Wilders: The Complete Trilogy

by Cass Kim

  Pushing further into camp made her head clang, as though her very brain was vibrating with the energy pulsing through her system. Alyssa’s tent was a mere two feet away now. Renna waited outside, breathing with intention. If Timmy Tammy was going to come near her, she needed to be calm. She had to harness this adrenaline and the accompanying tension.

  Knowing how sensitive Tim Tam was to the Wilder state, Renna doubted Alyssa’s idea of using her tent to keep him more calm was a good one. Sure, he slept there, curled up at the foot of the bed with Alyssa. So, maybe he’d feel more comfortable. Or maybe somewhere in his cat brain he’d remember that it used to be her feet he curled up at to sleep every night for almost his entire life. With a low grunt of frustration, Renna pushed the jealousy out of her head. She and Alyssa had never fought over boys before, and they sure weren’t going to start with a cat.

  Scrunching her shoulders up to her ears tightly, and breathing out while lowering them down and back, she knew it was now or never. The clanging might fade a little as she became used to it, but the tension would never fully leave.

  “Hey, Lyss!” She tried for a light tone, lips arcing into a tight smile as she ducked through the unzipped flap.

  “Rennoodle! Welcome to my humble abode.” Alyssa gestured across her small tent, using her best car salesman impersonation. “Here you have the bed, and if you take a look across the two foot floor, you’ll see the luxurious canvas fabric of the tent side.”

  “Well, it certainly has a prime position for being in the center of things.”

  “Yeah, true. That much faster to get the dining room chores.” Alyssa shrugged and looked over at Tim Tam, who had woken from his cat nap on the foot of her bed with Renna’s entrance. Her hands drifted toward her hair, fingers deftly starting to braid and unbraid a section.

  “Hair, Lyss.” Renna gently reminded her friend, who was trying to stop the stress-habit. She inched into the confined space a little further, zipping the flap shut.

  “Oh, yeah. Good plan. This way he can’t escape.” Alyssa settled into a criss-cross-applesauce position on the floor, tucking her hands under her thighs to keep them from starting back at her hair. She clearly wanted to this work just as much as Renna did.

  “Do you think I should take my sunglasses off or leave them on?” The tent was dim enough that she could stand to take them off.

  “Girl, I have no idea. He’s your cat. He still loves you. He’s just, you know, scared.”

  “Yeah. I read somewhere once that some dogs are afraid of people in hats because they can’t see their face or eyes. I wonder if it’s the same for cats. But… Lyss, do you think he notices how different my eyes are now?” Renna gathered her wavy hair off her neck to rub at the crawling skin there, careful not to disturb the sunglasses in question.

  Alyssa tilted her head for a moment in thought, her amber eyes beautiful and normal as she stared at her best friend. “I think you should take them off. Your eyes aren’t quite a bright as Emers eyes anyhow.”

  Renna nodded, and sat next to her on the floor, carefully folding the shades and tucking them into the pocket of her fleece. “That’s true. I can’t see quite as many details in the dark as he can. You know how he and Dr. Kim and Soo can read in the dark? I can’t. I mean, I can see okay for night walking and stuff, but I can’t exactly see printed information.”

  “Weird how the virus is different for everybody. Rennoodle, I got more info on the trip today.” Alyssa cleared her throat. “Well, I mean, I overheard more information on the trip today. I’m pretty much the bottom of the totem pole for getting info or having any input. I’m barely even allowed to go. Guess they need at least one expendable normal person.”

  Renna watched as the cat settled his head on his puffy paws, eyes still trained on her, but posture relaxed. She slowly scrunched her eyes shut at him, hoping he’d do it back. She used to pretend that was their way of saying ‘I love you’. He just stared. She tried again, a smaller lowering of her eyelids. Tim Tam squinted back just the tiniest bit.

  She was distracted by Alyssa poking her in the ribs.

  “Hey!” She rubbed at the spot, her skin on fire this close to the generators.

  Alyssa ducked her head. “Sorry. I forgot about the sensitivity thing.” She gazed at Renna with puppy-dog eyes for a moment before continuing on. “Anyhow, you weren’t listening at all.”

