by Blake, Nina
“Yeah, I haven’t played on it all day.”
“Okay then. You can have half an hour, mate. It’s in your bedroom.”
* * *
Jake nodded towards the French doors, motioning Bianca to join him outside.
“What do you think you’re doing here?” he demanded as they stood beneath the canopy of the Chinese Tallow.
She lifted her glass. “Getting a drink of water.”
“What? You’ve run out of water next door?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I came to see Connor. I’d still be in there with him if you hadn’t sent him off to his room.”
“Well, I’ve got something to tell you.”
He’d already spoken to his lawyer and divorce proceedings were under way. It hadn’t been an easy decision for him to make but it was the right one.
He’d tried for four years to give his son a family with both a father and mother. He didn’t want Connor to grow up with the same fragmented, lonely family life he’d had. He wanted to do the best for his son and give him a solid foundation but he couldn’t do it any longer. Couldn’t make it work.
Connor was going to lose the only family he’d ever known.
Until he met Rachel, Jake’s main priority in life was to maintain a family for Connor. Now that had changed.
What was left of his relationship with Bianca was crumbling so now there was nothing left of it. He didn’t want anything to do with her and couldn’t stand living in the same house any longer than he had to.
When he cut the issues down to their most elemental level, it was quite simple. He couldn’t bear to be married to her any more.
“Surprise me.” Bianca’s voice was smug and confident.
“It’s not a surprise,” he said. “I’ve spoken to James Phillips.”
Her jaw tightened. “Your lawyer. And?”
“I can’t live like this any more. It’s time to make a clean break.”
She refused to give him the time to choose his words carefully. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”
He looked her in the eye. “It means we’re getting a divorce. James said it won’t take too long given we’ve already been separated for years but there’s still a lot for us to sort out.”
“Like what?” Her upper lip curled in disgust. “Like how often you’ll be able to see Connor? Because you won’t get custody. He’s my son. You’re the one who said you wanted to keep the family together for Connor. What’s changed your mind? You’re making a big mistake. You have no idea.”
“Calm down. I know you’re upset–”
“Upset!” Bianca pushed past him to the gate leading from his courtyard to her large landscaped garden. “You think I’m going to lose everything because of some floozy? You think I’m going to hand everything over to her and go in live in some shoddy flat? Because that’s all she’s after. The money. And you’re falling for it. You haven’t heard the last of this.”
He didn’t chase after her. No point trying to talk to her now. He despised it when she made threats like that but he should have known she’d bring up custody of Connor.
Jake slumped into a whicker patio chair and leaned forward, his head in his hands.
His life had changed inexorably when Rachel entered it. And now there was no going back. She was everything he ever wanted, a woman beyond his wildest dreams.
More than that, he didn’t want her to be some small part of his life. He wanted to see her head on the pillow beside his when he woke in the morning. Her face smiling every evening when he kissed her goodnight. A casual relationship wouldn’t fulfil him. Wouldn’t even come close.
Jake recalled the evening at his house when Rachel confronted him about his marital status. Despite everything, she’d been wonderful with his son. And to think he’d believed she didn’t like children.
The next day Connor had told him how she’d tucked him in and assured him there were no monsters under the bed. The child had trusted her instinctively.
If only Rachel would do the same for him. Trust him. Love him. Like he loved her.
Jake wanted her more than ever.
He had to have her.
No matter the cost.
* * *
Samantha trudged into the office, placed a take-away coffee container on Rachel’s desk, then cupped her own coffee in both hands.
Sam must have read her mind. Sometimes Rachel didn’t know how the girl did it.
“Thanks.” Rachel reached for the cappuccino and ripped off the plastic lid. “Great way to start the working week. You had a breakfast meeting, didn’t you? How did it go?”
“Fine.” Samantha slumped into her chair and spun around to face Rachel.
“You don’t look fine.”
Samantha’s eyes were lowered, there were dark rings under them and she couldn’t bring herself to smile.
“No, the meeting was fine,” Samantha said. “It’s not that. I’ve been so stupid.”
Rachel sipped her cappuccino. “Something to do with Marcus?”
“You know what I’m going to say, don’t you? I was so terrible to you on Friday night. I didn’t even say goodbye.”
Rachel’s face flushed pink. Having left early without saying goodbye to anyone, she hadn’t known Samantha had done the same thing.
“That’s not important,” she said. “Why are you so upset?”
“Marcus came home with me.” Samantha looked up as if expecting Rachel to be scowling. That was never going to happen.
“That’s not exactly surprising.”
“Oh no, if you already know where I went, then probably so do lots of other people. That makes it worse.”
“Honestly, I didn’t know anything until you told me. Don’t worry about other people. What they think doesn’t matter.”
Samantha shook her head. “Rachel, you’re always so sensible and I’ve been so stupid.”
“You’re not stupid. What happened?”
“He seemed so nice, and I’d drunk so much champagne. Not that I’m blaming the alcohol. I knew what I was doing. He was keen on me and I was keen on him. It didn’t seem so complicated at the time. And I thought why not? Why not have a bit of fun?”
