Equity (Balance Sheet #3)

by Shannon Dermott

  “Tea?” she asked.

  My stomach was in knots, but I couldn’t refuse.

  “Sure.”

  She busied herself getting water in a kettle while she spoke. “My son has never talked to me about a girl before even though I know he’s had plenty. When he called to tell me about you, I was so excited. I’m getting pretty old and wondered if I’d ever have grandchildren.”

  At that moment, I was grateful I hadn’t had a drink. I would have choked.

  She turned to look at me. “And here you are. My son’s girlfriend.”

  “We’re not together,” a voice said behind me.

  I turned to see Kalen with his arm slung around Keely. She was gorgeous. Big blue eyes set in a heart shaped face. She was on the short side, but her curves made up for lack of leg.

  “We’re headed to the pond. You wouldn’t mind showing Bailey the guest room, would you?”

  When I faced his mother again, she clutched at something around her neck. Her face held a perplexed look as she nodded. I heard the door close again. When her eyes met mine, I felt embarrassed. Here she’d gone on about something I wasn’t. And for a second there, I’d soaked it in, forgetting our current circumstances.

  “Oh,” she said shifting uncomfortably. The whistle of the kettle blew, giving us both a moment to compose ourselves. “I’m sorry. I just assumed you were the Bailey he spoke of.”

  I didn’t want her to feel bad, so I interjected. “I might have been, but things have changed.”

  “Oh,” she said again, pouring hot water into tea cups. “I’m sure you’ll work it out.”

  “It’s doubtful,” I said honestly. “Anyway, this is a lovely home.” I wanted to change the subject desperately. And I was curious whose house this was.

  “Yes, I love it. Kalen had it built for me.” That answered one question.

  We talked over tea about how Kalen wanted to build her a huge house and compromised. She explained that it was just her and she had no need of a mansion. It would only serve to remind her that he no longer lived at home. She was good-natured and I could tell she loved her son more than anything.

  Eventually, she showed me around the house. There was a family room, dining room and bedroom that finished up the first floor. On the second floor, there were four other bedrooms and a bath. Although one of the bedrooms did have an en suite. She gave me the room across the hall from the bath that had sweeping views of the back of the house.

  The room was furnished sparsely with a full bed covered in what looked like a handmade quilt anchored by a wrought iron headboard. There was a round table that sat next to it that held a lamp. A small dresser sat against the wall across from the door. It wasn’t much, but it felt cozy.

  It was late and there wasn’t another house that I’d seen for at least a mile. So all the sounds outside were of the birds and other insects preparing for the night.

  When I opened the window to let in some fresh air, I heard laughter on the breeze. My gut clenched. Why was I so jealous? He wasn’t mine and besides, his mother said he only saw the pretty Keely as a sister.

  I took a quick bath and tucked myself in with the knowledge that Turner should be here by tomorrow night.

  THIRTEEN

  Keely handed me a flask and I took it. I uncapped it and downed the contents in one smooth motion. She proffered another flask and drank from it. We sat on the incline of the bank in front of the small lagoon and watched the stars. I allowed the warmth of the liquor to envelope me as I thought about why I was here with Keely and not Bailey.

  In our native tongue, Keely said, “So who is she?”

  What was Bailey to me besides the blade wedged in my bleeding heart? I couldn’t tell Keely that. She’d scowl and never really understand.

  “Just a lassie,” I answered, enjoying being able to speak in the tongue I grew up in.

  A hmph sound came from behind me, which I expected. I wasn’t blind about Keely’s affections towards me. I just never returned them. She was a beautiful girl. But girl is how I’d always seen her. Tonight, the warm air, the stars and a combination of alcohol, I took a second look.

  She jumped to her feet. “It’s warm out,” she said before beginning to peel off her clothes. I could have stopped it, but I didn’t. The culmination of all the alcohol on the plane, downing most of the contents of the flask and my bloody heart made me rethink what was wrong with bedding Keely. Once she was down to bra and panties, she stood in front of me as if on display. I allowed my sluggish brain to take her in. Her mass of dark curls spilled over her shoulders contrasting darkly against the milky white of her skin.