  “How do you know I wasn’t listening?”

  “Uh, did you hear a word I said about who’s going on the trip?”

  Renna swallowed, guilty. “No. Okay, yeah, sorry. I was trying to woo Tim Tam.”

  “Just give it some time, he’s already starting to chill. But, really you gotta hear this. They’re sending some of the really wild Wilders, Renn. Like, I’m a little scared of some of them.”

  Her eyebrows rose at this news. “Wait, but who? Not the ones that don’t talk at all, right? They can’t send them out into towns, they’re, well, they’re so obviously not normal. Even the way they move is predatory.” Renna shivered, thinking of some of the others she’d seen out at night on runs with Emerson. They always passed with no word, no wave. Just speed and sheer muscle, crashing through the night on whatever errand or hunting they were assigned.

  “Uh, I think some of them might be. I only recognized a few names, and those ones are weird enough.”

  “So, tell me already. I bet I know more of them than you do.”

  Alyssa nodded, fingers again tangled in her hair. “So, I know Jackson, that like super-hot one that almost never talks to anybody. He’s gorgeous but terrifying.”

  Renna rolled her eyes and gestured for Alyssa to continue. Yeah, she knew Jackson. And yeah, he was pretty intimidating.

  “I heard they’re sending Kina and Shelly, too.”

  Renna lifted her shoulders and nodded. The sisters were a tight pair, with little interest in others. They were almost always out in the woods hunting. Always on the wilderness side of camp, never toward the town side of the forest.

  “And I think they said like two other people, but I didn’t really know who they were, plus I was trying to look like I wasn’t listening.”

  “So, they’re sending you, Emerson, Jackson, Kina, Shelly, and maybe two others? That’s a pretty big group. Any other normal humans?”

  Alyssa shook her head, tucking her hands under her legs again.

  “Well, you’ll have Emerson to talk to. And you know he won’t let anything happen to you.”

  “Yeah. But who’s going to make sure nothing happens in the town? Kina and Shelly? I mean, even if they let me give them a serious make-over, they’d still draw attention just by being scary.”

  “Are you afraid of being followed back to camp with pitchforks and torches?” Renna said, trying to tease her friend, a lame attempt to lighten the mood.

  “No. I’m afraid of guns, Renna. Guns and scared people. And of not being able to keep up.”

  Renna nibbled at her lower lip, thinking of the best way to respond. “It will be okay. Maybe some of them will stay back and just be there to carry stuff as it comes in. And you’ve been running almost every day, right? You’re in good shape.”

  Alyssa nodded. “Yeah, I have. And that makes sense, that some will wait in the woods.” She nodded over at the bed. “Look who’s sleeping again. I think he’s getting used to the smell of you.”

  “Do I smell different?” Renna wrinkled her nose.

  “No! Well, honestly, you could probably use a shower.” Alyssa looked her up and down meaningfully. “And a hairbrush. But, I mean, that makes sense, right? That maybe you smell different to other animals?”

  “Not sure I appreciate being called an animal, Lyss.”

  Alyssa heaved a dramatic sigh. “We’re all technically animals, you ninny. But, whatever it is – scent, energy, something else. Doesn’t matter. He’s comfortable enough to sleep with you in here. Sneaking him little bits of your food seems to have been helping. Go give him a pet!”

  Renna unfolded from t
he floor, approaching the bed with measured movements. As she neared, that cat’s eyes flicked open. He shook his head and raised it but didn’t stand. No growling. She breathed his name was she ran a hand gently over his fur.

  “Tim Tam.” She bent closer and buried her face in the long fur of his side. He stretched out of his curled up ball and placed a paw on her cheek but didn’t run from her.

  Alyssa came over and smoothed the fur down his back, murmuring praises to him. A slow rumbling purr started.

  Renna inhaled deeply, flooding her senses with his comforting cat scent. She squeezed her eyes, willing tears to fall. They did not. But if they had, they would have been tears of hope. Tim Tam would love her again. Benjamin would be okay. The impossible could still be possible.

