Ridley Uncovered

by Peyton Miller

  There was an uncomfortably long pause followed by multiple sighs by my grandad. Finally, he spoke. “Well, my son and I don’t see eye to eye on a great many things. That’s one reason you haven’t seen much of me for the past few years. Your father, well, he doesn’t like it when people disagree with him. He never has. That was partly why things didn’t work out between him and your mother.” Grandad shook his head and his eyes got a faraway look.

  My stomach twisted as it did when my mother was brought up. Too many weird things had gone on. Dad said she was beautiful, but not much more. Questions had gone unanswered, and I learned not to ask.

  “Well, my mum being hit by a car probably had a lot to do with why they didn’t work out. Her dying and all, kind of made her go away.” I’d grown used to the idea of her being gone, so sadness usually didn’t hit when I spoke of her, but it did today. If she hadn’t been hit, life could have been so different for all of us.

  Grandad looked very uncomfortable. He squirmed in his seat and twisted his hands in his lap. After a long moment, his gaze met mine. “I never agreed with my son telling you that. It just…it didn’t sit right with me at all. That’s why we fought—well, you were-you were at school so you didn’t know. Bu-but we fought over that.”

  I tilted my head and narrowed my eyes as my heart stuttered over his words. What was Grandad talking about? The buzzing was back, and I needed answers. “She died. It’s not like he could have kept it from me. I know I was young, but he had to tell me.”

  Grandad shook his head and sighed again. His face paled a little and he started muttering quietly. He wouldn’t meet my gaze, which made me feel very uncomfortable.

  “Wait, Grandad, something’s not right. What aren’t you telling me?”

  “I should have…you have to know I tried, I really tried, but he said he would cut me out of your life. Hell, he did that anyway.”

  My hands were shaking as I stared at him. “What? Tell me what you mean. Please.”

  “Your mother…she isn’t dead, Ridley. At least, not as far as I know.”

  Shock pulsed so hard I grabbed my chest. The biscuit I held in my hand dropped to my lap. My vision narrowed so much I was sure I was going to pass out. Mum wasn’t dead? How the…what the…questions buzzed as I sat staring at him.

  Finally, I found my voice. “What are you saying? Dad told me—he told me that she died. She was hit by a car and she died. He wouldn’t lie about something like that. Oh God, would he lie?” I sounded desperate to my own ears. I was ready to jump up and force Grandad to tell me the truth. I needed to know what had happened.

  Grandad looked down at the floor as he twisted his hands together. “Your mother—well, she left your father. And your dad…he didn’t take it well. He hired a very good lawyer and came out with a lot of nasty stories about your mother. At the time, I thought they were true. But now? Well, now I’m not so sure. The upshot was that thanks to some very talented lawyers and barristers, your father won full custody and he managed to take out a restraining order against your mother. She wasn’t allowed to come within three hundred feet of either you or your father or else she could potentially end up going to prison.”

  I felt like my entire world had just been turned upside down. I gasped for a breath as life tilted. Was the world still upright? I clutched the chair I was sitting in, making sure I didn’t fall off and float out into space.

  “D-did she ever try?”

  Grandad nodded and he looked so very sad. His lips turned down in a frown and he closed his eyes for a short moment as he composed himself.

  “Yes, I was just getting to that. Now, where was I? Ah, yes. One day, your mother couldn’t take it any longer. She tried to see you. You were still very young at the time, so please don’t feel too bad if you don’t have much of a memory of this. She ran into the playground, grabbed your hand and tried to run with you. You have to understand she was desperate. She didn’t have any visitation at all.”

  The memory was there, but in my mind, it had been some huge guy with nasty hair who was going to sell me to slavers in Spain. Why I thought that, I didn’t know. Maybe I’d come up with it on my own, or maybe Dad had told me the lie. However, that story had entered my mind and it had changed everything. It had been my mum, my freaking mother who was supposed to be dead.

