Alice Next Door

by Judi Curtin

  There was another long sigh from the Dublin end of the phone line. ‘OK. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Ring me and let me know what train you’re on.’

  This was the hard part. I held my breath while I waited for Alice to reply.

  ‘Well, actually, I might still be too sick to travel then. I think I’ll just stay in bed for the day tomorrow. Megan’s mum said she’d keep an eye on me while Dad’s at work.’

  There was a brief silence, and when Alice’s mum spoke again, her voice scored very highly on the crossometer. ‘Well, isn’t that just typical of your dad, landing you in with strangers while he swans off into work? I’m sure Megan’s mum has more to do than keeping an eye on you. We’ll have to ...’

  Alice suddenly grinned at me. ‘Oh, Mum, I think I’m going to throw up. Gotta go. I’ll call you tomorrow.’ She made a gross, burpy sound into the phone, and then clicked it off. Then she tossed the phone carelessly onto the bed.

  I looked at her admiringly. ‘Wow, you’re such a good liar. I wish I was as good as you.’

  She gave a smug little smile. ‘It’s easy. All you need is lots and lots of practice. Come on, Meg, you try it, tell me a lie.’

  I thought for a moment. ‘Em…. Oh, I know – Melissa’s the nicest girl I ever met.’

  Alice gave me a disappointed look. ‘No. I’m not convinced. Try a real lie, but one I might actually believe.’

  I thought again. ‘OK. How about this? Rosie is a secret genius. I’m the only person in the world who knows that she can speak five languages, and play the guitar better than Bono.’

  Now Alice looked really disappointed. ‘Well of course I know that’s a lie. Bono doesn’t play guitar, he just prances around in his sunglasses and sings really cool songs.’

  I was a bit annoyed. ‘Well, you don’t know that do you? Maybe he’s the best guitarist in the world. Maybe he just plays for his family.’

  Alice was getting cross. ‘That’s stupid. Just face it, you’re wrong. He doesn’t play guitar.’

  I felt like arguing, but then I got sense. After all, who really cared whether Bono could play guitar or not? And besides, if Alice was going to be hiding in my room for the next four nights, it would be easier if we weren’t fighting all the time. She looked at me and smiled. I had a funny feeling she was thinking the same as me.

  ‘Sorry, Meg. Forget it. Let’s play “Things we hate about Melissa.” You go first.’

  I grinned. That was my favourite game, and I was very good at it. ‘OK. I really, really hate the way she nods all the time when the teacher is speaking, as if she knew everything already.’

  ‘Oh, yeah. Good one. Now my turn. I really, really hate the way when she puts on her coat, she flicks her hair up, and then checks to see if anyone was watching.’

  An hour passed very quickly like that, and then Alice picked up her phone again. This time she dialled her dad’s number.

  He picked up straightaway. ‘Hello.’

  He sounded kind of lonely, but maybe I was just imagining that.

  ‘Hi, Dad. It’s me, Alice.’

  ‘Oh, hello, darling. Are you home already?’

  ‘Yes, Dad. Safe and sound. I had a lovely weekend thanks. How was your golf?’

  He sighed. ‘Oh, you know. Good, but not good enough.’

  I laughed quietly to myself. He always said that.

  Alice was more sympathetic. ‘Oh, I’m sorry.’

  They had some cutie, dreadfully boring father-daughter chat for a few minutes, and then he said, ‘Put me on to your mother for a minute, won’t you?’

  Alice was ready for that. ‘I can’t, Dad, sorry. She’s had to go out for a while. I’m minding Jamie.’

  Big mistake. ‘Oh, OK. Put Jamie on, so.’

  Alice was very quick. ‘Oh Dad, I’m sorry. He’s just gone off to sleep. I’ll kiss him for you, shall I?’

  Alice wouldn’t have kissed her brother unless she was paid an awful lot of money, but luckily her dad didn’t think of that.

  ‘That’s sweet, Allie. Kiss his cute little nose for me, won’t you?’

  Alice made a face at me. ‘Sure, Dad.’

  ‘Thanks, love. Look, I’d better go. So I’ll see you next Friday, OK?’

  Alice gave a huge smile. ‘Yes, Dad, I’ll see you on Friday.’

  She clicked off the phone and continued. ‘….and by then, my life will be changing. For the better.’

