Thicker Than Water

by Bethan Darwin

  They almost run back down the mountain, slipping and sliding in their rush to get back to the car. They barely say a word to each other on the journey back down to Cardiff but the whole way to the hotel Cassandra keeps her hand on Gareth’s thigh, tantalisingly close to but not quite touching his balls. On the way up in the lift, Cassandra fumbles in her bag for the keycard. As soon as she opens the door of her room, she starts stripping off her clothes, collapsing on the bed dressed only in her bra and pants. All Gareth manages is to kick off his shoes before kneeling over her and kissing her. It is Cassandra who strips off his clothes for him too.

  Gareth finds the way she looks and feels so very different to Rachel deeply exciting. Rachel is slim and small chested, her stomach marked with the silver lines of four pregnancies. Cassandra is fuller and curvier and her breasts when he undoes her bra, almost jump into his hands. Her underwear is bubblegum pink and lacy and matching and her pubic hair is just a dark blonde strip down the middle whereas Rachel’s is a full shock of red. She makes moaning sounds when he runs his fingers over her nipples that make him grow harder still. The sorts of sounds that Rachel used to make when they first met, before they started to make love quietly so the children didn’t hear them. He does to Cassandra the things he does to Rachel and she responds with eagerness before telling him to slow down or he’ll make her come. That and the way she says the word come just excites him even more. She makes him turn round so he is lying on his back and kneels over him to pay a great deal of attention to his cock until he too has to tell her to slow down. When he does finally enter her, they both come quickly, together, and fiercely, and then lie, side by side, for a while without talking.

  “That was amazing,” she says, eventually. “You really know how to touch a woman.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Tell me when you’re ready to go again.”

  “How about right now?”

  Afterwards, they fall asleep. When the alarm on his phone goes off Gareth wakes, startled, and jumps out of the bed.

  “I’ve got to go, that’s my alarm. I need to go pick up Nora from gym. Rachel has a partners’ meeting tonight.”

  “No need to explain. You’d better get going then,” she says, sleepily.

  When he’s dressed, he stands by the door before opening it.

  “Cassandra?”

  “I know,” she says, face turned into the pillow, “it was a one off, it can’t happen ever again, you’re sorry, and you’ll get another lawyer to act for Perfect.”

  “Is that the sort of line Adrian Matthews gave you?”

  “I only had dinner with Adrian Matthews, not sex.”

  “I’m relieved to hear it. That wasn’t what I was going to say, anyway.”

  She turns her face away from the pillow and looks at him. “No? What were you going to say then?”

  “I was actually going to say stay right where you are. Don’t get out of that bed. I’m going to collect Nora and take her home for Eloise or Grace to watch and I’m going to pack an overnight bag quickly and leave a message for Rachel that you need me in London for a late meeting and I won’t be home till tomorrow. And then I’m going to come back here and fuck you again.”

  “Go quickly then. Hurry, so you get back sooner.”

  *

  A few minutes after he’s gone, Cassandra gets out of bed and retrieves her phone.

  She sends a message to each of Eloise and Liam by text.

  “Spoken to HR. Jobs waiting for you both. I have a two bed furnished maisonette in the Annex (student quarter, near the University of Toronto) that I rent out that is coming free end of the month. You can have it for the summer with my compliments. Let me know.”

  And when she’s done that, she makes a phone call to her partner, Beverley Allen, in Toronto.

  “Is it all going to plan?” her partner asks.

  “Yes, I believe so.”

  “And is Eloise in play?”

  “Yes, all in hand.”

  “Do you think Gareth suspects?”

  “Not in the slightest. Hasn’t got a clue.”

  “Good. What are you up to this evening?”

  “Oh, nothing much. Might go out for dinner with Adrian Matthews again. He’s been a great source of useful information.”

  “Again? He’ll be getting ideas! Or do I have to be worried you might actually like him?”

  “Don’t be silly Bev. I’ve not had the slightest interest in men since I met you. I think you can rest assured I’m not going back to cock now.”