  So much pain and loss all because my dad had to rule everything. My mother was alive. I couldn’t believe it.

  “Oh God, Grandad, I was so scared. I yelled for Dad, begging for him to help me. But I remember it as a huge guy, a monster, not my mother.”

  Leonard nodded and reached out, patting me on the knee. “And your dad came to rescue you. Your mother—well, your mother went to prison for a while for violating the restraining order. They said she was attempting to kidnap you, too. I’m a little foggy on that point since I wasn’t present in court. George didn’t want me there.”

  I thought about the information Grandad had given me. Anger, sadness, desperation blazed through me. It was a lot to process. My mother wasn’t dead. She was alive and I didn’t know her. I’d missed hugs and kisses from her. Christmas and Easter mornings had been taken from me. Rage boiled through my confusion, bringing me back to the present.

  “But she’s out now, isn’t she? I mean, they can’t keep her in prison forever, can they?”

  Leonard nodded. “No, I guess not. It’s true she would be out. I suppose she must be a free woman, but I’m not sure where she is.”

  I scratched my head and furrowed my brow as the impossibility of the circumstances hit. How could I not have known? Years and years all because she left my dad.

  “Why hasn’t she come to see me? Is it just that she’s afraid of ending up in prison again? I’m an adult now, so can’t I decide for myself if I want to see her?”

  Grandad took another sip of his tea as he shrugged. “That’s true, I think. It should be anyway.” Grandad held up one finger. “You should know, one of the things your dad said about her was that she was a pedophile. That she took you to a gay club and had relations with another woman and forced you to do something…though that wasn’t clear. George wouldn’t tell me anything. Honestly, I don’t believe she did anything to you. She denied the allegations, but she had a girlfriend at the time, and people weren’t so open back then. You have to remember, it was still a touchy subject when she and her girlfriend got together. Your dad was very angry and he made sure she looked bad.”

  “My God, is that why he hates gays so much?”

  Grandad nodded. “Probably. Anyway, would you like to see a photo of her? I’m sure you haven’t seen any pictures.”

  “We have photos hanging in the hall, all over the house, actually.”

  “No, your dad had those made up. That woman isn’t your mother.”

  The words were like a punch. “Are you shitting me?”

  “Language, Ridley.”

  I shook my head, wondering how my grandad expected me to mind my language when I was blown away by the information I’d received.

  “He missed her so much. I caught him time and time again staring at the photos. God, what is wrong with him? Do you really have a photograph of her? I don’t guess I’ve ever seen one…well, a real one.”

  Grandad nodded. “Yes…you know, I think I might have one somewhere.” Grandad patted his chest then reached down, placing his hands on his knees. “Well, what do you know, I’m wearing pants.”

  I nodded, wondering how long he was going to be able to live alone. I hadn’t been close with him, but it seemed like our separation had been fostered by my father’s anger.

  “I think her photo is in one of the old family albums—one your father didn’t make me throw away. Wait here a moment. I’ll just go and have a root around in the attic. Be back in a jiffy.”

  “Let me help.”

  “No, no thank you. That attic is my happy place. No one is allowed up there other than me. It’s how I kept your father from taking all my photos of your mother, so thank you, bu
t no.”

  Two jiffies, maybe three later, Grandad returned and was carrying a square paper in his hand that looked like a photo. Relief, maybe a bit of victory made my heart quicken.

  “Here you are,” he said, as he handed it over.

  I gasped as I looked at the image. She was much younger in this shot, but still, there could be no mistaking it. I’d seen her quite recently. The woman who had followed me, the same woman I’d told to fuck off, was my mother. Oh shit, I’d threatened to call the police if she didn’t leave me alone. What had I done?

  I held my head in my hands and moaned. I’d totally F’d it up. Everything. I’d screwed up every single good thing in my life.

  “What is it—what’s wrong?” Grandad asked.

  “I’m such a fucking idiot. She tried to contact me. I just didn’t know it was her at the time.”

