Pull At My Heart

by Ellie Malouff

  “Really? She doesn’t exactly seem like the type. I mean, no more than usual.”

  “Just watch your back. I’d hate for you to get caught up in that. For example, she might take our interactions the wrong way.”

  “Our interactions?” I ask.

  He takes his eyes off the road to look over at me and raises an eyebrow. “Come on, Jules.”

  I nod at that, and think about that blasted drunken kiss from the first weekend I was here. If she found out about that, she’d definitely have some thoughts on it. I cringe at what she—or anyone at work—would possibly say about that. About me. I don’t want anyone to think that I got to where I am by hooking up with the boss.

  “Where we headed?” he asks, and I realize that I never told him where I live. It’s going to be so odd when I tell him Murrough’s pub. Since there isn’t an easy way to park in front of it anyway, I decide to tell him to drop me off at the English Market instead. I can pick up a few groceries anyway and make Eoghan dinner, if he’s home.

  Aiden is able to find a parking spot close enough to it and pull over. I’m surprised when he puts the car in park and then turns in his seat to face me. “So you’re not only living in the city, you’re living in City Centre.”

  “That’s right. I was able to get a great deal by moving in with someone.”

  “Ah, well, I hope she’s a good flatmate and doesn’t hassle you too much. You’re a busy woman,” he says, and I don’t correct him. It’s honestly none of his business.

  “That I am.”

  I put my hand on the door handle at the same time Aiden puts his hand on my lower thigh.

  “I’m really happy that you’ve joined our team.”

  I’m completely frozen as I look down at his hand and watch it travel up my thigh slowly.

  “I think we’re building something really great here,” he says.

  A cold chill runs up my spine as I realize his hand has worked its way to my upper thigh. I look up at his face. There’s barely a trace of his dimples. His eyes are hooded and his pupils are dilated. I’m pretty sure that I’m not breathing, while his breathing is far too heavy.

  This is different.

  There’s no alcohol to fall back on. He’s stone-cold sober and he looks as if he’s about to kiss me.

  Aiden licks his lips and starts to lean in toward me. My hand, which is still on the door handle, squeezes instinctively. The car door opens in a sudden and startling way, breaking up the moment. With my wits somewhat gathered, I unbuckle my seat belt.

  “Have a good night, Aiden,” I say, and rush out of the car.

  His mouth forms into a thin straight line and he replies, “Yeah.”

  I shut the car door and he takes off in a flash, not even waiting to see if I make it to the sidewalk safely. He’s already out of sight when I realize he’s taken my laptop bag.

  “Shit,” I say aloud for so many reasons. Not only did my boss almost kiss me, I don’t have anything more than what I’m wearing. With my tail between my legs, I switch directions and head toward Murrough’s instead of the English Market.

  It’s not a long walk, but I take my time, trying to figure out what on earth I’m going to do about Aiden. I’m so afraid that whatever I do will ruin everything I’ve been working toward. My parents taught me the value of hard work, and I’m not going to let them down…or myself down, for that matter. With Aiden, I need to redouble my efforts to keep a distance between us.

  Christ—my parents. I still haven’t told them the whole story of my living situation. One challenge at a time.

  I finally get home and the pub is only half-full. Most people are having an after-work pint from the looks of it. Dylan’s on the phone, chatting animatedly, and then Ruth looks over and sees me.

  “She’s here,” she yells over to Dylan.

  Dylan cuts off whoever he’s on the phone with. “Yeah, she’s here…just now…right,” he says and hangs up.

  “What’s going on?” I ask, and walk up to the bar with Ruth.

  “Eoghan’s been looking for you. He went to your work, but you weren’t there.”

  “I got a ride from someone else.”

  “He tried to text you and to call you.”

  “Yeah,” I say, and shake my head. “I forgot my phone at home today.”

  Dylan gives me a dark look and Ruth says to him, “Calm down. She’s here in one piece, isn’t she?”

  “Of course I am. What on earth could have happened to me?”

