by Ed Bemand
One night, at the tail-end of a particularly enjoyable session of love-making, Hannah said something. Something that scared Jen, but then, so much of what had been happening recently was scary and new to both of them.
"I love you Jen."
Hannah looked deeply into Jen's eyes but she seemed reluctant to hold the gaze. Jen had never said it to anyone before, not even family. She had never lingered for long enough with any of her previous sexual partners for things to have got the chance to become serious. She preferred it that way. She had always liked feeling free, but with Hannah, things felt different.
"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have…"
"No, it's fine. You just took me by surprise."
Hannah was flushed and embarrassed. Jen embraced her tightly.
"I love you too."
And she did, at that. To her surprise, Jen found herself growing to like being with one person. She couldn't stop herself from looking at people that caught her eye and maybe thinking the odd dirty thought, but she knew that at the end of each night it was Hannah that she wanted to feel pressed against her body. Hannah had never been with anyone else and Jen hadn't tried since that first time after being with Hannah.
Almost by accident Jen found herself realising that more than six months had passed since she had been with anyone else. Somehow it didn't bother her. This was the most serious relationship that she had ever had with anyone, and to Hannah this was all she had ever had. The transition from being lovers to girlfriends happened without thought. To her surprise, Jen was finding that she could feel comfortable just being with one person. Hannah. Hannah was still awash with the glow of first love.
As Hannah became more comfortable with both Jen and herself she could express herself better and was happier taking the lead. Not that she could imagine herself possessing the almost predatory level of self confidence that Jen had. Anyway, Jen preferred to be in charge most of the time.
Jen didn't seem scared or nervous about anything. It made it easier for Hannah to act like that too. Just having her there stopped Hannah from being afraid.
Hannah surprised herself with how ready she was to embrace new things now that she had Jen. She had always kept her hair long, consenting only grudgingly to a trim when the ends became too ragged. Following Jen's example she had most of her hair cut off. She didn't go to the cropped extreme that Jen favoured though. On the one side her hair reached down to her chin in a shaped bob, on the other side it was cut much closer. It was a strong look that provoked reaction. It was something that she would never have considered for herself before. Hannah's style of dress changed too. She wasn't so much copying Jen's style as becoming more comfortable with herself. More willing to stand out and be noticed by people.
She never used to like attention. She had always preferred to hide in the background. Being with Jen made her like being noticed. They made a beautiful couple and she liked it when people saw them.
It wasn't just Hannah that gained strength from their being together. Jen had always preferred to keep herself distanced from other people. She found it easier to be detached. She didn't like to talk about her past or her problems. Living in the now was simpler. Jen found herself able to tell Hannah everything, her secrets, her desires, her pain. With other people she would have felt embarrassed to expose such weakness. She liked being strong and liked people thinking that she wasn't scared of anything. Telling Hannah these things didn't make her feel weak. It made her feel stronger.
They were good together and they loved each other.
They had two years together.
Three: When Hannah wanted what Jen couldn't give her
Hannah and Jen had two years. Two wonderful years when they were close and it seemed perfect. It seemed to do both of them good. Hannah was growing into a woman, distinct enough from the scared and awkward girl that she had been as to barely recognise herself.
One day Hannah broached a subject that had been on her mind for a long time but she had been unable to find the courage to mention. She brought it up when they were lying in a post-coital daze.
"I've never…"
"What is it?"
"I've only ever had sex with you."
"I know. It's nothing to be sorry about."
"It's not that. It's just I don't know if that's who I am. Y'know, a girl with a girl and nobody else. Never being with anyone else."
"You want other people too?"
"Not people... I think I'd like to have sex with a man."
"Why?"
"I want to find out what a real cock feels like. Is it different to the way that yours feels?"
Jen's strap-on was the closest thing to a cock that Hannah had ever felt.
"Cocks are fine. It's the guy that's the problem. That's why my cock is better."
"I love your cock Jen and I love what you do to me with it, but I want to feel what a real one is like." She did, too. She had gained a great deal of pleasure from it. Hannah reached over and lovingly stroked Jen's synthetic phallus. "Maybe you're right and I'll try it once and know I prefer yours. I have to try though."
Though a little hurt by what she interpreted as Hannah telling her that she wasn't enough for her, Jen could see the logic. You had to at least try men to realise why they weren't worth the effort.
"Okay. But I'll be there."
Jen was in a position with Hannah that she had never allowed herself to be in with anyone before. She cared about her very much. It seemed like a long time since she had fucked someone else. She couldn't pretend that she expected to only be with Hannah for ever, but it didn't make it any easier for her to think about Hannah being with someone else, especially a guy.
Jen arranged it all. She tracked down the guy before last that she had slept with. The most recent one had been an arsehole and she wanted nothing more to do with him. It had been quite a while since Jen had fucked Chris but he still remembered her.
Chris found Jen sexy but rather too intimidating for him to be able to relax around her. When they had first met Chris had been out drinking with his friends and he had found himself chatting with her. He knew her very slightly and was aware of her reputation. She had pretty much told him that she was taking him back to hers for a session.
