A Catch in Time

by Dalia Roddy

  “That’s right. Good way to put it, Mohammed.”

  Catherine sat up. Closing the loop? Oscillations? She couldn’t keep still over this one. “Laura, dear,” she said calmly, “have you heard of string theory? Or, rather, M-theory, as it came to be called?”

  Laura’s blank expression was answer enough.

  Catherine blanched. “I must lie down,” she said.

  Catherine sat, trembling, on the edge of the bed in the tiny bedroom off the dining room. String theory, evolved to M-theory, suggested that the tiniest particles into which matter could be reduced were not particles at all but loops of oscillating energy, and that their very oscillations defined their function. We are not comprised of matter, but energy that is differentiated by its oscillation.

  So many of the things Laura had said all along had made perfect sense to Catherine. The mere fact that bacteria shared common genes with the human species had been but one corroborating bit of information she’d tucked away years before. Regressive mutations. The missing components in babies born after the blackout—call it a soul, an essence, call it pudding, it didn’t matter—whatever it was, it was indeed absent. And then Mohammed, with his matching epiphanic theory, the likening of Shaitan to chaos, the elusive universe of dark matter.

  And now, the oscillations.

  The instant she’d heard Laura mention oscillations, Mohammed speak of the loop, something had clicked. She could almost feel what they remembered, the energy source straining to gain entry into the physical dimension, splitting into ever smaller units, vibrating at incredible speeds, pulsing, oscillating, impossibly miniscule. Then closing the loop. And poof. A living charge within a molecule.

  Her weariness vanished and she clasped her hands in her lap to still their trembling. After decades of laboring beneath the limiting belief that all things came to an end, she was infused with wonder and hope, happier than she could ever remember being.

  A new thought loomed, smashing aside her joy. She grasped her cane but it slipped from her grip and clattered onto the floor. Lily, Laura, Kate, the boys—all in terrible danger.

  Laura’s epiphany was real. And Laura and Mohammed said the Path was gone. All things will come to an end, after all. A suffocation of heat, moisture, pressure. She clawed at her neckline. No. It can’t be. There must be a way.

  Reclining on the bed, she tried to calm down. She had to think quickly.

  CHAPTER 45

  LILY SQUIRMED IN HER MOTHER’S ARMS. AT FIRST she’d been content to nestle against her mother and watch Mohammed. He felt different than her own family and friends. She felt movement, fluidity she’d never encountered.

  The urge to express the knowing filled her thoughts. She needed something long and smooth. A ribbon would be a start, but she needed … Maybe she could find something upstairs. She slithered from her mother’s lap.

  “Where are you going, honey?” Laura asked.

  “Looking.” Eyes gleaming, Lily went up the stairs in the foyer.

  Laura turned to Kate, who hadn’t stopped her restless pacing since Josiah had returned with the news that he’d accomplished his mission: he’d found Dr. Chang and had been successful in enlisting his aid. Kate had peppered Josiah with questions and he’d reassured her again and again that Dr. Chang would succeed in returning John Thomas to them. But Kate’s patience was at an end.

  “What’s taking him so long?” she fumed. She strode to the window, yanked aside the drapes, and pressed her face against the pane to view the dark, deserted street.

  Catherine appeared in the doorway of the small bedroom off the living room. She was convinced her little family, gathered in this room, needed saving. But there was more. If their other-dimensional source could not maintain corporeality within this universe, everything would be lost. She reclaimed her armchair. “Kate, dear,” she said, “may I have a glass of water?”

  While Kate was in the kitchen, Catherine announced to Laura, Josiah, and Mohammed that she, too, now believed in Laura’s epiphany. She raised a hand to still the exclamations of amazement and requests for explanations for the reasoning that had brought her to their way of thinking.

  “Did you listen to Eli’s tape?” Josiah wanted to know. He had slipped it to her days ago along with the tiny recorder and a request to just listen to it, however many times it might take her to make sense of it.

  She nodded. “Just now. However, I’d reached my conclusion before hearing it.”

  Suffused with joy, Laura knelt by Catherine’s chair and embraced her. Catherine’s expression, serene as always, held a new glow.