  Dylan doesn’t respond, but goes back to work. I look over at Ruth and she has a sympathetic expression. “I think you’re in trouble.”

  “Oh lord,” I say, and march up the stairs to the flat.

  My phone is on the nightstand, just where I left it. Sure enough, there’s two missed calls from Eoghan and several text messages.

  Unsure of what to do with myself until Eoghan gets home, I decide to take a bubble bath and try to unwind from the day. Moments after I turn the water off, I hear stomping coming up the stairs.

  “Juliana,” Eoghan calls for me.

  “I’m in the bathtub,” I yell back, figuring that will be enough to satisfy him. I’m so wrong. The next thing I know, he opens the bathroom door. I sit up, pull my knees to my chest, and yell, “Hey!” Then I make sure I’m covered up enough by the bubbles.

  He isn’t fazed. Instead, he looks mad. Fiery mad. “Where the fuck were you? I came to get you and you were gone. I texted, I called. Where’s your phone?”

  “I forgot it at home today,” I explain. “I’m sorry. Aiden drove me.”

  “Aiden? Your boss?” he asks. His frown sinks deeper.

  “Yeah, he gave me a ride home when you didn’t show.”

  “I was a little late,” he yells, and makes some pretty dramatic hand motions. “Dublin took longer than I expected.”

  “What were you doing?” I ask, and bring some more bubbles toward my chest.

  “Family business,” he says, keeping it short, and then he quickly shifts, “I was worried something happened to you. You should always have your phone.”

  “I’m sorry that I forgot it. I’m sorry I made you worry,” I tell him, because it’s true. As much as I want to remind him for the fortieth time that I can take care of myself, I’m touched by how much he cares about me. How much he’s been there for me.

  He runs his hands through his hair and lets out a big rush of air. The emotions of the moment are getting to both of us.

  “I’m sorry, too, lass. I want you…” he murmurs and then stares at me, like he’s just now seeing me in the bathtub for the first time. His hungry eyes scan over me, from my big messy bun, over my face, and to my bare shoulders and kneecaps.

  My heartrate doubles and I take a big breath, my chest rising in the water. He gulps and then his lips part, which makes my belly tighten and I find myself pressing my thighs together. “What do you want?”

  His hands are balled into fists at his sides as he takes another step closer to me. “I want you…to be safe, Juliana,” he says, then turns around and leaves the bathroom.

  Blurred Lines

  Eoghan

  Jesus Feckin’ Christ.

  I’m pacing around my bedroom, wiping the sweat from my brow. My erection is pressing painfully against my jeans. I don’t remember the last time I was this hard. I take a seat on the bed and drop my head into my hands. Her question echoes in my head.

  What do you want?

  She has to know the answer, but I can’t tell her. I can’t jeopardize whatever this is, no matter how much my cock aches for her.

  The bath water starts draining and I hear her get out of the tub. My imagination is my worst enemy right now. I press my palm against my cock to relieve some of the ache, but that doesn’t help matters at all. Something’s got to give before I ruin everything with Juliana. I need to check out of all the madness in my life.

  I make my exit before she has a chance to leave the bathroom.

  The pub has filled up fast, b
ut Dylan and Bran seem to be handling it just fine. I grab an unopened bottle of Jameson from behind the bar and take it into the back office, rip off the seal, twist off the top, and drink straight from the bottle.

  “What’s the story, Eoghan?”

  I knew it wouldn’t take long for Dylan to approach me. More than anything, because I just fucked up his inventory.

  “Hey.”

  “Looks like last night didn’t go well.”

  “The black eye give it away?”

  He doesn’t say anything and I take another swig from the bottle.

  “Want a glass?” he asks.

  “I’m good.”

  “See Julie?”

  “Yeah,” I answer, and run my hand through my hair. I definitely saw quite a bit of her and I can’t get it out of my head. I take another drink.

  There’s an eruption of feminine laughter from the pub. Dylan leans back to take a look. “Gonna be a busy night, mate,” Dylan says and winks at me.

  “I’ll be out in a little bit.”

  “Close this?” Dylan asks and I nod.