“So you spent the night with him?”
“I jumped straight into bed with him,” Samantha said. “There’s no denying it.”
“Is that what upset you?”
“We’d finished…you know…and I assumed he’d stay the night. It’s not like I sleep with every guy I meet but most guys stay the night. They don’t up and leave. Instead he grabbed his stuff and left. No kiss. No goodbye. No nothing.”
“Could he have had some reason to go so quickly?” Rachel asked.
She rolled her eyes. “Like what? Do you think he’s turned into a pumpkin?”
“I don’t want to make excuses for the man but maybe something happened. I think maybe you need to talk to him.”
“That’s a bit hard when he won’t speak to me.” Samantha’s eyes welled up with tears. “Darn it, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry any more.”
“Cry as much as you like.” Rachel got up to put her arm around her friend, then perched her bottom on the desk. “Did he call you?”
“No. I kept calling him but he wouldn’t pick up his phone. Then when he did, he said he hoped I hadn’t read too much into the other night.” Samantha dropped her head into her hands. “And we’ve still got the campaign. I still have to work with him. I don’t think I can do this.”
“Don’t worry about that just now. We’ll work something out.”
Rachel wasn’t sure how to best resolve the situation if the two of them couldn’t work together but she’d have to sort something out.
“I wish I hadn’t jumped into bed with him right away,” Samantha said. “I was a complete pushover. I didn’t think about the consequences. I thought it’d be fun. He was so nice before that. I don’t know what happened.”
“You couldn’t have known what he was going to do. I certainly didn’
t.”
“But you didn’t jump into bed with him. I did. I was so impetuous. I wish I could be more like you.”
“More like me?”
“You always know exactly what you want. You’re so good at everything you do. You’re so sensible, so careful. You’d never get yourself into a situation like this.”
Rachel didn’t know what to say. She was sensible and careful. Was that the best she could do out of life?
“Look, we’re all different,” she said. “Maybe I don’t always want to be so sensible.”
“But you don’t let yourself get hurt like this. You’re smarter than me.”
Rachel smoothed Samantha’s hair. “Maybe I’m not as smart as you think.”
Samantha left the office to splash some water on her face and get some fresh air, leaving Rachel alone.
The young woman had no idea how acute her observations had been. She was right when she said Rachel would never get involved with someone like Marcus. But it wasn’t due to her good judgement. She protected herself by not getting involved with anyone, good or bad.
Samantha admitted she had a problem. She got involved too quickly. And she wasn’t going to do it again.
Rachel had a problem too. She stopped herself from getting involved. She knew why too.
Nick’s unfaithfulness was a stain on her life. Their relationship remained in limbo, as it had the day she found the photographs in his drawer.
There was also a nasty fear lingering at the back of her mind. If an unfaithful husband was her due the first time around, what was to stop the same thing happening again?
When she found out Jake was married – or separated – she felt herself dangerously close to slipping into an unfaithful relationship again. And just like before, she hadn’t known what was going on.
But Jake wasn’t Nick.
How could she blame him for Nick’s actions? This was a different man. He’d made a mistake in not telling her about his marital situation right away and he admitted it. Nothing else about him was a deception. His intentions hadn’t been lurid or evil.
Propping her elbows up on the desk, she rested her chin in her hands but it didn’t remove the weight from her shoulders.
There was one thing she knew with certainty. You have to make the most of everything you have because sometimes it can suddenly disappear. Nick’s untimely passing had taught her that. She’d had love, marriage and the promise of children then overnight it had disintegrated.
Perhaps that’s what she should take from Nick. She should stop trying to resolve the issue of his unfaithfulness. Stop attributing the same behaviour to Jake. Stop blaming him for it.
She should take from Nick the lesson that life should be lived before it disappears.
You have to take every opportunity when it comes because it may never come your way again. She’d seen it over and over again. Colleagues who didn’t try for a promotion, then didn’t get the chance again. Girlfriends who concentrated on their careers at the cost of all else and then found themselves in their forties, single and childless. People who crossed paths once and didn’t see each other again.
She never thought she’d end up as one of those single minded, stubborn people herself. Sensible. She was certainly that. But, damn it, she was being so sensible in protecting herself from getting hurt that she was stopping herself from living.
She should tell Jake everything. About Nick, his unfaithfulness and how it was still hanging over her. Then there were the photos and, more importantly, what she’d done with them. No one knew she’d seen the other woman one last time. Rachel was almost certain Jake would be repulsed by her actions but she couldn’t let that stand in her way. She had to tell him.
Rachel stared at the telephone as if it was a time bomb. She’d never phoned a man to ask him out on a date before. Not even when she was nineteen and she first met Nick.
There was a first time for everything. She had a few minutes until Samantha would be back.
Jake was right.
They needed to talk.
