More than a Convenient Marriage?

by Dani Collins

  She didn’t know what was more stingingly sweet: the first pull of her baby’s mouth on her nipple or the stirring way Gideon cradled her against his chest so he could help her hold their baby. Adara blinked back tears, frantically wondering how she could be so close to Gideon and feel he was so far out of reach at the same time.

  She tensed to hide that she was beginning to tremble, finding words impossible as emotion overwhelmed her. At least she had her back tucked to his chest and he couldn’t see her face.

  He seemed to react to her tension, pulling away with a grimace that he smoothed from his expression before she’d properly glimpsed it. Standing by the bed with his hands in the pockets of his rumpled work pants, he stared at the baby.

  She did too, not knowing where else to look, then became fascinated by the miracle of a closed fist against her breast, tiny lashes, the peek of a miniature earlobe from beneath the edge of the blue cap.

  A drop of pure emotion fell from her eye, landing on his cheek.

  “Oh,” she gasped, drying the betraying tear. “I’m just so overwhelmed,” she said, trying to dismiss that she was crying over a lot more than the arrival of their son.

  “I know.” Gideon’s blurred image took a step forward and he gestured helplessly. “I didn’t expect it to be like this.”

  Like this. Those words seemed to encompass a lot more than a safe delivery after so many heartaches.

  Adara blinked, trying to clear her vision to see what was in his face, eyes, heart, but all she could think was that she’d screwed up and thrown away something unbelievably precious. Her eyes flooded with despondent tears.

  “Please come home,” she choked out. “With us. We won’t be a family without you and I miss you so much—” She couldn’t continue.

  “Oh, babe.” He rushed forward, his warm hand cupping her face as he settled his hip beside her thigh and drew her into him, pressing hot lips against her temple, her wet cheek, her trembling lips. “I’ve been trying to think how I’d ever convince you to let me. I’m sorry.”

  She shook her head, burying her face in the hollow of his shoulder as she tried to regain control. “It’s okay.” She sniffed. “It was never easy for me to tell you about my childhood horrors. I shouldn’t have expected you to revisit yours without some serious prodding.”

  He massaged the back of her head, his chin rubbing her hair. “I didn’t want to, but mostly because I knew it could be the breaking point of our marriage. I didn’t want that. And not because it would expose me. I didn’t want to lose you. Does it help at all to know that I’ve always felt married to you? Maybe it wasn’t legal, but it was real to me. You’re my wife, Adara.”

  She nodded. “I am.”

  He laughed a little, the sound one of husky joy. “You are.” He drew back, cupping her face as he looked for confirmation in her eyes. “You are.”

  She bit her lips, holding back the longing as she nodded. “I am. It’s enough.”

  The radiant pride in his expression dimmed. “Enough?”

  “Knowing that our union matters to you. That you want me as your wife. That we can be a family.”

  He sat back, hands falling away from her. “What are you saying? What does all of that do for you?”

  “What do you mean? It’s good, Gideon. I want to carry on as we were, treating this like a real marriage. We don’t have to change anything or bring up your past or involve any lawyers. My brothers know why we separated, but no one else does. You are Gideon Vozaras. I’m Mrs. Vozaras. It’s all good.”

  He stood abruptly, his mood shifting to acute dismay. “And why are you staying married to that man? That name?”

  “Because—” I love him. Her heart dipped. She wasn’t ready to put herself out there again and get nothing in return. “There’s no point in shaking things up. I read those papers you sent and they say that I have a case to take you to the cleaners, but I don’t want that. I’m fine with us being married in a common-law sort of way. No use rocking the boat.” There, she was using language he understood.

  Or should, but his jaw was like iron as he moved to the window and showed her a scant angle of his profile and a tense line across his shoulders.

  “You asked me if we were falling in love,” he reminded.

  “It was never part of our deal. I can live without it,” she hurried to say.

  “I can’t.”

  His words plunged a knife into her. She gasped and looked wildly around as she absorbed what it could mean if he wanted a marriage based on love, but was stuck with her—

  “For God’s sake, Adara. Are you still not seeing what you mean to me?” He was looking over his shoulder at her, incredulous, but incredibly gentle too.

  “What?” Her breast was cold and she realized the baby had fallen asleep and let her nipple slip from his mouth. She wished for extra hands as she tried to cradle the baby and cover herself at the same time.

  Gideon walked over and grasped her chin, forcing her gaze up to his. A fire burned in the back of that intense gaze, one that sparked an answering burn in her.

  She still wasn’t sure, though...

  “You’re not bound to me legally, but that doesn’t matter if I own your heart,” he told her. “I want you, body and soul. If there’s something standing in the way of your loving me, tell me what it is. Now. So I can fix it or remove it and have you once and for all.”

  “I—” She almost lost her nerve, but sensed it really was time to let go of the last of her insecurities and be open about what she wanted. Grasp it. Demand it. “I want you to love me back.”

  She wasn’t just wearing her heart on her sleeve, she’d pinned it to the clothesline and wheeled it out into the yard.

  A look of unbelievable tenderness softened his harsh expression. “How could I not?”

