Saffron Days in L.A.

by Bhante Walpola Piyananda

  A light seemed to dawn on her face.

  “Oh, Bhante, my father left when I was very young; my mother was frightened and married the first man that came along. My stepfather was a wild man. He abused and kicked her, put her down, and beat me, too.” Kathy continued, “While I was in high school I fell in love with a man who took advantage of me, and after I became pregnant he left me and I didn’t know what to do. My mom was a Catholic, and she wanted me to have the child. Mom helped, but I had to drop out of school. I applied for welfare and was rejected.”

  Kathy was beginning to tremble. I looked toward her to reassure her. “Please continue, friend,” I said.

  “There was so much trouble with Mom’s boyfriend. He stole money and continued to beat us both! Finally Mom left the guy. Then another man came into my life, and he also began to abuse me. Meanwhile, my mother had a stroke. I couldn’t afford to care for her, and I had no money to care for my child. I wanted to commit suicide, but the thought of my child prevented me.”

  She began again to weep, fixing her gaze into infinite space.

  “Kathy,” I spoke softly. “My friend, you have been hurt so many times. I hope to be one of many that will come forth to help you as you walk down a new path. You have a child who can love you and bring comfort and happiness. I can tell you a story about a woman who suffered great tragedy. You will see that even with her losses she was able to overcome her sorrows and misfortunes through the guidance of the Buddha. I would like you to listen carefully to this story about Patacara.

  “She was the daughter of a wealthy banker and was brought up in a home of luxury and love. When Patacara was a teenager, she fell in love with a handsome male servant in her family’s household. She knew that her father would never accept their relationship, so she ran away with her lover and together they lived in a small village far from her childhood home. Her father disowned her and said he never wanted to see her again. She desperately wanted to visit her parents’ house when she was expecting her first child, but her lover was afraid that Patacara’s father would turn them away. She decided to go anyway, but the child was born during the early part of the journey, and they were forced to turn back to their village. When she became pregnant with her second child she was determined that it would be born in her parents’ home. Midway through the journey she started to go into labor, but a fierce storm had started to brew. Her lover left her to collect wood and branches so as to build a shelter to protect Patacara and the child that would be born, but a snake bit him and he died. Patacara gave birth and, grieving, decided she had no choice but to continue her journey to her parents’ home. Eventually she came to the point where she had to cross a flooded river called Accirawati.

  “When she came near the bank of the river she thought, I am very weak because last night I birthed a child, lost a great deal of blood, and have had no food or sleep. I cannot carry both children at the same time. So she left the older boy on the riverbank while she carried the newly born infant across the raging torrent. When she reached the other side, she broke off some leafy branches of a tree and spread them on the ground. Then she put the young child on them and returned to cross the river for the older one.

  “She had hardly gotten to midstream when a hawk saw the baby child and, considering him food, swooped down from the sky to grab him. The mother, seeing the hawk about to take away the child, screamed with a loud voice, ‘Su! Su!’

  “The older boy, hearing his mother’s voice, thought she was calling him. So he hurriedly jumped into the water, even though he couldn’t swim. Seeing this, the mother frantically tried to reach him, but the swift current swept him away, even while the hawk carried off her new baby.

  “Now, Patacara was very, very sad. She wailed and cried, saying, ‘One of my sons has been carried off by a hawk; the other has been swept away by the water; by the roadside my husband lies dead of snakebite.’

  “She went off in the direction of her family’s village, crying all the way. Eventually she met a man on the road and asked him, ‘Sir, where do you live?’

  “‘In Savatthi,’ he answered.

  “She described a particular family in a particular location in the city of Savatthi. ‘Do you know them, sir?’ she asked.

  “‘Yes, lady, I know them,’ he replied, ‘but don’t ask me about that family. Ask me about any other family you know, and I will tell you about them.’

  “‘Oh, sir, I know only that family. Please tell me about them,’ she replied.

  “‘Since you insist, I cannot hide the truth,’ said the man. ‘Did you know that there was a big storm and heavy rain last night?’ he asked her.

  “‘Yes,’ answered the lady, ‘I know. It rained only on me, I suppose, because I had the worst of it.’

  “‘In that heavy rain,’ continued the man, ‘that house you are asking about was destroyed. Its walls fell in on the father, mother, and only son.’

  “‘Oh no! Don’t tell me they are dead, too!’ said the lady.

  “‘Yes. Can you see that fire over there?’ he asked, pointing to some flames a short distance away. ‘That is their funeral pyre,’ said the man with sadness.

  “Then the woman completely lost her mind. She roamed the streets without any clothes. The people thought she was crazy, and wherever she went, they drove her away. Finally, one day, she arrived in Jetavana, where the Buddha was preaching. As she approached the Buddha, a man threw a robe over her. The Buddha, hearing her story, spoke to her compassionately and gave her hope to continue her life. He explained that life is a challenge and that we cannot run away from our problems; we have to face them and overcome them as well.