Chapter thirteen
Her hands full, Rachel shoved the fridge door closed with her hip and glanced across at the dishes on the kitchen sink. They could wait until morning. She had more important things to do.
Although anxious, she was proud of herself, content in the knowledge that tonight she’d complete what she’d set out to do. She’d invited Jake to her Coogee apartment, cooked an impressive Italian meal and now she was ready to open herself up to him.
She’d tell him about Nick and the photos and what she’d done with them. He might be shocked. He might not.
“Are you sure I can’t help?” Jake called out from the sofa. “I do know my way around a kitchen, you know.”
She walked back into the living room, handed him a long neck of Stella Artois and placed a tall glass of mineral water with a slice of lemon on the coffee table for herself.
“How much time do you spend in the kitchen?” she asked. “I thought you had nannies and gardeners and cleaners and, for all I know, maybe even a cook.”
“I don’t have a cook.”
“And the rest?”
He smiled. “No cook. That’s my answer.”
She sat on the chocolate brown club sofa beside him. Her place wasn’t as flash as his but it was comfortable nevertheless. In fact, she thought the room quite stylish with its white walls, dark polished floorboards and contemporary camel coloured rug.
“I didn’t think you were going to call me.” He leaned forward, his arms resting on his muscular thighs as he placed his beer on the coffee table. “You surprised me.”
“That’s not a bad thing, is it?”
She’d surprised herself too. She tilted back her glass. Though she wished it were alcoholic, she knew knew some things were better done sober.
A surprising sense of calmness and tranquillity overcame her. Jake always excited in her the extremes of emotion – anger, fury, sexual desire. And love? She wanted him but had he moved her to love?
He’d used that word with her once before, saying she had to believe she deserved his love. But the way he’d said it, almost in passing, wasn’t the way a man in love would speak to his lover. And it’d been at the agency function. Hardly an intimate setting.
Did he know what love was? Did he feel the same way she did?
Yet despite her doubts, despite Jake’s presence which alone was enough to intoxicate her, she felt calm. It was the stillness and tranquillity which came from a position of certainty. She was secure in the knowledge that this was the right thing to do.
She had to tell him the truth to build a firm footing for their relationship, whatever the consequences.
He might not want her. That had occurred to her. She didn’t know how he’d react, only that she had to tell him.
“I’m not used to being asked out by attractive women,” Jake said, a teasing glint in his eyes.
“I find that hard to believe.”
He held her gaze. “Maybe you should be more trusting. I made one mistake but that’s behind us and I can assure you I’m not in the habit of lying.”
Rachel flinched. She had her own secrets, her own obstacles to overcome.
He inched closer and slid his hand across hers, sending a frisson of delicate excitement through her. His hand slipped under hers and onto the soft flesh of her thigh, the heat of his hand easily penetrating the thin fabric of her skirt.
Slipping her hand out, she brushed her fingertips across his the fine skin on top of his hand.
She had to tell him before they went any further.
“I’ve been thinking about how you told me I put a wall up around myself,” she said.
“You’ve been thinking about what I said?” Jake sounded surprised as he placed his other hand over hers, enveloping it in both of his.
“There’s a lot I haven’t told you about my past. In fact, I haven’t told anyone.”
“About your husband’s death?”
“Yes
and no,” she said. “When Nick died my whole life fell apart. I couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat. I had friends and family looking after me but at times I just wished they’d leave me alone. I didn’t think they could possibly know what it was like to feel even a fraction of my pain.”
“Your husband died. You were grieving. You were allowed to feel sorry for yourself.”
“And I didn’t think it could get any worse.”
She looked at Jake, his brow furrowed, his dark eyes beckoning her to continue.
“I found out Nick had been having an affair.”
She’d said it.
She’d tried to tell other people before. Her friends. But they hadn’t understood. They hadn’t believed her. And years ago she’d got used to being dismissed.
Slowly, Jake removed his hands from hers, placing her hand carefully back on her leg. A bolt of panic shot through her.
He was like her friends. He didn’t believe her.
With a deft delicate touch, so different from the masculine way he’d held her before, he slipped his arm around her shoulder, pulled her closer and pressed his lips against her forehead.
He believed her.
“You don’t seem surprised,” she said.
“I’m not.”
Rachel continued. “It was a woman from his office. I think it’d been going on for a while. I never suspected anything while Nick was alive but when I found out it all made sense. He’d developed a sudden interest in tennis and she was a keen tennis player. It was the usual story. He said he was working late and I believed him.”
“And debts. You said he left you with debts.”
“You can probably guess where they came from. He spent a lot of money on his girlfriend and new flash lifestyle which I wasn’t part of. And I ended up paying for it. But, you know, money was the least of my worries. He kept saying he wasn’t ready for us to have a child. I wanted to, of course, but he kept saying we’d try next year. Always next year. That’s probably the one thing I regret most. I always wanted children.”
“How did you find out?” he asked.
She explained how she’d found photos of Nick with the other woman and had known instantly that they were pictures of two people who were intimate with each other.