  “Don’t be vulgar Cassandra, it doesn’t suit you.”

  “Well don’t accuse me of flirting with men, then. You know I’m doing all this for you.”

  “I know, I know, I’m sorry.”

  “Forget about it. It’s not true anyway. I’m not doing it just for you. I’m doing it for us both. You sound tired. How are you feeling?”

  “Not so good, been a rough day today.”

  “Get some rest. I’ve got some more meetings so I won’t call again today, so as not to disturb you. We’ll talk again tomorrow about the next steps.”

  “OK, I’ll try to have a nap now. I love you, Cassandra, and I miss you terribly.”

  “Me too, Beverley, me too. I’ll be home soon.”

  *

  She half expects him not to come back, having thought better of it once he’d got home, but an hour or so later she hears tapping on her door. She opens the door a crack and peeks through to see him leaning on the doorframe, smiling at her. She grabs his shirt and pulls him inside.

  Chapter 21

  “We’re going to have to discuss it with your father, Eloise. You know fine well I am not going to agree to you skipping off to Toronto to live in a total stranger’s flat without talking to him about it.”

  “I know but I’m just so excited about it, I thought I’d get you onside with it first and then we could tackle him together.”

  “I don’t know about that Eloise. You’re only 17. You and Liam have only been together five minutes. Your father and I both thought you’d be coming to Tresaith with us again this year. And what about Grace? I thought you wanted to get close to her.”

  “I’m not coming to Tresaith this year, Mum, even if you stop me going to Toronto. We’ve been there every summer since I can remember and it’s just boring. And Grace and I are close already and she’s much more interested in Jake than she is me. Anyway, she’s writing her novel now and she loves doing that and she’s way happier than she was. Please get Dad to agree. Please.”

  “Where is he anyway? I’m a bit pissed off with him to be honest. I ask him just for one night to be home on time and get dinner on, and I get home knackered to find you’ve been dumped with the kids and there’s no food in the house.”

  “I told you Mum. He had to go up to London for a meeting with Cassandra. Says he’ll be home tomorrow and he’ll call you later if he can but it’s likely to be an all-nighter. And he gave me money to order pizza and everyone else has eaten and it’s all cleared away with plenty left over for you.”

  “You’ve tidied up?”

  “Yes, and Grace and I gave them all baths and read them stories and sorted out school uniform for tomorrow.”

  “My, you really are serious about this Toronto trip aren’t you?”

  “Yes I am. Wouldn’t you be Mum? I really like Liam and I think he really likes me. Cassandra is not a total stranger, she’s one of Dad’s clients. You like her too, don’t pretend you don’t. And she’s lined us up with jobs in Toronto and somewhere to stay. You always say we need to grab life with both hands. Well that’s exactly what I’m trying to do. And it’ll look good on my CV.”

  “Ah, the killer teenager negotiation tactic. I’ll look good on my CV! So when you say you really like Liam is that your way of telling me you two are having sex?”

  “Omigod, Mum, why do you have to be so upfront and just come out with the question like that? Why can’t you be like some of the other mums at school and just tel
l me you’ve put something in my bedside cabinet drawer for me and then wink?”

  “And what precisely would I be putting in the bedside cabinet drawer?

  “What do you think? A big box of condoms.”

  “Are condoms your preferred choice of birth control?”

  “Of course they are! Liam’s been at university in London for the past year. I don’t know who he might have slept with before. It’s not just getting pregnant I’m worried about you know?”

  “Very sensible.”

  “I am sensible Mother.”

  “But just to be clear, you’ve not had sex with him as yet?”

  “Not yet, no. And just to be clear, for the avoidance of doubt as you like to say, that’s all I am prepared to say on the matter now or in the future.”

  “So do you still want me to put condoms in your bedside drawer?”

  Eloise groans through gritted teeth. “Don’t worry Mum. I’ve sorted out my own condoms. Go! Eat your pizza will you?”

