The Recovery Assignment

by Alison Roberts

  ‘Light’s getting too bad to do much more. We’ll be finishing the scene maps tomorrow. What’s happening here?’

  ‘This line got ripped out. Can you put one of these gloves on and keep pressure on this while I put a new one in?’

  ‘Why don’t we get him into the triage tent?’ One of the young soldiers was watching the crowed gathering around the carriage the USAR team had been deployed to.

  ‘Because he’s my patient,’ Charlotte snapped. ‘And he needs a patent IV urgently. This is only going to take thirty seconds.’ She glanced up from pulling supplies from her pouch. Hawk’s fingers of one hand were wrapped firmly around the patient’s elbow. His other hand was untangling the line leading to the bag of fluids.

  ‘Thanks, Hawk.’ Charlotte was working swiftly. She tugged a tourniquet tight on the man’s other arm and swabbed the inside of his elbow. ‘It was hard enough getting the first line in. He’s as flat as a pancake. If this doesn’t work, I’ll have to cannulate the jugular.’

  ‘It’ll work,’ Hawk said calmly.

  And it did. A doctor from the triage area arrived just as Charlotte reconnected the bag of fluid seconds later. She pumped up the pressure cuff to keep the flow as high as possible.

  ‘Is this the guy with the abdominal trauma?’

  ‘Yes. GCS of 7, BP unrecordable. Tachycardic. Chest’s clear, though.’

  ‘How much fluid have you got in so far?’

  ‘Only a litre. Supply got interrupted for a minute or two here.’

  ‘You’ve done well,’ the doctor said. ‘Thanks. We’ll take over now. Looks like it’s time you took a break.’

  ‘OK.’ Charlotte straightened wearily and then turned back to the carriage. ‘I’ll just collect the rest of my gear.’

  To her surprise, Hawk followed her as she climbed through what remained of the central aisle.

  ‘Did you find a baby in here?’

  ‘No.’ Charlotte shook her head.

  ‘There’s a woman who’s been sitting out there for hours. She must have slipped through the net for the support services or something. She wants her baby.’

  ‘I know. I’ve kept an eye out for it but it might not have been this carriage they were in.’

  ‘She says it was.’

  ‘In that case, the baby’s probably dead,’ Charlotte sighed. ‘We haven’t heard anything.’

  ‘She needs her baby,’ Hawk insisted quietly. ‘Even if it is dead, Charlie, she needs to hold it.’

  Charlotte met his gaze, astonished at the level of compassion Hawk was revealing. And, as exhausted as she was, she found the strength for renewed effort in that shared glance.

  ‘OK. Let’s look again.’

  It was slow and dangerous work, methodically checking every corner of the wreckage by torchlight.

  ‘There’s no sign of it,’ Charlotte said wearily, nearly an hour later.

  ‘Babies are small.’ Hawk still sounded determined. ‘It must be here somewhere. What about that pile of luggage?’

  ‘It’s been checked. Probably more than once.’

  ‘Let’s check again.’

  But Charlotte was too tired to move and to have to deal with the body of an infant would be too much now. She simply watched as Hawk pulled bag after bag from where the luggage had been hurled by the impact.

  ‘There’s a hole,’ he informed her minutes later. ‘Behind a suitcase, under this bent seat. More like a tunnel. Come and help me, Charlie. If we can bend the frame back a bit I can pull this case clear.’

  Hawk’s strength astounded Charlotte as she helped push the mangled structure of the seating a little further upright. And he was right. The back of the seat had covered a space made invisible by the wedged suitcase. She saw Hawk freeze as he stretched his arm into the space.

  ‘I’ve got something.’ In the peripheral light from the torch Charlotte held, she saw his face settle into horribly grim lines. ‘Oh, my God,’ Hawk murmured. ‘It’s a…it’s a leg.’

  And then Hawk was lying down on top of the scattered luggage, stretching into the space with both arms, and Charlotte saw the body of a tiny baby being drawn gently out. Hawk straightened, with his burden held as carefully in his arms as if it still needed his protection, and Charlotte’s eyes blurred with tears.

  It was in that moment that she fell in love with Owen Hawkins so deeply that she knew she would never again experience anything with such utter conviction. She loved him totally. Body and soul. She wanted to be with Hawk for the rest of her life. She wanted to hold his baby.

