The Vanished

by Sarah Dalton

  Ali frowned. “It all looks the same te me, Terrifica. Ye just as violent as the men. If not more.”

  “You’re wrong, Ali.”

  “I like it here,” Ginge said. She pulled off a chunk of bread. “I think ye’ve got the right idea. If it wasnae fer men an’ their ideas on women, the Fracture wouldnae happened in the first place.”

  “Very true.” Terrifica agreed with an even smile.

  “But ye cannae replace one tyranny with another,” Mary said. “Ye cannae lead a world that just inverts the problem. That’s nae solution.”

  “What do you suggest?” Terrifica said.

  “Ye need it te be equal.”

  “That’s impossible. There has never been and never will be equality between women and men. We are too different. Like two separate species.”

  “Don’t you think you’re generalising?” I interrupted the discussion. “You’re acting like all men act one way and all women act another. Everyone is different.”

  “Not that different, love. Some of us dress it up in a different package but deep down we are made of the same stuff. Men want and need certain things and women want and need other things. Men are driven by sex. Women are driven by comfort, stability. In our society both needs are met with our unique system. You see, when a woman wants that comfort, or to procreate, they choose from our men to lie with. The men in turn have their need for sex quelled. There are more women than men here.”

  “So you use men like sex slaves?” I looked at her, disgusted.

  “I think you’ll find they don’t see it that way. The men love it here. We have a waiting list of men who want to join the Perthans.”

  Ali laughed.

  Terrifica stroked his face again. “We’d make beautiful babies, you and I.”

  Ali’s eyes dropped. “Ye know I don’t swing that way, Terrifica.”

  She pouted. “Such a waste.”

  “We have more pressing things te talk about than blummin’ sex,” Mary interrupted. “Hamish McAllister is on the rampage. He’ll be coming fer you on the way te us. So I suggest that we join forces. Otherwise, ye little set up here, as twisted as it is, will be blown te bloody smithereens.”

  35

  Terrifica gave us comfortable beds in a large yurt. I fell asleep beneath the blankets and furs, dreaming of Daniel. I was ready to go back now, to see the rest of the Freaks. I missed Hiro and Kitty, and even Mike. I missed my dad too, even though I didn’t really want to admit it.

  In the morning Terrifica told Ali that they would send the weak to our Compound ahead of their troops. She told him they would bring food and tents. Then she hugged him for a little bit too long.

  Reg and Stevie loaded the van with supplies provided by the Perthans for the journey. Whatever I thought of their community they were good to help us, and to feed us. We left early. Cleopatra circled Terrifica’s legs as she waved goodbye. I was glad to be leaving. There were butterflies in my stomach at the thought of seeing Daniel again. I hoped he wasn’t too mad at me. There was nothing I could do except wait and find out.

  *

  “What the hell were you thinking?” Daniel’s eyes were thunderstorms. He glared at me, angrier than I had ever seen him. “You just left me here. Without a word or a goodbye.”

  “I needed time. I needed space. I’m sorry.”

  We were under the chestnut tree, the place where most of my arguments seemed to occur. Daniel stood in front of me, his hands pushed down into his jean pockets, his eyes rimmed with black shadows. He grunted and removed one hand to rake his hair back. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and then crossed his arms before uncrossing them again. The fidgeting, nervous Daniel was back.

  “It was so selfish of you, Mina. So selfish. Your dad has been worried sick. You left Kitty trying to get Dr Woods to let Sebastian out––”

  “Did he?”

  “No.”

  “He’s still stuck in that cell?”

  “Oh, so you care about Sebastian now?” Daniel snapped. “Because for a minute there I didn’t think you cared about anyone but yourself.”

  I reached forward to touch him on the arm but he backed away. “I know that I’ve been selfish. I just had to get out of here.”

  “Then why didn’t you tell me? And I mean tell me yourself, not send Kitty to do your dirty work.”

  “Because you wouldn’t have let me go on my own.”

