How It Rolls

by Lila Felix

  “Wutswrongwibyou?” I said over my toothbrush and foam filled mouth.

  “Are you purposely trying to kill me? Put some pants on woman.”

  I fell into giggles at him. I sauntered to the dresser and should go to Hell for what I did next. I bent over and got my pajama pants out of the bottom drawer and put them on slowly, one leg at a time. I turned around to gloat and he was gone. I walked through the house and he was nowhere to be found. I saw a shadow move past the backdoor and realized he was outside. I opened the backdoor and he stood on the porch, hands on his hips. Oh boy, I was one wretched wench.

  “Sorry, that was awful of me.” I thought he might be angry. But he didn’t answer.

  “What the Hell Falcon?” He turned and smiled at me. “Oh, I thought you were pissed.”

  “I was totally pissed and then I realized that I was one lucky bastard if I got to experience what you just did in there for the rest of my life. One damn lucky bastard.”

  Chapter 31

  Falcon

  I wouldn’t admit this to one single living soul. But damn, Owen scared the piss out of me. ‘Roid rage is a real bastard. Plus, you never, ever, mess with Sylvia, Nellie, or Reed Black. Yes, in my head I called her Reed Black.

  What are you gonna do, tell her?

  Five weeks later I got a call on my cell in between classes.

  “Hello?” I answered.

  “Falcon Black, this is Forrester Malone, the private investigator you hired. We have found Elaine Lyons. She lives in Oregon, in a small town called Riddins. We have her contact information. I can text that to you now, if that’s okay.” Shit, I expected it to take a lot longer than this.

  “Yeah, that’s fine. I paid you already, so we’re clear, right?”

  “Yes, Mr. Black, we’re clear.” He hung up and now I had to break the news to Reed. Honestly, I didn’t know how she’d take it. Over the last weeks she’d gone back and forth over the issue. One day she wanted to run to a P.I. and find Elaine and the next she thought she was better off. But I knew better. I knew that one day, maybe not this year, or the next. But one day she would want to know more about Elaine. If nothing else, just to see if she had pictures of her parents. This just added to the layers of guilt I was buried under already, the house, the money and now Elaine. At least I would come clean about Elaine. At least I didn’t have to feel like shit about that.

  It was her day off so I skipped Lit class and called her and asked her to meet me at the house. I paced the floor wondering what her reaction would be.

  “Yo, Hawkeye, you’re wearing a path in the floor. What’s up?”

  “Sit down Reed, I need to talk.” She sat down with a confused look.

  “Shoot,” she replied. I rubbed the stripe on my head even though it had failed to comfort me so far.

  “Ok, I’m just gonna come out and say it. I hired a P.I. and he found your Aunt Elaine.” She got up and paced for an eternity before she turned to look at me and then resumed pacing again without responding.

  She finally stopped and eyed the front door and I followed her gaze, thinking someone was approaching it. Then she grabbed the keys and her purse and flew out of the door. I wasn’t stupid. I wouldn’t try to stop her. You know that thing I said earlier about not feeling like shit? Yeah, scratch that. Stick me to a boot and scrape me off on the concrete. I was a piece of shit.

  Chapter 32

  Reed

  He could’ve at least sugar coated it for the love of God. ‘Hey, Reed, I got friended by your aunt on that social media place.’ Or ‘Guess who I ran into at the cupcakery?’ No, that would be far too easy. This way, he pierced my heart nineteen thousand times over in one slice. Well played, love of my life, well played.

  The flight instinct took over before I could stop it. I grabbed the keys and my monstrosity of a purse and hauled ass before he could even try to stop me. Because right now, I felt like the biggest sap sucking idiot on the face of the planet. And if I even looked in his direction, and he flashed me those gorgeous pools of false sweetness, I wasn’t going to survive. I slammed the door behind me, not on purpose, it was just a side effect of my swift escape.

