MONAD 12.21.12

by T. Anderson

  “It’s not stupid! Stella, I don’t know very much about what actually happened or how they did this to you, but I think it’s a gift to have what you have. You may not believe it now, but I think you’re lucky,” Aron assured her.

  Stella asked surprised, “Really?” She felt tears welling in her eyes and reflected, “I hadn’t looked at it that way. I’ve lived my entire life wondering why this was happening to me. What had I done wrong to deserve this? It was like a curse. I knew that it was something big. Bigger than I could handle by myself. But I never thought of myself as ‘lucky’. I think I’m beginning to understand what this means now—a little bit. I don’t know where I’d be or what I’d be doing right now if I hadn’t found you. I guess I really do feel lucky. Thanks, Aron.” She was smiling, even though tears soaked her pillow. She was relieved. It was like a heavy weight had been lifted. Things were so complicated. There were still so many questions and she feared the unknown. But she felt secure in knowing she had Aron to depend on, and also that she had a real family—people she could trust. She felt blessed and grateful.

  It was almost 4 a.m. and the girls were temporarily comforted by their talk, so they decided to try again to find sleep. They turned off the light and, within a few minutes, both were slumbering soundly. Stella soon found herself in the middle of a familiar dream.

  High atop a hillside, Stella stood overlooking the sea. Though she was wrapped in garments, she felt chilled. Leaning over a low stone wall that dropped to a sloping forest below, she admired the beauty of the moon as it reflected off of the distant water. It was as if the moon was traveling toward her over the rippled shimmering surface, beckoning and belonging to her alone. Her long hair softly billowed as the cool evening breeze moved through it. Warm, inviting hands caressed her neck and then wrapped around her waist. From behind, her lover whispered these words into her ear, “Do you see that bright star, just up there, within Casseopeia?” She looked up and located it without difficulty.

  “Yes, my love. It is beautiful.”

  “We’ve only just discovered it. For now, we’re calling it ‘The New Star.’ If it were up to me, I would name it after you. But then again, I suppose we already have.” She found his comment to be humorous. His lips lightly brushed her neck and then he whispered, “Whenever I study it, I will think of you.”

  In her dream, Stella consciously observed the odd way in which they spoke, as if it were a language of long ago. Although she liked this particular dream very much, her conscious assessment unwillingly pulled her out of it.

  When the twins woke up, they hurried down the hall to the bathroom to get ready for the day. They stood side by side and looked into the long industrial mirror above the sinks. It was very surreal to look at themselves standing there together, even though Stella’s hair was shorter, just touching her shoulders, and Aron’s skin was kissed by years in the California sun.

  Stella broke the ice by saying, “Oh God, look at these circles under our eyes!” Knowing the other girls in the bathroom were listening to them, they cracked up laughing. Some of them had been at the party last night.

  Aron chimed in with, “Nothing a little concealer can’t fix,” as she handed a tube of make-up to Stella who casually accepted it and dabbed it under her eyes. Before blending the make-up in, she turned to Aron holding out the creamy wand. Without having to ask, Aron automatically faced Stella and waited for her to dot the stuff under her eyes too. They started fixing up their faces with precision synchrony, passing products back and forth.

  “Try this one,” and, “Oh, here, this will look great on you.” The curious girls in the bathroom observed their quirky behavior, trying not to stare. The twins were both enjoying this new experience, however small it seemed. It was fun to be doing something simple and non-life-threatening. When they were finished, they went back to their room to finalize the scheme for the phone call to Stella’s “parents” back in Minnesota. Although still early in the morning, they thought this would add credibility to the story.

  With a deep breath, Stella dialed the number. After four rings, her mother answered, “Stella? It’s so early…what’s wrong?”

  Stella harnessed the mixed emotions she felt and directed it into her next performance. “Mom! Oh my god! You’re never going to believe what happened! I wanted to tell you last night, but it was really late so I woke up early this morning to call you!”

  “What’s going on? Are you all right, dear?” Petra asked.