  “How do you know that?” He looked at me straight in the eye. It was unnerving. “What right do you have to assume how I am going to react? Have I ever told you what to do?”

  I shook my head.

  “Have I ever stopped you from doing anything?”

  “But you’ve been so overprotective since the thing in the tree,” I whined. “I thought you’d want to come with me.”

  “Is there something wrong with caring about you and wanting to make sure you’re safe?” He sighed. “Look. I worried about you out there with the Scavengers; I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that. And of course I want you to be safe. But I’m not going to be wrapping you up in cotton wool anytime soon. I know you, Mina. I know how strong you are and what you’re capable of. I trust you as well. I hate the thought that there are people out there who want to hurt you but I would never stop you from making your own decisions.”

  My shoulders slumped. “It’s just that after the fete… in the tent.”

  He flinched. “I can’t do anything more than apologise about that. If I could go back and behave differently I would.” His eyes softened. “Is that what’s happened? Have you stopped trusting me because of that night?”

  I stepped forward and grabbed his hands. “No. I just needed space to figure things out and to be me again. All this stuff with the Freaks… the way we’re connected into this… thing. It’s made me lose… me. I had to get out of here, away from everyone, and just check that I can be me when I want to be.”

  “Can you?”

  I paused. “Yes. I think so. And I can be me when I’m with you and with the others too. I guess I just have something inside me which makes me need to be alone sometimes.”

  He thought for a moment. “I understand that. But I just wish that you trusted me enough to be able to explain it to me. What I hate more than anything is that you thought I would try to control you. I’d never do that. I want you to be you more than anything, and if I make decisions for you, it stops you from being you.” He laughed. “I don’t think I’m making sense.”

  “You are.” I moved forward to kiss him, but he broke away. “What’s wrong.”

  “I just need some time,” he said. “I feel a little… betrayed, I guess.”

  “Oh.” I said. “Then take all the time you need.”

  He walked away, leaving me feeling just a little hollow inside. The wind picked up and the hairs stood up on the backs of my arms. I walked away from the tree, towards the campsite, wondering whether to go and face my dad. Our reunion after I arrived back in the Compound had been strained. He was angry at me but instead of talking about it like Daniel, he just acted cold and distant. I decided to go back to my trailer to shower and change.

  Whilst I’d been away with the Scavengers, rumours had flown around the Compound about Hamish and war. The farmers collected weapons and stored them in a barn, people stocked up on food and water. As I made my way back to the trailer I noticed the tense atmosphere. Children played with pretend guns, play-acting as Hamish McAllister. I skipped around them, wanting to be out of the way of all this, just needing the feel of warm water on my skin, when someone called out my name.

  I turned around to see Ben, still bare-chested and probably freezing. He bowed to me. “You have returned, leader.”

  I smiled, still uncomfortable with the way he treated me, but glad to see him safe and sound in the Compound away from Sun. For a fraction of a second the image of Sun, bleeding from the head, popped into my mind, and I felt a cold chill.

  “Hi, Ben. Did you manage to get everyone to the Compou
nd?”

  “Yes,” he said, nodding his head with enthusiasm. “The men in green have taken our friends into the big house.” He pointed to the castle.

  “That’s great.” At least the army were finally helping people.

  “What do we do now, Holiness?”

  “Mina. Remember what I told you? I think you should help the army prepare. Do you know how to make weapons?”

  He looked at me with a blank expression.

  “Well, you know how to fight?”

  His chin bobbed up and his eyes widened. “Oh yes. We’re very good at that.”

  “Well perhaps you can help the men learn.”

  He agreed and disappeared towards the castle. I moved towards my trailer again. There were many new faces in the Compound. Spider acknowledged me as I passed him and the Neds in the campsite. I waved hello to some unreceptive Nomads. They had been given tasks, I noticed. The Compound bustled with action and anticipation, causing my stomach to do a flip. I stopped in my tracks, realising something, something which I hadn’t thought of before. We were going to war and people were going to die. I felt sick. Why hadn’t this hit me before today? Images of the dead Enforcers in Area 14 came flooding back. The moment when Daniel was shot. The Enforcer in the river. It was all happening again. I would never get to have a normal life because no matter where I went in this world, people still wanted to kill each other.