  I got in my car and drove, and drove, and drove, until somehow I ended up back at my parents’ nursery in the middle of nowhere. I walked out to the dock where we used to row a pirogue back and forth home. My beat up Cypress swing still hung in the branch over the water. I used a long stick to bring it closer and tested it before making it my makeshift psychiatry couch. I told the creek everything that night. I told it how much I missed my parents and how I couldn’t really remember what they looked like sometimes. I recalled the odd idiosyncrasies of every foster family I’d been through. And I told the murky waters about Falcon. How much I loved him and believed that although my initial reaction was hurt, that he’d done it for me. He thought it would make me happy to find her. But it hurt. It felt like another family shoving me aside, making room for the new bright and shiny kid. And let’s face it; I wasn’t very bright and shiny in the first place.

  I swung back and forth until the dry rotted rope made wickery imprints in my hands and in the cold air began to sting me. But I couldn’t face him yet. I looked at the house across the way and saw the remnants of a family. The foundation was still there but the walls were gone. I was all that was left.

  When the chill was too much, I curled up in my car and slept. And I tried to pretend I was the old Reed again. The one who needed nothing, from anyone. The one who certainly didn’t need a guy with his warm arms around her. She didn’t need his breaths tickling her ear as she tried to fall asleep. She didn’t need anyone. And she reveled in her loneliness. That Reed lulled me to sleep, taking comfort in a forgotten pain.

  Chapter 33

  Falcon

  Driving nails into my Achilles’ heel would be less painful than sitting here, not knowing where she was or what I could do to soothe her. That was my job, no, my calling in life—to soothe her pain, to ease her ache, to cause her smiles, to block evil’s path, to love her heart, to devour her body. And what did I do? I failed, that’s what I did.

  I must’ve called her phone ninety times. I texted that many times as well. I called Farrah, thinking she would run to her friend but she hadn’t heard from her. I fell asleep sometime before dawn, on the outside of her front door. I had to be here when she came back.

  “Go home, Falcon.” A voice and a kick of my shoes woke me.

  “Reed!” I smiled up at her out of pure instinct but she didn’t return the gesture.

  “I need time Falcon, go home—please.” She opened her door and slammed it behind her, moving around my slumped body. I got up and left, what else could I do? I could only imagine her reaction when she found out that I bought her a frickin’ house.

  I went back to my apartment. I tried to get some sleep since I had Frenchy’s class at seven, which was in three hours. But instead, I tossed and turned relentlessly until I threw the comforter, which smelled like her, on the floor and got dressed for class. I seriously considered attending class as one of those pajama guys. But I just couldn’t do it. I threw on some jeans and a gray Hurley t-shirt and headed out. I left my phone at home. I knew that my next phone call would be from Nellie, dogging me out for whatever I did. And honestly, now that I thought about it, I couldn’t really pinpoint what I had done wrong. I found her aunt like she wanted. I knew deep down she wanted to find her. And then I sat in front of her and told her the truth. Damn it, buying her a house and giving it to her all skeezy-like was much easier than this.

  I knew she had practice that night so I didn’t expect anything until after then. But hour by hour ticked by and I heard nothing.

  I gave up. I did what she asked and here I am, alone again. I pushed too hard, moved too fast, professed too much, bounded too quickly.

  Chapter 34

  Reed

  Am I the only one in the world who loves cookies? I love cookies. I don’t care what kind, what flavor, what shape. I love cookies. And
after I acted like such a spaz the other day, the cookie market was in dire danger of me completely depleting its stock. Watch out cookie people, I’m on a rampage.

  He didn’t deserve that reaction. I was the one who had told him time after time that I wanted to find Elaine. And he went out and did exactly that.

  I called him. Time to ‘fess up.

  “This is Falcon. Spill it. Might call you back, might not.” His voicemail always cracked me up.

  I figured he was at work and I was almost late anyway. I drove to work and couldn’t help but check my phone for messages. I must’ve turned up the volume thirty three times to make sure it wasn’t on vibrate. I stopped by his office on my way in but he wasn’t there.