  “Mother, are you sitting down?” She waited less than a second and then hurried through the next part in one quick breath, “So, I got here fine. I moved into my dorm room fine. Yesterday I was out all day looking around campus. I came back to my room last night and then I met my roommate.”

  “And? Is there some kind of problem with your roommate, Stella?”

  “Well, no. Well, kind of. My roommate is my sister! Can you believe it?”

  “Your sister? Stella, how do you know she’s your sister? That is ridiculous. Are you sure?” Petra answered, rather calmly and doubtfully.

  “Mom. She’s my twin. That’s how I know! Can you believe it?” she repeated, excitedly.

  “Oh my!” Petra finally exclaimed. “This is…a surprise. It’s just...unbelievable.” Then nothing. She fell silent. She was waiting for Stella to continue before saying anything else. Either she knew what was going on and was fishing for information, or she was genuinely surprised, wondering how this was all set up and by whom.

  “I know! What are the odds of this happening, right?” Stella continued. She hadn’t thought this far ahead in the conversation but knew she must end the call somehow quickly. She didn’t wait for an answer to the last question. “Don’t worry about me, Okay? Everything is fine. I don’t know too much about her yet. But her name is Aron. She’s really nice. We’re gonna spend the weekend together because classes don’t start until Monday. I’m really excited about it.”

  “All right, dear. Do you want me to fly out? Your father is going to be surprised to hear this news. He’s not home right now, but I’ll call him and let him know right away,” said Petra.

  “No, no, Mom. It’s fine. Really. Don’t come. I’ll just be so busy with classes starting and everything anyway. And I’m fine. Honestly. I’ll call you back in a few days. I really have to get going, okay? I’m going for breakfast with Aron and some friends I met yesterday.” She cringed as she said the next part, but knew she had to say it for added believability, “Tell Dad, ‘Hi,’ for me. I miss you!” It was much harder to say than she thought it would be.

  “All right, Stella. I’ll tell him. We miss you too. Have a nice time with your friends today. Call me if you need anything,” said Petra and they both hung up.

  Aron had been holding her breath for the entire length of the conversation while she listened. If it was difficult for Stella, it was ten times more difficult for her. After letting out the spent air and swallowing a deep gulp of oxygen to avoid passing out, she managed to croak, “Stella, you did it.”

  “I did it,” Stella said to herself. “I did it!”

  Aron had recovered enough to form a big, glowing smile on her face and repeated louder, “You did it!”

  Their solemn faces grew wildly animated as they embraced each other, jumping up and down together. Then they shouted in unison, “We did it!” They were so proud of themselves and each other. They were a real team—their second successful mission together. Before they could come down from their high, a sharp and startling knock at the door made them both jump in fright.

  “Who is it?” Stella asked, skeptically.

  “It’s me,” Dane answered. “What’s going on in there, ladies?” he asked mischievously. “Am I missing out on a naughty twin pillow fight?”

  Stella clutched her head and said to Aron, “I’m having an ‘adrenaline overload.’ Can you let him in?” Aron opened the door to find Dane leaning up against one side of the doorway. “Pig,” she giggled shyly.

  “You two want to
go get some coffee?” he asked. “I know where to find the best java on campus.”

  “Cofffeeee. Mmmmmm… Yes! I need caffeine,” said Stella, grabbing her Coach purse and Gucci sunglasses.

  Aron answered with a question, “Do you think they’ll have organic green tea there?” The twins scowled at each other, acknowledging this anomaly of caffeine preference. They might be identical twins, but some things just are the way they are. Sharing a little chuckle, they locked their room and headed out with Dane, their new bodyguard.

  The dreaded phone call to the Steinars was now behind them. The California sun was shining and the birds were singing and, for the moment, everything in the world seemed balanced and wonderful for the twins. After the caffeine and breakfast re-energized their sleep deprived bodies, Stella got down to business with Dane.

