by Lila Felix
I went back to work with a smile on my face. After the bout I would have to go see if he’d have me back again. If he’d date me again? Were we more than dating now? I didn’t care what the official status was. I just wanted to be in his arms again.
The bout was rough and I was in a killer mood. It felt so good to be on the track again. I heard one girl from the other team talking about Falcon after the first jam and it was all I could do not to knock her into next week. So I waited, bided my time until I got a clear shot and slammed her in the nose with my elbow. I got put in the sin bin so many times that they sent me to Pink Cheek Alley at halftime. It was this thing where whoever has the most penalties gets pushed around the track and all the fans slap her ass for being such a bad girl—Hence the name pink cheek.
We finished out the exhibition bout and the other team won and Nellie was hella pissed. Maddox found me after the bout and said that Falcon had left during halftime. I was sure he was still upset with me and I didn’t blame him one bit.
I relented to Maddox’s persuasion and we went to some kind of lame 18 and over club with loud techno music and no one who looked over 19. They carded me at the door and I was grateful that my driver’s license hadn’t expired. We only stayed for about an hour or so and Maddox dropped me off at my car at the rink.
I slept for a couple of hours and after waking up for the umpteenth time gave up, heeded my heart and went to Falcon’s.
Chapter 17
Falcon
When I was pissed off I felt like spouting off words like the Cajun Man on SNL. Confusion, Constitution, Retribution, Calibration, Institution, Multiplication, Aggravation, Frustration…See? It helps.
A few hours after being home from the bout, I got a call from Maddox. He usually hated talking on the phone so I answered immediately.
“Yeah?”
“Hey, can I come talk to you?” Maddox never ever wanted to come talk to me. He always went to Owen.
“Yeah, come on.” A few seconds later he knocked on the door. He must’ve been downstairs when he called.
He walked in and looked around.
“Looks better in here. It used to look like someone abandoned this place during a zombie apocalypse. And what the Hell happened to your hair?” Leave it to Maddox to relate everything to the Walking Dead.
“It’s called scissors. What’s up?”
He sat down on the couch and scrubbed his face with his hands.
“Ok, I try to usually mind my own business. But I know that Reed really likes you and she’s been kinda hanging out with me lately.” I knew he was my brother and all but if he came here to ask my permission to see Reed I was going to clock him—period.
“And?”
“So tonight we went to this 18 and over club after the bout and they asked for ID. So Reed pulls out her driver’s license and I saw a different kind of ID underneath it.”
I sat down next to him, in close proximity, in case the clocking was still in order.
“Ok. What was it?”
“It said something about transient youth safe-haven. It had her name and her picture and everything. So I was going to look it up when I got home.”
“So, how’d you get in? You’re only 17.” He smiled a mischievous smile.
“Focus man, focus. Ok, so anyway—then I went back to drop her at her car and started back home. Then Mom calls and said she thinks she left her phone at the rink.”
“Good Lord Mad, make an f’in point already.”
“I’m getting there. So I go back and find Mom’s phone on one of the tables. And on my way out I spot a car parked in the back and it looks like Reed’s. So I go over there and—shit—she’s sleeping in her car, like full on blanket, pillow, everything. But I didn’t want to embarrass her so I just went home and gave Mom her phone and didn’t say anything. Then I got on the internet and looked up that place on her ID and it’s a place for homeless youth to eat, take showers, wash their clothes, stuff like that.”
I wracked my brain for an explanation, not ready to admit what my gut already knew. “Well, maybe she was just taking a nap.”
“Come on man. Look, I didn’t want to tell you but I saw her over at Theo’s the other night same deal, sleeping in her car.”
“Oh yeah? And what were you doing over there?” Like I didn’t know—Maddox was a girl magnet.
“Hey, I have a social life. So, I hate to say this out loud. It’s hard to say. I think she’s homeless.”
“Shit.” So that was it. She was homeless. It all made sense now. Her using my address, when I saw her sleeping in her car, she didn’t want me to pick her up or drop her off. I nearly fell to my knees at the thought of her without a place to lay her beautiful head. I needed to go find her.
Maddox caught my thought process and put his hands out. “Whoa man, think slow. Don’t go out there on a rampage. If she’s been homeless all this time then she knows how to take care of herself. Let’s think this through.”
“I don’t want to think it through Mad, I want to find her and drag her ass here so she’s not out there alone. What if she gets mugged or worse!”
“There’s nothing you can do tonight Falcon that won’t humiliate her beyond belief. Take tonight and think this through before you go nuts. Look, I’ve got to get home. Mom is already pissed that I left out without telling her where I was going.”
“OK, thanks Mad.”
“Yeah, anytime.” He shut the door behind him.
I paced the square footage of my tiny apartment for at least two hours, keys and wallet in hand, deciding what to do. I didn’t want to embarrass her, but at the same time I couldn’t stand the thought of her out there, in the cold, alone. I threw my keys and wallet on the counter, my brain winning the argument. I decided to try to get some sleep, and that’s when there were three tiny knocks on the door.
