Equity (Balance Sheet #3)

by Shannon Dermott

  “How’d you know?”

  “Lizzy called and handed me my balls.”

  That apparently wasn’t the right answer. However, she wasn’t asking the right questions and I didn’t yet have it in me to pour out my heart to her.

  She glanced away and moved further into the apartment. It gave me my first view. It was different from the place she stayed in New York. The furnishings were sparse and looked put together. It wasn’t a bad thing. Everything looked nice, better than anything I’d stayed in. That was before my father decided to inject himself in my life once he’d found out he had terminal cancer.

  “Would you like something to drink?” she asked.

  “Yes.” My mouth felt dry of words as well as moisture.

  She brought me a bottle of water and she drank from her own.

  “I didn’t ask Lizzy to call you. I’m sorry she guilted you into thinking you needed to come. I would have been fine.” I’d felt how she clung to my hand during the appointment. I felt her fear. She was lying to herself and me about that one. “Plus, you made it painfully clear how you felt.”

  It was my turn, and slowly the words flowed out. A trickle at first until the downpour.

  “I won’t lie and say I wasn’t ready to walk away from you many times including the last. It wasn’t Lizzy who changed my mind. I’d already spent enough time trying to exhume you from my heart and my head.”

  She chuffed. “What about Kinsey? And all the other women you’ve done?” I knew she was talking about Keely. I could have thrown it in her face that she’d been with Turner. We, however, were beyond that at that point.

  “I told you once before my dick had become a selfish bastard even to me. Despite my best efforts, it only has a one track mind that ends with you.”

  Her eyes grew in size. “You haven’t slept with anyone else, not even Keely?”

  I shook my head. “Especially not her.”

  “But you tried?”

  I shrugged. She sat deflated and I sat next to her, taking her hand, needing support for what I had to say next.

  “I’m not sure my mother told you much about my da.”

  “She told me the story of how she met your father and ended up here in America and then back in Scotland.”

  “She told you about him. I’m not taking about the guy that helped give me life. I’m talking about the man that was there for me most of my life.” I sucked in air. I’d never told anyone this before. “Ennis, the man who drove you from the bar, he’s been in my mother’s life before Thomas came into it. He’d even asked for her hand.”

  I could tell by her surprise that my mother hadn’t told her that.

  “She probably told you that she was looking to get out of the small town she lived and out from underneath the confines of her father’s rule. Thus when Thomas came, she was prime for his offer to leave. However, Ennis was still there when we returned several years later. If she hadn’t still been married to Thomas, she probably would have married him.”

  “I didn’t know.”

  All I could do was nod because there was more.

  “He’s always been there for me and treated me like blood when the guy who gave me life couldn’t be bothered to. He was there after the first time I was in a fight to tell me to use my words not my fist. But if I used my fist, make it count. He was the one to offer me the last of the money from his pocket to get me to stop what I was doing on the streets and to tell me he’d always give me whatever he had if I needed it. He was the one to tell me not to bed all the Lasses that caught my eye. That it could lead to more responsibility than I was ready for. He is the man I strive to be.”

  A tear fell from her eye, adding to the well of emotion building inside me.

  “As much as I still want to be upset about what you did with Turner, the screwed up thing is, I understand why you did it.”

  “Kalen,” she tried to interject. But I wasn’t done. I held up a hand, silencing her.

  “Turner’s a good guy and in another life he would be one I probably would have called friend. In fact, if I didn’t love you selfishly, I would let the two of you work things out. But I am selfish. You are who I want. And I’ll be there for this kid as much as the two of you allow me to be.”

  She reached up and cupped my face. Then her lips were warm and soft on mine. The taste of her exploded in my mouth along with her tears mixed with her joy.

  “I love you,” she breathed. It might have been the first time she’d said it. It was then my heart beat for real. “I know this isn’t going to be easy. Nothing has since I first met you. But you’re worth it.” Her face turned pensive and her words reluctant. “I’m sorry about Turner.”

  “Shh.” I kissed her fingers. “I told you I get it.”

  “I thought he needed me more than you did. I was afraid you’d break my heart. I was many things but honest with myself over how I really felt about you.”

  I wasn’t sure how to handle her words whether to be angry or joyous. “Don’t explain. I don’t want to remember.”

  She nodded. Understanding that I needed a change in topic, she asked, “Do you ever spend time with your mom’s family? Or do you have any family here in the states on your father Thomas’s side?”

  I couldn’t blame her curiosity. She grew up close with hers. “My grandmother passed a couple of years after my grandfather. And Thomas was the last son in a long line of selfish people who cared more about their wealth than they did family. He was the only son of parents who decided late in life they needed an heir to pass the family fortune on to. I actually can’t blame him for his lack of want for me. He’d been sent off to boarding school once he was old enough to attend.”

  “Then you two made up before he died?”

  “No, I didn’t find out his history until after he died. His family lawyer clued me in. I may not blame him for not understanding the meaning of family. But I do blame him for not trying. He only came for me when he knew he was dying. He’d known where we lived all along and did nothing for us.”

  I kissed her, wanting to leave those ghosts in the past. I pulled back, knowing there was still more to say.

