DirtyBeautiful

by Jodie Becker

  “This looks great.”

  Dylan swiped hair back from his face. “Thanks. Bill helped me with the turned wood. I don’t have a balanced hand like he does.”

  She settled a hand on his thigh. “You’ll do great I’m sure. I can’t believe you did this all because of a fantasy of mine.”

  “Yeah. I get preoccupied with that kinda stuff.”

  Erica drew in a steady breath. “I wanted to ask about last night. Did I…come on too strong?”

  Dylan chuckled. “This feels an awful lot like déjà vu. Except last time I was the one asking the questions. And no, you didn’t come on too strong. Instead, you made friends with a trash can last night.”

  Erica’s jaw dropped and she covered her mouth with a disbelieving shake of her head. “No. I was that bad?”

  He fingered her cheek. “Hey, it happens to the best of us.”

  “Why did you leave then?”

  He looked toward the house. “I…had a personal matter to take care of.”

  Erica frowned as he took both her hands in his and sidled a little closer to her. She knew moves like this. Her heart stuttered and she swallowed back the apprehension inside.

  “Look, there is something I have to tell you. It’s about Ruby.”

  She struggled to breathe.

  Dylan dropped his head and exhaled sharply. Finally, he looked at her, a downward turn to his lips. “Ruby—”

  “What are you doing?”

  Erica twisted around at the sound of an irate woman and found Ruby standing just beyond the gazebo, brown eyes flashing with fury. Where did she come from? Her gaze swept over what the woman wore. A loose shirt that looked similar to Dylan’s.

  Breath left her in a gush. “Why is she wearing your shirt?”

  Ruby waved a hand. “Why else? I slept here. Have you told her yet?”

  Erica’s rib cage hollowed out. “Told me what?

  Dylan’s hand tightened over hers before he released them. “Don’t try to come between me and Erica, Ruby. That other matter doesn’t involve her.”

  Erica frowned. “What other matter?”

  Ruby flicked back a lock of hair. “Me being pregnant.”

  Dylan muttered a curse as Erica’s stomach bottomed out. Her lungs constricted and she faced Dylan, noting the way he turned his face from her. A lump settled in her throat. “Is…is it yours?”

  A muscle leapt in his jaw. “I don’t know.”

  A whimper left her, her head pounding even more. “I…I…” She didn’t know what she wanted to say and stood, her legs struggled to take her weight.

  Dylan grasped at her hand but she wrenched it away.

  His eyes implored her. “Nothing happened last night, Erica. I swear.”

  Erica blindly scanned her surroundings. Wishing to be anywhere but here. “I think I should leave.”

  She hurried down the steps, ignoring the woman’s smirk as she passed. Everything moved by her in a surreal sense of slow motion. Pain throbbed through her chest. He had gotten another woman pregnant and now he might’ve cheated on her. Who was she to believe?

  She opened the door to her house and stepped inside to lean against it. A shuddered breath left her. Everything about her first meeting with Ruby came into focus. She should’ve known. It was so obvious now that Ruby and Dylan had an intimate past. But the question remained how recent was it, and the reasons behind their breakup.

  She dropped her face in her hands and willed the sickening churn in her stomach to cease. Her day couldn’t possibly get worse.

  Chapter Ten

  Dylan glowered at Ruby as Erica disappeared around the corner. He stood on the steps of the gazebo, a dull ache in his chest for the hurt he caused Erica. Damn it, he needed a little more time to sort this stuff out.

  “What the hell did you think to achieve, Ruby?”

  Ruby folded her arms. “Protecting what’s mine.”

  Rage exploded behind his eyes and he pressed the balls of his fingers against them, begging for patience. “I’m not yours. It’s over, Ruby, and has been for a long time.”

  “You can deny this all you want, but that’s not what you said three months ago.”