  We gave each other another high five, and a big hug.

  Alice beamed. ‘Step two executed, and successful. We’re on our way.’

  Chapter eleven

  I couldn’t relax properly that night until Mum had been in for the tucking-in scenario she loved so much. Actually, I usually loved it too – it made me feel all cosy and safe, like when I was a little girl. But this night was different. I just wanted it over and done with so Al and I could relax and settle down for our first night together.

  Alice lay on the floor next to my bed, and we conversed in whispers until, finally, there was a light tap on the door. Alice rolled expertly under the bed, taking her sleeping bag with her.

  ‘Come in,’ I said, feeling a bit like one of the three little pigs inviting the big bad wolf into his house.

  Mum opened the door and came in. She sat on the edge of my bed. A bad sign. This wasn’t going to be a quick kiss and a pat on the head. This was going to be serious.

  She put her hand lightly on my shoulder. ‘Feeling a bit better now?’

  ‘Mmmm.’

  ‘It’s hard, Alice being gone, isn’t it? You must miss her an awful lot.’

  ‘Mmmmm.’ I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Whatever would my mum have said if she knew that Alice was lying only a few inches away from her, inhaling the dust from under my bed, and listening to every word Mum said?

  Mum kind of rustled her behind, as if she was settling in.

  ‘You know, Megan, something a bit like this happened me when I was your age.’

  I tried not to look bored. Either my mum was a dreadful liar, or everything that ever happened to me seemed to have happened to her at some stage too.

  Mum put on her dreamy kind of voice. ‘And guess what?’

  I spoke in a sing-song voice. ‘I bet it all turned out for the best in the end.’

  Mum looked a bit hurt, so I had to add, ‘I know, Mum. Thanks for trying to help.’

  She smiled and patted my shoulder. ‘That’s OK. You know we can always talk, don’t you?’

  She got up to go. At the same awful moment, our eyes fell on a red sweatshirt that was neatly folded on the end of my bed. Mum picked it up, and shook it out.

  ‘What’s this? Isn’t this Alice’s?’

  I tried to sound casual. ‘Oh yes. We swapped. I gave her my….’ I racked my brains trying to think of a jumper that wasn’t in the ironing basket, or in the dirty washing pile. Mum always knew where everything was, and I didn’t want to be caught out. ‘… my…. I gave her my blue and white striped one. Just for a loan. Until she comes down again. You don’t mind, do you?’

  Mum shook her head. ‘No, darling, I don’t mind. Not if it makes you feel better. Goodnight, darling.’

  ‘Night, Mum.’

  I thought she’d go then, but she didn’t. She came and sat down on the bed again. ‘Remember when you were very small?’

  I didn’t remember much about when I was very small, but sometimes it seemed like Mum remembered every tiny detail. And she loved to talk about it. At length.

  She continued. ‘Remember how you used to make me check under your bed every night, in case there was a monster under there?’

  Oh no! Why had she suddenly brought that up? Surely she didn’t suspect something? And Mum was big on nostalgia. Was she suddenly going to try to relive old times by checking under the bed? Was this the end of everything?

  I put on the most bored voice I could manage. ‘That was really stupid, wasn’t it?’

  She smiled. ‘Well, it wasn’t so stupid back then. But you’re a b
ig girl now, aren’t you?’

  I smiled back. ‘Yes, Mum. Much too big for monsters under the bed.’

  She patted my shoulder. ‘You’re sure you don’t want me to check? Just in case?’

  I nodded. ‘Yes, Mum. I’m quite sure.’

  She sat there for a moment longer, and then to my huge relief, she stood up and walked towards the door.

  I turned over, and snuggled down under the covers. Mum switched off the light and went out.

  After a few seconds, Alice rolled out from under the bed. She put on a spooky voice. ‘I am your worst nightmare. I am the monster from under your bed.’

  I giggled. In the dim light, I could see that she was holding a pair of my dirty socks. ‘Yuck, Meg,’ she said. ‘These stink. How long have they been under the bed?’

  I pretended to think. ‘Em.. Let me see. Oh yes, they’re my communion socks. That’ll be nearly four years, then.’

  Alice gave a quiet little squeal. I heard the socks hitting the wall over my bed. ‘Double yuck. My mum would ground me if I left my dirty washing under my bed. Still though, your mum’s nice. She sounded like she really felt sorry for you.’