  ‘Charlie?’ Hawk’s voice sounded weird and Charlotte blinked to clear the tears from her eyes.

  And then she saw that the baby wasn’t staring lifelessly ahead at nothing. It was staring at her.

  ‘Oh, my God,’ she breathed. ‘Hawk…it’s alive!’

  The baby was not just alive. Unbelievably, the tiny boy appeared to be unscathed. The next hour was a blur for Charlotte as the baby was reunited with its mother and checked again amidst tears of joy and the kind of media excitement that such a miracle could engender, especially when highlighted against such a grim background.

  Hawk was a hero but Charlotte didn’t need the clamour of journalists’ questions or the lights from television cameras to tell her that. She was still trying to come to terms with the stunning realisation of how she felt about him and that she was actually tempted to risk the kind of heartbreak she had vowed never to repeat. And even the joy of the baby’s survival couldn’t chase away the misery that temptation evoked.

  Even if she was prepared to take that risk, she would guarantee her own failure by attempting to embrace it. The love she felt for Hawk now made her want all the things she knew he categorically didn’t want. Marriage. Children. Permanence. The kind of commitment that kept a relationship alive long after any initial hormonal overdrive had dissipated.

  The quickest way to lose what she had right now would be for Hawk to find out what she had just discovered about how she felt. He would be off like a bullet from a gun. No matter how she handled this, she was going to lose him at some point, wasn’t she? It was inevitable. This was only supposed to be a fling. A game…for both of them. This was a reawakening for Charlotte that would enable her to move on to a new and complete life. They had both agreed right from the start that there were no strings and that neither of them had any intention of trying to keep things going for any longer than was prudent.

  Charlotte might have just changed her mind with blinding certainty but Hawk hadn’t. He had no intention of sticking around so it would make the end far less messy if he had no idea of the pain it would cause. And if she managed to keep her feelings private enough, maybe she could make it last a little longer than it might have otherwise lasted.

  Maybe even long enough for Hawk to start believing in forever?

  CHAPTER NINE

  HAWK’S feet hit the floor within two seconds of the telephone starting to ring.

  A glance at the digital bedside clock showed it was 2 a.m. but he hadn’t been asleep. He reached for where his cellphone was plugged into the wall, recharging.

  ‘Owen Hawkins.’ It was probably a job and his pager just hadn’t alerted him for some reason. He hoped it was a job. He already knew it was going to be a long and lonely night without Charlotte. This was the first night they’d had completely apart in more than two weeks. Last night, when they had been billeted close to the scene of the mass casualty incident, hadn’t counted. That had been work.

  ‘Hawk! How are you, buddy?’

  ‘Cam!’ Hawk was shaking his head around his grin. ‘Have you any idea what time it is here?’

  ‘Nope. Couldn’t be bothered trying to work it out. You haven’t answered my emails for two days, mate. Are you in love or something?’

  ‘As if!’ Hawk turned his pillow sideways to use as a cushion as he flopped back onto his bed. ‘I’ve been out of town for two days. Big MCI up north.’

  ‘Yeah? What was it?’

  ‘Train ve
rsus bus versus car. Messy.’

  ‘Fatalities?’

  ‘Fifteen at the last count. There’s a few listed as critically ill so it might climb. I’m surprised you haven’t heard about it on your side of the world.’

  ‘I’ve been too busy to take much notice of anything. I’ve got something exciting to tell you, buddy.’

  ‘Oh, no.’ Hawk groaned. ‘Cassie’s having twins, right?’

  ‘Hell, I hope not. One will be quite enough to start with, thanks. No, Cassie’s decided she wants to emigrate. Guess where we’re going to live?’

  Hawk’s grin was back again. ‘You’re coming home?’

  ‘Too right we are.’

  ‘But that’s fantastic!’ This was just the news Hawk needed to hear. The repercussions of the traumatic job over the last two days were proving very difficult to shake off. Hawk felt as if something fundamental in his world had changed but he couldn’t put his finger on it and it was difficult to try and get things back into proper perspective. The prospect of regaining the old stability of being with Cam was enormously appealing. ‘When? Soon, I hope.’