"Horny?" She didn't wait for an answer. "Me too. Want to do something about it?"
"Like what?"
"Go back to mine and fuck for a while. Up for it?"
She might have been intimidating but she was a sexy girl who wanted him to fuck her. He didn't have it in him to say no.
Jen was in considerably better shape than Chris was and had abdominal muscles that were just a bit too well defined to suit most girls. She didn't seem interested in his brand of foreplay. She pressed her hands to the back of his head, holding his mouth tight against her pussy. She ground it against him, forcing him to give her the sensations that she wanted. It was the same when they fucked. She held his cock in her hands and stroked it to full hardness with swift movements of her fingers. She took her time putting the condom on him, unrolling it down his shaft and making sure it was correctly positioned. She took contraception very seriously when she was with guys. The last thing she wanted to do was get pregnant from some random encounter. Or catch a disease.
Jen knew how to angle her hips to hold Chris deep inside her pussy so that his cock applied extra stimulation to her g spot. She was so used to being in complete control of the movements of the rubber cock that supplied her with many of her orgasms that it didn't really occur to her that cocks attached to men might need to be treated differently.
When she wanted him to cum she grabbed his balls and squeezed sharply. He cried out in surprise at the sudden stimulation but it did the trick and he shot himself into the rubber.
He was lying on the bed feeling slightly worn out and trying to get his breath back when she presented him with the dildo. Plenty of the girls he knew had them so he wasn't exactly squeamish, though the neon pink monstrosity that Jen was attached to was not a subtle member.<
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"Bend over and give me your arse."
"What?"
"I want to fuck you."
"I think I'm done already." He lifted his cock slightly with a finger and then let it flop back.
"That's fine. You won't need it."
"What?"
She stroked her neon cock. He didn't look keen.
"It's only fair. You fucked me, now I want to fuck you."
He resisted, but only weakly. She rolled him over and had her way with him.
"You like that don't you?"
His grunted response wasn't really a word. She pushed the tool deeper into him, her hand resting on his shoulder and driving his face deeper into the pillow.
"How does it feel? You like my cock inside you, don't you?"
His reluctance to respond led her to pound him harder.
It was all very intense but a bit weird.
When Jen was finished she lay back and rolled a joint. By the time she had smoked half of it she was obviously wondering what he was still doing there.
Him staying the night in her bed was simply not an option. She had felt horny, they'd had sex, she had cum, and it was time for him to go so that she could enjoy the afterglow without having to have its pleasure diminished by him actually being around.
Now, almost two years later, she wanted to find him again. She happened upon him in a bar and approached him.
"Hi Chris."
"Jen. What's up?" They had barely spoken since that night, just inane pleasantries when they ran into each other socially and certainly no mention of what had happened between them. Chris had been left feeling used by the sensation and the memories were guiltily pleasurable to him.
"Do you know Hannah?"
"Your girlfriend Hannah? Vaguely."
"She wants to have sex with a man."
"And?"
"You're going to do it."
"Why am I going to do it?"
"Don't you want to?"
"Can't you just fuck her with that toy of yours?"
"They know each other well but she wants to try a cock that comes with a guy on the other end of it."
Chris found it funny but he didn't want to tease Jen about her not being man enough for Hannah. He was sure that if he did she would find a way to get her own back on him. It was hard to say no to her so a few days later he visited them at the flat the girls had lived in together for the past year.
Jen answered the door looking rather dishevelled.
"She's in the bedroom."
More specifically, Hannah was in the bed. She was flat out on top of the bedding wearing a black silk slip that had ridden up around her waist. She moved to try and cover herself when she saw him but Jen stopped her.
"Hannah, this is Chris."
"Hi Chris."
Having Jen there helped make Hannah less nervous but no matter what she had done with Jen, this was still the first time that she had been intimate with a man. Jen's presence was making Chris considerably more nervous but at least it meant he didn't have to worry about what he was supposed to be doing, Jen was all too happy to guide his movements closely.
"You don't need to worry about the warm up. I've already taken care of it. "
"So I can see. What about my... ah, warm up? "
Jen rolled her eyes and pushed her hand inside Chris' trousers, her practised fingers squeezing and tugging on him as she undid his fly with her other hand. It didn't take a lot to get him hard enough. Jen told him to strip and carefully unrolled a condom down the length of his cock. Jen even went so far as to be perched behind Chris as he mounted Hannah. She reached between his legs with one hand, grabbing the head of his cock and guiding it between the lips of Hannah's pussy.
"Go easy on her. I love her pussy just the way it is and I don't want you ruining it."
Jen seemed to want to do most of the work. Chris felt like he was being treated as just a slightly different kind of sex toy by Jen, though rather than being worn strapped to her crotch like her usual cock she was posing him and telling him what to do.