  8

  Renna

  After spending over two hours in Alyssa’s tent, getting some valuable best friend time and winning Tim Tam over moment by moment, Renna needed to get out of the camp. The clanging in her head and the burning sensation in her skin had reached a point just shy of torture. This time, as she ran through the camp, Renna didn’t care how many people were filtering toward the dining tent. She had to get out before she lost the control she’d worked so hard to learn.

  Reaching the edge of the forest, Renna slowed. The sun was setting in a fanfare of orange and pink. The burning orb sank behind the tree line as she watched. Sighing in relief, Renna pulled off her sunglasses and breathed deeply in. As the deep blue of twilight crept in, she unzipped her fleece and dragged it off her arms, tucking the fabric loosely in the waistband of her sweatpants. Trees bent and bowed while she ambled down the path, waving at her passage. Cool air kissed blissfully along her bare skin.

  She knew she had to find Emerson. Tomorrow, he was leaving. She couldn’t let him leave without saying goodbye.

  Pressing both hands to her forehead and smoothing out the creases between her eyebrows, Renna willed the headache away with each step closer to the Kim cabin. If Emerson wasn’t there, then she’d simply stake out the dining tent all night. He’d show up at some point.

  “Renna?”

  She jerked her head up at his voice.

  He trotted toward her, rounding the bend in the path fully. “Hey. Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. I, uh, was just coming to find you.”

  “You were?” Her heart lifted in her chest. He didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye either.

  “Yeah. Look, we’re leaving tomorrow and… want to take a walk?”

  “Look, Emerson, I’m sorry if I said something last night that made you mad.”

  He shook his head, full lips quirking into a rueful smile. “Nah. You don’t need to. I’m sorry I took off like that.”

  “It’s okay.” She pulled the fleece out of her waistband and tied it around her hips, feeling suddenly awkward.

  “Come on.” He held out a hand to her.

  She stared at the offered hand. They spent a lot of time together. He held doors, pulled out chairs. Spotted her form as she learned weightlifting. But he’d never had the same ease of touching her as he seemed to with Alyssa. He’d bump Alyssa, or lightly shove her. He was always careful with Renna. As though she was fragile. As though touching her meant more than a casual gesture to make a point.

  The hand hang there, waiting for her to make a move. No pressure. Just an offer. The two last fingers stayed bent, unable to fully extend from when he broke them during his change.

  She lifted her eyes to his, copper pupils reflecting copper pupils. Heart fluttering against her rib cage, she knew this was a line that, once crossed, there would be no turning back. No more protesting their attraction, or dodging the label of lovebirds.

  He raised one eyebrow, a hopeful curve remaining at the corner of his lips. She could stare at that face for years and never get sick of it.

  Renna placed her hand in his and warmth spiraled up her arm, blossoming in her chest.

  He grinned, squeezing her fingers gently as they started further down the path.

  “For a minute there I thought you were going to leave me hanging. Not that I would blame you.”

  “Do you ever feel like maybe we both have too much in common?”

  He helped her over a fallen log, contemplating his answer. “Too much in common for what?”

  “I mean don’t they say,” she swallowed, feeling her cheeks warm at what she was admitting out loud, “that opposites attract?”

  “Are you saying you find me attractive?”

  “Ugh!” She laughed and swung their joined hands in an arc. He didn’t let go. “No. I mean, yes, I— I do.” She peeked up and was pleased with the grin lighting his face. “But,” she forged on, “don’t you worry it all seems a little too perfect?”

  He coughed to cover a small laugh. “Nothing about this seems anywhere close to perfect. Except for the fact that I was kind of your knight in shining armor.” He tugged her closer, holding their hands over his abdomen, where the stick had been embedded. “But, then you were kind of mine too. Which,” He held up his free hand to forestall any comments, “I am one hundred percent okay with. We can both be knights in shining armor, and my masculine ego can take it. I mean, you’ve seen my dance moves. I have nothing to fear.”

  She laughed, the sound ringing through the quiet twilight. If only she could capture this moment and live in it forever. “I don’t want you to leave tomorrow.”

  He nodded. “I don’t want to either.”