  “What’s going on?” Kate asked as she crossed the room to hand Catherine her glass of water.

  “Oh, Kate,” Laura said, turning to her almost apologetically.

  Catherine patted Laura’s hand, saying, “Let me do this,” and took the water from Kate. “Eli recorded a tape within minutes of the blackout,” she began.

  Realization swept across Kate’s features. They were talking about Laura’s Goddamned epiphany. Again. And, somehow, Catherine … “Aw, SHIT. Not you, too.”

  “The evidence has become overwhelming, Kate. Listen to Eli’s tape and judge for yourself. And there are other considerations as well.”

  Deflated, Kate turned away and listlessly folded herself into a corner of the couch. “Yeah, sure,” she muttered. “Whatever.”

  “Kate—”

  “Forget it. Save your breath.”

  “Very well, then.” Catherine fingered several pills from her sweater pocket and swallowed them with a large drink of water. It was time, she decided, to let them know.

  “There is a way to fix this, to restore the Path,” she began, to Laura’s and Mohammed’s surprise. Josiah leaned forward. Kate rolled her eyes but said nothing. Catherine took two more capsules with water, then related a summary of M-theory.

  “Eleven dimensions,” Josiah mused upon her conclusion, having long known of string theory. “Infinite universes, according to Dr. Chang.”

  Catherine nodded. “There must have been, at the moment of physical death, a release of energy from this dimension, back to the source-dimension. Laura and Mohammed believe the connection is gone. I believe it is just… scattered. And that something very elemental in us should recognize the singular oscillation it emanates, and thus find our way back.”

  Josiah frowned in thought. “You’re assuming awareness exists at this most fundamental base.”

  Mohammed had followed Catherine’s explanation with great difficulty and understood fully only after several requests for simpler definitions. “Does this not mean that the way will only be available to those who know they must struggle for it?” he finally asked.

  Catherine smiled. “Yes.” She then proposed that the peculiar matter/energy of Shaitan was the chaotic oscillation now blocking the return journey.

  “Knowing this must be avoided, one of us may get through. And our very return is what will mend the path. The information we accumulate in our lifetimes is disseminated when we return. Just as Laura and Mohammed recalled galactic panoramas during the event and received inconceivable amounts of information, this ‘realignment’ will also become part of the body of realizations. The way in and the way out will be restored.”

  “You’re right,” Laura said slowly. “It really can be fixed.”

  “Yeah,” Kate said absently. “If one of you croaks.” She still wasn’t convinced—or, refused to be.

  Mohammed stared at her. Kate had spoken the truth. Someone who knew had to die to stop others from being sucked into the darkness of chaos.

  Their attention was drawn to the staircase. Lily ran straight to Mohammed. “For you,” she announced breathlessly, and thrust something into his hands. He held the oddly shaped creation in the palm of his hand. Blue ribbons crisscrossed it, forming an intricate weave that completely hid whatever it was composed of. The ribbon ends flowed like silk between his fingers.

  “Thank you,” he told her in a grave tone. He smiled into h
er merry eyes. So like Aida. A terrible thought lashed him. What if Lily fell ill, lethally ill? And she didn’t understand about finding the way back? There was only one answer to that. Only one way to keep Lily safe and Kate, too, who denied understanding. They could not die first.

  He looked at Laura and saw his conclusion mirrored in her eyes.

  Josiah’s arm tightened around Laura with the same realization.

  “I’ll go,” Josiah said simply.

  “No.” She clutched his arms. “Don’t say that.” She must be the one to go. Not Josiah. She couldn’t imagine the world without him in it. Yet how could she leave Lily?

  Catherine could see that Laura and Josiah were struggling with their need to save each other. She let it play out, knowing that would make it all the easier for them to accept her own solution. She swallowed two more pills with the last of her water.

  “Lily, dear,” she said, holding out her empty glass, “would you refill this?”

  Lily trotted into the kitchen with Catherine’s glass. When she returned, Catherine suggested a project for her, something for John Thomas’s homecoming. Lily whispered excitedly back, then had to squirm for release from a lingering hug. Catherine’s tender gaze stayed on her until she disappeared up the stairs.