  “So, Dane,” she began her interrogation. “What’s your story? How’d you get involved in this and why?” He looked a little startled and taken aback. It was a direct but fair question. Aron was glad that Stella was doing the asking. She was also curious, but didn’t want Dane to be scared off. He might be a vital addition to their little team. Plus she kind of liked him. She was realizing that Stella could be somewhat direct in her approach. She might have to play the “good cop” to get a straight answer from Dane.

  “Hold on, simmer down Stella,” said Dane defensively, his hands looking like a traffic cop halting a speeding car. “I’m on Team Twins, remember?” Dane said more with his hands than his mouth, it seemed.

  Before things went too far, Aron interjected in a controlled voice, “What she means is, thanks for your help last night. And if we’re going to be spending time together, we have to trust each other. We’re sure you’re a really nice guy. Obviously. But let’s get to know each other a little better. Okay?” She nodded for Stella to agree with her. After Stella reluctantly acknowledged, Aron urged Dane to continue. “So, would you like to tell us a little bit about yourself? Like, where are you from? Why’d you choose Berkeley? That kind of stuff.” Her voice was friendly and soothing, a welcomed contrast to Stella’s bratty approach.

  Dane relaxed a little and eased back in his chair. “No, I don’t mind…Aron,” as he shot a cynical, but not quite serious, glare at Stella. “I’m from Minnesota…” then before he could keep talking, he was interrupted by both girls as they spoke excitedly over one another.

  “No way! We’re from Minnesota too,” said Stella.

  Aron said, “Well, I’ve lived in Cali my whole life, but my family is from Minnesota.”

  Dane’s head was switching from one girl to the other, trying to keep up with them as they were chattering away. When they realized their rude behavior, they halted mid-sentence to let Dane say, “I decided to come to Berkeley because, number one, it’s a good school and two, I wanted to become a member of the Circle.”

  “But you can be a member from anywhere, Dane, right?” asked Aron.

  “Right. But this is where all the action is. This is where it all started. I wanted to meet the Ericksons and Professor Hanson. I’m really serious about my future with them. I’ve done my homework—I want to prove my dedication to the cause,” he declared with conviction. They could tell he was sincere and were satisfied with his answer. “I volunteered myself for service before I even got here. Professor Hanson contacted me and asked me to come early. I’ve been here more than a week, and I’ve been on standby, waiting for an assignment. I thought I’d be passing out flyers or working on a website or something. I didn’t expect this.” He made a whistling sound and shook his head in disbelief. “But…I’m under strict orders to not ask questions and just keep an eye on you two. So don’t be telling me anything that’s gonna get me in trouble, okay?”

  The twins snickered at him. He had a way of making a really major situation seem comical and low-key. Stella commented, “Don’t worry, Dane. We can’t tell you much because we don’t know much,” then checked Aron’s face for understanding. They were both on the same wavelength. It was true that even they didn’t fully understand the details, but they knew more than they would let on. Unsure of what Dane had or had not been told, they needed to check with the others before they said anything more. Aron wondered if all twins felt this undeniably strong connection. She was beginning to think it bordered on ESP, but dismissed the idea as absurd. She would ask Stella about it later.

  After they lounged around the café for almost two hours, talking and laughing about regular stuff, the three walked back to the dorms and parted ways. The twins wanted some time alone and it seemed like Dane had some things to take care of. They agreed to meet later that night. Apparently there was a party Dane was invited to and they were all in the mood to celebrate.

  Until then, Stella and Aron didn’t want to be cooped up in the dorms. They wanted to be out in the fresh air, doing normal things—especially Stella who still couldn’t believe that it was September and she didn’t need a jacket outside. They decided to take a walk over to the Buddhist Studies Center on Fulton Street. Aron thought Stella would find it interesting and, if she had any questions, maybe someone would be available to talk with them.