  “You forgive me for the other night? Did I hurt you?” My stomach flipped at how I’d punished her at the club with sex harder and rougher than anything we’d done before.

  The way she looked at me said she was measuring her response. “I won’t lie and say that it didn’t hurt emotionally or somewhat physically. But I wanted it and maybe even needed it.”

  “Lass, I’ll never—.”

  “Shh,” she said, putting a finger on my lips. It was her turn to silence me. “Like you said then, you know what I like. And I like it rough just as much as steady.”

  I reached for her finger. Needing to lighten the mood somewhat, I confessed, “I lost my head when I saw you shaking your assets on that liability.”

  She laughed, appreciating my accounting humor. I smiled too when the weight on my chest expelled. Getting serious again, I said, “I will admit that it’s not going to be easy to forget what happened six weeks ago, but know that I’ve forgiven you.” Her face lost the joy it just held. “What did you say?”

  I repeated my words out loud, trying to figure out what I’d said that changed her expression. “I said that although I’ve forgiven you for what happened with Turner six weeks ago, it’s not going to be easy to forget.”

  “Six weeks,” she said.

  Still I didn’t get it. She had to say the words that would forever change my life.

  “The doctor said I’m eight weeks along. This baby can’t be Turner’s.”

  Her eyes were full of worry as they fixed on mine. My brain took a while to catch up on the whole of it. “If it’s not Turner’s—,” I began.

  “It’s yours. There’s been no one else.”

  The conclusion was final. I couldn’t decide what emotion was more prominent on my brain. Worry, joy, fear and elation all swirled into a cloud of confusion. “I’m going to be a father.�
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  “Yes,” she said in such a small voice when I finally focused on her face.

  “We used a condom,” I said absently. I almost added every time but didn’t.

  She nodded, then her eyes grew in size. “You remember that last time before I left New York?”

  I wish I could have argued, but I didn’t. I remembered every time with her as if it were a movie reel in my head.

  “I remember.” It was the time after I found out she’d kissed Mike. Even then I hadn’t been able to give her up. “You were on the pill,” I uttered.

  “You heard the doctor, it’s not one hundred percent effective.”

  I scrubbed my face.

  “It’s okay, Kalen. This doesn’t obligate you,” she said, misunderstanding my actions.

  Although I was still coming to terms with the new turn of events, I said, “This is my kid. Unless you fight me, I’m going to be there every day of his or her life.”

  With a serious expression, I took her hand. This baby meant consequences beyond pregnancy, especially if I wanted to be there for my kid every hour and minute. She read me and started shaking her head.

  “No, don’t ask, Kalen. I won’t marry you just because I’m pregnant.”

  She’d stolen my thunder. It seemed like the next logical step.

  “We have so many things we need to overcome and learn about each other before we can even decide to get married.”

  I nodded. “You’ll move back to New York.”

  She frowned. “No.”

  It was so final and I felt myself get irritated. “Why not?”

  “My job is here and I didn’t leave home only to become a kept woman.”

  “So you’re going to stay here and work while I get to see my kid on weekends.”

  Her temper began to flare. “I didn’t say that. But I can’t just pack up and move even if I was inclined to.”

  “Fine,” I heard myself saying. There was no need to fight. I didn’t want to get her upset. The last time she’d passed out. “How about we take this slow? I want to at least spend weekends with you. And I’ll be at all your appointments.”

  “You have a company to run,” she said, doubtful.

  “You and our wee one are the most important things in my life.”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  After Kalen lost the shade of green he’d sported, then the burst of red from fury, his aura changed. He’d stopped talking to move to other things. Our kissing grew fiery. His agile hand slipped under my shirt to free my breast within mere moments.

  “Aren’t you supposed to say something like we can’t have sex because it will hurt the baby?”

  He smiled against my lips. “When you were dressing, I asked the doctor all my questions. She cleared you for sex and told me your appetite for such things might go up a notch during this process.”

  I giggled into his mouth before he moved it to lance onto a nipple. An unladylike moan escaped me.

  “I think it’s time for me to acquaint myself with your bathroom.”

  An eye popped open and fell into the depths of a green one. “Whatever for?” I asked.

  “It’s been far too long since I tasted you. And I don’t want that gel she used to mask your flavor.” He stood and lifted me up onto my feet in one swift motion. He showed his strength when he cradled me in his arms and headed in the direction of my bathroom. There was no need for many directions as my apartment was a small one bedroom.

  “The end of the hall,” I said, so we didn’t waste time with the first door on the right.

  He set me on my feet just outside the door before preceding me in to turn on the water. My bath wasn’t very large. That didn’t deter Kalen. He stepped back out and helped divest me of my clothes. His large hands pushed my sweater up by the sides of my rib cage. The cotton fibers felt like silk under his tutelage. Each finger rubbed over my sensitive nipples in the process. My arms shot up to help him get the garment off.

  Then I found myself trapped with one of his hands holding me in that position. Before I could breathe I was slammed against the wall. His erection pressed against me, his mouth covering mine. It was like… my nightmare. I went cold as my mind flicked back to the past.