  “In spite of all of these adversities, Patacara was able to survive and eventually to grow spiritually to become an enlightened nun. She later became a great teacher and many women stricken with grief sought her guidance.1

  “Kathy, you have a lesson to learn from Patacara. My friend, the Buddha spoke numerous times about the connection between poverty and corruption. He clearly stated that poverty is the cause of immorality and crimes such as theft, falsehood, violence, hatred, and cruelty. Kings in ancient times made the mistake of trying to suppress crime with punishment, but to no avail. Even today our modern governments act out of this ignorance. With the building of so many new prisons and the lack of funds for education, they still try to suppress crime through punishment; again to no avail. Even so many centuries ago the Buddha explained the futility of such a policy.

  “The Buddha suggested that in order to rid society of crime, the economic condition of the people should be improved. He went into detail and explained that capital should be provided for business and traders, grain and machines for farmers, and adequate wages for all workers. No wonder we have problems! The Buddha told us that livelihood should come from efforts that are not harmful to one’s self or to others and that when communities are sustained in this way, the world will be free from crime and become peaceful.2

  “Furthermore, the Lord Buddha expressed that there are four kinds of effort that we must apply to organizing our lives. These four kinds of effort, or Satara Sampaphadana, are:3

  Prevention (Sanvara). This means preventing unwholesome thoughts from arising in the mind, as these thoughts will give rise to unwholesome actions. Sanvara also means that you should be mindful of your own protection in order to safeguard your life.

  Removal (Pahana). This is the removal of unwholesome thoughts that have already arisen in your mind. When a person has had bad experiences, he or she tends to harbor them deep inside and often refuses to let go of these bad feelings. People who suffer are those who hang on to grudges and negative feelings toward others. You can remove such unhealthy thoughts by practicing loving kindness.

  Cultivation (Bhavana). You must always maintain wholesome and positive thoughts in your mind. You can do this by having a goal in your life. You should also be skilled, efficient, earnest, and energetic in whatever worthwhile activity you are engaged. You should protect the incom
e that you earn righteously. You should have good friends, who are faithful, learned, virtuous, and intelligent, friends who will guide you on the right path. You should live according to your means and lead a balanced life.

  Maintenance (Anurakhana). You have been born into a society that theoretically practices and values high ethics. Human beings have evolved highly developed and discerning minds. With those minds we should be able to differentiate what is useful and beneficial from what is useless and harmful. Anurakhana, therefore, means that we should keep and maintain the useful and beneficial and make sure that it continues to grow and expand in our minds. By the same token, we should discard the useless and harmful as soon as we discover it. Maintenance of useful and beneficial attributes will help us as individuals, and will help the society in which we live.

  “Finally, Kathy, try not to burden yourself with an unhealthy guilty conscience. Human nature is such that no one is all good and no one is all bad; the same goes for you. Even if you have done something wrong, you don’t have to forever feel guilty about it. Instead, you should take advantage of the opportunity to correct yourself and make longlasting and positive changes. You should also not waste time by feeling remorse about your past. Kathy, I want you to wake up and declare to yourself that it is a new day and that you have twenty-four precious hours ahead of you. Please think of spending each of those hours looking for ways to bring happiness to yourself, as well as to others.

  “Kathy, are you interested in finding a new way of life? A first step in this direction might be creating a new way to establish right livelihood. That means work that does not harm you or harm others. Would you like to hear about a training program I know about?” I asked respectfully.

  “Yes, of course!” she responded eagerly.

  “Well, a friend of mine, Ana, has studied with an organization called Jobs for Progress to learn new job skills. Her teacher’s name is Claudia. Here is her phone number. I will contact Ana and Claudia today to let them know that you will be calling. OK?”

  “Great!” Kathy exclaimed, and a broad smile of freedom arose on her face.

  Kathy’s look reminded me of Patacara, the one who had surmounted the stormy seas of tragedy and not only lived to tell about it, but attained enlightenment as well. The river Kathy faced was gently flowing now. The painful emotions she had felt began to fade like the moon in the morning sky. As we sat talking in the Shrine Room, she radiated fresh belief, belief born anew, belief that she could and would find a new way of life. Such belief had risen in her heart, displacing the darkness that had so long ruled there. Her own happiness in the face of blind hope, along with her desperate fear, had seen her to a new shore.

  As a postscript, Kathy followed up with Ana and Claudia and eventually became a case worker in the Los Angeles County Human Resources Department, where she works tirelessly to this day for the protection of abused children.

  So wake, reflect, watch.

  Work with care and attention.

  Live in the Way,

  And the light will grow in you.4

  ELEVEN

  Fidelity and Faith

  I have been a spiritual adviser to the Southeast Asian Buddhist community in Los Angeles for the past two decades. Among the Asian communities, it has been my experience that the Laotians and the Cambodians have had the most difficult time adjusting to their new society. Unfortunately, most of the adults have a limited knowledge of the English language and oftentimes find it hard to obtain suitable employment. This is the common starting point for their problems.

  Since I was closely associating with the Laotian and Cambodian people, it was natural that I eventually assumed the role of personal adviser and confidant to many of the individuals within these communities.

  One day Sovi and his wife, Mimi, visited me at my temple. They were immigrants from Laos, and they had a personal problem to discuss. I invited them into my office for privacy.