  Loud shouts from the castle interrupted my thoughts. I turned around, curious to know what was going on, and followed a small group of people towards the gates. Two soldiers ran out of the castle and disappeared behind the boundary. I pushed through the crowd to get to Cam, hoping he could fill me in.

  “What happened, Cam?”

  He looked around me, as though trying to suss out if anyone was listening. Then he leaned forward and talked in hushed tones. “Ye cannae tell anyone ah told ye.”

  “I won’t.” I promised.

  “Sebastian escaped from ‘is cell. Ripped the bars outta the window.”

  “But that’s not possible. No one is strong enough to do that.”

  “Aye. Unless ye’ve been modified, eh?”

  36

  Cam’s words were a hammer to my heart. To me, Sebastian was proof that GEMs were no different to other people. He was just as troubled and complex as the rest of us. Yes, he had anger issues, but only when he was provoked. If the Compounders hadn’t bullied him, he never would have snapped. And then they kept him cooped up inside the cell, making him lose his mind. Would that have been enough for him to rip iron bars out of stone?

  “No,” I said out loud as I walked back to my trailer in a daze. I’d been so stupid. GEMs weren’t like us. They were modified. I stopped. “Just like me.” No, it couldn’t be. We couldn’t be monsters. Could we? I stormed into the trailer, removed my clothes, checked the water had been topped up and washed, trying to wash away those thoughts.

  When clean I ate beans on toast and then collapsed on my bed. I drifted to sleep. When I woke I head a terrible headache and decided to get some fresh air.

  It was a clear night and the stars gleamed in the sky like the sequins of a GEM party-girl dress. Thinking of GEMs reminded me of Sebastian and my good mood began to wane. Where was he and how did he escape? All day I’d had a sickness in my stomach, a feeling that something was wrong. That sickness came back again. And then I heard a sound – the unmistakable grinding of gravel beneath shoes.

  “Sebastian?” I said into the darkness. “Is that you?” Having moved from a well-lit area into the dark my eyes struggled to adjust. The noise came from behind, but as I turned towards it there was nothing, no movement or suspicious shadows lurking in the dark.

  I took three deep breaths, summoning the tingle in my fingers and preparing myself for a fight. I had nothing to be afraid of. I was the one with the power. I narrowed my eyes and noticed someone step out of the shadows. With a gasp I stepped back because there was something wrong with the shape stepping towards me. It juddered and convulsed like a person having a fit.

  “Mi-na,” said the shape. I barely recognised Sebastian’s voice he was shaking so badly.

  “Sebastian? What’s happened? We need to get you to the hospital.” I stepped forward to touch his arm but he jumped away from me.

  “No,” he said. “Don’t… don’t come clo-ser. Not… safe.”

  In the dim moonlight I could just make out his blood-shot eyes and the tremor in his fingers. His body jerked in a battle of control. He’d lost so much weight that his cheekbones jutted out sharply from his skin.

  “What’s happened to you?” I asked. I started to shake; seeing him like that sent a shiver down my spine. I reached forward to touch him but he snarled like an animal and moved back. I suppressed a sob in my throat.

  “Get away from me,” he said with a threatening growl.

  “No,” I muttered. My eyes couldn’t stop staring at the shaking mess of a boy in front of me, I couldn’t even blink. “No, you need help and I can get that for you.”

  “Get away from me,” he repeated. He shrank back, away from the light and into the darkness, so that his face wasn’t visible to me anymore. “You’re not safe. He’ll get you, he told me so.” Sebastian’s body twitched again and he stumbled forward a little, letting a distant spotlight from the Army barracks fall onto him. There was something dark and wet splattered on his shirt, like mud except thinner.