  “He has class today, don’t be stupiculous.” Lord help me, Nellie’s making up words again.

  “Stupiculous? Cro-ing, I’m good with, but I’m not feeling this one.”

  “Ugh—fine. Owen said it was a little much.” She smiled at herself.

  “I don’t know where he is. I mean, I know he had that French guy this morning and then he has two snoozers this afternoon. But it’s three already. He is usually here by now.”

  “He’s not answering his phone.” She threaded her arm through mine.

  “Hmmm—you know that runs in the family. They have a thing about not answering their phone when they’re upset. And since you don’t know where he is either, I’m assuming y’all are in a tiff.”

  “Yeah, I flipped out on him after he told me he found my aunt. “

  She gasped beside me. We both stood there staring into his office while we discussed it.

  “You’re gonna have to start being careful what you wish for. He-Man’s not gonna let those things go. He’ll go overboard every time. “

  “Ya think?” We both laughed.

  “So where do I find him if he’s not answering the phone and he’s not at home.”

  She looked at me, shocked. “You haven’t figured it out yet?

  “Figured out what?” She smiled and squeezed my waist.

  “I’d bet my ass he’s with Sylvia. We all run to her when we have problems.”

  “Enough about me—tell me how you are.”

  “I’m here, other than that, I’m just going through the motions. But we’ll be fine. Look,” she looked around the store quickly. “It’s not busy and Huxley got all the shipping done this morning. Why don’t you head over to the restaurant?”

  “Are you sure? I hate to take off again.”

  She patted me on the back. “You’re family now. Anyway, it’s more for me than you. Falcon has been the happiest I’ve ever seen him since y’all got together. I like my bestie better when he’s all cheery.”

  “Ok, thank you,” I headed out the backdoor and she yelled out after me. “Hey Teela!” I turned around and she fidgeted for a minute.

  “I never really thanked you properly for last week. You don’t know how much it means to me. I’ve always wanted a sister.”

  She ducked behind the wall before I could respond. But I hoped by my actions she knew I loved her back.

  I got in my car and drove to the restaurant. And sure enough, his truck was parked in the back. I tip toed through the kitchen, trying my damndest not to disturb Andre. I knocked on the door of his office and mentally fist bumped Nellie, the girl knew him like the back of her own hand. Sylvia answered the door and winked at me before pulling me in and exiting.

  I sat at the desk across from him. Haggard was the word that came to mind first.

  “I’m not apologizing.” He said with his head down.

  “I didn’t ask you to.” I replied.

  “I tried to help you. But it’s fine. I get it.” Oh, now I was pissed.

  “What do you think you understand?” I reached across the desk and pulled the pen from his hand and closed the huge binder of checks.

  “I went too far. I should’ve just let you find her on your own. I shouldn’t have interfered and now you’re pissed.”

  “Oh, well then there’s no reason for me to be here then. Since the educated forty year old has it all figured out for me.”

  “That’s not what I meant and you know it. Do you even want her number?”

  And then I lied through my teeth, “Yeah, that’s what I came here for.”