  The door closes and I’m left alone with my bottle. The desk it sits on is kept nice and neat, and I wonder how Dylan does it. How can he care so much about this place when no other Murrough—not since my Grandda Seán—has?

  I miss my grandda. He was our rock for so many years when his son—my father—couldn’t be counted on. He taught me that family ia the most important thing. And while he lived out his widowed days running this pub, I was here to help him, because that’s what family does.

  I take another long swig from the bottle and twist the beaded bracelet around my wrist. Grandda was a Jameson man, too. He used to sit in this office with a bottle just like this one at his side. The only difference between us now is that I’m not bothering with the paperwork. No, I’m wallowing in his memory and at the terrible state of affairs that has always been my family life.

  “Julie, hey,” Ruth says from the other side of the office door.

  “Ruth, just the person I was looking for. Are you willing to train me tonight?” Juliana says.

  “Oh my God, yes. Let’s start in the back.”

  A small smile lifts from my lips, which I didn’t think was possible with the shit mood I’m in. But that shouldn’t surprise me—Juliana has a way of lifting me up, even when I’m committed to being miserable.

  It’s not quite fair.

  How can I be in so deep with someone that I can’t actually have? I want her—that can’t be denied—but more than that, I need her in my life.

  The bottle hits my lips again and I pull a long sip. I’ve put quite a dent in it. The pub noise explodes and there’s a lot of applause. I glance at the clock. It’s time for Liam and the boys to start their set. Liam greets the crowd with his usual banter and I know, for sure, that my time to wallow is up.

  The world looks a little sideways when I get to my feet. My eyes blink a few times as I try to find my balance and I slap my cheeks as I take a deep breath. It’s time to do what I do best out there, and to try my hardest not to drool all over Juliana. I need to play it cool tonight.

  Julie

  Ruth has trained me well, not that there’s much to it. As we’re finishing up going over the credit card charger, she asks, “How did it go with him?”

  “With Eoghan?” I ask, knowing full well what she means, but I feel like I need a little bit of padding around the conversation. Especially after what just happened in the bathroom. I put myself out there in an unexpected way because…well, I’m not sure. I’m attracted to Eoghan. That can’t be helped. He’s so hot, it’s almost impossible to remember my senses in moments like that. Thankfully, he remembered his, because I would hate to ruin things between us. Eoghan is the perfect roommate and a great friend.

  “Yeah, with Eoghan. You should have seen him storm through the pub when he got back, and then he dashed up the stairs. I wasn’t sure the two of you would be coming back down.”

  “It was fine. I told him about how I left my phone at home. It was just a misunderstanding, that’s all.”

  “Ah, well, he hasn’t been that worked up in a while,” she says, and gives me an odd smile. “It’s nice.”

  “How on earth is it nice?”

  “Oh, you know,” she says, and shakes her head as her cheeks turn a little pink.

  “I don’t, actually. What are you trying to say?”

  “Eoghan usually keeps women at an arm’s length. With you, it’s a whole different story. He cares about you so much. It’s nice to see.”

  “He’s a good friend,” I tell her, but can’t quite look in her direction.

  The office door opens and Eoghan stumbles out. He’s got a goofy grin on his face, but his dark stormy eyes don’t match it. He heads behind the bar and relieves Bran, whose shift is apparently over.

  “Here, you’ll need this,” Ruth says to snap me out of my spying and hands me an apron that ties around the waist. I put it on and then follow her around as she waits on customers. After I get the gist of it, I get my first start at Murrough’s. Crazy.

  Everyone seems to be in good spirits. Even the Stormy Crickets are sticking to the more uplifting end of their spectrum. I’m lucky, because the customers and Dylan are too happy to get irritated when I mess up a few drink orders. I think Eoghan would be even easier on me, but he hasn’t been filling my orders, not even once. Instead he’s been chatting with customers like it’s his job. I don’t mind at first, because Dylan is great to work with. He’s fast and he knows what the patrons are ordering even if I don’t get it exactly right. But as the night goes on, Eoghan is actively avoiding me and I have no idea why. The more he avoids me, the more I watch every move he makes. Finally, there’s a lull when he’s not trying to dazzle the pants off someone.

