued, she reached for the paper he now held out to her and unfolded it, shocked to her soul when her eyes lit on the first word in bold print.
‘Ownership? You’re giving Chas your apartment? Are you mad?’
Riley took a deep breath, knowing the next few minutes would make or break the tenuous chance Maya had granted him in even hearing him out.
‘This isn’t as crazy as you think. Chas and I have bonded over the last few months and I think it would be good to cement that, to help the little guy grow up with some stability, and having a home of his own will do that. I love him and I’ll do my best to make sure he knows it too.’
She shook her head, blonde curls falling around her face in riotous confusion, her eyes wide and sad as he rushed on. ‘I know you think I’m lousy at caring for him after the croup incident, but this is a chance to prove how much I care. Will you give me that chance?’
He came to an abrupt stop, hating how desperate he sounded. He’d delivered pitches around the world, he’d brokered deals worth millions and he would never have got half as far if he’d sounded like this.
‘I don’t believe this,’she said, her gaze flicking to the papers once more as if she couldn’t comprehend what she was seeing, before she threw the papers on the coffee table and dropped her head in her hands.
‘Maya!’ He rushed to her side, hating the defeated posture, the despair he’d glimpsed in her eyes before she’d dropped her head.
He’d done this to her.
With his carefully rehearsed, well thought out, foolproof plan to show her how much he cared, he’d hurt her. Even when he’d been so careful not to scare her with his hopes for the future, his hopes that they could be more than just friends.
He knew how much she loved Chas, knew she’d do anything for her child, and he’d counted on it, hoping she’d see this as a genuine gesture from the heart. This wasn’t like offering money; it was a solid gift, something Chas would have for ever if he wanted. Having a real home for her and Chas would be a step in the right direction and, given time, he’d hoped she’d let him back into their lives.
Fool! Right now, with her hair hiding her face but her body shaking, she probably hated him and there wasn’t one damn thing he could do about it.
He was all out of options.
‘Maya? I’m sorry.’ He touched her shoulder, trying to comfort. A small piece of his soul shrivelled up and died when she flinched away from him.
She finally raised her head and he was surprised to see resignation in her eyes rather than tears.
‘Don’t be. I can see how much you care about Chas and that means a lot. It really does. You’re
a great guy with the best of intentions and I know you’re trying to do the right thing for your nephew but he’s my son. My son. I want to provide for him. I want to find us a house, to build us a home together. And, as grand a gesture as this is, my answer is no.’
She stood up abruptly and almost tripped over the ownership papers in her haste to leave the room.
He tried one last desperate plea to make her see sense. ‘This isn’t just about Chas and I think you know it.’
His heart leaped with hope as she stopped at the doorway and sent him a look of such longing, such need, that it took his breath away.
‘My answer is still no,’ she whispered, her gaze telling him more than her words ever could before she turned away and left him to let himself out.
‘You’ve picked a good time to visit. Jill’s having one of her better days,’the occupational therapist said as Maya entered the Edgewater special accommodation facility that had housed her mother for the last three years.
Ironic that once Maya had been relieved of caring for her mother another burden had come along shortly after in the form of Joe Bourke. Though she was better off than most. She had a beautiful healthy son, a job she enjoyed and, thanks to that job, enough money to keep the wolves from the door for a while.
She was a survivor. Always had been, always would be. As for the happily ever after she’d once dreamed of as a teenager, spending hours envisaging a better future while cleaning up her mum’s vomit or fetching aspirins, it wasn’t to be. Happy endings weren’t part of the plan for the Edison women apparently.
Maya thanked the occupational therapist and headed to her mum’s room, the last at the end of a long corridor. The scent of wisteria filled the air, a lovely fresh fragrance which complemented the pale lemon walls and duck-egg blue carpet. She’d been impressed with this place on sight and didn’t mind paying the extra few hundred a month for her mum to stay here.
Feeling increasingly guilty that she’d missed last month’s visit, Maya knocked softly on the door and pushed it open, praying that this visit would be easier than the last few when her mum had alternated between not knowing her and drifting into the past.