  “I’m not a little girl anymore, JK.” She turned, giving me an unimpeded view of her backside. What I saw was all rounded curves with no sharp angles. She was a wee bit on the shorter side and a trifle thicker than Bailey. Shite, why was I thinking about Bailey?

  Keely stood in the water up to her waist and my vision blurred. Suddenly it was Bailey in the water. She was somewhat taller and leaner. Her full breasts stood out more against her trim body. Her red hair looked like it was fire in the moonlight.

  “Come in with me, JK,” Keely called out, breaking the spell. JK, Jeremy Kalen. That’s what Keely always called me. She was not Bailey as my fantasy shattered.

  “Now, why would I do that?” I shouted back, letting the pleasant buzz cause a slip of a laugh to follow my words.

  “Because,” she taunted. Her arms went behind her back and within seconds her bra was falling down her arms. She swiftly took it off and flung it towards the bank and me. “Let me show you what a woman I am, if you’re not afraid.”

  As a boy, having been teased early on, I was one not to ignore a taunt or dare. “That’s not a good idea. I don’t think you’ve had a man such as me.” I added a wolfish grin for effect. Last I heard, Keely was still a virgin and I had no desire to be her first. Even as tempted as I was by her swaying breasts and willingness, I couldn’t offer her more than one night. And Keely deserved more than that.

  A took another swig of the flask, liking the burn that accompanied the warmth.

  “I think you’re afraid you’ll fall madly in love with me. And we both know you’ve been running from love all your life,” she blustered.

  She didn’t know my tormentor of that very four-letter word lay in my mother’s house in a bed I should be sharing with her. She had no idea that I’d tried love, which felt like the worst of the four-letter American words. And I failed. There was no love in my future ever again.

  “And I know I can’t love you the way you should be loved.” There, I’d said it. A frown curved her mouth in the most unflattering way. I didn’t want to hurt her. She was a close friend and I had to be honest with her.

  “Then show me the pleasures of one night. I want you to be my first. You owe me that.”

  I thought about her sentence and thought about why she thought I owed her. And I remembered that night, that stupid night. I got up, whether born of guilt or the fifth of alcohol that laced my gut. I shucked off my jeans with angry flicks of my wrist. I tugged off my shirt, nearly tearing it in the process. I stomped forward into the water to meet Keely face to face. I cupped her cheek, prepared to give her what she demanded and pay a debt that I could never possibly repay.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The sounds of laugher filled my room and continued to spill in from the open window. Before I could think I was off the bed and staring out into the night. Light from the full moon rained over two barely dressed bodies. One I would forever recognize.

  Kalen’s mom had been wrong. He most definitely didn’t see Keely like a sister. His arm was around her possessively as she leaned into him. Her words were slurred and that’s all I got because they weren’t speaking English.

  Her buttoned shirt was undone and opened, giving me a partial view of her chest and all the assets she had to offer him. He looked at her with something akin to love and I felt shattered. I stumbled back as if I’d been pushed. And the weigh
t of all my decisions pressed down on me. I found myself on the bed clutching at my chest. Oxygen was in short supply and I couldn’t find my breath.

  I heard a door open below and the laughter got louder as it found its way to the steps, drawing ever closer each minute. I slumped to the floor, wedged between the bed and the wall. Anyone who opened the door wouldn’t see me.

  Warm wetness streamed down my face in a silent stream. Salty bits met my lips and worked their way in. What had I done? I loved Turner, I knew this. But I never felt this hurt, not even when I left him to go to college. I never felt this turmoil, even when I knew he was hurting. No, I didn’t want Turner upset and broken by me. But I’d never been broken by him.