  Dylan rubbed his forehead. Five months ago was the beginning of his downward spiral. Sex had gotten boring. The excitement had disappeared and he started to experience a sense of self-hatred. His evenings were spent binge drinking and waking up in his vomit. The turning point came on an act of desperation. Three months ago he found himself at Ruby’s front door. He wanted to feel something and thought he might find it in her arms. His memory was fuzzy, but he remembered having to cajole and seduce his way into her bed. He’d ignored her reluctance and the resigned look on her face as she soothed him through sex. He thought he used a condom that night, but it all felt so surreal.

  The following morning he’d awoken, bare-ass naked with Ruby curled around him. He’d felt like the biggest dick in the world. He’d promised her the world and in the stark reality of sobriety he knew he offered her nothing but lies. The aftermath of it all wasn’t pretty either. That week he made plans for his exodus.

  “Look, I’m sorry about that night. It was a fucked-up thing to do. I take full responsibility for my actions.”

  Ruby’s gaze flicked to the ground and she rubbed the subtle bump on her stomach, an absent action he’d noticed she’d adopted.

  Suspicion niggled at the way she wouldn’t meet his eyes. “We fucked a lot of people, Ruby. How do you know this baby is mine?”

  Lips pursed. “You think I don’t know who the father of my child is?”

  “I’m just saying that we don’t know for sure.”

  Ruby threw herself at him, her manicured nails raked at his face and he jerked away. Nails scraped across his neck and he cursed, grappling for her hands. He snatched her wrists and subdued her.

  “Damn it, Ruby!”

  Her eyes swam with tears and he clenched his jaw and reined in his anger. Despite what happened, he and Ruby did have a past. However screwed up it was.

  “I’m sorry. I know you weren’t expecting to get pregnant. But we have to look at the facts. We fucked for a living and there is more than one candidate for this.”

  Ruby glared at him. “I know about the time I got pregnant and I was too sick around that time to have too many partners, so it’s not as many as you’re implying.”

  “How many then?”

  She looked down and kicked a clump of grass. “Two, maybe three.”

  Wow, that was unusual. Vane mostly liked to work everyone like fucking machines. “Okay so the chances that I’m the father are there, but also with the other guys.”

  She stepped back, her hand pressed over her abdomen. “You would abandon your child?”

  Dylan grimaced. No, he’d never do that. “You know I won’t. And even if the child isn’t mine, I’ll help you.”

  The corners of her lips dropped. “But you won’t be with me.”

  Dylan shook his head. “No. We want different things, you and I. You like surpassing the Joneses and I’m happy just being me now.”

  Ruby’s lower lip trembled and she pressed a hand over her chest as though he’d stabbed her. “But what if I could leave that stuff behind? I could learn to love it here, you just have to help me.”

  Dylan’s heart ached for her. He couldn’t miss the desperation in her tone and briefly wondered what had pushed her to seek him out when other times she refused to leave Los Angeles. “You can’t learn to love something, it just is.”

  Or someone remained unsaid, but she dipped her head, hearing him loud and clear.

  “Ruby, you know this isn’t you. Whatever you want, I’m not it and you’re not going to find it running away from who you are.”

  She folded her arms defensively, the tears drying in a flash of anger. “You think I’m running away? You’re one to talk.”

  Dylan shrugged. “I’m sorry, I fucked up badly. I should’ve handled it better, but I can’t change it. You’re a really
nice person, Ruby. Truly. But I can’t be an adult film actor anymore. It was killing me.”

  “You think I like being an adult actress?”

  Dylan frowned. Of course he thought that. Even in the quietest moments of their relationship, Ruby never hit any lows. Her blasé attitude was surpassed by her excitement whenever new men joined in. She’d done it all, unashamed of her sexuality.

  “What are you saying?”

  Ruby glowered. “Nothing.”

  “Ruby, after all we’ve been through…”

  “After all we’ve been through?” A scornful laugh cut through the air. “You don’t get to play that card with me. Ever.”

  “You’re right. But I am your friend, Ruby. No matter what you might think.”

  “A friend wouldn’t just up and leave without a word. A friend wouldn’t act like I’m a dirty little secret. You came to LA and what did you do? Tried to hide us away like our presence would sully your precious little girlfriend. Where do you get off?”