  I circle around to the bar and start off with an innocent, “Hey.”

  “Lass,” he says, but doesn’t look up at me. Instead, he’s focusing on cleaning some pint glasses.

  “Hey, are we good?” Because that’s what I really want to know.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Are you still angry with me about my phone?”

  “Not at all,” he says, and then crouches down to stack the glasses on the shelves.

  “Okay,” I say, and wait for him to pop back up but he doesn’t, opting instead to straighten things up down there. I can’t tell if he’s truly busy or just done with me, but my gut says the latter.

  Well, I have no intention to stick around someone who doesn’t want to talk to me, so I go back to work and sneak a peek at him whenever I can.

  As the night goes on, he becomes increasingly flirtatious with the women that approach his end of the bar. There aren’t any hen parties to speak of, but that doesn’t matter. The women make their way to him and I can’t help but hate how he flirts with them. When he does it, he becomes a different person in my eyes. The way he smiles, the way he talks to them and makes them laugh is something that I don’t get out of him when it’s just the two of us. It’s like he’s on with them, and not with me.

  I’m not sure what Eoghan is to me or how he feels about me, but it makes me wonder why he treats me differently. What is it about me that makes him fiercely protective and loyal, but not the crazy flirt that he is with them?

  The worst is when I get stuck watching him entertaining two girls while I wait for Dylan to fill an order. They’re both perched at the bar and gawking at him. My stomach twists as I catch one unbuttoning the top button of her blouse when Eoghan turns around to get three shot glasses.

  Here we go.

  He pours the shots and the three of them clink glasses and down the shots at the same time. He pours a second round and they go again. Then a third.

  Jesus.

  Thankfully Dylan has filled my order, so I go to the other side of the pub, away from them. As I start to pass out drinks to the customers, I catch Eoghan and the two women going outside together.

  Unbelievable.

 
I try to focus on my work, but I mess up a couple of orders, much to Dylan’s chagrin. When I bring the wrong drinks back to the bar for the second time, Ruth comes over to me and checks in. She and Dylan share a look and I apologize.

  “It’s okay. It’s your first night,” she says.

  “I promise I’m better than this,” I tell them.

  “Show us,” Dylan says, but I don’t get my chance.

  The doors open and Eoghan comes back in with the two girls, all three laughing hysterically. One of the girls turns around and stands up on her tippy toes to kiss him on the cheek, and he just lets it happen.

  I’m frozen in place, watching it all play out, and Ruth is frozen in place watching me.

  On the surface, it looks like he’s blowing off steam, and I suppose that’s okay considering his shitty day, but I think it might suit him to actually deal with his problems properly instead of getting drunk and flirting with girls.

  “Don’t worry about it, Julie. That’s what Eoghan does,” she says, trying to explain his ways.

  Dylan puts the corrected drinks on my tray and I take off to my customers’ table. The rest of the night goes on pretty quickly and by closing, I’m exhausted. You would think Eoghan would be, too, after the past twenty-four hours. Nope. He’s energized, and if I have to guess, drunk. The girls disappeared at some point, only to be replaced by an older woman who clearly has her eye on him.

  All I want is my bed, so I wrap up and close out. While tipping isn’t a huge thing in Ireland, I got a decent chunk of change. Instead of keeping it, I hand it over to Dylan and tell him, “Give this to Ruth.”

  “She won’t accept it.”

  “She’ll have to. I’m doing this for her and for Eoghan. I’m not here to make money,” I tell him and he nods.

  I take off my apron and put it back in the kitchen. When I come out, Eoghan is standing near the door to the stairwell.

  “Calling it a night?” he asks, and leans against the door. Even from a few feet away, I can smell the booze on him and…Is that cigarettes? I thought he said he doesn’t smoke anymore.

  “Yes,” I snip, being a little meaner than I probably should be. I wait for him to move, but he doesn’t.