  “I fear we won’t make it to the shower. I need you,” I heard somewhere off in the distance. I think I might have even heard his buckle and zipper as one of his legs burrowed between mine. With a jerk, he forced them apart.

  I trembled and felt moisture gather in my eyes. I tried to gather my balance so I didn’t fall. This should have been about him possessing me. But I couldn’t stop the fear from clawing at me, reminding me of the violation months before.

  “Lass,” he said. It was then I noticed he’d stopped. “What’s wrong?”

  A sob tried to escape so I kept my mouth shut and flexed my hands. A tear fell anyway as my movement hadn’t resulted in freeing myself. I was trapped between his hulking presence and the cold wall at my back.

  “Fuck,” he said, releasing me and stepping back. “I’m sorry, lass.”

  He must have turned on the shower full blast. Plumes of moisture began to drift out as he averted his eyes and started to zip up his pants. My shirt untangled fell to the ground.

  I took a shaky step towards him. “Don’t,” I said, putting a hand on his, backing him into the opposite wall. “I need you. I can’t let them take this from me.” Sex hadn’t been a problem with us the last couple of times. “Just don’t bind my hands with yours.”

  He searched by face. I kissed him lightly to convince him I was fine. I wrapped my hand around him to stroke him back into fervor. It took some doing, but he finally lost himself after cautious kisses and began to devour me until boneless with pleasure.

  Then it was my turn to hear the zipper of my own slacks, the ones I wore so I could go to work. Work. I needed to call work and tell them there had been a change and I wouldn’t be in. Yet, when his finger rubbed against my core I almost forgot the English language.

  When my slacks hit the floor, I cursed the lace panties I wore. They were a useless barrier between me and the man I loved, he’d proven that before. Kalen must have thought so too because I heard the lace give before he sank two long fingers so deep as he palmed my clit, providing expert pressure. It didn’t take me long to fragment with the use of his expert hands.

  “Kalen, I need you,” I called out.

  He jacked up my leg and lifted me up with one hand. With the wall as support at his back, he guided his cock to my entrance with the other. I slid down his length by the force of gravity and my own slickness.

  His head hit the wall with a thud that didn’t seem to matter. “Fuucckk… your pussy was made for me.”

  With each hand under my ass, he controlled the pace, lifting me up and down on him in a rhythm that was entirely too slow for my needing.

  “Faster,” I called out.

  “Not yet. I want to savor you. I’m not ready to come.”

  He moved forward until I was once again pressed to the wall. A skillful single hand popped my bra without a hitch as he plunged into my depths. He suckled at my breast while he continued the slow torturous pleasure.

  “You’re killing me,” I called out, nightmare long forgotten.

  He left my breast in favor of my mouth. One of his hands crept towards my ass. “I want this,” he said, circling a finger around my other hole. “You’re going to let me have it, right?”

  There was almost nothing I could have said no to at the moment.

  He pushed his finger inside. At first it felt kind of weird, but as he began to pump in me in earnest I almost begged him to stick another finger in there. I was so into the delicious pressure he was creating, I didn’t pay much attention to how he rotated his finger inside me.

  Then he pulled out after giving me a rapid fire succession of thrusts I’d requested. I nearly cried at the loss. When he pressed against my other hole, I froze.

  “Relax,” he said. “We can always stop.”

 
“Okay.” I trusted him with everything.

  “Just bear down as I go in.”

  I did what he asked. There was a burn that made me flinch.

  “Breathe, Lass.”

  I did, wanting whatever he wanted. Then my own desire developed. One that I didn’t expect.

  “God, you are so fucking tight.”

  I cried out against the invasion the deeper he got. He stilled and moved a hand to flick against my clit. That was all it took to ignite all the pleasure nerves in my body. He pulled out slow and went slightly deeper again and again until I took all of him. He cursed more as I focused on the new feelings and how I felt close even though he wasn’t inside my core.

  The next thing I knew, he switched positions. I was on all fours with him behind me again at my puckered hole. This time went easier again now that I knew what to expect and what to do. I didn’t think it was possible to come until I was. I screamed out my pleasure as I felt Kalen’s hot seed fill me.

  Then my back was cradled to his chest. Soft words I didn’t understand filled my ears as I came down from the explosive orgasm. Naked, he gathered me in his arms and we squeezed in the shower. He took care of me, washing me with gentle hands, cleaning me of our love making with a sweet touch.

  “I love you,” he said before kissing me. “And I’m not done yet.”

  He slid down to the floor before his mouth consumed my pussy. I didn’t think I had another orgasm in me, but I was so wrong. The pressure of his tongue wasn’t frantic. It was languid and deep sinking inside me to swirl around bringing me close yet again.

  When he changed directions and gently bit my clit, I thought I would explode. With two fingers he sucked my bundle of nerves and finger fucked me like he’d been certified in cunnilingus.

  I yelled out his name as my next orgasm joined the others in the club.

  Thirty-Five

  Leaving her later that night turned out to be one of the hardest thing I had to do. I’d marked her as mine in every way I could, branding me in her blood. I wanted her to miss me until she decided she had to move back to New York.