  ‘No, not for a while. We want the kid to be born over here so we can give it an American passport.’

  ‘But that’s months away. Couldn’t you come back and just pop over for the birth?’

  Cam laughed. ‘Wouldn’t want to, mate. I’m having a blast meeting all Cassie’s relatives and seeing a bit of the country on my days off. We’re going to take an extended tour for a honeymoon but right now we’re up to our necks in wedding preparations. Which was the other reason I rang. Listen, Hawk…I want you to change your mind about coming over to be my best man.’

  ‘I thought one of Cassie’s brothers was going to fill the breach.’

  ‘It wouldn’t be the same.’ Cam sounded serious now. ‘This is a big deal, mate, and I don’t want to sound soppy or anything but I’m not sure I want to do it unless you’re there with me.’

  Now it was Hawk’s turn to laugh. ‘So don’t do it! Come home and get back to work where you belong.’ The words came easily enough. It had been something of a standard exchange for at least a month after Cam had left but, for the first time, something didn’t feel right as he said them. He did miss Cam—of course he did. But saying so suddenly seemed like disloyalty to Charlotte. And if Cam came back, where would Charlotte go?

  ‘That’s another thing. I spoke to Elsie a couple of days ago. Did he tell you?’

  ‘No, but we’ve all been pretty distracted by the MCI and it was pretty late when we got back tonight. It was some scene map to do and there were a hundred and fifty people that had to be interviewed for potential witness statements.’

  ‘Phew! How come you got involved if it was up north?’

  Hawk couldn’t tell him of the reputation he and Charlotte were gaining as being such a good team. ‘They needed all the help they could get.’

  ‘Was it gruesome?’

  ‘I’m glad it’s over.’ Hawk didn’t want to dwell on that any more. ‘So, what did Elsie have to say, anyway?’

  The silence was tiny but significant. ‘He’s not keen on extending my leave. If I want my job back I need to make a decision, and if I decide to keep the job I’ll need to front up pretty soon.’

  ‘You mean you’re thinking of not keeping it?’ It should have been a disappointing notion. Why did it allow a tiny glow of warmth somewhere in that hollow feeling that had been hanging around in his gut for the last twenty-four hours or so? Because it meant that he’d be able to keep working with Charlotte maybe? But if he kept working with her, he’d have to stop sleeping with her. Sooner or later someone was going to twig to the fact that they were lovers. Maybe not lovers exactly, but they were both active participants in a physical game they seemed to gain equal pleasure from playing.

  ‘I’m not sure,’ Cam told him. ‘It’s funny, but my career doesn’t seem all that important just now. I mean, I love the work and I really miss having you for a partner, mate, but I’m not going to let my career wreck what Cassie and I have together. There is more to life than work, you know.’

  ‘There is?’ Hawk’s attempt at humour sounded flat even to his own ears. He might have made the quip in all sincerity except that it had been a recurring thought of his own during the sleepless hours he had already spent lying on his bed tonight.

  The uncharacteristic reassessment of values was obviously a reaction to the incident he’d just been involved in. He had learnt long ago that there were no guarantees in life as far as relationships with women were concerned, but the whole, horrible aftermath of the train crash had reminded him that there were no guarantees in life, full stop. What did really matter when life could be snuffed out with such devastating unexpectedness? A career? Hardly. Friends? Definitely.

  ‘Of course there is.’ He answered his own quip before Cam had a chance to. ‘I’ll have a word with Elsie on your behalf if you like, mate. I’m sure we could work something out. Charlie would probably be keen to stay on and the boss was making noises about needing an extra team member before long anyway, with the workload we’ve got. Maybe we could swing us all working together. You’d like Charlie, Cam. She’s great to work with once you get used to her.’

  ‘Hmm. Elsie said something about that as well. I almost got the impression he was looking for an excuse to employ her on a permanent basis. Hey, you haven’t started preferring to work with a chick, have you?’

  Hawk’s laughter was genuine for a moment. ‘There’s no comparison, mate.’

  Cam must have sensed something in the way Hawk’s laughter had faded a little abruptly. Or in the short silence that followed.

  ‘You’re not sleeping with her, are you, mate?’

  Hawk made no response and Cam’s astonished oath filled the silence.