  Sovi, in an extremely angry manner, began ranting about his unfaithful wife. The couple had three children and they had been married for almost sixteen years. Mimi, however, had become dissatisfied with her husband and had gone out seeking greener pastures. She eventually began to neglect her household responsibilities as a wife and a mother. She began to go out every night and return home very late, always claiming a plausible excuse. The children were beginning to dislike her and had lost respect for her, since they suspected she was being unfaithful to their father.

  “Sovi, was she like this during the early years of your marriage?” I asked, trying to redirect the tone of the meeting.

  “No Bhante, she was a devoted wife and a caring mother who attended to all the children’s needs. She was a responsible housewife and always awaited my arrival home from work with a cheerful smile. This past year she has totally changed her behavior, and her mother believes that she is possessed by an evil spirit.”

  Mimi was silent, never even looking up while Sovi was speaking. I asked Mimi if she would like to talk with me in private since I could tell she wouldn’t speak in front of her angry husband. She told me she was willing, so I asked Sovi to wait in the Shrine Room while I talked to Mimi.

  Mimi tearfully began telling me her side of the story. “My husband has become domineering, but my new boyfriend is kind, gentle, and understanding. I really love him. I want to move in with him, as I know he will take care of my needs.”

  “Mimi, don’t you think that Sovi is a caring husband who loves your children?”

  “Yes.”

  “Is he an alcoholic or a gambler?”

  “No.”

  “Is he a womanizer?”

  “No.”

  “Is he faithful to you?”

  “Yes, Bhante. I know he loves me very much. Sometimes his constant endearing remarks irritate me. I feel I need to have my space.”

  “Mimi, has Sovi physically abused you?”

  “Never, he has never touched me in anger.”

  I continued questioning her. “Does he embarrass you in front of the children?”

  “No, he never does that.”

  “Does he have a problem with his in-laws?”

  “No, Bhante, my parents adore him. At times I even feel jealous!”

  “Mimi, according to your answers, your husband is a good man.”

  Mimi answered, “He used to be a good man. But recently he has changed and has started drinking.”

  “Maybe he has found out about your new boyfriend and wants to drown his sorrow. It is not a good way to cope, but maybe the poor man simply doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions. Mimi, do you think Sovi will allow you to take his children with you when you leave him?” I asked.

  “No, he will not,” she replied sadly.

  “Are you going away and leaving your children behind?”

  “Yes, I love Roberto very much.”

  Then I recalled an ancient saying, “When a woman is in love, Mimi, she is blind to everything except the one she loves. It is the same with a man.”

  It was difficult to get Mimi to come down to the real world, yet I decided to take her with me to the Shrine Room so I could explain the Five Precepts of Buddhism to her and Sovi together. I remembered the Parliament of World Religions in 1993, which I attended in Chicago. The group as a whole represented all the religions of the world, and they all agreed to adopt a set of global ethics, which wound up being four of the five precepts as taught by the Buddha 2,500 years ago.

  I addressed Sovi and Mimi in a very serious voice. “As Buddhists, both of you have been obligated to follow the Five Precepts. If you were following these precepts you would not be facing the problems you are having now in your relationship. Observing the precepts helps an individual to maintain good conduct, which prevents one from committing unwholesome actions.”

  I continued. “The first precept, as you know, is to refrain from killing.1 Observing this precept means not only avoiding the killing of human beings, but also any living creature. In observing the first precept one has
to protect life. Furthermore, one cultivates loving kindness toward all living beings.

  “The second precept is to refrain from taking what is not given. It also means having respect for the property of others. This precept is an injunction against any form of stealing or dishonest dealing.

  “The third precept urges us to avoid sexual misconduct. That means any sexual behavior that harms either others or ourselves. Rape would be the most obvious example of this precept. Adultery would be another. The Buddha said that people who indulge in sexual misconduct create problems and suffering for themselves as well as others. In observing this precept, one controls one’s sexual desires and is faithful to one’s husband or wife.

  “The fourth precept is to not lie. According to Buddhism, perfect speech is a very important aspect of ethical training. The Buddha said, ‘Words that have four qualities are well spoken, not ill spoken, faultless, not blamed by the wise. One speaks words that are beautiful, not ugly; one speaks words that are right, not wrong; one speaks words that are kind, not cruel; and one speaks words that are truthful, not false.’

  “The fifth and final precept is based on maintaining mental health. It is the cultivation of the mind for mental development. It advises us to refrain from taking intoxicants such as alcohol and drugs.2

  “As a Buddhist, if you follow the Five Precepts you will be able to achieve peace and harmony and live a successful life. It will also help your children follow you as a role model.”

  After this discussion Sovi and Mimi departed with my blessings. I knew, however, that talking to Mimi was like pouring water over a duck’s back. I knew the problem had not been solved.

  A few days later, nearing midnight, I got a frantic call from Mimi. She cried, “Bhante, I am in trouble. I am calling from a rest area in San Bernardino. Sovi is kidnapping me and threatening to kill me. He is also threatening to kill my three children when he gets back to the city. Please take care of my kids.”