  *

  Cassandra has ordered room service. Gareth hides in the bathroom while it’s being delivered.

  “That’s a bit unnecessary isn’t it? Who’s the waiter going to tell?”

  “You never know Cassandra. Everyone knows everyone else’s business in Cardiff. I’m not joking!”

  “Fine, stay in there if you like.”

  “I fully intend to.” He shuts the bathroom door.

  Once the food is delivered, Cassandra whistles softly.

  “Coast is clear. You can come out now.”

  They wolf down a burger and chips each and glug cold beers straight out of the bottle.

  “All that sex has made me ravenous,” Cassandra says, finishing her beer and wiping crumbs off her bathrobe. “Right then lover boy, hurry up and finish eating. I actually do have a meeting in London tomorrow morning and I’ve got a driver picking me up at 6am. I need some shut-eye. I hope you don’t snore.”

  Gareth does not sleep well, the burger and chips churning noisily in his stomach. He lies listening to Cassandra next to him, breathing gently. Her breathing sounds nothing like Rachel’s, which strikes him as odd. Is breathing like a person’s voice? Individual to them? He feels guilt washing over him but also waves of excitement and desire. He has always thought he and Rachel have a good and enjoyable sex life but after today it strikes him that it may over the years have become functional and formulaic. Today with Cassandra has been sweaty and messy and joyous too and despite having had more sex today than he possibly has ever had with Rachel in one day, just thinking about it makes his balls ache. And then he remembers the trusting look on Nora’s face earlier that afternoon when he’d bundled her in through the front door, calling for Eloise to come downstairs, running upstairs to throw a few things in his bag and barely saying goodbye in his eagerness to get back to Cassandra and he feels guilt land on his chest like a breezeblock.

  At some point he falls asleep and wakes up in the pitch dark to find Cassandra whispering in his ear.

  “Want to fuck me again?”

  He’s still half asleep but when she peels the sheet off him, he finds that his body has responded to her whisper and that he really does want to fuck her again, very much indeed.

  He sits in bed and watches her as she finishes dressing and packing her bags. She has already pushed back the time of her meeting in London and the driver of her car has been waiting outside for her for over an hour but she seems reluctant to leave him.

  “What happens now?” he asks.

  “I have no idea. Do you?”

  “Not the faintest.”

  “You’re a married man.”

  “I was a married man before any of this happened. ”

  “So you were. And my personal life is more complicated than I led you to believe.”

  “I thought you said you weren’t with anyone.”

  “I said I wasn’t married and didn’t have kids. That’s all true.”

  “Why didn’t you mention your complicated personal life before now?”

  “It was none of your business before now.”

  “Fair enough.”

  Cassandra’s phone pings. “It’s the driver. He’s saying if we don’t leave in the next five minutes, we’ll get caught up in heavy traffic going into London. I’ve got to go.” She comes back over to the bed and leans in to kiss him on the cheek.

  “You really are fucking gorgeous,” she says, running her finger along his jawline.

  He smiles. “When can I see you again?”

  “I’m flying back to Canada tonight.”

  “Tonight? You didn’t mention that. Can you postpone it?

  “Not really. My girlfriend is expecting me.”

  “Your girlfriend?”

  “Uh huh, my girlfriend. Let’s just try and compartmentalise shall we? This is, well, whatever it is, and work is work. I’ll be in touch on both counts.”

  As she opens the door of the room and rolls her bag through it, she stops and looks back over her shoulder at him.

  “Gareth?”

  “Yes.”

  “Eloise is going to ask you something today. When she does, you really must say yes. Believe me, it’s in all our interests.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Gareth asks, but the door is already closing behind her and if she hears him, she doesn’t answer him.

  *

  After such an early start, Gareth is the first in the office. He waits till 7.30am and then calls Rachel.

  “Just making sure you’re awake,” he says, forcing himself to sound cheery.