  Aron was accustomed to being in places like this, so it was fitting and welcoming for her. Everyone was friendly, peaceful, and quiet. Stella was a bit apprehensive, but the first thing she noticed was how happy everyone seemed. Every person they passed greeted them with a kindhearted smile and tolerant eyes. The second thing she noticed was the enormous figure of Buddha. Of course, she’d seen him before. But this was different. It was like seeing him for the first time and she was mysteriously drawn to him. While studying the statue intently, she compiled a list of questions in her head for Aron. Although she felt comfortable, she was embarrassed to ask anyone at the Center anything. A self-educator by nature, Stella knew she would spend the next few days on the web and in the library reading as much as she could. She grabbed some schedules and pamphlets and decided to wait until their next visit to break her silence.

  Outside, Aron asked, “So, what’d you think? You were pretty quiet in there.”

  “This might sound dumb, but you know the statue of Buddha?”

  “Stella, there are no dumb questions. And just so you know, I am not an expert on Buddhism, either, so don’t assume I’m going to criticize you or judge you. But yes, I do know the Buddha, so ask away.”

  Stella knew Aron wouldn’t judge her. She had to break the habit of assuming that she would. “Sorry. Well…I was just wondering what that funny little hat is on the Buddha’s head. I was thinking about it and I realized that not all of the depictions I’ve seen, but most of them, have this bumpy little cone on the top of his head. What is that?”

  “Well, from what I have learned, it may simply represent the hairstyle of his time. Some say he had long, curly hair when he was younger and he either cut it or tied it up on the top of his head as he aged. Some people believe that it symbolizes knowledge and enlightenment. There are some other theories though.”

  “Like what?”

  “Well, some symbologists believe it represents a pine cone shape. And this pine cone has been used all over other religions and races throughout history,” Aron lingered here for a moment to see if Stella was still interested to hear the rest.

  “A pine cone? That’s random. What do you mean?” Stella asked.

  “Well, the rumor is that the pine cone symbolizes the pineal gland. It’s a tiny gland inside the brain. It’s been recognized in almost all ancient races and religions throughout the world. Apparently it shares a similar cellular structure with the eyes, like rods and cones. It’s been called the ‘third eye’.”

  “The ‘third eye’? I’ve heard that before—when people are talking about meditation and stuff. I thought it was that dot on the forehead I’ve seen in pictures…and isn’t that Hinduism? I’m confused.”

  “Yes. Sometimes it is represented that way. In meditation, it’s linked with the Sixth Chakra. There are all kinds of theories about the pineal gland
being used to increase psychic awareness and a higher consciousness. I’ve heard that it’s a portal between the physical and spiritual worlds.”

  “That’s so cool! Tell me more,” said Stella. She was hooked.

  Aron instantly became excited for the opportunity to utilize her technical knowledge. “Okay. Well, scientifically speaking, I know that the pineal gland produces melatonin and is activated by darkness and light. It essentially controls several biorhythms of the body like sleep patterns, hunger and thirst, sex drive and possibly even our biological clock.” She stopped for a moment to organize data in her head. Stella was completely enthralled with the knowledge that Aron had on the subject. “Descartes, a famous philosopher, studied the pineal gland intensely and believed it was an important spiritual organ. He called it ‘the seat of the soul.’ It’s been associated with everything from the ‘All Seeing Eye’ of Egypt and the Pyramids, to the “acorn-like” statues that decorate the Vatican grounds. There’s so much to learn about this—it’s endless, really.”

  “Sounds like it,” replied Stella. “I’m totally into learning more. I’ve gotta get my laptop out later and surf the net. My head is swimming with questions. I know it‘ll sound kind of ridiculous, but I feel like I’m being drawn in a certain direction or something. Like if I listen to my inner voice, I’ll find the answers I’m looking for. I’ve always tried to ignore that inner voice, to some degree. And now that I’m allowing myself to follow it, it’s like I can’t keep up—I need to move faster. Know things immediately. Satisfy a need. Does that make sense?”

  “Maybe it’s the other Stella. Maybe she’s trying to show you something. I totally know what you’re saying—I was actually going to talk to you about something earlier, but I was a little hesitant. I wasn’t sure how you would react and I was going to wait, but maybe it’s okay,” Aron hinted at her question.