  Kate listened to Josiah and Laura with growing alarm. That Goddamn Path. It was literally going to be the death of one of them. Knowing how completely Laura believed in her epiphany, she knew just how useless it was to argue. And now, even Josiah and Catherine were caught up in the fantasy. Sudden anger surged through her.

  “Will you cut out this shit?” she yelled, glaring at Laura and Josiah. She whirled toward Catherine, pointing a shaking finger at her. “Chrissakes, Catherine, you started this. Fix it.”

  Mohammed silently slipped away.

  He paused in the dimness of the hallway to look at his new friends one last time. Knowing his mission, he silently said good-bye. On the street, he would make his final obeisance to Allah. He would not go too far; they would hear the shot and know the need was filled.

  Kate’s chest was heaving. “Jesus Christ, Laura. You’re Lily’s mother. Do you really think she’ll be better off with you gone?”

  “Kate’s right,” said Josiah. “It makes more sense for me to go.”

  “No!” Kate cried. “It doesn’t make sense for anybody to go.”

  Catherine raised her glass to her lips, but water trickled down her chin.

  “Are you feeling all right, Catherine?” asked Josiah.

  “Mmm, fine.” This wasn’t going to take much longer. Palming the last five pills, she hastily washed them down, then wiped trickles of spilled water from her chin.

  “Catherine!” Kate hurried to her side. “What are you taking?”

  Catherine smiled and patted Kate’s hand. “Everything’s fine now. I’ll take care of it.”

  “SHIT.” Kate dropped to her knees.

  Josiah and Laura crowded next to Kate. Josiah cupped Catherine’s wrist, fingertips on her pulse.

  “What have you been taking?” Josiah asked Catherine.

  “We’ve got to make her throw up,” Laura instructed.

  Catherine eased forward to peer past them at the empty room. “Where’s Mohammed?”

  Kate grabbed Catherine’s arm. “To the bathroom, now. We’re getting this shit out of you.”

  With surprising strength, Catherine wrenched her arm from Kate’s grip. “No! It’s done. Where. Is. Mohammed?”

  “Probably taking a piss.”

  “No!” Catherine’s hands waved heavily. “Oh, he’s going to … Josiah, get him. He’s going to do it. I knew you two … but I didn’t think, oh, how could I not…”

  Josiah limped quickly out, calling Mohammed, knowing, even as he searched, that it was futile. Catherine was right. Mohammed had slipped away to take their lives into his own hands. And now they would lose both Mohammed and Catherine.

  Mohammed would have gone outside to do it, thought Josiah. What was his reason? He hadn’t known any of them long enough to … He had to find Mohammed before it was too late. It was obvious Catherine had planned her exit carefully.

  Grabbing his and Kate’s jackets from hooks by the door, he limped through the empty living room and stopped in the doorway of the small bedroom. Catherine lay on the bed, and Kate and Laura sat on either side of her.

  “He’s not in the house,” he said, handing Kate’s jacket to her.

  She lifted a tormented face to him. “Catherine’s … she’s going to …”

  “Find Mohammed,” Catherine said, each syllable an effort. “Kate. Please.”

  Kate blurted, “But I don’t want to leave you.”

  Catherine managed small smile. “You will never leave me, dear Kate. You are … burnt… into me. Forever.”

  Crying, Kate pressed a kiss onto Catherine’s soft, worn cheek.

  “Good-bye, dear,” Catherine whispered.

  Swiping at tears that would not stop, Kate wrenched herself off the bed and barged past Josiah.

  Josiah gently kissed Catherine’s cheek. “Thank you,” he said, then searched for words of encouragement. Her theory of tuning in to innate vibrations had sounded plausible, but now that she actually hovered on that brink, he could only wonder at the how of it. Remembering the gluey, bleak horror of the second blackout, that ominous darkness she had to skirt, all he could utter was, “Hold on, Catherine, just hold on.”

  She smiled crookedly. “Don’t worry. I’ll… make it. I have perfect pitch.”