  ‘Does Elsie know?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘You’d better keep it quiet, then. Otherwise she won’t be allowed to hang around long enough to keep my seat warm. You know the rules. And you know what a stickler Elsie is for following them. Look at the way he’s reacting to the suggestion I extend my leave.’

  ‘Yeah. I know.’

  ‘Is it worth the risk?’

  Hawk’s attempt at light laughter stuck in his throat somewhere. ‘Yeah…it’s worth it.’

  ‘Oh, boy. This is serious.’

  ‘Of course it isn’t. It’s just a fling.’

  ‘Does she know that?’

  ‘Of course she does. That’s the way she wants it as well. She’s still hung up on a fiancé that got killed just before their wedding.’

  ‘How long has this been going on?’

  ‘Only a few weeks.’

  ‘And you’re not bored yet?’

  ‘Are you kidding? She’s…she’s, I don’t know…different.’

  ‘Doesn’t sound like you, mate.’ Cam sounded as though he was shaking his head. ‘Could be the old love bug biting.’

  The attempt at a disparaging chuckle was successful this time. ‘No way.’ And he meant it. Didn’t he? Except…except he couldn’t stop thinking about the moment he’d found that baby. When they’d both been expecting the confirmation of another tragedy. Hawk had known how terrible that would be as he’d pulled the baby out and he’d also known with absolute conviction that when it was over he would need the wordless comfort that only Charlotte’s touch could give him.

  Instead, it had become a moment of pure joy. A joy that was even more overwhelming because it was being shared…with Charlotte. Was this what love really was? That feeling of desperate need and knowing that comfort would be available? Or that feeling of shared joy? Knowing that similar moments could occur in the future and wanting to share them with that same person?

  A devil’s advocate surfaced from nowhere to remind Hawk of his long-held stance. ‘Me and serious is an oxymoron when it comes to women, Cam. You should know that better than anyone.’

  ‘Yeah, but things change,’ Cam said thoughtfully. ‘Like I used to share your belief that
babies were alien monsters of some kind. I hate to admit this but I actually enjoyed choosing bootees and stuff at the baby shop yesterday.’ Hawk heard Cam give what sounded like a contented sigh. ‘You’ve got no idea how cute some of that stuff is.’

  Hawk was silent again. Sarah’s baby had been wearing bootees with some kind of animal ears and whiskers on them. They had been the first thing he’d touched as he’d reached into that void beneath the seat.

  ‘Have you ever even held a baby, Hawk?’

  ‘Actually, I did. Yesterday.’

  ‘No kidding?’

  ‘Yeah. You won’t believe this story, Cam.’ And Hawk talked on, telling his friend about the long search and the baby’s miraculous survival.

  ‘You need me around, mate,’ Cam said finally. ‘Sounds like a celebratory beer or two is in order here.’

  ‘Yeah.’ But Hawk’s agreement was a shade half-hearted. Reliving that moment of finding the baby alive had made him remember the way Charlotte’s eyes had shone with happy tears. The way her smile had started so slowly and then grown…and grown, until they’d both been laughing and crying at the same time. What he really needed was Charlotte’s company. He wanted to see her smile again. To hear her laugh. Why had it seemed so awkward to suggest that she come back to his place when they’d returned to Wellington that evening? And why had she seemed so keen to get home?

  ‘What I probably need is some sleep,’ Hawk told Cam. ‘It’s nearly 3 a.m. here, mate.’

  ‘Good grief. I hate to think what my phone bill’s going to be like. All I really intended to do was persuade you to come to our wedding. Cassie thinks you hate her.’

  ‘I don’t,’ Hawk said firmly. ‘Look, leave it with me, Cam. My batteries are getting low here so I’d better go. I’ll have a look at the rosters and see whether it’s even possible for me to get away for a few days. I’ll talk to Elsie. I’ll email you.’

  Hawk plugged his phone back into the charger. He didn’t hate Cassie. He didn’t even feel jealous of the time and commitment she had won with Cam any more. He did feel jealous, though. He recognised the hard knot that had formed in that weird hollow place at some point in his conversation with Cam. He could even recognise why he felt jealous. Cam had something in his life that Hawk didn’t have. Permanence. Marriage and…and kids on the way.