  Kalen, however, had the power to destroy me. My life felt at an end seeing him with someone else. Shouldn’t I be happy that he’s happy? That’s what they say about love. And that’s bullshit. I wanted to claw the girl’s eyes out and slap him until he saw reason. Instead, I sat on the bare floor, shamed by my own actions. I wanted more than anything to leave this place and be far from the pain that was a living human being.

  FIFTEEN

  “In you go,” I said, moving with Keely to the bed.

  “I’ve always wanted to sleep in your bed,” she said boisterously. She was far past drunk. She’d been working her way there before I’d shown up. “We can sleep together as always.”

  Her words contradicted each other, showing her lack of mental power. Keely had slept in my bed numerous times. However, she’s always ended up there after we’d gone to bed separately. In the morning, her excuse had always been that she was afraid. And tortured by my part in her fear, I allowed her to sleep with me, wrapping her in my arms to fight off her demons.

  Once she was on the bed in a drunken heap, I pulled the covers over her. I left the room and stopped to glance to my left. Bailey was there. I knew by how my mother decorated the rooms which one she would put Bailey in. Plus, it was closest to the bath she would end up using. My feet moved silently towards her door. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. My hand made contact first. My palm lay flat on the wood as if I could read her thoughts that way.

  There was silence on the other side. I was reminded all those times I’d come to her apartment. After Lizzy or Matt let me in, I’d pressed my palm to the door like this before I opened it. She’d been waiting for me then. In the silence, I knew she waited for Turner.

  It killed me not to enter and touch her the way I knew she liked. Taste her in the way that made me want more every time. Feel her as I slid inside her tight depths.

  I moved away from the door. It was a humbling experience not to have what I wanted. I couldn’t wait for tomorrow. Once Turner came, I could head back to the states. I needed more distance between us. It was the only way I could fathom to be able to forget. I found my room and headed inside, knowing sleep wouldn’t come easy.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Blurry eyed, I shook off the thin webs of sleep I’d found. My captors were jailed, yet they haunted me behind my closed lids as if I was still trapped in that living nightmare. It hadn’t mattered I’d been rescued. My skin crawled with erupting goose bumps as I remembered the woman’s touch. Had Kalen and his team not found me, would I have survived the experience?

  My fitful attempt at sleep took nothing to disturb. Even though the house was still, I gave up on conquering my dreams. I made my way across the hall to the bathroom and prepared for the day.

  I padded down the hall, hoping not to wake anyone with my footsteps. The smell of coffee led me to the kitchen. Kalen’s mom was there. “Mornin’.”

  I returned her greeting. “Morning, Ms. Glenn.”

  “Oh now, I’m more Ms. Brinner than a Glenn. But call me Moria.” She paused before offering, “Coffee?”

  I nodded in thanks.

  She returned my nod. “I prefer tea, but Kalen thought you might appreciate coffee. He brought some with him.”

  Shocked, I sat not knowing what to make of that. Had he really brought coffee for me? Then I thought about it. “He likes coffee. He probably brought it for himself,” I said in resignation.

  Mothers have a look that’s universal. I recognized that knowing look from my mother’s own repertoire. She brought me a steaming mug along with cream or milk and sugar. I took stock in the things she brought, not wanting her to see the truths in my eyes. Mothers also had a way of reading your true feelings.

  Her hand stilled mine as I had lost myself in stirring the coffee. “He loves you, you know that.”

  My eyes shot up. “He doesn’t. And even if he did, he can’t forgive me,” I quickly confessed.

  She patted my hand. “He does. I can see it in his eyes.”

  I shook my head again. I didn’t want to delude myself otherwise.

  “My Kalen is a hard case. He didn’t have it easy, you know. I made a lot of bad decisions that unfortunately affected him in ways I regret. Give him time. I know my son. There has never been another girl he’s talked to me about. And knowing him, there never will be another.”

  It would have been so easy to soak up her words like the sponge my heart wanted to be. “I saw him and Keely last night, and they looked nothing like friends.” I chided myself. That sounded so juvenile. Kalen was a man and had every right to be with whomever he wanted. I’d made that choice for him.