  Grandad patted me on the shoulder then handed me a biscuit. I took it, unsure what to do with it.

  “Eat up, boy, you can’t conquer the world on an empty stomach.”

  I shook my head. “I screwed up.”

  Grandad sat and took a sip of tea as he shook his head. “It’s not that desperate boy, you just have to figure out what you’re going to do.”

  Desperation had me. I’d totally and completely messed up. She probably thought I hated her. I couldn’t continue being the lost little boy who didn’t know what to do. I’d put off growing up, living with my dad when I could have rented a room and been on my own. If I wasn’t living with Dad, I could have eaten out with Damon. And maybe, just maybe, instead of yelling at my mum when she approached, I wouldn’t have been so paranoid and actually listened to her.

  My resolve grew, and I knew what I had to do. Well, I knew one thing I had to do. I glanced up and met Grandad’s eyes.

  “I’m going to find my mother, that’s what I’m going to do. And dad can’t stop me.”

  Grandad nodded and took a sip of tea. “Seems like you’re finally coming into yourself, Ridley. That’s good…that’s good.”

  I didn’t know if I was coming into myself or finally stopping the insanity my dad had started. This was going to be hard, but I didn’t see that I had any other choice.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Over cups of tea and hot chocolate, we spent the time chatting about my mother. I jotted down anything I felt would help me locate her. I asked Grandad question after question.

  “What was her maiden name?”

  “Calbert,” he answered.

  “Which prison was she in?”

  Grandad screwed up his face. “HM Prison Drake Hall.”

  “Did she have any other family members that you’re still in contact with?”

  Grandad shook his head. “Unfortunately, no.”

  Finally, as day turned to night on Sunday, I yawned, put the pen down, and rubbed my eyes. I hoped I’d gathered enough information to locate her.

  “Thanks, Grandad. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

  Grandad’s cheeks turned pink and he gave me a watery smile. “Don’t mention it. I should have done more to stop my son from separating the two of you. I should have told you when you were younger, but George threatened me. I believed he had some power as a man of God.” Grandad yawned and stretched. “I can’t think of a more worthwhile way to spend a weekend. Chatting with you has been wonderful. I’m glad we finally talked.” Grandad stood and patted me on the shoulder. “Goodnight, Ridley. Sleep well.” He patted his front then his legs. “When did I put on pants?”

  I shook my head, shivering at the fact I had to tell Grandad four times to put on his pants. I’d seen way too much of him, but I didn’t mind. We’d grown closer, and now I knew about my mum.

  Grandad headed to his room, and I cleaned up, making sure he had clean dishes to start the week. Late last night I’d figured out he wasn’t washing his dishes. I needed to stop by more often.

  Had I been at home, secured in my own room, I wouldn’t have slept. Instead, I would have logged online and run through each piece of information Grandad had given me about my mum. I would have followed the trail of breadcrumbs until I found her. Unfortunately, there was no internet here. Grandad didn’t need a computer or so he said.

  True, I could have tried to search using my iPhone, but I didn’t fancy wrestling with an unreliable connection on such a small screen. Besides, I was so tired I doubted I would be able to make much headway if I did force myself to try and do the search on my mobile. No, I’d sleep tonight and search tomorrow. Despite feeling both anxious about and excited by thoughts of finding my mother, I still managed to fall fast asleep. For a change, it was a dreamless night.

  Monday morning came as usual, yet I felt a greater sense of hope than I could ever remember feeling before. I leapt out of bed, dressed in record time, waved goodbye to Grandad and headed to work. Once there, instead of hiding in the filing room, even though the place now had a happy memory associated with it since I’d lost my virginity there, I logged onto one of the work PCs, opened a browser window, and began the search for my mother.