  She slowly shook her head. “Don’t make it sound like it’s there just like that. I was awful to you. I know that you’ve lost people close to you and don’t want to be hurt again. It’s okay that you’re not able to love me yet. I can wait.” Maybe. She set her chin, determined it wouldn’t tremble despite the fact her heart was in her throat.

  If only he wasn’t so confusing, smiling indulgently at her like that.

  “You do love me.” He cradled the side of her face in his palm, scanning her face as if he was memorizing it, and she suddenly realized she must look like something the cat had coughed up. Her hair hadn’t been washed, she’d barely rinsed her mouth with a sip of water.

  Self-consciously she lifted the baby to her shoulder and rubbed his back, using him as a bit of a shield while she worked at maintaining hold of her emotions.

  “I love you quite a bit, actually,” she confessed toward her blanket-covered knees. “It’s not anything like what I feel for the other men in my life. This one included.” She hitched the baby a bit higher and couldn’t resist kissing his little cheek, even as her soul reached out to his father. “I don’t know how to handle what I feel for you. When my father was mean to me, it hurt even though I didn’t care about him, but it’s nothing compared to how much it hurts when you love someone and trust him and think they don’t care about you at all.”

  “I know,” he growled. “Losing someone to death is agony, but it’s even worse knowing the person you love with all your heart is alive and doesn’t want to see you.”

  Hearing how much he loved her was bittersweet. She stared at him in anguish, not wanting the power to hurt him that badly, but seeing from his tortured expression that she had. There were no words to heal, only an urge to draw him close so she could try to kiss away his pain.

  “I’m sorry. I love you.”

  “I know, me, too. I love you so much.”

  Their mouths met in homecoming, both of them moaning as the ache ceased. He opened his lips over hers and she flowered like a plant tasting water.
Heat flowed into her. Joy.

  Love.

  A door swished and a nurse said, “Bit soon for that, isn’t it?”

  They broke apart. Gideon shot a private smile at Adara as he reached to tie her gown behind her neck.

  “And how is our young man? Does he have a name?” the nurse chattered.

  Adara licked her lips, eyeing Gideon as she said, “Delphi’s not exactly a boy’s name, but I thought...Androu?” It was Gideon’s real name.

  His expression spasmed with emotion before he controlled it. “Are you sure?” he asked, voice strained, body braced for disappointment.

  “He’s someone I love and want in my life forever. I think, someday, he’d be really proud to know who he was named after.”

  “I don’t deserve you,” he said against her lips, kissing her resoundingly, right there in front of the nurse.

  Adara flushed and smiled, bubbles of happiness filling her. “We do, you know,” she contradicted him. “We both deserve this.”

  She didn’t care that the nurse was smiling indulgently at them even as she took Androu and undressed him so she could weigh him.

  “Well, you certainly deserve to be happy. Me, I just demand the best and get it.” You, he mouthed. Him. He cocked his head toward the baby.

  “A habit I’m adopting,” she said with a cheeky wrinkle of her nose. “I know how possessive you are of the things you’ve built, too. I’m taking on that trait as well. Us,” she whispered, soft and heartfelt.

  “Yeah, I’m going to hang on to us pretty tight too,” he said in a way that made her heart leap. “Agape mou.”

  EPILOGUE

  GIDEON WALKED INTO his home office thinking he really needed to start spending more time in here. It wasn’t that things were falling apart. He and Adara had put some great people in place when they’d first learned of the pregnancy. Her brothers were still running things like a well-oiled machine and he should have quit micromanaging years ago, so this was a timely lesson in letting go.

  But there was a fine line between delegating and neglecting. Much more lolling about his home, playing airplane with his son and necking with his wife, and he’d be a full-fledged layabout.

  Of course, he could blame finishing the renovations, putting in a staircase to the lower floor, painting and furnishing their new private space away from the main floor. That had taken time. There had also been his recovery from minor surgery, but that had really only been the one afternoon on headache pills and he’d been fine.

  No, he might be getting up in the night to change diapers, but he wasn’t breast-feeding or anemic from childbirth. He didn’t have Adara’s totally legitimate reasons for shirking work.

  He certainly shouldn’t be leaving confidential papers lying openly on his desk, whether the workmen were gone or not.

  The block letters and signature tabs were a dead giveaway that this was a contract, one he couldn’t remember even pulling out to review, but— Ah. It was the separation agreement he’d sent to Adara. She must have left it here.

  A pang hit him, but it was merely the remembered pain of thinking he’d lost everything and was quickly relieved by a rush of relief and happiness that they’d recovered. Her devotion was as steadfast as his, prompting a flood of deep love for her as he walked the papers toward the shredder. He didn’t want this bad mojo in the house, but then he saw she’d signed it. His heart stopped.

  Ha. That wasn’t her name. Under the statement that began, I, Adara Makricosta, hereby agree..., she’d scrawled with a deep impression, Never, and added a smiley face.

  Quirking a grin at her sass, he decided this was a signed contract in its own right, definitely worth tucking in the safe. Suddenly, work didn’t seem important after all. Was she finished feeding Androu? he wondered. They’d had coinciding follow-ups at separate doctor clinics today. He’d returned to find her rocking a drifting Androu to sleep downstairs and decided to see what he could get done here, but...