  Her hand pulled away. “There are many things I should tell you.”

  Scuffling sounds above sent my eyes to the ceiling. My hand shook with a tiny tremor. I put the mug down before I scalded myself with the hot liquid. “I think I’m going for a walk.”

  “No breakfast?” she asked. Her eyes held a wealth of sympathy.

  Reluctantly, I shook my head and got to my feet. I moved in a path that led to a back door I spied when I first arrived. I stepped out into golden sunlight. It was warm atop my chilled skin. I spied a meticulous garden that reminded me of home.

  With the thudding of feet inside down stairs, I didn’t stay long to admire. I walked towards the slope of a hill that shared a bit of glassy water. I figured it for the place Kalen and Keely had gone the night before. Still, it was my only option of escape at the moment.

  It wasn’t a far walk, and I wrapped my arms against the slight chill in the air. Clouds were rolling in and I wondered if there would be a storm. When I found the small pond, I leaned against the incline and watched sunlight bounce off the water. My mind drifted to all the places I hadn’t let it go in days. There wasn’t any way for me to deny my feelings for Kalen. I loved him with everything in me. Too bad it took me making a colossal mistake to see it.

  And then there was Turner. He deserved so much more than me. I loved him too. I just didn’t think I loved him enough. I formed a plan that required me to be totally honest with him when he came and accept the backlash like I should have before. I couldn’t be afraid of his abhorrence. If I stayed with him, he’d probably end up hating me in the long run because I couldn’t love him the way he needed me to.

  A protest from my stomach in the form of a loud growl finally had me leaving my thoughts maybe an hour or so later. Determined, I headed back to the house to face the music. I’d probably lose both of them, but in the end, I assumed I deserved that fate.

  Not wanting to walk into the house from the back as I was a guest, I strolled around front, not anxious to get inside. Once there, I noticed the car Kalen had driven the night before was gone. I knocked on the door, not sure how I felt about that development.

  “Bailey, no need to knock. You are a guest and can come and go as you please.”

  I flashed the best smile I could muster before allowing her to usher me inside.

  “You’re probably ready to eat,” she said, shooing me into the chair at the small table. She turned to the counter and began to put things on a plate for me from the stove top. When she brought me the plate I was terribly surprised at the amount of food placed there.

  “Go ahead,” she encouraged. “There’s some bacon,” which looked mor
e like sliced ham, sausage links, a fried egg, baked beans, fried tomatoes, scones, a bit of toast and mushrooms.”

  The surprise must have shown on my face because she quickly added, “You have these things in America, aye?”

  “Yes,” I quickly answered, feeling as though I was being rude by judging the sure size of breakfast before even tasting it.

  “While you have your fill, I’ll tell you the story I began before you left. And yes, you wonder if Kalen went out?”

  I couldn’t deny it. I nodded.

  “He did. But, wow we can talk with no worry of being interrupted.”

  I cut into the beautifully golden brown scone as it tempted me on every level. I bit in just as she began to spin a tale that gave me insight into the elusive Kalen Brinner Glenn.

  “Ah, I should begin at the beginning. As most stories go, I was young and looking for adventure.” She smiled and I returned it before taking a bite of the fried tomato, which appeared to be fresh from her garden. “I met Kalen’s father on a day I took a trip secret trip to Edinburgh with friends. I hadn’t been since a child.”

  She smiled again more to herself. It must have been a pleasant memory no matter the ending.

  “At lunch a good looking man, tall and golden haired, stepped into the café to delight of all the women inside.” She laughed a little. “I was flustered by such a man and dropped my money when trying to pay for my order. He strode over like a white knight and gallantly gathered my meager earners from the ground for me and introduced himself to me.” She said placing a hand on her chest as if she didn’t understand why. I did. She was a beautiful woman. No doubt she was stunning then as well.

  With a dreamy gaze, she said, “Thomas, he told me. I held my hand out to take his. I think I melted on the spot and it didn’t take much for me to say yes when he asked to see me again.”