I ran the short distance to the door and opened it and the sight of her nearly pushed me over the edge of sanity.
“Hi. I’m sorry it’s so late. I just couldn’t wait.” And neither could I. I pulled her to me, through the threshold and closed the door behind us. I didn’t know if it was because of stress, worry, or just plain missing her but my legs went flaccid beneath me and still holding her, I slid down to the floor, back against the door. And then it hit me that she might not be here because she changed her mind. She might be here to talk about something maniacal like dodo birds or Salvador Dali paintings. I started to let go of her and face whatever she had to say to me and it was then her arms closed in around my neck. Even her knees and thighs clamped tighter around my torso.
“You cut your hair,” She whimpered as she reached up to smooth her hand over my lack of spike.
“Yeah, felt like a chump. Remind me to hide the scissors.”
Her body shook in laughter against mine. I didn’t care why she was here. She was here and that was better than nothing. Her hand found the back of my neck and her fingers were icicles.
“You’re freezing.” I held her tighter in response. “Come on.” We disentangled and I led her to the couch and pulled a blanket over the edge to cover her.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered and leaned against my side. She didn’t have anything to apologize for in my book but I needed to know what she meant.
“What in the world are you sorry for?”
“For making you work at night to avoid me.” She was still shivering. I put my arms around her and pulled her closer.
“I didn’t work nights to avoid you. I worked nights because I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable with me around. I know who I am and that I’m a lot to handle so I didn’t want you to feel weird at work.”
She sat up and looked on me in aggravation. “Falcon, that is Nellie’s business. You worked there first. I thought you just didn’t want to be around me.”
“There’s nothing you could ever do or say that could make me not want to be around you Reed—Nothing.”
Two tears escaped from the inside corners of her eyes along
with a whimper from her mouth. She had to know that she couldn’t rid me of my feelings for her that easily.
“I was wrong and stupid. I do still want to see you. But I’m not ready to tell you some things. But I don’t want to lie to you either.”
And now, thanks to Maddox, I knew what those things were. I put my hands on either side of her face to make sure I had her attention. “If we get to something you don’t want to tell me then just say so. Like I said, it’s not going to change anything anyway. I’m not willing to let whatever it is get in the way.”
“Ok, well, it’s late. I better go.” Her lips spoke the words but her body made no attempt to move.
“Stay with me, Reed.” She got her discomforted look again.
“I’ll sleep on the couch. I’m just not ready to be so far away from you yet.”
“I can’t. I have to go to work tomorrow.”
“Do you have clothes with you? You can shower here or whatever you need and go straight into work from here.”
She twisted her earring. It added to the list of things I wanted to know about her. Why did she always twist that earring when she was under duress?
“Are you sure?” She gripped my shirt as if it would help her make a decision.
“Yes.”
“Ok, let me go get my bag.”
Chapter 18
Reed
One of my foster families had a set of seven year old twin boys who loved Legos. I’ve been elbowed in the nose, kicked in the guts with a set of quads and knocked into a steel barrier on the track. But no amount of pain can compare to stepping on a Lego.
I rushed down the stairs outside Falcon’s apartment to throw some things in a bag. I came here tonight to apologize and hope we could start over. And now I was going to stay here with him, sleeping in a real bed. It had been months and months since I’d slept in a bed.
I walked back in and he was pacing the floors. He stopped as soon as I came in the door.
“Do you mind if I grab a shower tonight?”
“Of course not, whatever you want.”
I showered, my nerves getting the best of me as the drops pounded against the crown of my head. I was achy and I noticed more than a few bruises coming to fruition on my legs and one across my stomach. I got out, toweled off and threw on some girl boxers and an old derby t shirt. I combed through my hair, brushed my teeth and turned to the door to face the music.
I opened the door and he sat on the loveseat, scrolling through channels, looking relaxed, save for the twitching of his right foot. He turned to look at me and then stood.
“You must be tired, but are you hungry, thirsty? I can run out and get you whatever.”
“I’m fine Falcon. I just need some sleep, I’m kinda sore from the bout.”
He walked past me and into the bathroom and came out with 3 white pills and a glass of water. I took them and then glanced to the bed, gathering my bravery.
“Ok, well, goodnight. If you need anything, I’m right here.”He turned to take off his t shirt and I took the opportunity to take in the sight of his back, gray pajama pants slung low on his defined hips and waist. And though there were many tattoos on his back and arms, one , carved across his back in bold black, begged my attention. I closed in on him as he pulled his shirt over his head and I reached out, unable to stop myself, and ran my fingers along the diameter of the quote.
“I humbly do beseech of your pardon,
For too much loving you”
William Shakespeare
“How sad,” I said, my breath hitting his back.
“What?” He said and turned to face me.
“How can you love someone too much?” He shrugged and moved a wet strand of hair from the side of my face.
“I always manage to smother those around me. “ I looked down to his chest and saw the most intricate tattoo on his body across his chest. It was an oil rig, drilling into a heart shape and it was almost empty, drained almost dry.
“Let’s get some sleep.” My voice cracked as I said it.