  “You need to come home with me.” I held my hand out with a knot in my throat. If only he could show me just a tiny glimmer of the real Sebastian. I remembered the smiling boy, so easy to like, who Ginge doted on. The sensible boy who saved my life. My body went cold. He did save my life. By taking someone else’s.

  He moved towards my hand. Dark circles framed his eyes so that they were hollow circles, caves into an abyss that filled me with terror. Suddenly frightened, I yanked my hand back before he could touch it and he roared with something like pain or anger. His body contorted. His muscles pulsated. He groaned and doubled over, falling forwards into the light. Clutching at his stomach he looked up at me and the light fell onto his wild, animalistic face. He said one word to me, a word I obeyed without a second thought, he said, “Run.” And I did.

  *

  “Kitty!” I said as I burst through the caravan doors. “Kitty? Are you here?” The empty trailer responded with nothing but silence, a cold silence that gets under your skin. I sighed, realising that she must have stayed at Mike’s, and then locked the door behind me.

  In a panic I ran around the tiny space, closing the curtains and feeling my breath come out in fits and starts as I did so. My heart was still beating fast and every part of me trembled with fear. Knowing I was close to a panic attack I lowered myself to the sofa and put my head between my knees, like Dad showed me when I was a young girl and my gift frightened me.

  As I rubbed my knees, trying to focus on the slow motion to bring my breathing in line, I realised that I hadn’t been this scared of anything since I was a girl. My friend had turned into this terrible monster with those blood shot eyes and… my mind trailed off in danger of panicking myself even further. With one last deep breath I pulled my head up and leaned against the hard back of the old sofa, hoping that the coolness of the fabric could calm my skin.

  The trailer didn’t feel safe and I longed for the brick walls of a house. Sturdy, secure hiding places. There was nowhere in the compound that you could hide from someone who wanted to kill you, except the castle, and I knew I wouldn’t be safe there. Just wanting something to do I went over to the stove in the caravan and filled the kettle, my hands still shaking a little. Outside the caravan there were tiny sounds that made my heart jump – a child laughing in another caravan, the wind against the metal or people walking. I barricaded the door with a chair and crawled under the bedcovers on my sofa-bed, clutching the hot mug of tea. Eventually, I slipped into a reluctant sleep, dreaming of blood shot eyes.

  “Mina! Mina!” boomed a muffled voice. I pulled the duvet
down from my head and rubbed my eyes. I froze as I remembered the events of the night before. “Are you awake yet? Open up the door.”

  I sighed with relief, it was just my dad. I’d fallen asleep in my clothes from the day before again so there was no need to get dressed.

  “Okay, Dad, I’m coming.” I pulled the chair away from the door handle.

  As I opened the door I saw my dad, his bulk filling the small doorway. Something was wrong. His glasses were cocked and his hair dishevelled. He’d dressed in a hurry and his eyes were sad.

  “What is it?” I said. “Has Hamish invaded?”

  “No,” he said. “One of the nurses woke me up early this morning. Angela has been attacked. She’s at the medical centre.”

  The news hit me like a boulder. Despite everything I still cared about her. I just hadn’t realised until that moment.

  “We have to leave, now,” Dad said. “Do you want to change?”

  I looked down at the creased cardigan and jeans. My hair was probably sticking out at all angles, but I didn’t care. With a shake of my head we were moving out of the trailer and through the compound. The sun glinted in my eyes and I had to shield them to see where I was going. Dad put an arm around me to guide me through the gravel pathways because my feet seemed to be tripping on everything.

  “How bad is she hurt?” I asked.

  “I don’t know anything yet,” he replied. “I’m sorry, Mina.”

  He meant every word and it was a comfort. That familiar arm around me was all I could wish for, except for Angela to be okay. I had to swallow back tears as we approached the army barracks, but luckily it was early morning and there weren’t many people around.