  I sighed. ‘Yeah, I know. As mums go, I suppose she’s not the worst. She can be a lot of fun. And sometimes she lets us do really crazy things. Do you remember the time she let us make popcorn without putting a lid on the saucepan?’

  Alice laughed. ‘Oh yeah. Wasn’t that mad?’

  I got a sudden fit of the giggles. ‘Remember how the popcorn flew everywhere, and we raced around, grabbing it, and screaming all the time?’

  Alice suddenly stopped laughing. ‘Yeah. Fat chance of my mum doing that. If one scrap of food touches the floor she panics, as if it was a major health alert. Your mum’s great. You’re lucky.’

  ‘Mmmm ...’ I said.

  Alice laughed. ‘Remember the time, during the World Cup, when your mum used food colouring, and served up green, white and orange mashed potatoes for your dinner?’

  I gave a wry smile. ‘Hello? Did you just mention my mum, and food colouring in the same sentence? I think not.’

  ‘But I remember it really well. She had the potatoes arranged on the plate in a perfect rectangle, and she had a stick of liquorice or something as a flag-pole.’

  This time I had to laugh. ‘Oh, yes, I remember all right. But Mum would sooner die than use food colouring. She probably used spinach for the green, and carrot or tomato or something to make the potatoes orange. And if I remember correctly, the flag-pole was made out of a stick of celery. It was all probably a trick to get me to eat even more vegetables.’

  Alice didn’t care about the details. ‘Whatever. All I know is she went to loads of trouble to make dinner fun for you and Rosie.’

  Suddenly I started to feel guilty for having a nicer mum than Alice. I tried to think of something not so nice about my mum. It didn’t take long. I knew I was being disloyal to my mum, but it was all in a good cause.

  ‘Hey, she’s not exactly perfect, my mum. She dresses like she’s trapped in the seventies. Sometimes I’m sure she thinks she’s the mum in the Alfie and Annie Rose books.’

  Alice gave a small giggle. ‘Hey, now that you mention it…’

  I laughed too. ‘She has exactly the same hairstyle, and she’s been wearing the same roundy glasses ever since I can remember. She always looks like she’s just going out to dig the garden. Your mum dresses so nicely. She always looks lovely.’

  Alice sighed. ‘Yeah, you’re right. But she’s lovely in an untouchable kind of way. Jamie showed her a painting he did last week, and she kind of backed away from him, making these horrible, panicky squeals in case he’d get paint on her new white jacket. And the other day when I felt really sad about Dad, she kept going on about how she broke one of her new nails. That’s not how a mum should behave. She should understand how I feel. That’s her job.’

  Oh dear. This wasn’t working out like I planned. I decided to try again.

  ‘Still though, whenever my mum starts to try to be all buddy-buddy, I feel really, really, embarrassed, and can’t wait for her to stop. At her age she should understand the difference between being a mum and being a friend, and concentrate on the things she’s good at, like turning our dinner into the Ireland flag. Don’t you think so?’

  Alice’s voice was very quiet, and kind of sad.

  ‘Yes, you’re right. But what do you do if your mum’s only good at non-mum kinds of things, like bridge, and golf, and putting on make-up?’

  She gave a small sob. ‘I don’t think my mum even likes being a mum. Sometimes I think she’s sorry she had me and Jamie. I feel like we’re kind of in the way. Like we’re spoiling her life.’

  I didn’t know what to say. Alice had never spoken like that about her mum before. She looked tearful. I leaned over and rubbed her arm. It probably didn’t help very much. Alice wiped her eyes, and suddenly she spoke brightly.

  ‘Still. We have to make our plan work. I have to get Mum back to Limerick, and then we’ll all live happily ever after. Or something like that.’

  I spoke fiercely. ‘Our plan will work. It has to.’

  Alice nodded and smiled back at me.

  After that we talked about Melissa again. We talked about how vain she was, and the irritating way she was always flicking her hair, and generally swanning around the school as if she owned the place. As usual, saying bad things about her and telling each other how much she got on our nerves made us feel much better.

  Then we fell asleep.

  Day one was over.

  Chapter twelve

  Day two.

  I felt kind of strange when I woke up. A bit sad. A bit happy. A bit excited. And quite a bit afraid.