  Clever to the end, Josiah thought, and his answering smile, full of sadness and hope, was nearly undone by the grief that lay hard beneath it. He would miss the old woman far more than he’d ever expected.

  “Laura,” Catherine said, alone now with the young woman who’d changed her life and what lay beyond it.

  “Tell me … what I shall find? I imagine … consternation. Many questions about … why we … stopped coming … back.”

  Laura tenderly stroked her hand as another piece of the puzzle slid into place. “There won’t be any questions,” she assured her. “That’s our job here. People question everything. We question life itself and, therefore, the universe. On the other side, every returning essence is absorbed. It’s where all the answers are saved.”

  “Don’t tell … Kate,” Catherine whispered.

  “Why?”

  “As long as there are questions, there will be … religion. The ultimate … irony.”

  Laura leaned close to hear her final, faint words.

  “Look … for the … best… questions.”

  Mohammed knelt in the middle of the intersection of 23rd Avenue and Lake Street, as the last of his prayer drifted into the velvety silence. He prostrated himself one final time and felt a great peace. Very slowly, he sat back on his heels, and looked at the heavens splattered with millions upon millions of points of light. Stars. Suns. Creation.

  “Allah is good,” he whispered as he picked up the gun.

  Kate heard Josiah shut the front door, but she didn’t look back. “I’ll go this way,” she shouted. She hurried toward California Street. It was unthinkable. Catherine was dying. And all because of a stupid fucking idea. She could just kill Laura. And if it weren’t for Mohammed, she could be at Catherine’s side right now, holding her hand, not… not walking out on her.

  She veered into the middle of the street to see both sides better and ran as fast as she could. Her harsh breathing and rapid footfalls echoed against the darkened houses.

  A gunshot blasted through the night.

  “Ali!” she screamed, and ran faster. Gasping for breath, she strained to make out the shadow in the middle of the upcoming intersection. “Ali!”

  Mohammed listened to the echo of the shot he’d fired into the air. Surely they would have heard that. And hearing a second shot, they would investigate.

  He placed the muzzle against his temple. And heard a cry. Without moving the gun, he turned his head and saw a shadowy figure rapi
dly nearing him through the surrounding darkness. His finger tightened on the trigger.

  “Ali, stop!” Kate yelled. “Catherine did it. Catherine’s dying.” Kate dropped to her knees beside him. “We gotta hurry,” she panted. “Maybe there’s still time.” With a groan, she grabbed his arm as she rose. They both ran. Mohammed, chin tucked and arms pumping, sprinted past her.

  They were too late.

  CHAPTER 46

  “I CAN’T BELIEVE SHE’S GONE,” KATE REPEATED numbly. Her deep grief was shrouded with resentment. “So Goddamn unnecessary.”

  Laura felt the words like a blow, but there was nothing she could say to prove Catherine didn’t die in vain. It might be a long time before they would know anything. Mutations would have to stop. Shaitan must cease entering the world. Ironically, till then, she would need faith.

  “It was necessary,” Mohammed began but subsided at a glare from Kate.

  A knock on the door shattered the tension. Kate ran to the foyer and flung the door open. With a cry of joy, she pulled a dazed John Thomas into her embrace.

  Dr. George Chang, smiling politely, stood to one side with his young daughter, Su Ling, while John Thomas was passed from one member of the household to another in a flurry of hugs and kisses. Lily attached herself to John Thomas with such fierceness, none could pry her clinging form from his. Josiah then introduced Chang and Su Ling and invited them to sit by the warmth of the fire. Even as they settled in, Kate fired questions at Chang and John Thomas, snatches of explanations overlapped, and John Thomas was gently told of Catherine’s passing. Only then did Lily finally release her hold on him, allowing Kate to enfold her young charge in her arms, to share and ease his fresh grief.

  Lily looked to the others and, for the first time, saw the little girl sitting quietly by her father’s chair. Frozen in place, Lily could only stare, mouth agape. She’d never seen another little girl, never seen another child. Lucas, awful Lucas, had been the youngest person she’d ever been near, and he’d been six years older than she.