  He picked up his phone, turned it on, and then texted me the number. As soon as I received the text I walked out. Sylvia smiled at me on my way out but I just nodded my head. I hated leaving him there thinking it was his fault. But I protected myself. This way I didn’t have to shred my entire soul for him to pick through; I could leave some of it intact.

  ~~~~~~

  Weeks went by. Aunt Elaine and I talked every day now and tomorrow I was flying out to see her. She’d invited me to stay inevitably and if it wasn’t for my house, I would. He hadn’t called since the day at his office at the restaurant. Maddox and I called every day and he’d confided in me the reason why he had been so weird lately. It turned out that he and I had more in common than anyone knew.

  He had a plan put in place for when he graduated high school and his family had no idea. Tomorrow we planned to celebrate his eighteenth birthday. I’d gotten a pretty harsh tongue lashing from Sylvia when I tried to back out over the phone. She guaranteed me that Falcon and I would get through all this, she had a feeling, she said. But we were at an impasse. I thought it was my fault for being too sensitive and he thought it was his for being, well, who he was. And we were both too cantankerous to admit it.

  We all got to the restaurant and Falcon ate without ever meeting my eyes. He was purposefully not looking at me. Whenever I spoke he looked at his plate. We sang to Maddox and went through the motions and as soon as the cake was eaten, he got up and left. He hugged and kissed every member of his family and went through the front door without a blink in my direction. It stung.

  Chapter 35

  Falcon

  I used to make fun of men who looked all strung out when their girls left them. And now, looking in the mirror, the reflection showing a clear lack of interest in hygiene—I get it. I could give a flying fat feline’s ass what I looked like right now.

  “Come on man, I know you’ve got more than that.” Owen was in full personal trainer mode and I was his latest project. And believe it or not, it helped. I pushed all my anger at myself and all my love for her into the force moving those weights away from me, pulling them towards me. He came and got me after Nellie blabbed to him about whatever in the Hell happened between Reed and I. I don’t know how she did it, shit, I can’t even explain it myself. All I knew was that she was leaving tomorrow and I hadn’t talked to her. After I left the gym with Owen, I was going over to her house. If nothing else, to say goodbye—something.

  She hasn’t called or tried to contact me. Not that I’ve really been available. I’ve been working nights at both the bookstore and the restaurant. Plus, I haven’t been to a family dinner since Maddox’s birthday. I couldn’t look at her across the table without wanting to hold her.

  I made my mom cry. I hadn’t missed a family dinner in years. My Dad was currently not speaking to me very much, he was mad at me on her behalf as well as his. It was easier this way. I could keep to myself, hidden in this shell of work and numbers if they were all angry with me. There would be no one who cared enough to tell me to get more sleep. No one to tell me less coffee, more real food. No one to hand me a razor in the morning like Reed used to after she brushed her teeth. And even if I did shave, it was no use if she wasn’t there to make sure I didn’t miss a spot and catch the one ever present dab of shaving cream I didn’t wipe away.

  I also switched my music. I couldn’t handle the 80’s anymore. It was just too sappy. How did I ever listen to that crap? It’s all whiny sentimental bullshit. Just because they mix it with an electronic beat doesn’t redeem it. I moved to Johnny Cash instead.

  I showered at the gym and put on jeans and an old Iron Maiden t shirt. I put on my Vans and got in my truck. If I did love 80’
s music still, this would be the perfect time for The Final Countdown.

  I knocked at the door and fully expected her not to answer. She opened the door, with the chain still locked in and looked at me.

  “Hey, can—can I talk to you?” She shut the door and until I heard the chain unlatch, I didn’t know what would occur.

  “Come in,” she said.

  She stared at me as I walked in. “Want some coffee,” she asked.

  “Yeah,” I walked behind her and took a seat at her island.

  “Tons of sugar and cream?” She asked as she pulled a cup down from the cabinet.

  “No, um, no sugar, no milk, actually.” She turned to me, confused.

  “Owen, he’s got me on this sugar free diet, no carbs and shit.” I shrugged. Like she cares, Falcon, jeez.

  She handed it to me and took a seat across from me and we didn’t speak for a while. “Come on Falcon, you’ve never had trouble telling me things. Spill it.”

  “I just wanted to say that I’m an ass. I really thought I was doing something right. I shouldn’t have stepped in and found her. I just hear you want something and my brain snaps into gear. I can’t help myself.”

  “And I overreacted. It just felt like maybe you were trying to push me off on someone else. It kinda reminded me of being moved to the next family. I know it’s stupid but what can I say, I’m a damaged girl.”

  “If that’s what you think about me, then there’s nothing else I have, I mean, nothing else I can do to change your mind.”

  We stayed silent for a minute and I noticed that her rosebud earring was gone and she turned her engagement ring over and over on her finger.

  “You’re still wearing it.”

  “Of course I am, Falcon. I still love you. I just—everything is just up in the air, you know?”