  Dylan recoiled, a sharp stab of guilt hit him in the chest. He never thought how his actions would’ve been perceived by them.

  “Do you even know what it’s like for me? To know when I walk down the street, every guy I see has seen my snatch. Jacked off to me moaning and thinking I’m a God damn free-for- all.”

  He dipped his head, his mind roiling with her revelation. He’d seen the way men eyed her, and their eagerness to get a signature. The way they “accidentally” brushed their hand over her body. She took everything in stride. Flirted, laughed and sauntered away. Never for a moment did he think she hid a deeper hurt.

  Dylan swiped a hand through his hair, guilt settling heavily in his gut. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

  Ruby scoffed, the sound underscored with misery. “I’m an adult actress with a baby on the way. I’m not going to do some pregnancy fetish movies. I have nothing to go back to. What am I going to do now?”

  The stark knowledge that Ruby had left it all behind without a parachute hit him like a two by four. Before becoming an adult film star, he’d at least had a prior career as a carpenter. Ruby…he didn’t know what she did beforehand. His brows lowered as he tried to recall any conversation they’d had about their pasts, but there was nothing. Everything they spoke about was frivolous and present.

  Was there more to Ruby than he’d initially thought? Shame drew down his shoulders. When had he taken the time to get to know any of his friends? No one talked about their pasts, nor did any of them care to pursue it. Live in the now. It was what they all did.

  “Look, Ruby, if you need some place to stay for a while, you can stay here.”

  She blinked a few times, a flash of something indecipherable passing through her eyes. It could’ve been anger or relief, he wasn’t sure. “I’m sure your Pollyanna is going to love that.”

  Dylan grimaced and shot a glance over his shoulder. He’d yet to resolve this misunderstanding with Erica. But what other option was there? He couldn’t turn his back on Ruby, especially if there was a chance, however minute, that she carried his child.

  “She’ll be okay with it,” he mumbled, inwardly worrying that this was the end of the relationship he’d been searching for.

  * * * * *

  Erica fingered the curtain and stared through the window at the conversation going on in the backyard next door. She knew nothing good would come from spying as she did, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. Dylan stood on the steps with Ruby, his features caught between guilt and sadness. Their words were unable to carry to her ears, but she could tell whatever they talked about hit home to Dylan. Ruby’s hand drifted to her stomach and Dylan stepped closer, drawing her into an embrace.

  Pain stabbed through her chest and the curtain dropped from nerveless fingers. Struggling to breathe, she barely made it to a nearby chair before falling into it. Elbows propped up against the table, she raked her hands through her hair. A shuddered breath left her in a gush as she stared sightlessly at the vase of roses in full bloom. What chance did she have to compete against a woman like Ruby? She was slim and chi chi where Erica preferred simple things and was well-rounded.

  Her headache returned with a vengeance and she dropped her forehead onto the tabletop. The citrus smell of wood polish filled her nostrils and intermingled with the subtle whirl in her stomach. Thoughts careened between Dylan coming over to break it off with her and the yearning need that he come to her and tell her it’s all okay. But neither was going to happen any time soon.

  Eyes burning, she stood and trudged back up the stairs to hide under her bed sheets and pretend this morning never happened.

  Erica had no sooner shut her eyes before she woke to someone knocking at her door. Rolling over, she frowned, her thoughts disjointed. Then everything hit her. Dylan, his ex and her subsequent pity party. She snuggled back in the bed, sheet hooked over her shoulder, but the knocking continued. Mumbling, she left her bedroom and tromped down the stairs. At least her hangover had eased.

  Her hand hovered over the door as she heard Dylan call her name. Fingers clenched in a fist, heart thudding in her chest, she wondered if this was it. The moment where her budding relationship was tossed aside, much like Greg had done to her. Throwing her over for another woman. Swallowing hard, she gripped the doorknob with a sweaty palm and eased it open.

  Worry lines across his forehead smoothed out as she stepped into the threshold. “Hey.”

  “Hey,” she whispered.

  “I’d been knocking for a while. Thought you wouldn’t answer.”