  Two hours later, I’d come up with a list of five possible Elizabeth Calberts who lived in the vicinity who could possibly be my mother. I guessed that after my father had lied about her, cost her our relationship, and caused her to end up in prison, she probably wouldn’t want to keep his surname. Next, I went to Facebook and entered her name. I found three Facebook profiles that seemed like possible matches, and although I couldn’t be certain, I felt very strongly one of them may have been the woman who tried to approach me the other day. I was still kicking myself for not allowing her to speak to me.

  I sent the woman a friend request, along with the following message:

  Hi. I can’t believe I’m writing this, but I think you may be my mother. If you are, I’d love to meet you. Please get in touch. Thanks. Oh – and I’m so sorry about what I said to you the other day.

  It wasn’t perfect but then again, neither was I. With my heart in my throat, I pressed send. Oh God, how long would it take for her to reply?

  I closed my eyes and imagined what I’d say to her when we met. Imagined her eyes meeting mine, her arms wrapping around me and not just accepting but loving every aspect of me. It was probably too much to hope for.

  I was startled from my pleasant daydream by a small hand clamping down hard on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and looked up spying my boss.

  “Holy fuck, you are so fired, Ridley. Using the office PCs for personal internet usage, logging onto a social network to chat up some blond MILF. And if that wasn’t enough, falling asleep on the job? Get the fuck out of here. You’re a waste of space and I’ve got no more patience for you.” Mary’s voice boomed through the room, drawing stares.

  I shouldn’t have been surprised at her firing me. This was just how my life was going. The woman had always hated me and now she could get rid of me.

  I sighed and stood up. “Okay. I guess I’ll get my coat.” I didn’t freak out. Instead, I stayed calm.

  “Don’t bother.” I turned around to find Damon standing behind us. “Mary, I want to speak with you. In my office, now.”

  “Now?” Mary asked. She looked hesitant, like she wasn’t sure she was going to do what Damon asked. I looked between them, wondering who would win this battle of wills.

  “Now,” Damon said and turned to his office. They entered the hall to his office together and despite Damon being bisexual, I doubted Mary and Damon were doing anything close to what I’d done to Damon when I’d last been inside that office. I snorted, knowing Damon wouldn’t do that. Heck, it was stupid of me to even think something so preposterous. Just because Damon was bi, didn’t mean he would fuck just anything.

  Depression hit hard. I shouldn’t have told him I wanted our relationship to be sex only. I knew he wouldn’t be with Mary, but the thought of him with another person pissed me off. I had no claim, though. He wasn’t mine, though he’d given me that option.

  Seven and a half minutes ticked
past slowly, giving me time to think about all the shit I’d done wrong—like I hadn’t thought enough about that this weekend. Mary huffed as she left the short hall leading to Damon’s office, her face and eyes red. That couldn’t have been good.

  Mary stormed up to me and leaned in close, her voice was low at first but rose with each word. “Are you fucking him? Are you, faggot? Is that why he saved you?”

  Oh, shit!

  She had just outed me in front of the whole office. I’d always feared this might happen someday. Strangely enough, it wasn’t as bad as I feared. The ground didn’t open up beneath my feet and swallow me whole. God didn’t throw a lightning bolt to smite me. The world carried on, turning just as it had before. One reason why I cared less about it than I thought I would, was my father had already kicked me out. What did it matter who knew? What was he going to do if he heard I was gay…disown me twice? Maybe he could invite me to live there again, just so he could kick me out a second time.

  Mary picked up her coat and her briefcase then left the office in a storm, tossing a stack of paperwork on the floor as she went. Dammit, I would have to organize that stack of files again.

  Damon’s secretary, Bethanne, approached. “He wants to speak with you in his office. If you have a minute, that is.”

  She was acting a lot more polite towards me than the last time we’d spoken. Had Damon said something to her too? I shrugged, giving the ruined stack of files a sideways glance.

  “I think I can spare him some time now.” It seemed like the least I could do. And it wasn’t as if I had anything better planned. The files, the data entry, it would all be here waiting for me when Damon finished talking to me.