  Alice and I chatted quietly for a while, and then we got dressed. After that we went through the climbing in and out of the window stuff, so Alice could go to the toilet. She laughed when she got back. ‘Whew, that was fun. Maybe we could invent a new sport. We could call it “bathroom mountaineering.” What do you think?’

  I laughed too. ‘Yeah. Sounds great. We could make videos and everything. We could be rich.’

  ‘And we could be the first world champions. We could represent Ireland in the Olympics. We…’

  Just then there was a shout from the hallway. ‘Megan Sheehan, are you getting up at all today? And do you want any breakfast?’

  Alice scrambled under the bed, dragging her sleeping bag after her. I called out, ‘Yeah, Mum. I’m on my way.’ Then I heard her going back into the kitchen. Alice rolled out from under the bed, with a big grin on her face. She loved danger, and I knew she was really having fun. I often wished I could be as daring as she was.

  I knew Mum would be back if I didn’t appear, so after a few minutes, I wandered into the kitchen. Rosie was sitting up at the table in her patched pyjamas, eating a huge bowl of organic porridge. Poor child. She was too young to understand just how sad her life was.

  Since it wasn’t a school day, I was allowed to have Weetabix – supposedly a big treat. I finished my breakfast, and then I helped Mum to tidy up for a few minutes. Soon Mum went out to the utility room with some empty milk cartons for the recycling bag. Luckily, Rosie toddled after her. As soon as they were gone, I threw two Weetabix into a bowl, grabbed a spoon, and ran to my room with them.

  ‘It’s OK, it’s only me.’

  Alice rolled out from under the bed, and looked at the bowl I was holding towards her. She didn’t seem very impressed.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ I said. ‘I’ll get milk too. I just couldn’t do it all together.’

  I wandered back into the kitchen, went to the fridge and poured myself a big mug of milk.

  Mum was scrubbing the porridge stains from the hob, muttering away as she did so. ‘What is your dad like? At the age of thirty nine, you’d think that maybe just once he’d be able to cook porridge without letting it boil over. So much for learning through experience.’

  I laughed politely, and then said, ‘I’m going to r
ead in my room for a while.’

  She looked up. ‘OK. Are you bringing that milk with you?’

  I tried to sound casual. ‘Yeah. We were doing nutrition in school last week, and Miss O’Herlihy told us all about osteoporosis. It sounds awful. I don’t want to get that, so I’m going to drink two mugs of milk every day.’

  Mum smiled. ‘Well, I’m glad she’s teaching you something useful. You know broccoli has lots of calcium too?’

  I made a face. ‘Yeah Mum, but that’s going a bit too far, don’t you think?’

  She laughed, and I escaped with the milk.

  Alice finished the Weetabix in double-quick time. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. ‘Yum. I was so hungry, that was delicious. But I don’t think I can survive for the rest of the day on apples and biscuits.’

  I sighed. That was going to be a bit of a problem. I’d read loads of stories where kids hide puppies, and hamsters in their bedrooms, and struggle to sneak crumbs and rasher rinds to them. I was discovering that sneaking food to a healthy twelve-year-old with a huge appetite was a bit more difficult. Already I was running out of ideas, and besides, Alice was never going to be happy with scraps.

  I tried to sound positive.

  ‘Well, don’t worry. We can go out for a while this afternoon, and then we can buy you some nice stuff to eat.’

  Alice sounded surprised. ‘Out? How will we manage that without being caught?’

  I smiled and spoke airily. ‘Oh, don’t worry. I have a plan.’

  I felt very pleased with myself. I was getting good at all this secret stuff. Maybe I’d give up on my plans to become a vet and train to be a private investigator instead.

  * * *

  Al and I spent the next few hours in my room. I told Mum I was doing a big clear-out, so she wouldn’t be too suspicious. I even tidied a few bookshelves, just in case she came in to check. Then Al and I sat on the floor and chatted and laughed as quietly as we could. After a while we ate some of her biscuit stash. Then, at about twelve o’clock, there was a small rattle, and when I looked around, I could see the handle of my bedroom door turning slowly. Alice was standing by the window, and had no chance to hide. I held my breath as the door opened very slowly, and……Rosie toddled in. She beamed and held out her arms. ‘Alith,’ she lisped, as Alice and I stood still in panic. How could one small three-year-old spoil our great plan? It just wasn’t fair.