Hannah did feel rather lovely to be inside and Chris couldn't blame Jen for being over-protective. He had seen her in passing a few times before. She seemed shy but was very pretty. Now, she was too aroused to hide her emotions but she was looking at Jen as much as she was looking at him. She had a lovely body though and it would have been nice if he'd had a bit more chance to get to know her at leisure, but that clearly wasn't an option.
It wasn't how Hannah imagined her first time with a guy would be. She had always assumed there would be something romantic about it and that it would happen with someone that she cared about. Now, she was losing it to a guy she had barely said two words to before and his swollen cock was being tightly gripped and pushed into place by her clearly rather jealous lesbian lover.
Jen stayed in tight control of the situation and she seemed to know just how hard and where to touch Chris to push him back from the brink of orgasm whenever he got close. At the time it was mostly just annoying but he couldn't deny that what Jen did meant that by the time she let him cum both he and Hannah were ready to explode.
Her grip tightened on his balls, the nails biting into his flesh when she wanted him to slow down. When Hannah was starting to orgasm, Jen pushed hard with one fingertip against Chris' anus, sending him over the edge, letting Hannah feel the sensation of his twitching orgasmic cock. Hannah and Chris both cried out, carried away by their climaxes.
When they were finished Jen was keen to get rid of Chris. Hannah was half asleep and he was too dazed to resist as Jen bundled up his clothes and pushed him out the door with them. She shut the door behind him and went back to bed, intending to gain her own satisfaction. Hannah was already asleep. Jen fucked herself with her dildo angrily for more than an hour but it wasn't working. Climax eluded her. She cried.
Things were difficult after that. Jen was jealous of Hannah for what had happened. Having allowed herself to love someone, she was possessive of her. She didn't want to let anyone else touch her ever again.
Hannah loved being fucked by Jen. She had such strength and passion and confidence. When she was being fucked by Jen orgasms seemed compulsory, like she didn't have a choice about it. It was going to happen. The feeling of the rubber protuberance that Jen so enjoyed wearing, rammed inside Hannah's still tight pussy was certainly pleasurable, but... but... it just wasn't quite real. She had felt the wonderful living feeling of a cock wriggling and twitching inside her pussy as it spat forth its load and it had been beautiful and true. She had felt the moment when a man had emptied his soul into her. Somehow the simulacrum that Jen had to offer her just wasn't enough for her. She wanted to feel real cocks inside of her.
Of course she loved Jen but it was adoration, she loved her for her strength and conviction. She loved her for the power of her femininity because it was what she wanted to be. It wasn't the love that she wanted to give herself to. Not that Chris was either. He was just a way for her to experience something and it had been enough that she knew now that she wanted to keep looking, to find that something special in a different way that Jen couldn't offer her.
They both cried when she told Jen it was over. Hannah wanted other people as well and Jen who had always preferred being free to do what she wanted now wanted Hannah all to herself and could have given up everyone else just to have her.
Jen looked hurt and even disgusted that Hannah could even think about choosing men over her. However much Jen had always sworn her own independence and freedom she had been unable to stop herself from relishing the feeling of being adored. She felt angry at Chris. It was his cock that had ruined everything.
She hurled her own prosthetic cock away from herself. The heavy rubber rod cracked a mirror and fell unwanted to the floor.
Jen went back to the way things had been before. She vented her emotions on a succession of near strangers. She was told more than once that she was too rough. She didn't care. In those wild, invariably intoxicated moments she found
herself drawing as much satisfaction from the pain she caused as the pleasure.
Hannah had been changed by her time with Jen. She still couldn't imagine ever being as sure of herself as Jen was, but she didn't feel like she had to hide as much anymore. She knew who she was a little more. She had a few boyfriends, a couple of girlfriends. She fell in love, had her heart broken. Over the years she matured and grew, becoming stronger and more comfortable with herself.
She couldn't forget Jen. She couldn't imagine ever being able to have found herself without her help. She was always grateful to Jen for the way that she had helped her to grow and sad that she had hurt her. Hannah could never regret the times that she spent with Jen, even though she wished that the ending of their affair could have been sweeter. The years helped to give her perspective. Jen was a crucial element of her development into the person that she was, and she always loved her for that.
Four: What Hannah's husband didn't mind but Hannah did
Hannah didn't settle down again for long years. Her experiences with Jen had left her wanting more and the single frustrating pleasure that she had experienced with Chris inside her hadn't satisfied her.
When she did settle down it was with a man. They were both in their early thirties, independently moderately successful and looking forward to a future together. Children followed quickly.
She had learned enough from her dalliances to know what she wanted from a man and she was lucky enough to find it with Peter. He was a decent man and she loved him. He worked hard and did well for them. That she continued to work at all was more tribute to her desire for residual independence than it was a comment on his ability to provide for their family.
Their sex life had always been pretty good and she liked to think that she had had her time for casual debauches when she was younger and was ready for the commitment of married life. He was a capable enough lover and she had acquired her own toys over the years for when she preferred to take matters into her own hands. She often masturbated with a vibrator. Her toys were subtler than Jen's cock had been, but they were no less effective. She liked them to accompany her on long baths.