  He turned to find her in his office doorway, the baby monitor in her hand.

  “He’s asleep?” he asked.

  She nodded and came to set the monitor on his desktop. “How did your appointment go?”

  “Not swimmingly.”

  Her eyes widened in alarm.

  “That’s a joke,” he hurried to assure her. “I’m saying there were no swimmers. I’m good. Shooting blanks.”

  She snorted, then sobered and cocked her head in concern. “You’re sure it doesn’t bother you? I really was fully prepared to have my tubes tied.”

  He tried to wave away the same worries he’d been trying to alleviate for weeks, but she kept her anxious expression.

  He sighed. “I’d make ten more just like Androu if we could. We both would, right? He’s perfect,” he said, moving to take her arms in a warm but firm grasp of insistence. “But if we want more children, we can find another way. You can’t risk another pregnancy.”

  “Exactly why I should have been the one having the permanent procedure. What if someday—”

  “Are you going somewhere?” he challenged lightly. “I’m not. Therefore, my getting fixed is a solution for both of us. You’ve been through enough. And this was not a big moral struggle for me. I’m happy to take responsibility for protecting you.”

  She pouted a little. “Well, thank you then. I do appreciate it.”

  He caressed from the base of her throat to under her chin, coaxing her to tilt her head up so he could see those pillowy lips pursed so erotically.

  “There was some self-serving to it, you know,” he admitted, voice thickening with the many weeks of abstinence they’d observed. Now there’d never be any worries for either of them, no matter when or where they came together. And hell, if he hadn’t inflicted pain down there to distract himself, he probably would have lost his mind waiting for this moment. “How did your appointment go?” he belatedly asked, reminding himself not to let the engine rev too high and fast.

  “Oh.” Her lashes swooped and her mouth widened into a sensual smile of invitation. “All clear to resume normal activities.”

  “If you can call how we make each other feel ‘normal.’” He backed her toward the desk. “I was just thinking I haven’t been spending enough quality time in here.”

  Her breath caught in the most delightful way, and even though she stiffened in surprise when her hips met the edge of his desk, she melted with reception just as quickly, hitching herself to sit on it. Her hand curled around to the back of his neck and she leaned her other hand onto the surface of his desk, watching without protest as he began unbuttoning her top.

  “We do have a nice new bed downstairs that hasn’t been used for one of its intended purposes, you know,” she reminded in a sultry voice.

  “I am quite aware,” he countered dryly as he bared her chest and released her bra. Her breasts were bigger, pale and lightly veined, the nipples dark and stiff with excitement. “God, you’re beautiful.”

  “They’re kind of majestic, aren’t they?” She arched a little.

  “They kind of are,” he agreed with awe, tracing lightly before he bent to touch careful kisses around her nipples.

  “Gideon?”

  Her tone made him raise his head. “What’s wrong?”

  “I know we should savor this because it’s been a really long time and we kind of started over with our marriage so this is a bit of a honeymoon moment, but I’ve really missed making love with you. I thought about walking in here naked. I don’t want to wait.”

  Ever willing to accommodate, he stripped her pants off without another word, taking her ice-blue undies with them. Spreading her knees, he only bothered to open his jeans and shove them down as far as necessary, before he carefully pushed inside her.

  Adara gasped at the pinch and friction of not being quite ready, but his hot,
firm thickness was the connection she’d been longing for. With a moan, she twined her legs around him and forced his entry, drawing a deep hiss from him.

  They fought a light battle, him trying to slow her down, her urging him as deep into her as she could take before she sprawled back on his desk and let him have his way with her.

  It was raw and quick and powerful, over in minutes, but they were shaking in each other’s arms as they caught their breath. Her vision sparkled and she felt as if she radiated ecstasy.

  “You okay?” he murmured as he kissed her neck. “That was pretty primal.”

  “That was an appetizer,” she said, languidly kissing him and using her tongue. Her fingertips traced the damp line through his shirt down his spine. “Now you can take me downstairs and show me your best moves.”

  “You’re sounding pretty bossy there, Mrs. Vozaras.” He straightened and gently disengaged so he could hitch up his jeans and scoop her off the desk into a cradle against his chest.

  “Only a problem if we want different things, and I don’t think that’s true.”

  He cocked his head in agreement. “You’re so right. Monitor,” he prompted, dipping his still-weak knees so she could grab it off the corner of the desk.

  She craned her neck over his shoulder as he carried her through the door. “You gonna leave my clothes on the floor like that?”

  “Do I look stupid? We’re on the clock. He could wake up any second.”

  She traced his lips with her fingertip. “But if the boat rocks, they’ll be thrown all over the place,” she teased.

  He paused on the stairs. “I am dry-docked and landlocked, sticking right here with you, my siren of a wife. We’re on solid ground. Nothing is going anywhere.”

  “Aw.” Touched, she kissed him. It grew deeply passionate. He let her legs drift to find the step above him so he could roam his hands over her naked curves, lighting delicious fires in her nerve endings.