He nodded and halfway through a turn to the sofa I grabbed his hand to stop him. I started walking backwards before he could protest. I sat on his bed and he followed me.
“Are you sure,” he asked.
“Yeah, I just—I just want you to hold me.”
“I can do that.” He whispered and we laid down together, his gaze never leaving mine. With one of his arms under my head, and the other over my waist, I started to drift off. Him stroking my hair wasn’t helping.
“When I was little, we lived in this tiny little cottage house and the kitchen had wild orange and white wallpaper. It was some kind of orange flowers with a black center. I can’t remember what they were called but they were the same color as your hair.”
“Poppies.” I whispered into his chest.
“Yeah, that’s it—Poppy. How’d you know that?”
“My mom owned a nursery. I was around plants all my life.” The first memory of my mom was her pruning roses in the garden outside the front door. She was so beautiful.
“My mom can’t raise a plant to save her life.” He chuckled and I could feel it rumbling through his chest against me.
“If I ever go to school, I’m going to be a botanist.” I wasn’t sure if I said that out loud or not. Sleep had found me here, with Falcon.
After the best sleep of my life, I could hear him breathing next to me. I kept my eyes closed, letting the other senses take over, letting this moment seep into my pores. The heat of his hand on my hip. His breath flowing over my forehead in waves. The smell of aspen and rain that permeated his skin. Our feet stacked like books—my foot, his, my foot, his. My hand pressed against his chest right over his heart and his tattoo. The one that told so much about who he was.
I opened my eyes and raised them to look at him. He was sound asleep, full lips opened slightly. His eyes were closed but I knew that light brown pools lay beneath the lids. Black, thick eyelashes twitched and I wondered who or what had the honor of being a part of his dreams.
Because whether my eyes were closed or open, he was my dream.
Chapter 19
Falcon
It’s not often for me that reality is better than fantasy. This is one of those times. Reed next to me, in my bed, breathing against my chest. She was the Diane Court to my Lloyed Dobler. Yes, I relate everything back to the 80’s—sue me.
I fell asleep sometime after the sun had come up. Until then I stayed up and let myself drown in her presence. But more than her beauty, I loved her savage pride, her unique innocence, her bravery. It was here in the darkness of night and warmth of my bed that I made my confession, inside myself and silently to her. I loved her. It was too fast, too rushed, too new, but I didn’t care. I loved her.
She stirred beside me as I said it, acknowledging that some part of her heard my words.
I woke the next morning and looked down at her. She studied invisible circles on my bicep made by her fingers. I bowed my head and mumbled a ‘good morning’ into her hair. She smiled up at me.
“Breakfast?” I said.
She moved to get up and I put my hand over her stomach to stop her.
“Don’t get up. I’m going to run out and grab something. I’ll be back.”
“Oh, thank goodness, I’m so sore.”
I got up and threw on hooded sweatshirt and my Chucks. I grabbed the keys and my wallet and set out for breakfast. I went to a local place that made the best omelets and homemade cinnamon raisin bread. I got two of everything and drove back. I entered the apartment quietly, not knowing if she was awake or had fallen back asleep. I glanced at the bed and the latter was true. The clock read ten thirty and I knew that she was scheduled to work for twelve. I put the bags on my tiny kitchen counter and kicked my shoes off on the way to the bed. She had turned, now facing the wall. I crawled in behind her and pulled her closer to me.
“You’re freezing.” She said.
“I know, it’s cold outside. It’s ten thir
ty already. You have to go to work soon. Unless you want me to call Nellie and tell her that we’re in bed and you’re not going to work.”
“I’d never hear the end of it. She teases me relentlessly already.”
“Get used to it. She calls me ‘bird boy’ and Hawkeye every time she gets a chance. Last year she bought me a bow and arrow for my birthday and told me it was for when the Avengers were called into action.”
“Oh, that’s a good one. I’m gonna start calling you that.” She giggled.
“All right Traitor, get your cute butt up or you’re gonna be running to get to work.”
“Ugh, fine.” She sat up and her hair fell around her face. I turned to lay on my back and she groaned and plopped her head on my stomach.
“No, I tried, I can’t do it. Call her, I’ll take the teasing.”
I slapped her on the butt and slid out from beneath her.
“Come on, I got you an omelet and the best bread ever.”
“Ugh—you suck, tempting me with breakfast.”
I leaned down and put my lips to her ear. “You’re lucky. You, on the other hand, tempt me every single second.”
“Yeah, yeah—I tempt you so much you haven’t even attempted to kiss me.”
“Just because I haven’t doesn’t mean I don’t want to, believe that.”
She stuck her tongue out at me and we sat at my tiny little table and ate. We both showered again and got dressed and I insisted on dropping her off at work. That way, I would have to pick her up and try to convince her to stay with me again.
I drove to the family house. My mom and dad had taken the day off and I needed to talk to Mom about Reed. She knew her circumstances already, I was sure of it.
I pulled into the driveway and walked inside. They were both sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee with brochures and pamphlets in front of them.