  “Just about. It’s much harder when no one brings me a cup of tea in bed. Where are you?”

  He has his answer ready for this one. “In the office already. Meeting finished in the early hours and I decided to take up Cassandra’s offer of a car to bring me back to Cardiff rather than trying to find a hotel at that time of night. Came straight to the office rather than disturb you.”

  “You must be shattered!”

  “I’ll survive. I managed to get a couple of hours sleep in the car. I’ve had a shower here in the office, which has perked me up a bit. There’s a few things I need to get done and then I’m going to come home early, try for a nap.”

  “Haven’t you got squash tonight? It’s Tuesday?”

  “I’m going to skip squash.” Actually Gareth has lost track of the days and hadn’t realised it is Tuesday.

  “It must have been a heck of a long night then for you to miss squash. I don’t think you’ve missed a game of squash since before Nora was born.”

  “Very funny, Rachel.”

  “I’ll see you at home later then. Karen is taking Jake to Jo Jingles at the library this afternoon and then picking up Nora after school to go swimming so if you time it right you could have the house to yourself for a couple of hours. Can you put the stuff that’s in the washing machine on the line when you get in if it looks like it’s not going to rain and have a look in the freezer for something we can have for dinner tonight?”

  “OK.”

  Gareth puts the phone down wearily, suddenly overwhelmed with tiredness and longing for Cassandra Taylor. He checks his watch, then his emails and his text messages. She should have arrived back in London by now but there is nothing from her in his inbox. He deliberates for a while then sends her a text.

  What time is your flight? Really need to talk with you before you go.

  Twenty minutes later she responds. Needed to cancel London meetings and go straight to Heathrow. Already in departure lounge.

  He rings her but she doesn’t answer. He tries again and this time she picks up.

  “Don’t go,” he says. “Please don’t go, not today. I need to talk to you, I need to see you again. Stay there. I’ll drive up to Heathrow right now.”

  “I can’t do that Gareth. I’m sorry. I have to get back to Toronto.”

  “When are you coming back?”

  “I’m not certain. Not for a little while. I have things I need to att
end to. We can work together on the factory project by email, not to worry.”

  “I wasn’t talking about the factory Cassandra. I was talking about you and me.”

  “That’s more complicated. I need to process how I’m feeling. It’s all very confusing.”

  “That’s a fucking understatement.”

  “I’ve got to go Gareth.” She hangs up. When he tries her number again, her phone is switched off.

  He tries to work, staring at his computer screen, drinking the coffee that Celia brings him. Finally at lunchtime he gives up.

  “I need to push off now Celia,” he explains. “Some domestic stuff I need to sort out at home.”

  “OK,” she says, barely looking up from her kiwi fruit. “See you tomorrow.”

  “See you tomorrow.”

  As he lets himself into an empty house, it strikes Gareth that he is never home alone. There is always someone or other in the house whenever he gets home from work. And even now the house is not entirely empty. Oscar jumps up off the sofa and rushes out into the hallway, his claws clattering on the tiles, to greet him energetically. He spots Jake’s pram and jumps into it, indicating his willingness to go for a walk.

  “Not today mate,” Gareth says, walking straight past him and up the stairs to the bedroom.

  He hesitates for a while by the side of the bed. Just yesterday afternoon he was climbing into bed with Cassandra Taylor for the first time. And now here he is, looking at his wife’s side of the bed, at the dent in her pillow her head made while she slept alone last night, thinking he was in a late meeting in London, not knowing he was just across the city, sleeping with someone else. He lies down on his side of the bed. After a few moments he rolls across, pushing his face into Rachel’s pillow, breathing in his wife’s scent, a mixture of her shampoo and face cream and perfume. Then he rolls back over onto his side, disgusted with himself because this scent, so familiar to him and which smells like home and family and love, is not the perfume he wants to smell right now. He is disgusted and disappointed in himself but these feelings are insignificant compared to how utterly bereft he feels that he is not with Cassandra Taylor.