  “I wish I could go. I feel like we wasted so much time getting to this moment. I want to stay together, to go on the adventure with you guys.”

  “I wish you could come too. But we both know why I have to and why you can’t. Which leaves us here. With me kicking myself for being an ass last night.”

  She shrugged as they entered a clearing, the stars twinkling in the clear sky above them. “I know you’re not like your Dad. And that you never will be.”

  He slowed to a stop and faced her. “And maybe I did overstep with telling Alyssa. I just didn’t think you’d be mad, since it all worked out.”

  She angled her body toward him, their faces inches apart. She tilted her chin up, wishing she’d put on chapstick before heading to Alyssa’s earlier. As he leaned in, her breath hitched in her throat. Emerson reached down and untied the fleece from her waist.

  “Can we use this as a pillow?”

  “What?”

  “I mean, we can use my sweatshirt too.” He stepped away, peeling his hoodie off.

  “A pillow for what?” Her voice was high, tense. Surely he did not think they were going to be having sex out here. She felt really close to him but was also a big believer in taking things one step at a time

  “For gazing at the stars?” His intonation rose, turning the statement into a question.

  “Oh.” Her entire body flushed with embarrassment.

  He froze in laying out their sweatshirts over the grass. “Oh. Oh, wait a minute. Did you think I meant…?”

  She nodded vigorously, too humiliated to respond.

  “Oh no. No, no, no. I wasn’t even thinking about that.”

  “Uh, right. Yeah. I mean, I know. It’s not like that.”

  He knelt on the grass, smoothing the sweaters with far more care than necessary, avoiding her gaze. “To be perfectly clear: it is like that. I like you, Renna. A lot. If we were normal and were at a normal high school, I’d take you to dances. I’d ask you to be my girlfriend. So...” He peered up at her, unusually shy. “So, yeah. It’s like that. Just not exactly like that.” He shrugged and sprawled out on the makeshift blanket. “Here, look at the stars with me.”

  She lowered herself next to him, relieved to be able to focus on something other than his face for the rest of the conversation.

  Emerson reached over and traced his thumb along her index finger, past her palm, and on the soft pale skin of her forearm, then back. The gentle touch tickled and set butterflies fluttering in her stomach.

  “Renna. I think you should know that
I’m…that I’ve never. Well. We came out here when I was just fifteen. I’d never—” he searched for the right word— “been all the way with anyone. Never really seriously dated. Just some casual making out. So, I’m not like, looking to get in your pants or something.”

  She couldn’t help the giddy giggle that escaped her. His finger paused in its delicious path along her hand.

  “Geez, you don’t have to laugh at me.”

  She laughed harder and rolled toward him. “I’m not laughing at you. I’m just happy. And I don’t care. I’ve only been with one person, and I’m not exactly experienced.”

  He rolled to look her in the eye. “You have?”

  She nodded, a small smile still on her lips. “Yeah. With my first boyfriend, Jeremy. We dated for a long time. But it seems like ages ago. Like a lifetime ago.”

  He nodded, a hand reaching up to smooth her hair from her face. “I don’t think it’s bad that we’re a lot alike.”

  Her voice was low; her focus on his full lips. “Hm?”

  “What you said before. Opposites attract. That’s not always true. I think we’re just who we should be. I think we’re perfect for each other.”

  She smiled and leaned in to kiss him, a quick meeting of lips, followed by a longer merging between giddy smiles and gentle hands memorizing the curves of each other’s faces. They stayed out, gazing at the stars and stealing quick, too-happy kisses far later than they should have, knowing he was leaving in the morning.

  9

  Alyssa

  “You kissed her! I know you did. I could see it all over your face this morning. And hers. God, she was so happy. Took you too damn long if you ask me.” Alyssa elbowed Emerson as she puffed alongside him, struggling to match the brisk pace.

  Ahead of them the sisters, Kina and Shelly, scouted then paced back. This close to camp, they knew the area. Soon, Emerson would be taking the lead.

  “Shhh! Would you try for one time in your life to use a normal vocal volume?” The tips of Emerson’s ears were pink, making her laugh harder. Which made it harder for her to keep up.