  Dylan shuffled and rubbed the back of his neck. Unspoken words hovered between them, but Erica feared to voice them.

  Finally he spoke. “Sorry about before. Bud was going nuts in the middle of the night and had her cornered in my backyard.”

  Silence stretched.

  “Nothing happened between her and me last night, Erica. I swear.”

  The earnestness in his voice crumbled the wall that held her apart from him and she stepped into his open arms. A soft shudder ran through his frame as he kissed the top of her head. Beneath her ear his heart thundered, a telling sign of his anxiety. Call her vain, but it warmed her to know that he was worried of the outcome of their meeting.

  After a while, she pulled back. His hands slid down to her hips, keeping her within an inch of his body. “What happened after I left?”

  Dylan grimaced. “We talked a bit. She’s in a bad place right now and I feel kinda responsible.”

  Erica tried to stifle the sting of juvenile jealousy. She couldn’t fault him for a characteristic she found charming in him even at the risk of her own self-security. “Okay?”

  “I… I kinda offered for her to stay with me for a while.”

  Erica stiffened and stepped back despite his grip. “What?”

  Dylan held out a placatory hand. “It’s not like that, Erica. She and I have a history and I can’t just throw her on the street.”

  “You mean the baby?”

  “No! Look, I know it all sounded pretty convincing back there, but I don’t think I’m the father.”

  “You don’t think? Who is she to you?”

  “We’re just close friends that—”

  “So close that you might’ve gotten her pregnant. I’m not stupid, Dylan. Why did she come all the way from LA if she wasn’t sure you’re the dad?”

  “I’m not, okay?”

  Taken aback by the vehemence in his tone, Erica faltered.

  Dylan heaved out a breath, his thumb and forefinger pressed on the bridge of his nose. “Look.” His eyes glinted with desperation. “I’ve done some pretty messed-up stuff in the past. You’re different. What we have is different. With her… With her it’s just…shit, how can I say it? It meant nothing.”

  “So what was she exactly?”

  “It’s hard to explain.”

  Erica fisted her hands. “Try.”

  “Look, all you need to know is that what she and I did wouldn’t ever touch what we have.
What I feel for you eclipses everything. I don’t have those types of feelings for her.”

  “I’m sure she has friends who would be happy to take care of her. Why you?”

  “We…our friends wouldn’t understand. Some of the people we know are kinda self-centered.”

  Erica didn’t have trouble believing that. Still, she wasn’t comfortable with that woman staying with him. It’d take a saint to be all right with her man in the presence of a woman who knew how he liked it in the bedroom. And despite what Dylan might think, she was no Mother Teresa.

  Dylan stepped forward and eased her fists apart to slip his fingers into her hand. “I know I’m asking too much. I get that. I really don’t want to lose you over this. But I can’t in good conscience kick her out.”

  Still, Erica had to try one more avenue. “What about family?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. She didn’t go to them, Erica. She came to me. She might come across as a bit of a bitch sometimes, but she really isn’t that bad once you get to know her.”

  Erica highly doubted that. Since the moment she met that woman, Ruby had been gunning for her. Judging by the set of his shoulders, Dylan wasn’t going to budge on this and it hurt to know that he was putting this woman before her feelings on the matter. Removing her hand from his, she rubbed her arm to ease the cold goose bumps that raced across her skin.

  “How do you expect me to feel, Dylan, when a woman you used to have sex with is living under the same roof as you and she may or may not be carrying your child?”

  His Adam’s apple bobbed a few times and the edges of his mouth drew downward. “I don’t expect anything except a little faith.”

  Erica dropped her face in her hands and sucked air through small gaps between her fingers. He asked too much of her. Thoughts of Greg and the feeling of betrayal churned in the shadowed corners of her mind. Faith in men and their fidelity could only be stretched so far. Erica doubted her ability to handle a woman as beautiful as Ruby being in the same house with Dylan, it was too much to bear.

  Warm fingers wrapped around her wrist and eased her hands down. Soft blue eyes clashed with hers. “Hey, it’s going to be all right. All of this,” he indicated his house, “it’s just temporary.”